Just finished. Damn, being the oldest son with a younger sister, this book really hit me hard. My sister and mother are so similar to Dunya and Mrs. Raskolnikov.. I didn't see any of the end coming. God damn that was a beautiful and heavy book. I was brought to tears twice and close to tears many other times. Thank GOD it ended the way it did. I swear if Raskolnikov had died, I was going to just go ahead and kill myself, but it was a really beautiful ending.
I have a few questions. How did Raskolnikov and Sonia fall in love? From what I gathered, Raskolnikov was actually a deeply compassionate man, and he fell in love with Sonia's suffering and sacrifice. And Sonia fell in love with Raskolnikov's underlying compassion. That's how I saw it. Sonia also being a deeply compassionate creature.
Also, I've been thinking about it. I see much Raskolnikov in myself. Not so much his exact Napoleon philosophy, but I have philosophies of my own. Deep convictions. Convictions and ideas which have led me to turn my back on a guaranteed comfortable life and seeking an immediate family and love. I have answers that I am seeking, and I intend to search for them. This has been a deep struggle for me since my last relationship when I was deeply in love, and I contemplated during that relationship whether I would turn my back on my convictions and ideas to be engulfed by the sun and embrace love and comfort, and the conclusion I arrived at was no, I wouldn't. Now my supposition is that Dostoyevsky arrived at the wisdom in his life that the comfort route is the route to go. That one should stick with society, god, religion, love, and abandon all other ideas for a happy life. That a man should be a Razumikhin, and not a Raskolnikov. That one should not question, and that one should just live a comfortable life and work hard, love, give oneself to god, and die a happy man.
But my question is, does one have a choice? Could Raskolnikov have ever been anything but a Raskolnikov? And could Razumikhin ever have been anything but a Razumikhin? Even had Raskolnikov realized that society, god, religion, and love was the way to go, could he ever have escaped his convictions?