ITT: we whip up something in 5-15 minutes and rate, critique the work of others

ITT: we whip up something in 5-15 minutes and rate, critique the work of others

Hard Mode: No editing

Here's mine

Just because they're done quickly doesn't mean you have to be trite and puerile.
#neophyte

it's crap

Last two verses are good, the rest is a bit boring.

>good
Don't listen to this idiot, OP.

The well of all things
Is one which is silent
But when echoed
Great beings leap forth
Like from silos

awful

Just went and wrote this. I've been thinking a lot about the election recently.

This is a really quick first draft and it's in more of a screenplay format.

I hope it itsn't too bad.

>Hey. I haven't seen you since Yale.
Right from the beginning this is fucking dog shit. "Hurr it's supposed to be boring and typical and satirical of white male power society". Even if it weren't for that bit of trash, the greeting is all fucking wrong. The way it reads. The punctuation. The word he uses as salutation. All of it, terrible. Wouldn't read another word.

I'm going to go back over it. I think it's bad too and am going to replace it.

embarrassing "cynical" tirade informed by HuffPost and babby's first political blog

Whence came the Gorgon?
Zola 'pidated cavern
Oust the general
is a sundere
d'aww,

I hope the people being mean in this thread are going to post their own stuff.

whiny, effeminate, supplicant tone, grating to read

very bad

The whole dialogue is just unnatural and stilted. It doesn't make sense how they can go form not seeing each other for several years, chat up politics and drink together

Wah wah
See! I knew you to be a coward
Roses and curtains

I am a stupid fucking asshole
Who’s never understood how to make that cash flow
I’ve had a whole lotta bad luck
Bugs in the bed where I don’t get enough love
Bad decisions, desertions of sick minions
Turned into the mother of many
Held together with thick pinions.
I’m still dusty in the shark tank
Fucking a million holes in your opinions.

I was born to tear apart
I was laughing to myself at the start
Of something a little less ominous
But the hyde side resurfaced
And filibustered your fucking omnibus

I was born to break your heart
I am pushing a heavy cart
Invite your whole family
I’m hosting the greatest lark
In the history of world, sing bird sing
Forgot the whole homily
Became something of an anomaly, sting bee sting
I’m not even looking for a bandaid
To fix this broken wing
I am a thing done dubious
I am the king of bad intentions
My throne I dipped in blood
Of the enemies I never mentioned

I am a thing done dubious.
Against my will against my will
I am the pill you take
When you can no longer kill
Take life to live, I say
And blow the whole place up
When you enter the dire fray.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

They're both lobbyists.

Very nice.

Cool.

I think you need to get out more and see how real people talk, especially smooth talkers like lobbyists.

ops post is utter shit
it sucks harder than he sucks dick

That rhythm of sentence, another sentence, another sentence is really annoying, like riding in a car with someone who keeps hitting the breaks (cliche comparison but it still works perfectly). Also that stanza form where the line length contracts and grows might work if you make the whole thing a single sentence or change the form a few times; make dis free verse freer nikka.