>Bio 101 professor >talking about alleles or something >a chart comes up with different skin tones >Prof says "When I was in Saudi Arabia, I saw some people who were very dark. I MEAN, THERE PEOPLE WERE BLACK TO LOOK AT!" >gestures toward the only black student >"Darker than you in fact! And you're pretty dark" >moves to next slide and just keeps talking about bio stuffs
also
>talking about Hardy-Weinberg equilibrium >"It's used as a control for humans since we often violate all of the principals, like random mating" >"No one in here practices random mating, right?" >grill at the front knods her head >"Hey fellas, you should get to know her!"
Not a professor, but one time my high school did this event where they took a bunch of kids from "lower level" math classes and put them into higher level math classes and vice versa for a day. Supposedly to get a glimpse into how math encompasses everything from really basic shit to really advanced shit or something, idk. Obviously this was a bad idea because suddenly there's a bunch of Basketball Americans listening to rap and monkeying around in calculus class and there's a bunch of nerds sitting in the middle of Compton downstairs.
Anyways, so during lecture over conics or something the black kids wouldn't shut the fuck up and kept being really distracting. The teacher wrote the sigma symbol on the board and one of the kids burst out really loud "the fuck is that thing?" The instructor had had enough and his spaghetti rocketed into orbit. He turned around and threw the eraser right at the kid's head and yelled "SHUT. THE FUCK. UP" really loud.
That was about the only time I had a teacher really lose his cool.
Jacob Jones
>Basketball Americans
Parker Bell
It's innuendo for black people. Black people in America tend to enjoy basketball, therefore in place of "African" American I said "Basketball" American
This is the joke.
Camden Richardson
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Ryan Baker
I can relate. Would love to throw erasers at some of the idiots I encounter in math courses.
Gavin Bailey
kek!
Isaac Smith
>military history professor at a military academy >old man, highly respected >doesn't give a shit >tells us based advice
My favorites:
>Always change your professor if she has a hyphenated last name >Never underestimate the value of brown underwear >There are no libertarian countries >Your goal in life should be to leave your wives a library that isn't worth anything. All of your books should be dog-eared with notes written in them, and beat up from heavy use. That's been my goal ever since my wife stopped going down. But you kids buy a $200 book, never open it, and then sell it back to the store for $15. You can't even buy a case of beer for that. Haha! >Don't be fucking idiots when you get your bonuses. Buy a beatup used car and invest or save the rest. That way when you graduate, that will buy a nice new car or go towards most of a down payment on a house - and all of your schmuck classmates will have a four-year-old car and no bonus. >Johnson was a fucking asshole. He was the type of person who didn't wash their hands after going to the bathroom. He used to pick bomb targets in Vietnam every tuesday in the white house over tuna on toast, lettuce, tomato, a little salt, and a little mayo. One of you kids may become president. Let your god damn generals do it, and eat a less gay sandwich.
Doc still teaches. What a great man.
Ayden Rogers
>learning about master slave flip flops >professor used to eat at the mcdonalds errday that i used to work at >next lecture go back to learning about master slave flip flops >i guess him trying to be enthusiastic "Slavery is always good!" >professor quickly backpedals and talks about how master slave flip flops are breddy cool >corrects himself and says "slavery, however, is wrong" >class is small, a few whites, erryone else is brazilian, asian, hispanic, or one african gentleman >african man didn't hear professor say "slavery is always good"
professor was very chill and i guess no one wanted to get him in trouble. good thing the class was small. I'm sure everyone else in the class dismissed those comments and im the only one lamenting about it all these years later.
Camden Sullivan
The worst part about this is that whoever came up with idea is probably getting paid more than the teacher. Our tax dollars are going to a fucking sociology major working in administration. Fuck this world
James Turner
I did not understand like half of them. What the fuck. Like
> >Your goal in life should be to leave your wives a library that isn't worth anything. All of your books should be dog-eared with notes written in them, and beat up from heavy use. That's been my goal ever since my wife stopped going down. But you kids buy a $200 book, never open it, and then sell it back to the store for $15. You can't even buy a case of beer for that. Haha!
What the fuck? What does this mean? The first part I interpret as "be a dick to your wives" but what about the second part? Is the advice to just waste money or is this some kind of inside joke or deep political commentary on the nature of cuckolds or something?
Michael Gray
>I did not understand like half of them.
Classic Veeky Forums.
He was telling us to read our fucking books. What shit school did you go to? Do you gingerly thumb through your books, or do you actually READ them, highlight shit, make notes, etc? Why is it so taboo to write on a page?
Luke Butler
It means you should read a lot, thus your books will be left in bad condition. Also dude fuck women lmao.
Nolan Harris
I think the way you wrote it leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation.
Also what the fuck is up with >ever since my wife stopped going down
Is that like going down on me? Like his wife stopped giving him blowjobs? Is he allowed to talk about that shit? And what do blowjobs have to do with books!
Elijah Myers
Going down to the library
Adam Anderson
TO THE LIBRARY?
How am I supposed to get that from it. I immediately thought that his wife stopped giving him blowjobs and that is why he wanted to leave her a library with shitty books.
Leo Edwards
When I took calc 3 there was an annoying Asian in my class that complained about ever problem he would get wrong on his test
The professor was an old white guy that looks a lot like mike pence
One time the professor was clearly so annoying with the Asian asking countless questions that a mumbled "fucking Asians" under his breath. I heard it since I was in the front row
Justin Jenkins
I thought this too. I also thought when he said "wives" he was talking about his multiple mistresses. I'm picturing this man as the most savage teacher of all time.
Nicholas Allen
>military academy You dun goofed Please tell me you picked artillery, JAG, cavalry or something fulfilling
Gabriel James
>have middle-eastern grad student TAing our class >is explaining why so many people die on construction projects in the american southwest >"it is because there are many mexicans, and they are not very good" >doesn't provide any other explanation >everybody looks around and chuckles because we're all white males
Easton Green
Veeky Forums is truly cucked.
I meant what I meant, faggots. It was an obvious allusion to blowjobs. Get laid, idiots.
>please tell me you picked artillery, JAG, cavalry or something fulfilling
What the fuck kind of hodgepodge of jobs is this? JAG? Are you aware of how JAG officers become JAG? Don't even reply, what a joke.
Austin Reed
>be me about to do some reading >walk on over to my bookshelf, it smells like garbage >the books look like it too >pick out a book to read, the one with no spine cover, the binding I'd almost undone >Im not some fucking pussy, I rip that shit out of the bookshelf tearing a few pages in the process >whatever, im a fucking man who doesn't give his books any mercy >throw book on the ground, I'm not carrying that shit >player soccer with it over to my reading chair >Take a seat which with my book, but not before drop kicking it several times like it deserves >try to flip open to where I left off >there's something crusty sticking the pages together >is that dried semen? >oh yeah that was from my last reading session, that shit was fucking intense >I fucked that bitch up hard >and by bitch I mean book >finally get the pages apart, begin reading >I'm having a tough time, there are scribbles everywhere I can't read >is that a shopping list? >after finishing a page, it's time to flip to the next >grab that fucking paper with the grip of a god damn body builder >turn it with the strength of a thousands suns >the book couldn't take any more abuse, the binding came undone >I'm surrounded by a pile of loose pages >nice, free toilet paper >after stashing some pages in the bathroom, I take the rest and stuff them in between the other books in my bookshelf >another productive reading session finished
Jayden Harris
>wasting double dubs on a strawman argument
Awful. Make sure to sell that book, bro. You almost certainly need the pocket change.
Nolan Hall
KEK
Samuel Edwards
Made a geology professor crack up when I referred to mountain building as "continents bumping uglies".
Jeremiah Barnes
At least I have a deployment patch. Have fun being a slick sleeve staff officer that wont ever get the respect of his NCO's.
Adam Richardson
>prof sprays everyone with water trying to display how flow velocity differs from the nozzle area and plunger area >Talks about how some dumb biofag rederived calculus because he was a brainlet >"moving on"
Connor Ramirez
>>Talks about how some dumb biofag rederived calculus because he was a brainlet That actually sounds like something a non-brainlet who was never properly taught calculus would do.
Colton Jenkins
my dad says dog-earing books is barbaric
Grayson Jenkins
>Talks about how some dumb biofag rederived calculus because he was a brainlet he probably browses this shithole
Dominic Russell
What does being a barber have to do with going down to the library?
David Gutierrez
>What shit school did you go to? Not him but even my local alma is probably better than westpoint or whatever military """"university"""" you go to.
Do you carry your books in a camo backpack? Got any stories to share about JROTC or scouts? What's your favorite kind of chew? :)
Cooper Rogers
this is like funnyjunk tier humor. Is this supposed to be insight or witty? >military academy Ah, right
Parker Murphy
Best post
Dominic Torres
Yes but a non-brainlet would also have enough humility to research his ground-breaking ideas before concluding that he has discovered the wheel. It's a classic case of decent intelligence hindered by ignorance
Liam Brown
it's not like the kid tried to publish his fucking results. It sounds like he had a specific problem he wanted to solve and so he used logic and reason to develop the tools to solve it. It probably took him less time to derive it his own way than it would have if he followed along a textbook and learn 3 semesters worth of material just for a single application. And developing it himself ensures that he understands everything he is doing and doesn't get lost in someone else's methods.
Joseph Perez
Literally a minute ago
We're doing a demo in class to show how converging lenses work and a kid asks "can we use a laser to burn a hole through that paper?" And the prof responds "yes! But we'd need a better laser. You should come to my office and check out my big laser sometime"
The whole class drowned in silent kek
Joshua Nguyen
Philosophy professor is super nice, understanding, upbeat, and goes well out of his way to help his students. Seriously just a great guy. Then one day he shocked the fuck out of the entire class at our extremely liberal community college.
>discussing other cultures, morality, right and wrong >professor stares at the floor for a few seconds and has an extremely stern look on his face >"I am going to talk at you guys here for a few minutes and I don't want to see any hands up until I'm finished. If there is anything at all you take away from this class when you complete it, it is this." >professor takes deep breath >shouts at the top of his lungs "THERE IS UNIVERSAL RIGHT AND UNIVERSAL WRONG. Your other professors, the media and the internet tell you that morality is a grey area. If you EVER hear that from ANYONE you MUST TELL THEM IMMEDIATELY THEY ARE PATENTLY FALSE. MURDER IS ALWAYS WRONG. RAPE IS ALWAYS WRONG. THEFT IS ALWAYS WRONG. These are core principles of society and humanity." >"Secondly, unconditional cultural acceptance is TOTAL BULLSHIT. DO NOT BUY INTO IT. DO NOT EVER. EVER. EVER WRITE OFF ACTS OF BARBARISM AS OKAY BECAUSE IT IS A PART OF ANOTHER CULTURE. It is NEVER okay to stone women to death, or set your neighbors on fire, or have sex with animals no matter who you are, for any reason EVER. If you make an exception for these things because 'its just a different culture', you are JUST AS BAD AS THEY ARE." >"AS SUCH, THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS BARBARIC CULTURES AND THEY ARE INHERENTLY EVIL FOR COMMITTING CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY AS A TRADITION OR AS PART OF THEIR RELIGION. THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN SOCIETY AND THOUGH THEY ARE BIOLOGICALLY HUMAN, THEY ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY HUMAN." >he calms down a little >"Do not misinterpret what I just said. There are people who live within these cultures who do not practice or agree with the evil parts of their cultures. It is also NOT tied to skin color." >continues with normal lecture >mfw
Adam Howard
Sounds like a good guy, how is this even controversial to say.
Wyatt Thompson
>Times your professor(s) dropped spaghetti I'm a professor. Here's one I wrote a while back. >first time lecturing 80+ students for two hours >very nervous >took me two weeks to prepare the lecture >start 15 minutes late because no one seems to be there on time >have to rush through the most complicated part >get strange looks from the people in the front rows, but too nervous to figure out why >my wearable microphone drops >as I try to grab it off the floor, I step on it >everyone cringes in agony as a loud screeching fills their ears >have to finish the rest without a mic, basically screaming at the lecture hall >45 minutes in, everyone actually seems to follow better than expected >I calm down, continue the lecture >going quite well now, students ask insightful questions >the spaghetti in my pockets is firmly in place >feeling great >still get funny looks from people in the front rows >after the lecture I notice my zipper has been open the entire time
Hudson Ross
California
Anthony Gutierrez
>Theft is always wrong
I have a few problems with this bullshit. What if you steal from the very rich and you are very poor yourself. Morally right then.
>Murder is always wrong
What if you kill a killer? Or a rich person? Then it is moral.
He sounds like a shitty professor desu.
Robert Miller
being "good" is completely subjective, and as a philosophy teacher he should know that. Or at least give a reason for his stance rather than spewing these "facts".
>THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN SOCIETY AND THOUGH THEY ARE BIOLOGICALLY HUMAN, THEY ARE NOT EMOTIONALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY HUMAN. what gives this man the authority to define emotionally/psychologically human? If you're born a biological human, then anything you feel or think is considered human. This is my point of view at least (and probably most rational/scientific minded people's view). Instead of literally shouting his opinion at the class, he should instead give both sides of the argument and allow the class to decide for themselves what they think.
>morality is a grey area. If you EVER hear that from ANYONE you MUST TELL THEM IMMEDIATELY THEY ARE PATENTLY FALSE. How are you gonna claim something is patently false without any evidence? Any subject that doesn't involve mathematic proofs or evidence will have grey areas, that's just how it is.
Adrian Foster
>>start 15 minutes late because no one seems to be there on time I hope to god you no longer do this. Because if you fall behind and end up not covering some material by the end of the year, the students that showed up on time will be pissed.
Jaxson Miller
*tips*
Gabriel Lee
>I hope to god you no longer do this. Obviously.
This happened about 10 years ago, it was my first big lecture for a semi-large group of students.
Cameron Fisher
are you kidding me man? it's one of Veeky Forums' humor's best
Area under a curve consisting of triangles and rectangles? Yet people are still retarded enough to think this guy invented something new? I'm actually a bit sickened
Colton Miller
Basically your professor is arguing for pure Kantian deontological ethics, which I'm somewhat sympathetic towards, but in its radical interpretation it'll also necessarily (for reasons I won't go into, read up yourself) imply that e.g. helping Hitler kill millions of people is NOT wrong, doing the killing for Hitler IS wrong, and even killing Hitler himself IS wrong. It does make logical sense to assume this radical perspective if you think it is ethically correct, but it does most certainly not make sense to claim that it is the only correct perspective.
Evan Hall
>this guy it was a woman
Kevin Lopez
Huh, so you think you're smarter than Kant do you? What are your views on morality and ethics?
Owen Collins
kek
Jack Lewis
>so you think you're smarter than Kant do you? No, what on earth gave you that idea? Kant himself didn't even adhere to purely deontological principles. Nor did he claim that deontological principles are absolute moral truth. >What are your views on morality and ethics? I don't deny the consequentialistic side of things. For instance, I see animal research as necessary and morally non-reprehensible.
Luke Mitchell
>Or a rich person?
Haha wow so like the bourgeoise man right? All rich people are evil an deserve to die right?
Daniel Watson
you took the bait user
Jose Miller
They don't deserve to die but it is not immoral to kill them.
I think a good patch to capitalism is to make it legal to kill people who are millionaires or beyond. Life, if you kill them then nothing happens to you.
Think about it, they have enough to pay for protection so this would fuel a bigger security economy which would give money to many low income earners.
No one would even die because the rich can just pay like 50 people to protect them, like the secret service.
Hudson Rogers
You cannot be this retarded
Leo Kelly
The paper is no longer on google scholar lmao
Carson Peterson
I believe what I say. Also, if you manage to kill a rich person then you should have a legal right to at least 50% of his wealth.
Cameron Diaz
Pretty sure it's been retracted
Kevin Peterson
I stand corrected. You CAN be this retarded.
Andrew Garcia
Think about it for a sec.
Marxism calls for redistribution of wealth but I understand the anger this would cause to wealthy people. They worked for their money after all.
So instead of taking it from them, make incentives for them to spend it on poorer people. Like making it legal and profitable to kill them so they have to spend on security. Nothing wrong with that. Marxism 2.0 maybe?
Liam Morris
I have access to the article. >tfw she just re-derived integrals >tfw it passed peer reviews >tfw it got cited 75 times biological "sciences"
Lincoln Williams
more like Marxism+ am i right
fuck off back to r*ddit, retarded new.fag
Mason Ross
Oh, great idea. Marxism++
Like C
Jose Ward
>make incentives for them to spend it on poorer people And the best incentive you could think of was to make it legal to kill them so that they would invest in security? >Think about it for a sec. lmfao
Dylan Martin
>first day of chem 2 class >arrive late >walk into class >same professor from chem 1 >professor is already lecturing >walks silently to a chair >when I'm about to sit she stops the class and: >"Wow user, your hair looks like shit, you need a cut" >everyone laughs >I sit silently
There was also this time, chem2 test
>professor is walking through the class >I remove my flip flops >she's monitoring everyone >she walks by my chair >"user your flip flops look like shit, they're too old, gotta buy new ones"
Fuck that fat whore, never liked her
Christian Perez
This was in high school but: >be in Algebra 1 >everything going pretty good, teacher was talking about matrices or some shit >two kids were playing around in the front row, one of them throws I think a pencil at the other one >the teacher turns around and yells, "YOU ARE GOING TO WRITE DOWN 200 TIMES 'I WILL NOT THROW OBJECTS IN MR. BURKE'S CLASSROOM EVER AGAIN' EVERY CLASS FOR THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR AND YOU WILL HAND ME YOUR PAPER WHEN YOU ARE FINISHED AND IF YOU DO NOT COMPLY I WILL INCREASE IT BY 200 EVERY DAY YOU ARE OFF BY EVEN ONE SENTENCE AND I WILL FAIL YOU FOR THE SEMESTER IF IT IS NOT COMPLETE!" The girl was trying to hold back tears and everyone was surprised and talked about it after class. I guess the PTSD from the Vietnam war came back and hit him.
Brody Ramirez
Well, you give an alternative. The thing is that they have to invest in something that won't make them richer. Like today if they invest in a business they will get even richer but if they invest in security that is just a money sink.
Give me other money sink then
Jordan Morris
>Give me other money sink then Here's a wild idea: a fucking TAX??
Jesus dude, honestly.
Colton Bennett
higher taxes for the rich, in return for making it illegal to kill them. That way we can distribute funds to things more useful to society than security companies.
Luke Brooks
Ever heard of tax fraud? There is no life fraud though. If you get killed, you are fucking dead. REST IN PEACE.
Taxing is okay but it is too vulnerable a system. Rich people just get around it.
Leo Thomas
>Ever heard of tax fraud? Yes, and that's why there are government agencies in place to prevent it and consequences for committing it. >There is no life fraud though. Ever heard of faking your death?
Brayden Martinez
Instead we'll have murder fraud.
What a fucking retard. I'm done.
Jayden Gutierrez
>Ever heard of faking your death?
Why would you even do this? If you fake your death to get off the books and then go abroad to live in a mansion and you get killed then the person who killed you will say: Hey, this guy had a fucking mansion. Real state worth more than 1 million, therefore what I did was legal.
And then he is good to go.
Faking your death does nothing in this system.
How would murder fraud work?
Nathaniel Barnes
We did that demo today too
Lucas Johnson
>How would murder fraud work? A rich person could murder anyone and just put a million bucks in their pocket after the fact. Money would give you the power to kill anyone you want.
Gabriel Hill
>THIS COUNTRY IS FOR EVERYONE. YOU HAVE NO PLACE HERE.
Joshua Cooper
Oh, good point.
Rich people can't kill other rich people.
Problem fixed.
You can only legally kill if you are worth less than 1 million dollars and your target is worth more than 1 million dollars.
Anthony Butler
>Why would you even do this? You get someone to "kill" you. They get 50% of your money, the other 50% gets "lost" and the two of you move somewhere where nobody knows you're rich. Basically murder fraud. Also, in your system where does the other 50% of the money go? To the government? How does your system avoid "tax" fraud in that sense?
Lucas Mitchell
You have got to be fucking kidding me
Josiah Campbell
>Problem fixed Haha, you're too retarded to argue with.
Protip: it's not.
Leo Ward
>They get 50% of your money, the other 50% gets "lost" and the two of you move somewhere where nobody knows you're rich.
Signs of richness are visible, man. People will know. If you live the high life people will know. You would have to live like you were poor and that is also good.
> in your system where does the other 50% of the money go?
To the traditional people who inherit it. Like their sons and other family members.
If these people leave a will then first 50% of the wealth is given to the killer and the rest of 50% will be acted upon by the will.
Mason Ramirez
>Signs of richness are visible, man. Tell that to Hurley from Lost
Joseph Brown
that's not what he said. still, feel free to reject universal human rights in favour of honour killings and still call yourself a feminist >yes I'm projecting
John Smith
Is killing Bill Gates justifiable? Also a lot of scientists/mathmaticians are defined as "rich"
Dominic Harris
bs
Luis Robinson
Of course, why not. He is still rich. If he was careless enough to not pay for enough security then I'd say he even deserved it.
And in his wealth he lived a life of pleasure so you cannot be sad about it.
Tyler Butler
If you advocate universal human rights, then there is no way to "draw the line" and you should advocate for universal rights for all things, including plant life and inanimate objects. If you are in favor of honor killings, then take the extreme point of view and don't be mad if someone righteous kills you for whatever reason. Either one is a perfectly valid way to live and it's just a matter of what your personal beliefs are. Also, universal rights include the right to kill, so in a way both of these points of view are actually the same.
Caleb Ward
I was alluding something you judgmental meaniehead
Jack Thompson
Wat
Sebastian Morgan
>If you advocate universal human rights, then there is no way to "draw the line" and you should advocate for universal rights for all things, including plant life and inanimate objects I'm not the person you're replying to, but this to me doesn't follow.
Jonathan Jones
He just thinks he's self-actualized but is caught in personal misconceptions :^)
Isaac Thomas
What's the difference between universal human rights and universal animal rights? You cannot draw the line without bringing up the concept of a soul. Sure you could say that as a human you value human life more, but the point I was making was that this is not a universal fact. It's only an arbitrary position that you take for no real reason other than "you" being more valuable than "them" which anyone can apply to any arbitrary lines (including race and gender).
Camden Morales
>basketball americans
I hope they will adopt this one once "people of color" becomes racist.
Caleb Davis
>You cannot draw the line without bringing up the concept of a soul. Are you trolling? How about you draw the line based on species? This is a perfectly defendable position. The claim that the line is arbitrary doesn't make sense, because it isn't, by virtue of its profound ethical implications. Using your logic you may as well argue that drawing the line at all species or none is equally arbitrary.
