Veeky Forums - give me the opening line of whatever it is you're working on; novels, short stories, poems...

The bus entered the empty parking lot. The yellow beacon of the giant M reminded of the world hanging above us upside down.

I want those toes in my mouth, put those toes in my mouth.

The precise nature of Mr Heath's perversion was the subject of heated debate in the corridors and stairwells of Kilglade Academy.

The State is one of those abstract terms, for which many different definitions exists. Only one aspect seems common, that one of the functions of a so called state is to protect those who constitute it from forces outside of its borders.

>Comparison between civil border patrols USA - Bulgaria

Nothing is. A plane of existence apriori to all, heavy with submaterial substance.

I like where this is going.
Simple and direct, and I definitely want to know if those toes will be sucked

Hannalore Annelise looks into the glass with plain eyes.

OP here, mine is stupid but I actually quite like this - what's it about?

The day was ripe to bleed.

>please critique no idea how this sounds

Eh. Sounds like forced thoughtfulness desu

Pretty good, would continue reading. Its not fantasy is it?

Unironically great if the rest of the writing is good

Nice, including the name of the academy takes something away tho IMO.

Cut out "of existence" and "substance" and this is fantastic.

I know "plain" is an easy way to explain a blank look but it is by its nature very nondescriptive in a bad way. Also I generally dislike beginnings that include proper nouns.

>Eh. Sounds like forced thoughtfulness desu
yeah, rereading it i think i get what you mean. do you think i could salvage it by cutting/rearranging shit or should i just scrap it

>>Comparison between civil border patrols USA - Bulgaria
EU or non EU?

Showers weren't normally this disappointing. Running hot water was not the remedy for this splitting headache. The bathroom felt like it had acquired a whole new level of grime overnight--the grout was hairier, the caulking yellowed and split, the lime and soapscum layer on the faucet must've doubled in thickness and even the teal mini-tiles looked sicklier.

For a long time I would go to bed early.

4u

Nah it's way too vague is the problem, I would scrap it honestly. It's fine to be flowery or thoughtful but you have to be saying something interesting. I dont know if I would call this cliche (maybe) but it is neither captivating or practical ad an introduction, and I think your first sentence should be one of those or both.

Try describing "life swarming", maybe. That's the most promising bit there and I'd like to see some more concrete images attached to it.

I wonder what you are doing right now
It’s 2am on a Friday night and you are probably outside Tjs, cigarette butts and heels clacking on the pavement, cheap laughter echoing in alleyways
Maybe you are wrapped within static ribbons of blaring music and lust drenched lyrics
Holding her soft hands, moving in circular motions to the rhythm
Sporting a playful grin as you lead her along
Drunk off liquid gold or each other but what does it matter
You feel good. You look good together. I must admit that
Because love is not about possession
It is about wishing to see the other happy, no matter if you exist in this picture or not

And so in the next few weeks
I must grow to accept what has happened between us
There are days I wish I could leap into a time portal and rearrange our history with sweaty hands
A desperate plea to outrun the inevitable
But if granted, these lessons would not have been etched into me

You taught me that love can make you feel so, so full
It can pixelate the way you see yourself into something abstract and marvelous
Because you are creating your image inside anothers head
Where I once saw a charming soul
I began to see cracks and bent bits and tried yanking them apart in order to place them back tighter
Into a self-assured human being

You just wanted ooze for your wounds, not a deconstruction or realization
You weren’t ready and you might never be
I’m sorry I scared you away with my honesty
And you had to push me away with your lack of it

We were no good for each other
Because you don’t want change and I believe change is an absolute
19 years and I’ve learnt shoving things under the carpet makes for sore feet
Grumpy faces and a melancholy outlook into the universe
We folded up and went on our own ways

They say that love is the closest humans can come to experiencing magic
And so it seemed strange that your final words didn’t parallel my own experience
“I’m not satisfied. Everything is really bland. We do things just for the sake of doing them” Offended at first
Now I see everything was filtered through the dark canvasses in your mind
I’m sorry I cannot rid you of your pain
I tried but my words fell upon deaf ears and landed near your feet
And you walked away from all the clutter

I’m finding myself all over again and it’s a beautiful adventure
Singing in the car to teenage punk music, dancing with strangers in a sweaty tavern, having rap battles atop airport bridges, walking through my high school and making peace with it
Love is in every crevice you can possibly imagine
Am I healing? Or simply living without you?

I can’t help but wonder about you
It’s biological or mechanical or something of the sort
A predetermined thought that arises, a bad habit
It’s no longer any of my business what you are up to
And so, I will try not to dwell on the past
And walk chin up into the future.

Time

Stately, Dr. Pavel, CIA, came not alone, bearing no friends on which a "They're not my friends" and a "why would I want them" lay crossed.

Dixon and Daisy are living a fine life in their part of town.