Moore like Anal More

>It was the morning of October 7th, 1865. The rain and its accompanying light were foul against the squinty attic window as Ern Vernall woke to his last day of sanity.
What the fuck ? You cunts actually think this is good writing ?

yes

seems fine to me

Did this board get invaded by Reddit ? This is seriously on the same level as "two if you count God."

It's fine

And it's not even a first sentence hook for the book, is it? kys

How does it feel to not be able to discern between quality writing and shit writing ? I can't imagine how depressing that would be.

Enlighten us unwashed plebs, then - what makes it bad?

>I can't imagine how depressing that would be.
I do not believe it would require your imagination

He opens the scene by giving the exact date and stating that it's moorening, which could easily be inferred by any thinking reader by the sentence immediately following it, in which the character is awaking. "The rain and its accompanying light" makes no sense at all, because rain has never produced light or been involved with the emission of light. If by "accompanying light" he's referring to the light of morning, then that's a poore connection he's attempting, as rain, if anything, is associated moore with the lack of light than the arrival of it. "Squinty" isn't a word and it's a meaningless substitute for "squinting." I have no idea why he thought that changing the suffix would help the description in any way, but I can only assume that he felt adding an unnecessary neologism would improve the imagery, which it certainly does not. All it succeeds in doing is distract from the imagery and draw the reader to the awkward diction. He vaguely states that these two unrelated phenomena are "foul against the squinty attic window," which means absolutely nothing. If he had stated that the tapping of rain against the window was foul it would show that the character is disturbed by it, but that isn't the case. Somehow the rain and light are being foul to the window, which is a personification that's difficult to put any concrete connotation to. Now we arrive at the poorest part of the sentence : Moore states that this is his "last day of sanity." This statement is such an obvious attempt at gaining the reader's interest that it's difficult to feel any will to move on. Stating the ending of the passage in such a vague way only makes it seem as if his telling of the story is too uninteresting to otherwise capture any attention.

damn dog you fucking stupid

Literal 10/10 prose

Goodread-level analysis
>which could easily be inferred by any thinking reader by the sentence immediately following it, in which the character is awaking
Literature isn't an exercise in brevity and trivial inference. Explicit information does not contravene any obscurantist rule. People can wake up at times other than the morning
>rain has never produced light or been involved with the emission of light
Rain affects light in a specific way. Your criticism is not one a person with observational abilities would make
>"Squinty" isn't a word and it's a meaningless substitute for "squinting."
"isn't a word" isn't a point and using a word with different letters from another is not meaningless. It sounds different, it sounds smaller, it gives you a different impression and it even sub-gives you the sound of a little squeal. Wet thick glass. Now that I've given it further attention for your benefit I find it's actually good.
>He vaguely states that these two unrelated phenomena are "foul against the squinty attic window," which means absolutely nothing
You lack imagination
> Somehow the rain and light are being foul to the window, which is a personification that's difficult to put any concrete connotation to.
Foulness is visual. Combines well with the thickness of the glass and oily debasement of the light
>Moore states that this is his "last day of sanity." This statement is such an obvious attempt at gaining the reader's interest
Unlike you I've read this book, and beyond this point. You already know that character is mad, this tells you what the chapter will be dedicated to and lets something hang over the descriptions which, if memory serves, are copious early on in that chapter

She knew right well, no-one better, what made squinty Edy say that because of him cooling in his attentions when it was simply a lovers' quarrel.
– Ulysses

This is actually a beautiful sentence. If it's any indication of the overall quality of the prose throughout the book, then I'll definitely be buying it. Moore's more talented than I thought.

>I've read this book

Did you enjoy it? Would you recommend it? The professionally reviews seem to love it but I haven't seen many "normal" people who have actually read it yet.

What is a "squinty" attic window?

hey that's not bad at all. I thought it would be some batman bullshit. I'll probably check this out now.

Tiny, dirty, a useless window maybe?

Well it's +1000 pages, probably no one's finished it unless they got ARCs.

Agree with your opinion, and most of your analytical points, specifically that tween schoolyard level bait: "woke to his last day of sanity", I mean what the actual fuck was Moore thinking, in his interviews he seems so fucking smart and grounded.

>anal moore
>not anal moor
Ya blew it.

>muh Goodreads
Great argument.

>Explicit information does not contravene any obscurantist rule
That doesn't mean anyone cares about the exact date on which the passage is set. A good writer like Joyce would find a more subtle way of giving that information rather than just delivering it up front when there's no reason for it to matter. Nobody wakes up and immediately thinks about the date.

>Rain affects light in a specific way
But the light isn't being refracted, it's simply accompanying the rain. If he had made a reference to the light seeming to emanate from the raindrops that might make for some good atmosphere, but he simply made the statement that the light is accompanying the rain, which makes it seem as if the two are somehow related.

>It sounds different
Correct, it sounds worse.

>it gives you a different impression
Correct, it gives me the impression that Moore doesn't know how to write.

>it even sub-gives you the sound of a little squeal
No, it doesn't.

>Wet thick glass
Now you're putting words in Moore's mouth.

>You lack imagination
Good argument.

>Foulness is visual
What does it look like, then ?

>the thickness of the glass
Nobody said anything about thick glass.

>this tells you what the chapter will be dedicated to and lets something hang over the descriptions
Yes, and it does so in a very cheap and clumsy way. It's easy for something to be ominous when you explicitly state "THIS IS AN OMINOUS SCENE."

In this case it's referring to a person rather than an inanimate object. Referring to him as squinty, rather than squinting, implies that he has a tendency to squint during many occasions, rather than only being in the state of squinting. Applied to an inanimate object, and in the preterite tense, it has no purpose, because it says the exact same thing as "squinting" would, but in a more confusing way.

Holy fuck, I didn't know there were so many tasteless people on this board.

Solid analysis. The rain can foul the window and would have been decent imagery alone but by including light, as you've noted, he blundered. Increased light does accompany rain at times but those are generally rainbows or sunbreaks. I associate those with happier adjectives than foul.

>October 7th, 1865 dawned grey as rain fouled the squinting attic window. In the uneasy dimness, Ern Vernall woke to the last few drips of sanity.

Should've phrased that better, I haven't finished it. Enjoying it so far. Most chapters stand well even on their own, with threads running through them. I'd recommend it if you don't have too much against verbose lengths, slow pace.

Fuck.

>You already know that character is mad
To add to this, it is not just useful but essential information. You need to know the character isn't cuckoo yet here.

>Nobody wakes up and immediately thinks about the date.
See, that would be a problem if the sentence was first-person from Vernall's perspective, but it's not. It's third-person omniscient narrator.

>stop liking what I don't like

>See, that would be a problem if the sentence was first-person from Vernall's perspective, but it's not. It's third-person omniscient narrator.
But he's the central character of the excerpt. Unless he's thinking about the date or it's a date of great importance, then there's no reason for it to be in the scene.

>>stop liking what I don't like
It's just surprising that someone can read authors like Joyce and Pynchon and still be impressed by something so bland.

lel at this point people will defend it simply out of glee for how far from OP's expectations his thread has gone

except for this guy I guess. gooddamn your rewrite is truly horrible though

You said squinty wasn't a word. I picked one usage of one sense of the word in the hopes of silencing your shitty (sorry, shitting) analysis but unfortunately it seems like you need this tiresome dissection critique for your self worth.

I like "squinty attic window", but that's about it desu

>moorening, poore, quality witty puns my friende :DDD
>waking up fresh and happy in the sunny morning meme
>pretends to Veeky Forumsness while not prey to savage inevitable anxiety crises waking you up hours before dawn
>not understanding basic stylistic figures

It's fine. Without context, you really can't tell, though.

I don't know why so many people are thinking this will be bad. Moore is talented.

...

>or it's a date of great importance
But it is - it's the date Ern goes mad, that's what the whole chapter is about.

It's fine

You're an idiot, read more

The rewrite is much better than Moore's version.

I didn't criticize it for not being a word, I criticized it for being a word created for no reason.

Oh man, I really underestimated Veeky Forums's skills at argument.

But the date itself has nothing to do with that. Ulysses doesn't open with "It was the morning of June 16th, 1904" because a good writer doesn't begin a scene with uninteresting information. By a date of great importance, I'm referring to one that the reader may recognize.

I read enough, but the problem is that I usually read stuff that's actually well written, so I have high standards.

see , it's not actually the beginning of the book

>thinks highly of his taste
>says this rhythmless, MFA-tier spin complete with vapid haiku conflation is good
High kek. I'm now imagining an outlandish scenario where a tripfag tries to set this up, thinking to raise his self-esteem by outdoing a famous pleb author, only to have the whole thing backfire - it's hilarious.