that was me. 2/10 is too harsh really, but I wouldn't carry on reading this with the prose as it is. for a start you've written itself as it's self twice. are you writing the novella on your phone or something?
in more detail, hopefully somewhat constructive criticism:
>He took the challenge lightly. It's almost imperceptible that he took it at all.
Strong start.
>No question had been asked more
ridiculous hyperbole, a transparently artificial attempt to make everything seem important, without giving any actual reason for interest. get rid of it.
>than how this series of behavior was meant to come to a climactic end,
what series of behaviour? is almost imperceptibly taking a challenge a series of behaviour? no, it's not.
>revealing that Foster Quinn had been the hero all this time.
is it the climactic end that reveals this, or is it the asking of the question? it's ambiguous, and not in a good way. Foster Quinn is a strong name, though.
>To look at him in real time is looking at digression it's self.
This sounds quite good, but... what other way is there to look at him? If you looked at a recording, would it no longer be like looking at digression itself? also I could imagine listening to digression itself, but looking at it, not so much. what does digression look like? or are you going for digression being some kind of metaphysical quality that is embodied by Quinn, rather than something that's literally seen by looking at him?
>But in accordance to the plot, he is never out of shouting distance. He can be summoned to move things forward.
I like this bit, too. but it's in accordance WITH. or do you mean something more like in deference to?
>However, as often as he drinks, it is easier to lead him further astray and let the story unfold it's self.
But and However are not strong ways to start a sentence in the first place, starting two consecutive sentences with them is unimaginative, completely breaks the flow between sentences, and makes you sound confused.
The interaction between the protagonist (assuming Quinn fills that role in some sense or another) and the narrative looks like it could develop into something genuinely interesting. But it's not expressed clearly enough yet, and you really need to tighten up your prose, it has a touch of Morrisey as it is. (This is not good.)
Where does it go after this? It's hard to really rate it from one paragraph, because maybe the following paragraphs clarify some of the things that are confusing about this one, and maybe they don't.