Literary cringe thread

Classic.

holy... i want more

I had a girl in my Early American Lit class raise her hand and call every work our professor liked shit. So bizarre. She didnt offer reason or argument, just dumped on it as "stupid" and such, I could almost describe her as a heckler. Such works dumped on were Bartleby the Scrivener and Leaves of Grass. She did it probably 15 times throughout the semester.

It was like a shitposter here but right in your face. Most of the class looked physically ill when she did it.

O V E R W O M A N

anything written by harlan ellison.

Similar, but I was several years older, so I don't even have any excuse

>20 years old
>had just decided on an English major in University
>want to show off how ((literary)) I am to everyone now
>take every book I own, including some of my roomate's books, because I didn't have enough by myself
>make like six or seven stacks of books on my bed
>deliberately jumble some of the stacks of books, implying that I read so much that I didn't have time to array them neatly
>dress up in clothes a professor might wear, or a yuppie would wear on a Sunday. make sure to expose some thigh
>careful "academic" makeup
>take out contacts and put on glasses that I never wore, near replicas of the glasses Jean Paul Satre had
>take a myspace-tier selfie using a delayed timer on my laptop with me gazing at the camera, with the piles of books 'casually' lying in the deliberately jumbled stacks on my bed in the background
>title the post an artsy mish mash of academic jargon and buzz words
>make it my default
got like 5 comments calling me out for being a poser by my friends. left it up for a few months tho anyway lol

>undergrad history tutorial
>Go and ask the qt tutor after class if she had read the Tunnel

Was a kek

does anyone have the /essential manual-core/ chart? I lost it when my HD crashed, but I think the manual to FF6 was on there, and the manual to Dragon Warrior Monsters II, but I can't remember anything else

>go to Barnes and Noble with my Chad cousin
>pick up Lolita for an essay I have to write
>walk him aroun the literature section, show him the classics
>find Infinite Jest, explain that I own it, and it's too hard for him to understand
>he cracks it open and says nothing, looks surprised
>walk him over to the Pynchon section
>pull out GR and proceed to tell him it's the best book of all time (I haven't read it yet) and tell him to pull out his phone so I can google something (I have no phone)
>"What for, cuzanon?"
>"There's this really descriptive part in it about a guy eating poop, I wanted to show it to you."
>"Eating poop?" stares at his phone while it's in my hands like wtf is he looking up
>phone dies while in my hand, no luck in showing him
>end up leaving with Lolita, Broom of the System, and Tai Pei

Honestly, not even cringy to me, the only books my cousin and everyone on my moms side grew up reading were Christian self help books and the Bible, they all grew up jesus freaks who have emotional problems and are about as Chad as they come, so every chance I get, I get as Veeky Forums as possible. I'm hoping to alienate myself from them as much as I can because they're all preachy and self-righteous.
Any tips?

You are a man, stop pretending to be a woman.

I will if you post feet.

God damn it. What gave it away?

That really happened to me, but I thought the story would be funnier if it had happened to a woman, so I rewrote it.

I'm not this guy b.t.w.:

>read "Lolita" when I was 14
>started talking to a friend of a friend about it
>"wow user, so it's really about some guy having sex with a little girl?"
>"yeah, yeah it is"
>he asks to borrow it and I let him
>1 month later
>"hey user, you know that book you lent me? Chad wants to read it, you mind if I give it to him?"
>I say okay
>2 years later, I've forgotten all about it, then someone I've never met before hands it back to me
>"hey man this is yours right? here you go"
>it looks like it's in good condition, so I don't think twice about it
>months later I'm flipping through it, thinking about reading it again
>suddenly I notice two pages stuck together
>I can't separate them, there's something glueing them to each other
>freeze, throw the book in the trash right away

dude i still do that

>thought the story would be funnier if it had happened to a woman
Why?

because I have a childish sense of humor

You're weird.

That's great. Everybody should read that book, it's pretty good.

good bait
So good I had to reply saying it's bait before someone fell for it.
That's because is good.

Yep. Welcome to Veeky Forums.

>What gave it away?
Normies would never call out a girl for being a poser on facebook

honestly not bait, really happened
but nice bait if your were baiting me, you really got me, heres your (You)
Love (You)

I feel bad for you

>carry the DaVinci Code everywhere because it had a pure black cover and I pretended to be some real life mysterious exorcist.
>walk around with it in hand, occasionally stop and pretend to read something of high importance, then close it with a thump and continue walking

Can't believe I did that FUCK

>>carry the DaVinci Code everywhere because it had a pure black cover and I pretended to be some real life mysterious exorcist.
>>walk around with it in hand, occasionally stop and pretend to read something of high importance, then close it with a thump and continue walking

Jesus, that is autistic.

>fullquoting

top lel

>not asking her for The Tunnel
ya blew it

>a classmate who was sitting next to me was discussing 50 shades of gray with other girls
>I must have been looking at them with a face resembling that of Costanza
>she said the book was really good despite all the kinky shit in it
>I just nodded my head with a smile, thinking how pleb she and the other girls were

I hope I'm a better person now.

That's impressive

>girls in class discuss fifty shades of grey
>this triggers me
>you see, I like erotic fiction. I like BDSM. And I do not like fifty shades.
>I proudly tell all the class exactly how Fifty Shades is shit and why they should never read it
Probably the worst time I've splurged my sperg. Beyond telling my only real friend I didn't vote for her in the mock elections because I wanted to protest vote, 'cause, y'know, nihilism.

That is pretty creative, user. Almost certainly better than what 95% of your classmates could come up with.

Who /ReadBooksToSeemSmartWhenTalkingToGirlsButNeverActuallyTalkToGirls/ here?

Why is this cringe? This is actually pretty decent, not "cringe" at all

>Literary cringe thread
I think you meant literally cringe thread, jeje.

>Be 16
>Arguing with my dad about politics
>The discussion gets pretty hot
>Sperg out: "IF WE DON'T CHANGE SOCIETY RIGHT NOW IT WILL BECOME LIKE"
>I look at the library next to me for a second and then I grab 1984
>"THIS!"

Whenever I think about this, I want to vanish out of existence.

At least you were sincere

>have german gf
>wanted to show off to her parents
>brought kafka over to read while i visited them
>her mum notices
>looks surprised
>"user, you're reading kafka!? i'm impressed."
>"thanks, i hope to read it in german one day too"
>oh - it's an english translation. that is not so impressive"

Also had something similar to OP where a girl was coming round so I thought I'd play Bjork as background music to make her think I was sophisticated when I was 17.

>>oh - it's an english translation. that is not so impressive"

BTFO

what's updog?

I /hidemybooksbecauseit'sembarassing/. All patricians do this.
Literally nothing wrong with this.

kek

But it is expected from women to have pretentious, fake personalities. It's neither funny, nor surprising at all.

I talk to plenty of girls, but I don't read books to make myself seem better to them. That'd be pretty silly.

>I live in isolated mountain region with my family
>none of them care that i read
>read books to seem patrician to myself

lmao

Your opinion might be generic, at least among Veeky Forums community but it does not make it less true.

People on this board should chill a bit and get off their high pseud horses.

What change did you have in mind. That is the key factor in how much of an idiot you look

>despite all the kinky shit in it
is not that like the main reason to pick it up?(its entry level but still). Why do people do this with everything "oh this anime is good despite the fan service" or "I read it ironically" What does this retardation even mean

Did not you get tired after the first 3 times?
madman

I didn't need reminding of this cancer, thanks user

10/10 post. I been looking for this for s while.

This 50 year old man asked me if I read and I got kind of excited because I don't get a lot of opportunities to talk to people, so I began explaining the plot of The Setting Sun to him and he gave me a blank stare for a minute and then said "I read fantasy novels" and stopped talking.

Good work my man. Hearty kek.

>>fullquoting

Jesus, that was autistic

I read books to make up for the fact that I'm an academic underachiever.

Could be worse user

>used to argue about politics and religion to anyone in earshot
at least I wasn't an atheist

Same

...

>novellas

>fullquoting

guaranteed replies

It's not the opinion so much as the way of expressing it. I imagine that it took him 30+ seconds to find the book while his dad just stood there.

>be me
>first day of class at college
>walk into lit class that has a bunch of qts in it (I checked the online roster)
>arriving a bit late so people notice me
>I brought my new copy of Bottom's Dream with me
>cradling it like a child
>almost to seat
>book slips, falls, hits feet
>I'm wearing boat shoes
>let out huge, high pitched cry
>run to med-center for ice packs
>return to class 20 min later with two ice packs taped to foot
>hipster Chad has whole class including professor gathers around him
>walk over
>he has my copy of Bottom's Dream open and flipped to last page
>pointing to the last line he says "and see, this is the bottom of the dream"
>let out another high-pitched scream
>run back to Med-center

Currently sitting on bed in med center with two ice packs taped to foot and three wrapped around my head. A nurse is sitting beside me, monitoring my condition while she reads Bottom's Dream.

>me be cry

More like I Dream of Bottoms lol

Happened today:

>be me sitting on le train
>reading GR
>guy across says "dude are you readin that in Latin? It's incomprehensible"
>tell him I'm sure a ton of it's going over my head, but still going through it for enjoyment
>guy talks about his two literature degrees and he still doesn't get it
>tells me he thinks dostoyevsky is overrated and irrelevant, he can't finish The Idiot
>ok.jpg

I mean, I know I'm getting meme'd by reading this book, but do people really get this triggered by it?

Gravity's Rainbow was published in Latin?

No. That was the """"""joke"""""" he made

>arguing solely with pathos

Must be a womanly thing.

...

The book came out like less than half a decade ago, how much could you have possibly changed?

You were visited by the spirit of Nabokov, having a little laugh.

I'm too pleb to get this

He didn't like Dosto. My joke wasn't any deeper than that.

> Interviewing some girl for entry level position at my work
> she's an english literature major
> +5 points
> ask her favorite books, things she likes to read
> ...
> ...
> "harry potter"

Oh shit I forgot about this...

> be me
> freshman philosophy student
> atheist / rand core
> midway through semester
> prof uses "proof of gods existence" in one excercise
> jimmies max rustled
> raise hand
> raise hand higher
> points at me
> BUT PROFESSOR - BLAH BLAH BLAH ATHEISM BLAH BLAH
> "...ooookaayy..."
> continues solving problem

mfw had to work with him for the rest of my undergrad career...

>professor of philosophy is lecturing
>he mentions the theory of forms
>"ah, ole pluto?"

Yup

There was an autistic of like that in one of my American lit classes. He used to whine constantly, and far too loudly, that none of the poetry we studied was as good as Chesterton's. It's safe to say that Chesterton is to him as Shakespeare is to Harold Bloom.

i laughed

Nope, but i can recommend the Baldurs Gate II manual

Better than discovering the complex at 14

>be me in highschool
>was a communist
>wanted everyone to know that I was a communist but didn't want to outright tell them
>always carried around books by marx and lenin
>used to hold them up and read them in class so that people could see the cover
>would lay them on the edge of my desk when a teacher walked by hoping they would acknowledge my views

To my knowledge no one ever paid attention or cared when I did this but the memory still makes me cringe. Thankfully my politics changed soon after graduating highschool.

>Mom got me a falcons starter jacket
>wasnt a falcolns fan or a football fan but i liked the logo
>someone asked me if I knew anyone on the falcolns
>I brushed past the question
>ran to my mom, begged her to take me out that night to get an up to date NFL stat book (expensive manual for football autists)
>memorize the entire teams roster and stats
>no one asked me again

jesus christ...

At what age?

I read the first Twilight book in highschool because my long distance girlfriend was really into it. Does that count?

>college girls
>cute
y'havta reaD Joyce's Ulysses 20=times

This is pretty much 90% of English majors.