Hey friends, frequent d/ic/k head here, first time Veeky Forums poster.
>I suck at writing but I love having little blurbs to go along with my illustrations, pic related is my latest.
>Basically I want to imply that this knight guy is a sort of witch hunter who bolsters tales of the witches he has hunted and burned in dark times of fear and superstition. Townspeople support him and pay him to hunt down suspected witches.
>Blah blah he goes off into the woods after repeated reports of a witch causing mischief in the there. In his hubris he tramples forth to capture her but finds himself in over his head. This is no witch, this is THE witch.
Here it is so far:
In witches he fostered fear. Ushering stakes from cobblestone like ominous weeds. And witches he brought to burn. Oh they did burn witches. Shutins, midwives and young girls as scapegoats for sour relations and nature’s ill will. And like twigs from trees these dischevaled women turned to ash at the slightest spark. So easy, so bright but for so short do they hold flame.
>this is the part where I kind of lose it
After the fire clears therein lies the true horror. Bitter crumbling husks and cindered bone. She grows tired of man’s invasions with their scraping irons and trumpeting ignorance horns . She grows frustrated in their actions to wake the foul beast. Her hideous brother and she, it’s wretched sister.
> With the second paragraph I want it to lead into the title of the picture which is "It's Wretched Sister" in reference to another picture I did
>Sorry if this is a cringy post but i've just about lost my mind trying to write something interesting
>halp
Camden Hill
Sadness envelopes my soul
Chase Brown
>In witches he fostered fear. Ushering stakes from cobblestone like ominous weeds. And witches he brought to burn. Oh they did burn witches. lad
Jack Myers
The writing is pretty bad, honestly. Even though you said what you were going for, your writing is pretty unclear. >In witches he fostered fear. Ushering stakes from cobblestone like ominous weeds. And witches he brought to burn. Oh they did burn witches. First sentence is fine. What is the second sentence supposed to mean? What stakes? What cobblestone? Is there context we're missing here? Third sentence is mediocre. Just delete the fourth sentence, awful.
Shutins, midwives and young girls as scapegoats for sour relations and nature’s ill will. And like twigs from trees these dischevaled women turned to ash at the slightest spark. So easy, so bright but for so short do they hold flame. Again first sentence is fine unless you're an oxford comma autist. Twigs is a bad simile here, go for something else flammable that fits your imagery better of "slightest spark" (and as a sidenote people don't turn to ash when burned just FYI). "Twigs from trees" is redundant anyway. Also "dischevaled" isn't a word. Last sentence is awkward, you're trying to describe the witches being on fire but "easy", "bright", and "short" don't really go together well in the way you've written it. It also feels kind of redundant again describing how quickly the witches burn.
>After the fire clears therein lies the true horror. Bitter crumbling husks and cindered bone. She grows tired of man’s invasions with their scraping irons and trumpeting ignorance horns . She grows frustrated in their actions to wake the foul beast. Her hideous brother and she, it’s wretched sister. This whole part is bad, you're right. Who is "she"? "ignorance horns" is awful. Also "It's Wretched Sister" is grammatically incorrect, you might want to fix that.
On a sidenote your illustration is really fucking good.
Liam Garcia
That's a mediocre drawing and even worse genreshit writing
Julian Ramirez
Thanks for actually taking the time to look at this, most of it is just me trying to get my thoughts out and make it coherent later but as I sat trying to do just that for this post I couldn't cobble together the words so I gave up and posted anyway.
I have an odd question: What constitutes as generic writing? I've heard people describe my scribbles as that before and not that I'm arguing but I honestly don't know what makes it generic... is it the sentence structure in tandem with my word choice? or is it the subject matter?
I'm not even sure how you'd answer that but it's worth asking anyway
Anthony Gutierrez
...
David Fisher
Can I have your illustrations for ebook covers?
Colton Jenkins
>implying you can read.
Matthew Wood
It's not even bad writing; just responses from people who can't write trying to justify why your writing isn't as good as theirs.
Trust this, the writing is actually decent - and anyone saying it is bad will convince themselves as such.
This guy you responded to - he can not write. Do not listen to him.
Luke Clark
Depends on what genre mate. "You the smell of burning ozone" is generic sci-fi, just like "the clash of swords" is generic sci-fi and "they spat and rode on" is generic Corncobcore. If you recognize it as derivative first go, it's generic.
Levi Sanchez
1) Seems dumb that a picture of a knight killed with a sword would inspire you to write about witches 2) I'm 100% sure I have read that exact story, in fact it's almost the same plot as Inside No. 9 S2E3
Angel Sullivan
Said what is generic writing not genre writing.
>can't write >can't read
>critiques on Veeky Forums
Sounds about right desu
Aiden Hall
le epic >implying response xD Just from the shitty faux-medieval armor design and the decision to not only have a sword pierce armor, but have it be left stuck inside some corpse for """epic""" effect, I knew that what you wrote was going to be genre-shit trash, and I was right.
Ryan Wright
Holy shit go back to imgur, or at least your containment thread
Eli Jones
>justify why your writing isn't as good as theirs. Do you even know what justifying entails? You justify something you did or support, not something you're against. >Trust this, the writing is actually decent - and Yes, we're supposed to trust something that writes like this. >This guy [sic] you responded to - he can not write. He wrote better than you ever could. >Said what is generic writing not genre writing. Whuch is what he asked for.
Do you know what entails justification? Not I, but yours!
How about, letting your demons run about under the cover of anonymity?
How about, thinking your scorn is anywhere but inside you?
How about pouring vats of scorn to one another?
No brother, have a yellow dandelion instead.
Aiden Rodriguez
xD You're writing is cliché >How about, letting your demons run about under the cover of anonymity? > >How about, thinking your scorn is anywhere but inside you? > >How about pouring vats of scorn to one another? He asked for advice, not for us to suck him off for his shit writing.
Justin Lee
El miedo que dejaba el cuerpo de las brujas, como vaho espeso, instantes antes de sentir su mano poderosa extinguirles la existencia; se le metía por las fosas nasales, calentándole el pecho y acariciándolo con pulso firme. El miedo de las niñas condenadas se convertía en paz bajo su piel. Hundiendo su hoja en cuerpos de sangre maldita y ojos de falsa inocencia, hundía también el recuerdo de aquellos otros ojos, de aquellos azules que no habían podido desprenderse del velo para verlo bien. ¿No se merecía él una mirada sin velo? Qué lástima que ella no pudiera. Qué lástima que no supiera. Qué suerte que no lo hizo. Si lo hubiera hecho, él se habría perdido, de esos ojos no había retorno. Bruja. Alma ahollinada y risas de muertos. Era muy afortunado por haberse dado cuenta, aun si sólo lo logró después de haber sido rechazado. Bajo esos ojos de cielo de verano no había más que podredumbre, órganos rebosantes de gusanos, uñas mordidas llenas de tierra y sangre seca, vientre estéril y sexo perverso. Si la mató fue por lástima, nunca por despecho. Había que liberar ese cuerpo fino del espíritu maloliente que lo ocupaba. Nunca por despecho, nunca. Ahora, al yacer en medio de la ciénaga como naufragio de antaño, lanza una mirada hacia ellos, una de las últimas. El repulsivo hermano y la miserable hermana. Qué pobres ciegos, víctimas patéticas de azul.
Christian Carter
Nomas con el primer oración ya se que eres el peruANO
Zachary Williams
Vargas Llosa?
Oración es sustantivo femenino.
Isaac Scott
Ah now we get to the crux of it; the sucking is it son?
I for one recommend you stop posting among this place - it seems to be effecting your persons in a negative manner - and go outside , breathe the air where reality is in true motion.
You're young, I'll give you that, but don't succumb to toxicity. It is truly ugly; like a sour sweat that hangs in the air people will avoid you; you will fall further into solitary despair; know I do not respond out of wont for argument or hostile exchange, but to help a brother out.
Anthony James
Can you please learn to write or never bother posting here again?
Kayden Parker
Holy shit shut up.
Lincoln Hall
Would you enjoy for me to leave this rot?
Charles Bennett
Quit writing like that or at least never post here again.
Austin Morgan
Maybe you need to learn to read, too.
Jose Lee
Your condescending tone loses all credit with your overuse of adjectives and how in your face you are when trying to show you master punctuation (you don't, your use of semicolons is as subtle as a turd on a piece of paper with a T.S. Eliot poem written in cursive).
Jace King
Writing like you have no command over the language demons pummeling your brains right now?
That you've never had an independent thought, so how could you then decipher such a command outside of selling you cheap tack and hooking you up to some treadmill spitting out dollars into the mouths of fattened pigs whilst you waste away whittled down into some splinter of greatness yes whilst they chop your pounds of flesh and build for themselves palaces you only dream of?
I'm happy to leave brother, but it is only my vocation to shake your shackles.
