So, I have been immersing myself in meaninglessness. I read the stranger by albert camus, I picked up a large book on the dadaist movement from the local art museum that I have been reading. I've been trying to get into other authors, but I find neiztsche very difficult to read, as well as schopenhauer, and I'm ashamed to admit I found camus's essay sisyphus difficult to read too. I was thinking about reading some william s burroughs, but I also found that difficult to read, and naked lunch untouchable in terms of difficulty and incomprehensibility. I think I'm starting in the right places, I want nothing to mean anything and I hate being attached to meanings and words, they confine you. I just want to experience things on a primal level, but this reality is constantly dragging me back and reminding me that I'm nothing more than a slave.
What do I do lit? I think that I basically love the idea of reading, but I don't think that I really enjoy reading that much. I think that this is because of so many years of the internet. What I have noticed about the internet is that it's like a drug. Although I can write sentences and read pieces of text, my reading is to gather the information and then form my own response to it, but when I'm reading longer texts I often find myself overwhelmed because it's a sustained effort. I am so used to my mind shifting into multiple other pathways of distraction, it's hard for me to pick up a book and actually enjoy reading it. Instead it's a supreme exercise in attention span and focus.