ITT: the marvels and wonders of self-published literature

>Corona
Pleb
>Roberto Pinchas
Kek

We used to hire MFAs at my sales job since it was a reasonable assumption they wouldnt get a better job anytime soon.

Vomit suggests that you're a pussy who can't handle their beer though.
There really wasn't anything much better at the nearest 7/11 at the time. At least not anything that didn't come in a bottle, and I can't be assed to deal with that shit in a train station shitter.

Exactly.

I got lucky with my job but thatdoesn't mean it's what I planned (copy editor at a shitty political (leftist) magazine). I can't quit because I'd end up doing the same shit for someone else and the pay may not be this good.

>Vomit suggests that you're a pussy who can't handle their beer though

What are you twelve?
Any alcoholic knows that throwing up is part of the process. You vomit and continue on, mate.

Be that as it may, if you puke from 2 tallboys of corona you're a pussy. For puke to be justifiable you'd have to have drank at least 4 minimum.

you're proving your age, mate, or maybe just your inexperience in drinking.

Sometimes, your gut just can't take it. I've thrown up after a single drink before. Other times, I've nearly killed a bottle myself and been fine.

>tfw taking a shot of vodka and polishing off a bottle of merlot at a somewhat dignified dinner party
>tfw quietly puking in a pristine washroom

I'm 25.

Though I wouldn't say I'm an alcoholic if only because I rarely drink more than once or twice a week if that. If anything, I'm showing my NEET-status and poverty because I'd be drinking more often and probably to the point of puking if I had any real money.

>Evil
Ebin, simply ebin

I'm 26 and drink every night. Even when I was broke, it's easy enough to rack a bottle or two from chain grocers (Ralph's I found easiest).

I once destroyed my friend's bathroom at this dinner party. The director of Harvard-West lake was there as well as a few people from Riviera and other country clubs.

Had the bubble guts and got pretty drunk. I grabbed a waste basket and puked into it while I shat my lungs out. Being drunk I forgot to flush.

lulz were had, even if only by me

implying literature is objective

>Implying objectivity is literary

I could if I wanted to, but I've spoiled myself on the expensive to moderately priced shit to the point where I don't even want the cheap shit if it's all I can afford most of the time.

You're Pinchas? You should write a book about your writing experiences

If you can't afford to drink every night, I doubt youknow what truly expensive, i.e. good, liquor is

Third Rail has a chapter devoted to that. I know you're not going to buy it so I'll link you a free copy if you want.

I've had money before, user. I just drank it all away.

If it was bad enough to be drunk away, it should be bad enough to where it is no longer about preference.
>basic psych

I don't know what you're trying to prove but it's almost six here, and my bar's about to open so ...

Nothing. Just having a pointless conversation with someone who seems bent on defending their alkie street-cred on an anonymous taiwaneese tapestry triumvirate.

>Veeky Forums isn't elitist enough to mock self-published writers any more

I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad.

>this nig has published a book
>nobody on Veeky Forums has

top jej

It's self-published through a vanity press (Xlibris). Meaning he payed them to publish it. That's a notch below standard self-publishing.

Still published.

Post your book m8

I already did Here's another one in pic related.

[email protected]
Thanks senpai

thanks for the laugh m7

I was just going to post a link here since I don't really have any sales to hurt by doing so anyway.

I'm still going to do that, actually.

s000.tinyupload.com/index.php?file_id=43553216929744196464

The chapter that deals with that is named (none of them are numbered) Wolfgang Vladimirovich Raskolnikov.

This entire thread can be summed up with the words weapons grade autism.

I self-published a book of poems once
amazon.com/Jimmy-Carter-Nuetron-Book-Poems-ebook/dp/B00XH075T4

dropbox.com/s/v4euku6tnhqic5e/Jimmy Carter Nuetron.docx?dl=0

"Hurr durr I think things are stupid so I call it autism."

>Doesn't like autism
>acts autistic

Choose one

Have you posted this exact comment before?

>citys

>alot

>that's (least worst of the threee)

Did I miss any? Didn't look that hard.

>"It was a day much like any other. The austere chilliness of this February morning was not unlike that of many others"

What a fucking hack.

&&&&&

I don't know how many people on Veeky Forums have been published. Would forty or fifty percent be about right? That's just a guess. But this is just a vanity press, and if you consider that being "published," then probably the percentage is well over fifty percentage on this board. And I'm not putting down the author of this book, by the way.

You know someone's lost the argument when they pull out the "Ebin" card.

...

Anonymous is my favorite author of all time, followed by Unknown.

>being proud of publishing books
This is why society needs to stop and needs to be restarted.

Jesus, that's actually in it?

>sudden change of narrative PoV

Here's another groaner:
>From a little after two o'clock until almost sundown of the long still hot weary dead September afternoon they sat in what Miss Coldfield still called the office because her father had called it that — a dim hot airless room with the blinds all closed and fastened for forty-three summers because when she was a girl someone had believed that light and moving air carried heat and that dark was always cooler, and which (as the sun shone fuller and fuller on that side of the house) became latticed with yellow slashes full of dust motes which Quentin thought of as being flecks of the dead old dried paint itself blown inward from the scaling blinds as wind might have blown them.

you're right. i tried to tell my english teacher but he said something I couldn't hear and the class laughed. any argmuents to convince him tomorrow?

So fucking corncobby

so butiful

Nice pic

>Will somebody that's close to Dre betray him? >Will Dre get caught up by the cost?

I'm going to go ahead and guess yes on both

That is so beautiful.

I believe it

Jokes on you, I've been published since I was 8 years old.

Granted it was a short book of 20 poems, one of which is mine but I beat out hundreds of contenders!

>Partys

Never before have I seen an author so bold as to entirely mask their identity and so capable of sliding into the patois of the streets - going so far as to write the ENTIRE BOOK in the thug lingo. Such dedication to the craft is truly admirable, but highly deceptive. "Deandre", although I would be willing to wager that this street persona is little more than another character in the real author's master stroke of irony and social parody, paints such a compelling picture of the complexities of ghetto life that it requires every ounce of my strength to NOT don a pair of jeans 3 sizes too large and tattoo my knuckles with SWAG.

The true strength of the work is in its ability to communicate subtleties through the mangled prose (which was almost certainly written this way as a matter of the author's intent, for nothing happens in literature that is not consciously intended by the author), comparable in this case to such masterpieces as Riddley Walker. His characters, as complex as the tyrants of Greek tragedy and the figures of Shakespeare's greatest work (an ambitious claim to make for an author's first work, but please, trust me on this one: read past the first chapter. What at first appears to be complete shit evolves in parallel with the fluid narrative, blossoming into a work of completion as beautiful and as whole as any of Hesse's greats).

I almost never buy books - I admit it, I'm a shameless eBook pirate. My Kindle is chock full of PDFs that I never paid a dime for. But let me tell you: I bought THREE copies of this book, created two whole Amazon accounts to be able to get it. So if you want an extra copy of it just email me at: [email protected]. I'll hook you up.

There's this one chapter that's full of really shitty poems too.

>Now for a change of pace we will examine the life and thoughts not of a man woman girl or boy but those of a tree. Poetry is the language of both trees and other less organic inanimate objects so that is the parlance this lone Juniper tree’s friendly entreaty will be told in. I now begin my interpretation.

>A cat with the AIDS
>Inspirational cancer
>Every single life.

>Wait, what? That doesn’t sound right. Why would a tree be talking about things like AIDS and cancer? I must’ve misheard it. I’ll try again.

>Lofty ideal
>Blossoming flower of “I”
>First bloom to decay
>Within that soul most hollow
>Excrement collects therein

It gets even worse than that, believe it or not.

those comma splices

anyone remember brayden summerfield?

Gregory Berrycomb?

Are these Kitzo Hekotormos aliases? Or alii?

>one of the biggest little citys in America
>citys
Get your shit together, Deandre.

underrated keks

I actually dig this. The sentence really conveys the desolation of the room

That's from The Sound and The Fury, not Roberto's memebook. That guy was just shitposting a retarded "gotcha" type thing for no good reason.

Oh. I am not as well read as st Veeky Forums users but at least I didn't fall for the gotcha.

>nobody has mentioned the masterpiece yet

this is why your books suck Veeky Forums, no diagrams or hexcode colors.

dre is surely caught up by his mana-personality

yeah, i read jung today at lunch break

He has another book on amazon: amazon.com/Secret-Basement-Nick-Smith-ebook/dp/B018EU57F0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1465989816&sr=8-1

It's similarly amazing

i actually like it

for some reason it reminds me 'raven':

Ah distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December [It was a day much like any other. The austere chilliness of this December morning was not unlike that of many others]
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor [They were embers much like any other...]

It's from 'Absalom, Absalom!' not 'The Sound and The Fury'

>implying this is a problem

tom bombadil spoke with trees too (:

except trees answered him not in his own voice

A true masterpiece

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?

the first line showed promise...

>mc has same name as author
it was doomed from the first word, stupid tripfag

>Young Adult

Personally, I think DeAndre's literature, borne of real world experience and untainted by some need to fit in with the world at large makes it really rather interesting.

I think his book is more of a worthwhile creation than most of the utter shit that gets peddled in book stores these days.

It may not be good, but it is certainly something which is unique, and covers an uncharted territory in the land of lit.

>Only one word sums it up: groovy

that took a turn by the end, might be great

yeah that sounds more interesting than whatever faggy bullshit you're writing

>whites
>a race of plagiarizers
>qualified to talk about literature
white people are the biggest meme out there tbqh