How do you deal with the fact that you thought you were smart...

How do you deal with the fact that you thought you were smart, and that in your discussions with people they tell you that you are a genius, but really you are just a stupid person who was slightly clever (not the same thing as intelligent) and this confused those who actually are intelligent to think that you are highly intelligent, even more so than they are?

I wanted to write books and essays, to tell the world my stories and ideas, but I just realized that they're all useless and even if utility doesn't factor into it none are even entertaining, unique, or informative, at least beyond anything any other has said to the world.

I want very badly to die now because I know I will never write a word that will make anyone weep, or laugh, or think, that I've only gotten by this far by subconsciously constructing a ruse of intelligence by manipulation and clever calculation of others' responses to certain actions and words.

Everything I have read and written is meaningless now. I just want to go crawl into a hole until I shrivel into the nothingness which waits inside of me to rear its ugly head in my abhorrent first book which will showcase my stupidity to anyone who reads it.

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what's wrong with being stupid. can't do anything about it. also if you are actually stupid, would you really be able to tell how stupid you are?

>I know I will never write a word that will make anyone weep, or laugh, or think, that I've only gotten by this far by subconsciously constructing a ruse of intelligence by manipulation and clever calculation of others' responses to certain actions and words.

if you have constructed such a ruse, then you already know you have the skills to cause those reactions in at least some people. i don't see the problem.

Dude just write for yourself. You obviously like your own writing. Or did at some point before you started comparing it to other folks. You don't write for other people you dweeb. You write because you have something in you that needs out.
Just start free writing for the sake of writing. It helps build your voice and is fulfilling. If you really want to refine yourself go to college and start studying English. They'll give you books to read by people who do exactly what you aspire to do.
You just want to kill yourself not because what you want is impossible. You want to kill yourself because you'd have to actually work to get to where you want to go. Congratulations man, you aren't a fucking genius and that is fine. You are stuck down here with the majority of us and that can make you fucking relatable in your writing if you just take the time to learn about it rather than expect yourself to be an immediate master.
So quit being immature about it man, just write for yourself.

>be awkward kid for nearly my whole life so far
>don't have many friends growing up
>as a result spend thousands of hours reading, watching movies and documentaries, reading wikipedia, reading magazines and generally just learning a decent amount about history and culture
>talk with people
>they assume I'm smart because I know who somebody is

I know that feel OP. I'm of pretty average intelligence I think but my whole life people have called me smart because they saw me reading or because I won my elementary school's spelling bee. Then it fills your ego up and you try to write something, either fiction or a review or criticism or what have you, but it sucks and the standards you and others have put in place for yourself make it so painful to know that it sucks. I hate this.

Lots of young people get deluded by praise from older people. Just get older; you'll get disillusioned and your expectations will adjust accordingly.

I was criticized for a political essay I wrote earlier and realized halfway through arguing that the person didn't understand my point that he did and it was wrong and then that everything in the entire essay was wrong.

I then realized that the last two years or so I've spent in self study, reading a lot of non fiction and philosophical books and watching talks/documentaries on the subjects, don't matter because I'm stupid. That is, I digested all of the content, and understood it, but I didn't shape it into anything of value within intellectual life either IRL or on the internet I just have enough knowledge to get by as intelligent to those who are either like myself or who know less (but are still smarter) than I am.

I don't know how I can live knowing that I am this worthless

Nice blog post Martin.

who's martin

>That is, I digested all of the content, and understood it, but I didn't shape it into anything of value within intellectual life
feels bad man

>I want very badly to die now because I know I will never write a word that will make anyone weep, or laugh, or think
Are you trying to tell me you've never written posts that have made other anons laugh out loud or feel?

Maybe I have but it doesn't matter because I know that it's not anything that can be called a contribution it's just more drivel. Drivel is in abundance in the world today. All this "do things for yourself" nonsense has been the standard of the social sphere under which most developed nations live from the last half of the 20th century to now and all it has given the world, apart from some worthwhile scientific discoveries that are outside of this influence anyway so they are moot points, is more of the same just with cosmetic changes.

To further human knowledge requires genius. My despair stems from being told that I was among these by people for being knowledgeable. But knowledgeable people don't make contributions, geniuses do. Now that I know I am no genius, I don't see why I should continue to live. Life has no purpose for me if I can't in some way add to the acquisition of the meaning of things. And now I know that I can't.

Therefore, I should die.

>To further human knowledge requires genius.
>My despair stems from being told that I was among these by people for being knowledgeable.
Being a genius usually also entails being fucked up in some way. Autism and the like.

>Now that I know I am no genius, I don't see why I should continue to live.
>Life has no purpose for me if I can't in some way add to the acquisition of the meaning of things.
One day you'll die. When you're dead, will you care about what you have contributed or not? Will you remember?

>political essay

>not an aesthetic essay

right, wrong, there was nothing of value in such buffoonery either way desu

Same. I blame it on my fucking 5th grade teacher. He taught me that learning is fun and I should research whatever I want but he never mentioned that it's all fucking useless and will get me nowhere in life.

>One day you'll die. When you're dead, will you care about what you have contributed or not? Will you remember?

Probably not. But in the moment before death, if I live a long life, I will only look back on a mountain of failure, and cry myself into the void

sum guy

>Self study
Jesus man there's your fucking problem.
Seriously. College. They teach you how to process this shit. They help you develop your own voice, and pull your shit down off the highest goddamn pedestal because it isn't your place. Just drop the giant fucking ego you've developed. If you love to write it doesn't matter if it's the ramblings of an idiot or perfect prose executed by a genius. Just fucking write.

And then 'you' will be gone. I used to think I wanted to make a mark on the world as well, or to be remembered after my death. It doesn't matter.

if it doesn't matter I'll just kill myself now.

I live in America where college is a joke so it doesn't matter. I'm going to kill myself tonight.

this is the last short story I wrote, i won't post the essay because this is bad enough. Take this as a suicide note.

Bye

pastebin.com/KuxTiZ94

I deal with the fact by knowing I'm actually intelligent :^)

I blame my parents who would bring me down everytime I did a mistake, that made me compensate my inferiority complex by learning a bunch of useless shit. Now I'm too self conscious to make new friends and the only friends I have all left the city.

Seriously, a child isn't a "jackass" or an "idiot", he's just learning.

>opening sentence is REEEEEEEEEE

Please don't kill yourself, user. Just because something is bad now doesn't mean it won't get better with practice. What an outrageous and obscene waste of brain your suicide would be!

If you're actually going to kill yourself nothing in this thread would have been able to convince you otherwise.

>if it doesn't matter I'll just kill myself now.
That's where you simply accept that life is life and you're a part of it. Pic related always relevant. Make the best of it. If that's wanting to be an accomplished writer, do the best you can to do that, if it's simply to be as relaxed and comfortable, do that. You can try and work towards what kind of person you would like to be, but you won't be able to reach some kind of mythical genius-level. Those people are simply born that way. Just accept it and try to make the best of it.

>Waste of brain

How is it a waste if i'm a stupid piece of shit

I'm just going to take your post seriously and tell you that suffering is a great tool for people who seeks creativity. Don't kill yourself. Embrace your mediocrity. Suffer as much as you can but do not seek pain. You'll find a glow in this overwhelming darkness: it'll be the spark that makes you bright.
Tolstoy, Baudelaire, Joyce, Pound, Hemmmmingway, Kierkegaard... They ALL suffered and wanted to end it at some point. But they didn't. Don't be lazy.

>Hemmmmingway
>they didn't

uhm

They were all geniuses. I am just stupid. That's what kept them going. They knew deep down that they could contribute. I know I can't. Therefore I should die

if everything is futile it doesn't matter if i die

Yeah, well he did it after producing decent works, after a life of pain, love, drinking, fights and war. He lived well.

I'm that guy, and no I wasn't criticizing you, you asked for feedback, and I was going through the various bits of it with things that could probably be tightened up.

Bye famalam.

A genius is someone who worked hard to use his potential completely.
Did you work hard enough? You wrote a shitty short story and you think that's a sufficient proof of your lack of talent? Write more, faggot!
If you really wanted to kill yourself, you'd have done it a long time ago.

i don't want to kill myself but i don't see a point in living

are you me?

user, you forgot to write down a word in the second sentence of the text. Don't kill yourself; proofreading is key.

I read more philosophy and literary theory and discovered that to know the limit is to know the infinite.

I kind of know that feel. I got over it after some time (took a year or maybe two). I still might have to get over it on an another level, though, but I can't know that for sure yet...

Anyway, yeah, you'll get over this. You want to kill yourself because you're not a genius... But just think how stupid that is. If everyone wanted to be a highly respected genius, failed (since almost nobody is a genius), and killed himself, society would collapse immediately. You won't be a genius, but that doesn't prevent you from living your life well and comfortably, like normal people do. Reshape your dreams. You can do that, with time. Maybe you don't want to right now because you're emotional about this whole situation, but once you do you'll be glad you did that instead of killing yourself.

Just give yourself time. Suicide takes away all of it, so don't rush.

Is all that Holden-tier edge serious or ironic?

>You want to kill yourself because you're not a genius... But just think how stupid that is
You do realize that this is bad advice for someone who wants to die because of feelings of stupidity, right?

It sounds to me you have the perfect foundations for an existential postmodern novella, my man. :^)

Being a teenager is hard, isn't it guys?

A man sits at the piano and writes a waltz. He weeps because he will always be inferior to Schumann.

Schumann sits at the piano and writes a waltz. He weeps because he will always be inferior to Brahms

Brahms sits at the piano and writes a waltz. He weeps because he will always be inferior to Wagner

Wagner sits at the piano and writes a waltz. He weeps because he will always be inferior to Beethoven

Beethoven sits at the piano and writes a waltz. He weeps because he will always be inferior to Bach

Bach sits at the organ and humbles himself before God.

You're not alone, almost everyone is mediocre -- even if they're much more talented than you.

but why shouldn't they die

they will

PLOT TWIST
This is that Norwegian guy who always shitposts about living in a cabin. Any bets?

I think it is of the utmost importance that an artist is constantly haunted by the belief that he is nothing more than a derivative sham. There is no greater motivation towards striving for authentic expression than the fear of walking in the footsteps of others - the same goes for intelligence. If you feel comfortable with your capacity for thought, you'll become uninspired. If you love your body the way it is, you'll get fat. If you think you're a revolutionary artist, you're probably just a banal reactionary.

it ain't that bad desu

it doesn't matter if you don't die too

Op, perhaps you aren't ready to contribute to society. You shouldn't lose hope in your abilities. It has nothing to do with genius. You could write the best story ever, but if it does not find any resonance with the reader, then it will be of no use.

Start writing, hone your skills, and write what you find is "true". Let the value of your contribution be created by the people.

You remind me of myself. I'm 27 now, wasted my life on video games, but I heard "the call". Some will say I'm too old, I didn't develop the skills while I was young.... But I can't help myself but to continue, to dare. When you feel that you should write, there's nothing you can do but write.

We are here for you user. Never forget that.

>Make the best of it. If that's wanting to be an accomplished writer, do the best you can to do that, if it's simply to be as relaxed and comfortable, do that.
Ignoring material conditions. Pure ideology.

Qhen I kill myself I'm gonna write an extremely overly sentimental suicide note just to force my family be disgusted by themselves for thinking that I come off as an annoying person in it.

>If everyone
Cunt.

>Brahms inferior to Wagner
kys

Every day after I wake up at about 10pm, I stand in the middle of my room and just scream at nothing for about 30 minutes, that's how I deal

*When

>How do you deal with the fact that you thought you were smart, and that in your discussions with people they tell you that you are a genius, but really you are just a stupid person who was slightly clever
It's fucking depressing, but the real solution is to adopt the reddit outlook on life.

Yep. Being normal but pleb af, or weird but good at something, are both okay. Being me is pointless. I'm almost disgusted by the fact that my family loves me despite me having done nothing to earn that.

post the essay, its not like you can feel worse right

Self-absorbed teenager.

The inner dialogue feels flat, and kind of inarticulate. You also seem to have a habit of wandering off into terribly pointless detail.

Honestly, user, though you may be having a bumpy start, you alone do have the ability to refine your shit. Read, write, and if college tuition is a concern there is plenty of source material online. This line of work is never without hope.

Because they believe in a reason to live outside the affirmation of their own ego.

That aside, don't you think it's duplicitous to want to be able to move the hearts and minds of society of whom 99.9% of people should kill themselves by your own metric?

>shouldn't
pleb

Some people say write what you know, but I don't know if insecure robots stuck in their own head should take that literally, especially since crippling self-doubt is such well trodden ground in the literary world. Maybe try exploring a topic outside of yourself instead of just making a sorry attempt at stylizing your inner monologues. Even completely unremarkable topics are good exercises in style. Or rip off someone else's story and write it in your own style (just don't attempt to publish it, obviously) so you can see how your prose fairs at piloting a good idea.

>never make people weep or laugh with cool guy stories sttories are so cool and deep bro
>oh woe the darkness darkens me alas cruel fate life has come to an end
gay
as if you'd give AF?
It sucks if you're bad at sport or can't get a job but writing is just a shitty job/hobby for emotional little betas so who cares?

Who let /sp/ in?

damn i wonder how much time dante spent in hell to write such an epic poem about it, i mean shit, dude must have like vacationed in hell every spring break or something

"write what you know" is one of those things that might have been sort of ok advice at one point, but has just become some kind of asinine received wisdom for plebs

>>damn i wonder how much time dante spent in hell to write such an epic poem about it, i mean shit, dude must have like vacationed in hell every spring break or something
Did you actually read it? It's literally about the historical figures of his time that he had a beef with.

Yeah, I don't agree with it either, I was just using it to frame up the fact that his 'story' is just self-absorbed rambling, and to suggest he moves to more external topics at least until he knows himself well enough to actually make a commentary out of it.

He definitely took the opportunity to fire shots, but I wouldn't say that was the primary purpose of The Divine Comedy.

>He definitely took the opportunity to fire shots, but I wouldn't say that was the primary purpose of The Divine Comedy.
You have to admit that a shitload of it was "what he knew" though.

FUCKIN' NEET

it was "what he knew" from studying not from daily trivialities...

how come people can make movies about anything, but writers are stuck in some little box of "what they know"

The way I see it, first mistake is writing with other people in mind.
It might sound counterintuitive, but more personal and in a way "egotistic" works touch more people because they come through as more sincere.

if its any consolation user. your post made me laugh

also, welcome to existence. you are a breath, but you have added something. even if there is nothing new under the sun. it didn't used to bother people that they weren't huge.

Bump.

No one is born a genius. One may stumble across genius, but it is only because they have done what is necessary to find it. No one stays a genius for long. One is a genius for a time. It is not about hard work, it is about the right work. Follow your intuition irrationally. Negative capability. Forget who you are. Thinking only slows you down.

I feel the exact same way OP. Let's start a wallowing society a la the Diogenes Club. Perhaps a Diogenes Publishing House of Pointless Writing?

*sniff* What is the point of having a big house and fast car aside from showing it off *pulls at shirt*?

If people like your shit then it's good

More often than not, this is a kind of illusion. As many other people have stated, geniuses dont become geniuses overnight. Additionally, even when they are Genius™ they are granted to write some mediocre shite every once in a while or be a completely fucking retarded at other times.

You could dismiss these as simple 'flukes' or you could realize that these people are human too and that they often make mistakes as well. The difference is that they worked to get to their position.

This isn't /b/, you fucking degenerate.