Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

The plot is fucking soap opera tier.
>Voldemort had a daughter with Bellatrix
It's fanfic tier. How does his nadgers even work after years of dork magic? Why ruin this image of an inhumane monster by giving him a sexual history? Asexuals are clearly not human, ergo, making Voldemort an asexual was a genius stroke, that the author has now ruined beyond repair.

Link got pruned.

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>the play is an intentionally-poor parable to the audience on the dangers of 'time travel' (needless returning to a completed world)

imagining this makes it slightly better

Bane....?

heil

>Scorpion King
>Blood Ball
>Silver and blue hair
Is this My Immortal 2: Enobby's Revenge?

It reads more like the internet meme machine going on about her plot holes, Bane and cuckery has eaten her brain away

This I agree with, the whole difference between Harry and Voldemort's characters was that Harry had love in his life whereas Voldemort was born from a loveless union which made him the way it did and making him a power hungry asexual would've fit in nicely with his character. Makes sense for Harry to have children but not for Voldemort, they brought it up countless times how he might never possibly love someone due to the way he was created. Delphine sounds like a qt though.

I have actually read fanfics with better plots than this.

>Bane, the centaur

Does /tv/ know yet?

Sounds as bad as The Force Awakens when all that did was "HEY! I KNOW YOU REMEMBER THIS HAPPENED IN THE OT SO HERE IT IS AGAIN! ISN'T THIS MOVIE AMAZING!?" Rowling is using the exact same shit.

TFA was pretty damn good though, even if it's basically the same as the OT.

It sounds far worse than TFA.

>TFA was pretty damn good
Outside the aerial battle scenes no it wasn't.

there are worse movies out there, it isn't a binary sucks or is amazing. It was an alright movie.

The ground scenes with the troopers are really well made. And the lightsaber battles finally had some weight in them.

It felt like starwars, and that's all I wanted from that movie tbqh

Stop fucking trying to talk about the force awakens you aspie, it this is a literature board and the two are not even comparable

TELL ME ABOUT THE BANE

It has a novelization. We are discussing the adaptation of the hit feature film.

shut up

that wont be literature either

archive.boston.com/news/globe/editorial_opinion/oped/articles/2003/09/24/dumbing_down_american_readers/

Think about how long Ron and Hermione were trapped in that room in one of the alternate universes not even being able to STRETCH THEIR LEGS

Not the Bane you're looking for, back to /tv/ with you.

i cant wait for the old cunt to die

groce man shes like 70 y.o.

Why are harry potter fans on here such manchidlren sperglords?

>there are worse movies out there

Well guess what, bruh, that's just not fucking good enough to justify the existence of yet another Star Wars movie

>he cares about the plot

You forgot the part where VOLDEMORT HAD A SECRET DAUGHTER WITH BELLATRIX

Jesus Christ, this woman has elevated hackery to a new all time high.

is this true?

Basically.

Yes. Read the synopsis for yourself if you don't believe me.

>a student called Walt Whitman racist, how obscene
He was racist Bloom you coffin dodger

Even if that were true, that's not his point.

>TFA was pretty damn good

>J.K. Rowling

The Cursed Child was written by Jack Thorne. Rowling is simply allowing this to happen. Getting mad at Rowling for allowing some other person to "tarnish the artistic integrity of the Harry Potter series" when you don't even believe Harry Potter has that to begin with is stupid.

>asexuals are clearly not human

epic liberal biggotry

Was really hoping that "worse than garbage fanfiction" was an overstatement, then I got to

"Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius."

And goddammit........

Whoops, meant to include this quote too:

"He asks for a statement to be released confirming the Time-Turners have all been destroyed, because his son has such a hard time being bullied about it."

Come on, Rowling, what are you doing?

I don't see the problem with wizards coming up with some retarded rumour that someone is actually the secret child of Voldemort.

The problem arises when it turns out they were right about Voldemort having a secret child, just not their identity.

I agree, the rumor isn't a problem at all, totally feasible for kids to make that rumor. But I mean, throughout the entirety of the 7-book series, Voldemort is shown to be a pretty inhuman character who has no interest in sex or anything of the like.

Shit, he's not even compassionate toward Bellatrix, so far as I can remember, so for him to have a child at all, yeah, it completely breaks character.

>tfw JK Rowling will never beckon you closer and let you sniff her plot holes

>Harry Potter and the Cursed Child is written by British playwright Jack Thorne, based on an original story by J. K. Rowling, Thorne and John Tiffany.

She definitely had to approve the story, and it sounds like she helped plot it too. Also, I'm not any of those guys, and I did enjoy the original series when I was a kid (although I haven't read any of them in years and so don't know how they hold up), but it seems pretty clear to me that Rowling's spark of inspiration only extended as far as the original series and the HP stuff she's putting out now is just a transparent and subpar attempt to get some extra money and spread her liberal views around (not that I disagree with them). The other posters are right; compared to the original series which in my recollection was well plotted if not well written, the story of this play does read like bad fanfiction.

>Bane, the centaur

Is it just me or does her face in this remind anyone else of pic related?

not really. like, not at all.

>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.

I quite literally spit pasta over my keyboard laughing at this.

Holy fucking shit, I have read better works of fanfiction written by 12-year-old yaoi fangirls.

>Back on the train to Hogwarts, Albus hugs Scorpius and tells him they need to go back in time and save Cedric. They jump from the moving train.

I can't read any more. Let me curl up and die.

This can't be real

And I'm not even a fan

>third book: time is a closed loop, you can't really change anything with time travel
>now: ayy lmao alternate timelines

bane

The rumor is stupider than the reality, though. Why would anyone suspect that Draco would literally travel back through time to cuck himself with Voldemort?

Maybe Bellatrix hit him with an invitro inseminatus curse?

Isnt the rumour that someone impregnated her without his knowledge?

Everything doesn't quite do what the plot requires imo. Why does Albus desperately want to bring back Cedric like that? Why is Voldemort's daughter genetically programmed to bring back her dad?

>there are people in their 20's and older who are still fans of harry potter and WILL purchase this book
When will this generation grow the fuck up?

I remember older people reading Harry Potter as it came out and whining about not being able to have a proper discussion about it. It's all baby boomers man.

Most people have always been into equally stupid shit tho, way of the world my man

The problem is that it doesn't matter.

>it doesn't matter
youtube.com/watch?v=g4aiPxbDdcM

Here's my question.

What does Draco do for work? How are the Malfoys even immune from prosecution after the Battle of Hogwarts?

It sounds like he works for the Ministry, but how would he even get a job there after Voldemort died?

>he literally works making time turners

The Malfoys are still rich. JKR said that they weaseled out of prosecution again after the Battle of Hogwarts due to how Narcissa helped Harry. It's total bullshit that Lucius got away with everything, but Draco at least was being directly threatened by Voldemort the whole time.

This is even worse than the original books

how can this be fucking possible

This has to be a joke. It has to be. She can't "Siriusly" have fucked up so badly. If this is the plot, it shows nothing but disdain for both the fans and the Harry Potter books.

And all the while, she's busy jumping on the gayclub shooting bandwagon.

>Asexuals are clearly not human

man

There's like 10 fanfictions I'd rather see adapted than this hilarious disaster. Get sapphiresmoke to write the next Harry Potter plz.

It always made me smile that Rowling outright said that children born of rape will be heartless monsters. Despite all the liberal bollocks she's gobbling on now, she still left that wide open.

>Draco asks Harry to use his position as Head of Magical Law Enforcement at the Ministry of Magic to shut down gossip that a Time-Turner was used to allow Voldemort to impregnate Astoria, Draco’s wife, who gave birth to Scorpius.

What

It's pro-abortion propaganda.

>spread her liberal views around (not that I disagree with them)

You support import of rapefugees?

Cause what else does liberal mean nowadays?

"Rapefugees" is a stupid meme, like the worst thing about migrants is that they rape more. Who is actually convinced by this argument? Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population, like China is doing to Tibet, conquest by immigration.

>Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population...

And, in the case of Europe, because the immigrants are a bunch of rapists. Look at the rape rates in Germany and Sweden now that they've cucked themselves.

It doesn't matter. You can't defeat an ideology with enough strength to convince entire nations to quietly accept the invasion of millions of foreigners from the other side side of the world by pointing to increased rape rates.

>Migration is bad because it amounts to ethnic displacement of the native population
Why's that bad?

You sound pretty spooked desu

If you don't believe in securing the existence of your nation and posterity then you will simply die and be forgotten by history while less degenerate peoples replace you. The problem is Europe is eager for death.

finding plot holes in a kiddies book.

c'mon.

I don't mind securing the existence of my nation, but it isn't *my* nation.

Also we're all going to die and be forgotten by history.

>he thinks nations are an ancient concept and not just a recent invention
>historians_laughing.eps

The sophistry of definitions.

>muh its all down to definitions!111!

Nationalism is just a broader based version of the same tribalism one could see in Chimpanzees. Reading ancient literature shows that many of the ancients across the world were what we would understand today as a bunch of racist nationalists.

>he is a fucking cuckold who wants foreigners to come fuck his wife

Get raped by Muslims you worthless spineless nu-male

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>/pol/ regurgitates slogans from youtube
>/pol/ just wants (You)

Stop posting like a fucking /r9k/ browser

People are trying to have a discussion, yet you attempt cover the thread in excrement

I don't see a discussion, all I see is dumb slogans and shit-slinging. As in every thread where /pol/ appears

Do you think they're addressing shitty fanfics, on some level? The blue and silver haired secret daughter of Voldemort is a little too on the nose for me to think otherwise.

there was a discussion, whether of good quality or not.

Your poor behaviour destroyed any chance of it bearing any fruit.

>/pol/ is against refugees shitting up muh pure white nation
>/pol/ migrates to Veeky Forums to shit up to place

Samurai please, make it so anyone who posts on /pol/ is banned from Veeky Forums for two weeks.

/pol/ as always, was the first to make it about their sickening cuck fantasies. It's amazing how consistently that fetish must be churning in their minds - no matter the subject, the /pol/ user will eventually make it about that.

>sickening

Are you saying you don't love interracial sex? You fucking racist shit, it's 2016.

/pol/, you can stop now with the posturing, and perhaps consider suicide while you're at it