I've had enough. I've lived with a drunk aggressive dad for 19 years, I'm done, I can't take any more fighting...

I've had enough. I've lived with a drunk aggressive dad for 19 years, I'm done, I can't take any more fighting. It's turned me suicidal, I feel broken. I need your help biz, I want to move out but I have no money saved up. I'm thinking of taking the car and moving to a new city. I'm 19, in my first year of CS, should I join the army so that I have a salary and a place to sleep in? Help a fellow funfair chad out bizbros please

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kill yourself and send me your crypto

Are you good at CS and do you have the personality for it? If not join the army and live life the chad route, otherwise just move the fuck out and get any part time job just to pay for the roof over your head. Don't waste any time, torrent latest oreilly books and read all the time, get some shit up on github in a fresh and trending space it's easy, become a javascript or rails fag and read all the fucking time, absorb knowledge and put shit on github it's that easy. You won't be a ten-x'er if you're not born like that but you'll fly way above the majority of lazy cunts and pajeets and will carve a good mid life for yourself. If crypto is not dead hopefully you'll have time to ride that too but now focus on yourself.

user, join the peace core. travel the world and shiet for free..kinda

Sell all your shit, strap in and go all in on LINK

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I did slit my wrists a little some days ago, so I'm getting there, give me your wallet.

well u only gave one option besides living with your shit father so uh yea go for it nigga

woah didn't see you were self harming sorry. listen man there are 7 billion people in the world someone else has it worse than you. make the most of life that you can ok your dad sounds like dead weight. its time to overcome and find your calling.

I'm not made to sit on a computer all day. I hit the gym daily. I feel like just getting a part time won't get me anywhere, at least by joining the army I'll be building up my curriculum.
I've thought about just enduring the abuse and finishing this degree, because my life won't be nearly as good without a college degree

you have to have a degree for the peace corps. you know, because you need gender studies to help people

You need to call the cops when domestic abuse happens because it never diminishes on its own, it only ever gets worse. As for money, try freelancing, I've been writing for 5 years and can make an average salary in my country. Best of luck and don't let yourself be a victim.

It's nothing special. I noticed a friend of mine had scars so I wanted to know how she felt like. Hurt like hell.
I'm not actually gonna kms, maybe if funfair keeps crashing even further I will Hah, not a larp btw

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>listen man there are 7 billion people in the world someone else has it worse than you.

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> I'm thinking of taking the car and moving to a new city. I'm 19, in my first year of CS, should I join the army so that I have a salary and a place to sleep in?

Wow thats pretty exciting actually. If youre suicidal what do you got to lose? Just go and live buddy dont look back

you need to kill yourself too

I feel that way too. I'm sick of living off of this drunk, makes me feel pathetic. Maybe I'll just take the train tho.

kys user and stream it like based /r9k/ bro the other day. just don't fuck it up by waving to the camera beforehand.

I'm not depressed.


Shit hurt, might look funny, but since I cut it so thin, it burned like a paper cut

Sorry to hear your about your shit user. My dad murdered my mother and killed himself in prison. I had to cut myself off, too, and while I'm not where I want to be in life just yet, I'm gonna get there and I want you to know that you can get there, too.

Army isn't a bad call (my grandad escaped similar situation that way), but there are other ways. If you're nearby to a metropolitan area you can search out and find some shelters. You're not a minor anymore, unfortunately, so that cuts you off some some better facilities, but there are still places where you can stay to get on your feet. I've also lived out of my car for upwards of a week at a time -- most Wal-Marts let you stay overnight for free.

The car is your first step. There's always delivery places hiring. The key is going to be developing a skillset once you're on your feet. But that's medium-term -- right now you need to suck it up for a few more days and spend a week putting together a plan. Find a place to go where you can have a YMCA or a shelter nearby to shower, maybe a place with a food bank nearby as well, then get the fuck out. If your back is against the wall, you'll be surprised how fast you can figure shit out. You'll have a job in two weeks, and an apartment in two months.

I'll lurk if you've got questions. Ignore the assholes -- most of whom are privileged fucks who have never missed a meal. You can get out, you will get out, and if you want, you can become successful.

Join the army, you will be set and have fun.

Fortunately for me, I'm Portuguese, my country supports socialism, so I believe that getting a job and shelter is made easy here, I'm also fluent in English which is a major skill here in Europe, I could just aswell fly to Sweden and make 30€/hour working at burger king.
I'm much more concerned with what I should do right now. I'm completely fed up with this situation, I might take it for one more week, but I don't plan on staying any longer.
I have a girlfriend who is a partner for life, what hurts me the most is having to leave her behind... I sent my application to the army after making this thread. I'm set on this. I know my life will be in a shitty place economically, but I'll end up taking my own life if this goes on any longer.
Maybe I made this thread because I can't talk with any of my friends about this since I'm not yet all set up... Thanks for your input user. I'll ask my university director tomorrow if there's a way for them to help me financially. Hopefully I can continue with my degree and not end up having to live the hard way

user if you're 19 and need to escape, the military is perfect. You'll learn so much and they'll pay for college. Travel the world, learn to shoot guns, get in shape, goto some fun schools, etc. There's a lot to live for. Don't an hero, there's no glory in that.

Hey man, you have to do what you have to do. I know in the US they have programs like ROTC where the military pays for Uni, but then you're their bitch for a few years. If the Portuguese have something similar, it might be worth considering.

I also don't know about the salaries the Portuguese army pays, but if you're a dude who hits the gym I'd consider the Foreign Legion. It's a 5 year contract, but they pay for your food and lodging and if you test well and get a good placement the salary isn't anything to scoff at. You could get out of your contract with between 250-500k euro. That's life-changing, start a business kinda money.

Whatever you decide, though, get off your ass and do it. I deliberated leaving too long -- even when I couldn't feed myself and things seemed grim, it was still better then being at home. Take the leap my dude.

thank you anons, I'll do it. I should have done this long ago. My life will change drastically, but thankfully I have a ride or die girlfriend and true brothers as friends.
I'm crying of happiness right now, just thinking about finally being free, I've wished for this for so long and all I had to do was find the courage. Wish me luck anons.

He's right, I did an enlistment then went to trade school for free.
Just don't sign up right away after talking to one recruiter. Make sure you look at all branches and all job options, they have computer stuff and all kinds of jobs.

Poor guy.

Op, I grew up with a similar father. When I was 18 he would only pay (with inheritance from his diseased professor sister meant to be my college fund) for me to go to his shitty alma mater.

So I went. I always felt that place had something to do with his alcoholism and under achiever mentality and while I was there, all I could feel was him everywhere and I hated it.

I told my parents I was done and needed to transfer to a different and better school. My dad begrudgingly said okay.

I come home with all my shit ready to transfer and he suddenly has it in his head that I dropped out. Nothing about transferring, claims that wasn’t part of the deal.

I end up living with a girlfriend and her family to get away from the abuse. Work factory jobs. She’s taking classes at a community college. I start doing the same. I have some money saved up, decide to have loan info sent to my gf’s house, start seeing a psychologist (I was diagnosed with PTSD) and apply to a decent school with my gf.

We both get in. Suddenly, my dad says he’ll pay. I think to make my gf’s family look bad because they were actually bankrupt at the time and she had to get loans.

So gf and I end up going to a good school, living together. Two years in, one year to go, she leaves me for someone else. We were splitting the apartment expense. Dad says I can’t renew, can’t get loans, so I have to finish the year commuting by train from his house.

I was away for so long and made such a huge effort to get over the mental effects of growing up in that environment that I forgot how bad it actually was. Outsiders have no idea. When I describe the way my dad is, I have to liken him to one of those crazies you see in cities, standing on the corner and screaming bloody murder at everyone at the tops of their lungs until the cops come.

I was already in a weakened state from the breakup, now suddenly my earlier, dead self was coming back and I was tuning out of life.

My understanding now is my PTSD was re-triggered and I went into full survival mode. What happens here is the brain retreats inward and ignored reality as much as possible simply to keep basic body survival functions going (ie, eating, sleeping). I had been like that for most of my life. I never even really learned how to talk appropriately until I was living with my gf’s family.

Anyway, long story short, I was living in such a state of chaos that it took me four more years to graduate instead of one. I sold my car before I moved up to that uni so I was stuck out in the rural suburbs, depending on my mom to drive me to and from the train station. I had no friends around. I had no means to get to a place of employment. I was stuck on auto pilot, waking up, eating, taking the train to the city, sitting through class, coming home, eating. No TV in my room. No computer. Just two barbells and books. All I did was exercise and read and go to class. For four years. Partly because of the PTSD and environment fucking with my sense of reality, and partly because I saw no point in even graduating if I couldn’t get to a job, and I knew by then I had become completely unemployable. All I saw ahead of me was darkness, I know that’s cliche but that’s it. My understanding is that this, too, is a result of PTSD—a person’s sense of time is lost and their ability to imagine a future is no longer there.

Yes, I finally graduated. At the age of 29. With a BA in English—I was originally intending on going to law school. I had the grades, I had the motivation. I was placed in gifted/advanced courses when I was a kid. I am not stupid. The dream was to become an attorney to help people who could not speak for themselves because they were being suppressed by some larger power, corporations for example.

My mom bought me a $300 laptop for my graduation present, which also counted as a birthday present. Mind you, due to inheritance, my family is not poor. I went through college with no computer.

Now that I had one, I started looking for online jobs for people with an English degree. I found out I could make some money as a freelance audio transcriber. I started making $200 a week and went up to $600 a week as I got better at my job. This meant working every waking hour, every day of the week. Once I had a few thousand dollars, I got an apartment in the city because of public transportation and job access and had furniture and shit shipped there via Amazon.

I spent the next year trying to heal my mind. Biked my ass off, did yoga, read all sorts of self-healing books, re-read the old philosophy texts that had made me want to devote my life to helping people. I decided I wanted to become a paramedic. The only way to afford training for this was to move back in with my family yet again. But this time, I had a car and a plan. I would volunteer at the animal shelter to help me overcome PTSD, stay out of the house as much as possible, and go to the gym. I was now able to sort of be around people. But my dad was still the same and I developed a drinking problem to cope. I realized I could not finish the training all the way up to becoming a paramedic because I couldn’t stay in that house any longer. On top of this, I underestimated the conditions of my PTSD and realized this would disqualify me from ever moving up to becoming a firefighter paramedic and I’d make minimum wage the rest of my life.

I see a therapist again. She tells me it’s uncanny I made it through any of that at all. Tells me to go to Al-user. She suggests me becoming a therapist for victims of domestic abuse as well. I think it’s a great idea. Decide I could involve animals as well, as an idea from the animal shelter. I would have to get my MA for this.

Meanwhile, the only friend I have is a person I met on an imageboard. A girl. She lived by my university and I was able to meet up with her a few times. She offered to let me live in her spare room for free while I work on my life.

I say okay, but I don’t want to live with her for free. I’m not actually socially retarded in how I analyze people. She’s getting older like me. She’s overweight. She seduced me the first time we met. She’s kind of crazy. I kind of realize this all happened because she’s hoping I’ll fall in love with her and we get married. I tell her I’m paying my share of the rent.

Now fast forward! I move in. Suspicions confirmed. She’s suddenly lost tons of weight and is talking to me in a weird sultry voice all the time. Tries to pose like a model in front of me. I turn the other cheek and just try to be polite and get on with my life.

Realize the therapist idea is out of the question because I could only get into some degree mill program that wouldn’t actually get me a job. I start learning computer coding on free code camp. Doing very well.

To help overcome my PTSD, I take up boxing. My boxing coach retired as a pro with an undefeated record and went up the Olympics. He’s creeped out by how quiet I am, I can tell, but he sees how hard I’m working. And I had forgotten, I was an extremely good athlete in high school and, oh yeah, spent all those years locked up taking mental abuse by getting into incredible shape, doing literally thousands of pushups daily. I get the form down, he teaches me combos, I basically become his protege. I am suddenly able to outbox him and everybody at the gym. He hints at going pro. Around this time, I got into crypto and was making good money with it. I realize I could actually have the future I wanted and it was better than anything I had prepared for: I could build up boxing cred by winning the Golden Gloves and some amateur and pro matches, then open my own boxing gym where I could help younger people just like in the town I grew up in, and be a good father figure like my coach. He was actually a devout Christian.

Everything unwinds this recent winter during the month the boxing gym was closed. Girl I was living with tells me about this guy twice her age, who I had already known about—a big wig political figure who I won’t name who she interned with who was a mentor and father figure to her. This guy, twice her age, who she knew for a year and only professionally, tells her he wants to marry her. What a coincidence, too, since she just lost so much weight. I feel bad for him at first because he has to be really assburger to “fall in love with” a girl who was just using him for a letter of recommendation.

So, he comes over. Creepy guy. Imagine Jeff Goldblum but taller, bald head, wireframe glasses, and 10 times more fidgety and with no composure at all. Physically gross and acts like he’s on way too much Viagra. I try to be polite. He spends the night. Again and again and again.

I start disliking him because I realize he doesn’t live this girl. He just loves that she’s his personal fuck slave who still treats him like he’s her boss. The whole thing is gross. This is a really good, naive girl being used.

And he even tries to use me as a foil in his game. Sees me silently getting ready to leave for the gym, thinks I must be some young cool hunk, starts harassing me.

At some point I couldn’t take it anymore and almost spit in his face and looked at him like I was about to kill him. I had been minding my own business long enough. He put me down literally for my PTSD symptoms while giving me a shit eaten grin, massaging this girl’s leg. I left for the gym.

Next day, this girl’s freaking out at me. Popping out of nowhere, screaming in my face, calling me all kinds of names, etc. Then this guy’s girlfriend finally moved out and she moved in with him.

My PTSD symptoms returned 100% from that girl doing that shit to me where I live. Might sound funny, but she’s taller than me, sleeps with a knife, grew up in the hood, Latina... Yeah. Triggered. On top of this she hints she’s bothered by him to, told me before she’s only marrying him to have kids and a provider, and is pissed at me for not being passionate towards her so she could marry me and not him. Thing is, I’m not interested. When she moved out she acted like we were going through a breakup. Weird as shit. And her family lives next door and don’t like me living here because they think I’m some guero using her.

But I had boxing, right? Boxing starts again. Tear my rotator cuff. Can’t box. Spent most of my time here boxing instead of learning coding. Starting free code camp all over again. Hoping I can finish it in time to get admission to a full stack academy. My lease here ends in two months and I can’t afford the higher rent when the lease renews with this girl gone. Her family owns this building.

>ever joining America's military


Meanwhile I’m losing my mind. No social outlet anymore though I can run a bit at the gym. No gf. This girl didn’t want me to have girls over. Now my PTSD is in full fucked up mode and I can hardly talk anymore. I’m developing a drinking problem again.

Basically I’m 31 and this is all I’ve achieved in life. I’ll probably be homeless soon or will have to return to live with my family again just to survive and it’ll be all over for me. I’m having suicidal thoughts all the time lately.

So basically, OP, if you don’t want to be me, join the Army, or just stay out of your house as much as you can since you have a car. Get a job doing anything. Move out. Finish your degree on loans if you have to.

Whatever you do, stay the hell away from your alcoholic father and crazy women.

btw as I typed this on my balcony my next door neighbor got home and called me a creep under his breath while walking inside. He’s never introduced himself to me. But he’s rich, had a wife and a kid and paid almost $1 million for the home next door (gentrifying the area, I live in a unit owned since the bad times by Latinos). I suppose he thinks that because i was living with a brown girl I’m a piece of shit and this is the type of harassment I get from him and his wife all the time. They’ve still never introduced themselves to me and I’ve never said anything to them because why the hell would I?

The End

>Hurt like hell
you're a bitch
thats not op btw my dude.

Fuck off fag not reading your shitty blog

user. Don't go back to that house. There is definitely another way. I read your story and I'm pretty sure along the way you mentioned making money off of audio transcribing, perhaps you can go back to that?
I see myself going down your path, I've never been to a therapist because I'm scared of being diagnosed with something, because I'm almost certain I have problems.
I've already sent my application to the army. user I'm rooting for you

What a story.

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thanks for your story man, i was expecting a troll at the end but you seem genuine.

I still feel like there's stuff missing in this story. WTF were you doing during this all this time you spent boxing / self improvement. Did you not think to work online? Hustle at a local business until you found the money you needed?

How are you still stuck in such a shitty area and how can you not manage your money properly by now ? It just doesn't add up. There's no way someone can be this broke at 31