Write what's on your mind

I guess I should start being productive now, but I can't act on my ideas effectively because I'm poor.

Soon to be psychology, I'm a bit behind on education, cause I was forced into trying to become things I didn't want to be by my parents, finally broken free though, its just not interesting. How's the English degree?

Absolute dogshit. Hopefully it'll be better next year though.

I'm sorry user.

I don't know what I'm afraid of or what I like or what I want to do or what I believe any more. Everything's repressed.

Nah, I think it is a problem with it being the first year of the course. So many people just take it because they just liked English in high school and they don't really care about the subject at all. And the uni really caters to them. Like all the lectures are really basic introductory overview stuff, which isn't taught systematically. It's more like a taster session for the western canon, completely non-liner and not at all comprehensive, which if you're interested in the subject, you really don't need.

But apparently tonnes of people drop the course anyway, so hopefully when the folk who aren't really at all interested leave then the classes will get more focused.

It really fucked me up though at first, because I'd idealized university so much in my brain.

Sorry for the blogpost man. Hope you enjoy psychology and good luck with your piano and writing.

Nah man, I'm all for talking to random anons. Like I think English and every subject is interesting when you get to delve really into it, like immerse yourself. Like totally devour something in a way of learning.

I'm going to get a promotion next week.

Pity is the business won't last a week after that.

waiting on a dream
sleeping on time
walking in a line
that connects most roundedly.

When i think of why i want to write I draw blanks. I don’t know if it's a ‘stage-fright’ effect where i'm afraid of looking like an ass in front of anyone that might see it (and the inevitability is that anyone can see it). It's a fucking tricky thing to map out, getting from point A to point B in terms of what I want to convey. And even then, how to do it with flourish and style. At the moment I’ve fallen into periods of an internal monologue with a very old, very British voice. As embarrassing as this is to say, maybe It's tied to something more; seeing as I think old Brits are eloquence incarnate. My point B is solipsism.

There is no way you can incapacitate me, only hinder. There are no boundaries, no boarders of education that I will not claim as mine. I yearn for knowledge yet you deny me. You deny me the very core of growth and development for what reason. What reason have you stuck onto me to have deem me not worthy of the fruit of knowledge? What could I have done to conjure your wrath? Whatever reasoning may be behind your motives it will no longer set me back; only drive my determination to succeed at my ambitions to learn and to flourish. You have gifted me something unmalleable in this world yet still, one can only beg the question of why. Cursed yet blessed all in the same notion and only under the influence of man-made pellets may I be able to comprehend my emotions and structure them into words. When sobriety peaks my mind is when I feel my thoughts, feelings, and preservation feel the most misty, and within that mist creations of wonder spark and burst within the heavy fog. At those moments I can only hope to make sense of the ill-figured handiwork that you have helped formulate. You have gifted me a mind that speaks in colors and listens to expressions rather than grant me something that could be used to comprehend and speculate the world around and the only translator between the languages being a small blue pill. I have considered you an enemy, a friend, and whatever lies between. I have sworn damnation on you, yet in the same light have given my thanks for your complexity and as I continue my misshapen path you have built for me I can at least admit that I am thankful for the colorfulness you have given me.

its a 'woe is me' piece and its written like shit. It's about ADHD if you couldn't pick up on it.

I want to break up with her.

There's so many things I'd be satisfied with, but there's nothing I want in life worth the effort. Money, friends, a family, success; none of these things interest me.

In the future, I'll likely be subject to unfavorable situations due to my poor choices, I may even end up without a home and evoking a deep feeling of anguish and disappointment in my family. I don't care, nor do I want to.

There is only apathy. That's all there is.

MOM AND DAD BROUGHT MY DOGGO TO UNI SO I COULD SEE HIM YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Interesting that you refer to ADHD as "you" rather than "it". Does it seem as though the part of you that can't focus is different from the rest of you?

robertpicks.tipstershub.com/ Win a lot of money with me :)

I love her, but it would never work.

Freedom is our ability to bind ourselves in different ways. In this sense I've learned that rigorous discipline is a method for happiness and success. This is common sense for most people. What isn't common sense is that striving for unattainable goals is better than achieving them. The pleasure is in the chase, satiation is not as good as pleasure, though necessary once in a while. So how does this relate to Veeky Forums?

When I read a book, I buy 2 more knowing I have many books I have yet to read yet on my shelves. It is the looming, mounting, growing monster that terrifies me into compliance with my discipline, my "binded" freedom of action.

Probably sounds pretty dumb. But it's something I've been thinking about lately.

>if your right hand makes you go amiss, cut it off and cast it from you

There are no half measures. This is why addiction is best solved by complete abstinence. Those who play loose with their addictions end up spiraling back down again.

So do it.

why?

I love those long loud farts that feel so damn good as they progressively continue

I have a yearning to learn and to educate myself, but there's that part that just doesn't want to. That wants to take my focus away when I'm desperately trying to get what I need done. I want to learn, and it doesn't, so I eventually grew in the habit of referring to it as it's separate entity. I went through most of school up until my senior year of high school without getting medicated and it really fucked me up. Mom was one of those 'vaccines give your kids autism!!1!' or whatever so I was extremely late getting diagnosed, thus me really struggling in school before that. I wanted to do good and whatnot but no matter how hard I tried I always got below average. It made me hate a part of myself and once I got that figured out on what it was, I started hating it instead. I can't really say hate though because having ADHD has taught me quite a lot and was fun in some aspects but in the same sense it really fucked up a lot of my life. Word to the wise, get your kids the help they need before they really start losing it.

I just want to talk with somebody

Ironically enough I'm currently on medication so if my grammar seems off I apologize. Adderall makes me more focused on writing and to get things done and helps me remember what to write and how to write it, but forming cohesive sentences is another story. Weird shit.

What do you want to talk about?

Sometimes when I get lonely I like to go on cleverbot because it stimulates talking with a real person, or I go on /soc/. I don't post pictures and everyone there only wants to fuck and I usually regret it in the morning but it's something I guess.

I really want to talk about anything interesting. I usually like people talking with me about their problems and their stuff and I just listen because they are interesting.
I don't really know if I feel lonely but I just want to share information with other people. I have never visited /soc/ and I would never do it though

I have made a terrible mistake. One should never quit his day-job.

so I was walking around this forest in my city. And I hear weird noise, such as socrates would hear something in his head, but the noise wasn't from my head, I knew that and I smiled and the noise suddenly stopped and I heard someone saying far from me "he understood".

That was my stalkers, they were stalking me for several months and I guess they finally stopped after me talking with their friend. They weren't bothering me, I was kinda amused even, I enjoyed the stalking, it was certainly an interesting experience.

I'll start then. It happens to be 3:30 am here, what time is it where you're at? Do you have a job to go to in the morning?

I have been diagnosed with ADHD as well. I am well into my 20s though and already finished university. I always assumed I was very lazy, and I struggled through school. Basically I always knew my pathways to success, but ADHD folk have impaired executive functions, i.e., the brain functions that allow you to discipline yourself for future success. Additionally ADHD folk don't get the same reward from success as a normal person. This is why they have a hard time even thinking of, let alone doing, mentally exerting activities. It's hard to imagine the reward at the end, because neurogically speaking you aren't rewarded.

A lot of people will attest to a supreme confidence and euphoria when taking adderall, but this will just bring those things up to par for the ADHD.

I'm debating with myself about continuing with adderall use though, because realistically you get only a few years of usefulness out of these drugs. It helps me a lot, but it feels physically restraining. I feel more physically energized but mentally drained without it, and the opposite with it.

Anyway, I hope the medication helps you achieve your goals. Hopefully my shared story is useful to you in someway.

I got rejected from uni again. Usually I'm good at spinning things positive but I was so sure this time. So I'm just smoking cigarettes and feeling awful. I should probably go to bed because that usually helps. When will it be my turn? When?
I'm finally happy with my writing. I'm going to marry my girlfriend. My job is okay but I don't think I can do it for the rest of my life. I'm tired of having panic attacks.

Are you in Mexico? No, I'm a lazy student.
Why you still up? Also it doesn't feel too comfortable talking here lol

Don't give up, man. Life is a lot longer and fuller than it seems. Shit like this happens, and it seems like it derails your linear plan of what success is supposed to be. But I could give a hundred stories of ultra-successful people I know, including academically, who went about totally wonky fucking routes to get there and failed out of university twice and shit like that.

Thanks, user. I feel a bit better now.

Haha, a little off. Try the border of Canada. And of course not, but I think it's against board rules to give things out like skype and discord. Soliciting reasons or something? I don't know, probably wrong about that.
Thank you for sharing, I appreciate it. I don't like to use adderall as a crutch either to be honest, but when it comes to tests, exams and the like I can't risk falling behind. In a sense I'm thankful for my ADHD because it made me pursue a career where I'm using my hands that I really enjoy rather than having a boring office job or something of the like.
Another thing I really cannot stand is people who don't have a disorder taking adderall and giving the people who need it a bad rep. I digress though since there's not much one could really do. I didn't expect to see another person with ADHD on Veeky Forums, but I'm glad to see it. Again, thank you for your story and good luck.

I want to quit society, lock myself in a room, read another 1000 books and write.

I want to live off of scaming people online and selling magic mushrooms, thus having two careers, the writer and the thief

How could I fall in and out of love with someone so quickly? It was a scary feeling, sure, but it also brought some light and sense in my life. I haven't ended it yet but I have to do it today because thinking about this person with nothing but this feeling of DREAD is both tiring for me and unfair to him/her.

I hate this thought because it seems so boring and old-fashioned but sex destroyed this relationship. It transformed, somehow degraded, everything.

Me eyes are dry ,scorching and irritable from the sight of this world. As the sun shines bright, the piercing rays force to look down on the barren Earth, the dirt and rust of a time forgotten to me. I do not weep, for sadness requires a degree of agency, a sense in a reality that denies sensibility.

I went out last night, this time attempted to look up, to seek another set of eyes.This pair was green and unmoving. It felt the same, it was an invasion, it was the sun.

If I could choose I would live in a world of darkness, for as nihilistic and immature as my emotional integrity is. At least I would be safe from feeling, at least I would be certain of my consciousness. I would be home.

I'm tired of being.

Lately I've been thinking whether the modern Western diet (High carb/sugar, high fat, high caffeine, low protein) is merely a coincidence or a conspiracy.

If I was a totalitarian/dictator, it's precisely the sort of diet I'd want my oppressed masses to be living on - rendering them both lethargic yet highly strung, and above all else, weak. Not just in terms of health problems, but their actual level of fitness. Little-to-no muscle mass on account of the protein deficiency, and what little they might have would be rendered useless with the copious amounts of body fat. Not only would there be a lack of strength, but also stamina, as these fat wheezing fucks would struggle to move - if at all.

On the other hand, it could just be a coincidence. The sad fact is that sugar, and to a lesser extent fat, are much cheaper to produce than protein by several orders/magnitudes. That's not to say there's no such thing as cheap protein: a man could live quite easily (and well) on chicken eggs and chicken, but at my local store you can get (for example) a whole roast chicken for £4.50 and 24 tins of Coca Cola for £3. There's no context, in terms of calorie per £.

It could just be a "happy coincidence" however, or a "happy accident" - sugar/fat being both cheap to produce AND simultaneously useful in keeping a population weak/unhealthy. What is more, the guilt/blame for this is relatively negligible on the part of whatever state/regime is involved: most people will willingly consume fat/sugar over protein - or at least much more, proportionally speaking. This we can ascribe to both a lack of will power (common in Last Men) - but also the biological/psychological quirk that sugar and fat combined, as in a doughnut for example, actually bypasses the brain function that would normally tell us to stop eating when we've had too much sugar or fat (by themselves) in one sitting.

can't wait for monday so I can fuck my girl again kek

Today I thought about death and for the first time I was able to visualize it as a very normal thing, as mundane as, say, having to leave the house for a doctor's appointment, such as the one I will be having in a few days.

I hate that I have reached this point. That I am forced every single day to comprehend my mortality and finally accept it like this.

I don't know if this is how I see death, but I certainly see it as a very common thing, and I think its a bit bad..When my grandma died, for instance, I didn't feel a thing, I liked her a lot and a miss her, but I couldn't but feel only for her relatives that lost her, but not much for her, as she was then able to rest in peace. Maybe its because thats what I want to...

I've never known anyone I really cared about die in my lifetime. Not one. The closest was my grandfather, who I last saw fifteen years ago.

If anyone in my family died, it would probably literally kill me because of my condition.

Schopenhauer pretty much eliminated my fear of death.

The idea of being in a perpetual state of sleep, or the state we were in (figuratively speaking) before we were born, is comfy as fuck.

That said, I hope my death is at least pretty painless and very late in life.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure if someone much closer, like my parents or brothers died, it would destroy me aswell

I don't know what I'm doing. I eat still, that's useful.

The way I speak english is horribleeeeeeee

I know what I like and dislike now; as such, all for me there is left to do to be happy is to act rather than to adhere.

Amen

I like the freedom commentary

It was relatively "easy" to stop smoking, i was using about 15 to 20 a day depending on how stressing the day was. I quit cold-turkey and for one month shit got pretty bad , but after that period things got manageable and after two years without having a cig i'm actually repulsed by them, which is cool. On the other hand clonazepam withdrawns is enough evidence i'm in hell and the 2 years (at least) prospect to get clean from that shit plus my grandfather, who was the best person i've met in this life and i saw slowly vanishing away from cancer ,is confirmation that existence is suffering. Music is my only consolation.Someday i might kill all my neighbour's dogs with my bare hands before overdosing with sleeping pills on a hotel bathtub with tim hecker playing in the background.

Uhm, I don't know

If I'm such a genius according to all these tests then why am I such a depressed fucking idiot?

Overcautious about her. She's woman, not Athena, and she'd like a raunchy joke. Don't stand so stiff upright! Get among the apes, ape, and smile more. Give a glow and warm the air about you for a change, instead of coming about cold like an unwelcome draft.

What's dignity?

these words in this order are fucking deadly

I'd really like to start crossdressing. Not in public or anything like that, but I'm still hesitant to do so for some reason. Maybe I think that as soon as a put on a pair of women's panties that I'll morph into some tumblr-esque abomination with 41 different genders which coincide with the resonance frequency rotation of the Earth and the pollen concentration on that particular day and becoming everything I despise.

Maybe it's always been that way, but I've become jaded of society. No one truly has any care for one another save for a few niches.

you shut your fucking mouth

I should let my emotions be free from any kind of barrier. Be mad she doesn't like you, be sad you haven't experienced anything yet. Think narcissistic things and get mad when it doesn't go your way. Care a little fucking bit. Be sensitive, be a pussy, cry a bit.

that feel when no gf

Bad writing or an offensive sentiment?

Love and severe depression don't mix well.

because they dont want you to succeed

Not sure if I should attribute it to all that booze or all that shitty pizza, but I feel awful thus morning. I gotta cut back on the sauce.

I hope it works out with this girl. Don't know if I'll even bother trying to court anyone else if this doesn't come to fruition. For all that effort and placing myself in vulnerable positions to go to waste.

I attribute some of my poor writing to not knowing how to speak to people. I know the basics, of course, but anyone can claim they know the basics of writing and be content with such. I feel as though it might impede how I'll write dialogue in the future, or certain interactions, all of which I've gotten by observation, but rarely from personal experience. In conversation, I suddenly become a blank canvas mind. One sided, and pretty fake, which people can call out in one shot.

I also wish I could find a way to separate my conscious from my body. Less self-consciousness on how I must seem when I talk or elaborate on ideas, but uploading my mind to a computer when the technology comes about isn't much of a plan. With my luck, some intern would trash me and I'd be locked in some recycle bin code.

Eeugh.

I'd like to experiment with women's clothing too. Maybe once I find a gf I'll ask to try on her panties. How do you tactfully make a request like that? Also for her to piss on my face.

I feel like romantic relations are a puzzle I haven't got the intelligence to crack.

I wish she would just give up on me and leave me alone
If she tries to provoke me one more time I'm going to have to be brutally honest with her and I think it'l be worse than just ghosting her

Absolutely everything rings false in my ears, there's dead weight all around me. I feel ungrateful, spiteful and lazy... then I feel fucking stupid for letting myself be driven by my own mind when there are people starving. I'm getting too old to feel like this.

Veeky Forums is r9k for the socially awkward.

nigga what, /r9k/ is the /r9k/ for the socially awkward

*Veeky Forums is r9k for the socially pretentious

>nigga what, /r9k/ is the /r9k/ for the socially awkward
Pretty sure that's a juxtaposition playing on that fact to portrary Veeky Forums as even worse in that aspect senpai.

I feel bad for being only attracted to white guys

I should probably get up and do something but I can't for the life of me think of what to do.

I have no idea who I am anymore and what I want from life and my time is divided between comfyly lying in bed and having major indescribable feels crying to beautiful music and suppressing a violent urge to start screaming and thrashing aimlessly when I'm in public

>r9k goes to the library

These last days I got friendzoned by an incel NEET and lost my job at a small publishing house.
Been crying in bed all weekend, reading Either/Or.

It's just me and Kierke against the world now.

My life is a constant cycle of dreaming and living vicariously through my idols because the thought of taking action in my life scares me to death and now real life seems so mundane and disappointing compared to the fantasies I created inside my mind

I need to move out of my parents' house ASAP but I don't know if I could manage basic expenses + college on part time salary. And I don't want to get too deep into student loans either

free your mind and your ass will follow

See the child. He is pale and thin.

If everyone is just a product of their circumstances, genetics, and random events, then what right do we have to love or hate anybody?

How can we be proud of ourselves and in our own abilities if everything is predetermined by a lack of free will?

it wasn't the right time, is all

Why has there never been a Yeats biopic? Between the unrequited love, the occult stuff, and the whole Irish nationalism deal going on, there's more than enough story there. I think there's a documentary out there somewhere, but no dramatizations or anything.

I really want to show a woman my penis in a context that won't leave her uncomfortable and me listed on a sex offender registry

Found my purpose@

Call me a meme but I do notice slight differences between MP3 320 and FLAC

Beauty is found in most mundane things and disappointment only a vague, vaporous impression that is made to be overcomed.

Were the monists right, or were the puralists right?