What type are you?

Unfortunately I'm the type of person who understands exactly what needs to be done mentally, and how to do it efficiently, but is unable to execute or implement.

I'm a man surrounded by all the tools I could ever need, but have no arms. I can only look at them and imagine new ones.

can you be more explicit?

Chronic pain trashes your working memory and aspects of executive functioning. Something else is wrong with my brain otherwise anyway, whether it's a hard, soft, or both problem I don't know.

Regardless, take a simple example of counting 20 dollar bills. It's a lot more efficient to just flip through and increment by 1, then multiply (or increment after counting each set of five). But I just can't do it. I lack the focus, visual comprehension, and mental flexibility. It just doesn't work. I can reverse engineer how the brain is good at working and develop effective structures and shortcuts, but am stuck with a sloppy and slow method of incrementing by 20. To do otherwise has a high probability of error.

The anxiety of fearing spikes in pain and the typical subsequent functional crippling, also ravages the mind. You wouldn't believe the things I've unraveled and created, and am unable to do anything other than sit on it half the time.

just become a programmer

no pressure, you can code at your own pace

That's more or less what I'm doing. My heaviest investments are in biology, biochemistry, physics, and computing. Severe deficits in electrical engineering though.

I don't know how to put it. There's this sense of loss. As though I'm dormant and something is just wrong. If I'd remained psychology stable and continued with the tools I developed in my teens, I'm not sure where I could be. I can't bring myself to return to using them even now. Lived through too much bad shit, and it all comes at a cost.

I don't know. I just need to think.

Delusions of grandeur + living in the past = melodramatic fool

You can't change until you acknowledge that your problem is not external, it's you. Really, you have no discipline and are a slacker.

Try to get yourself on ADHD medicine or pick up meditation to get yourself to calm the fuck down, not saying it will be easy but you're wrapped around the axle pretty hard and constantly making excuses for yourself.

type b is a constant, type a is 1st degree polynomial.

you either are or are not to grasp something. you cant be more or less able to grasp something.. its a binary state.

it's about the time it takes you to do it

the chart should look like that ...

Type B

C

truth

...

Type BBC

Used to be Type A.

Then I realized that problems can be compartmentalized into little pigeon holes and the complexities of things tend to fuck off into 'Oh I get that' or 'Nope' no matter the problem.

Don't pick on Type A's tho.

kek'd

literally me

Anyone who thinks they're type B hasn't truly pushed their intellectual limits.

Try studying Hodge theaters and tell me if that's just as easy as calculus.

>inability

Type D, which comes from rotating type b 90 degrees

The reason for this is that type A just memorizes things, so they have the easiest time learning basic math. Type B derives everything from its basic axioms, as long as they understand all the necessary theorems any new material is just as easy to understand withount memorizing anything. Type A reaches a point where they can't memorize everything anymore, usually they peak towards the end of undergrad.

Im the area under the curve between type A and Type B.

series of epiphanies here

Not sure if it's written correctly, but something like this.

>it's you
I've done this from the very start. Eventually you have to acknowledge you're not physically capable of absolute control over yourself, your functioning, and your state, and must take an honest look at what environmental factors are crippling you and what would work better.

I'm near certain I have more discipline than you could ever imagine. Thanks for the blunt honesty approach, but in it there's nothing new for me. I've already done it and been many people. At this point I'm tired of smashing my head against a wall I'm beginning to doubt will ever have any way around it.