Guys... this is an actual book

>This American Butt: Hosted by Ira Ass

>...The erotica author finds himself desperate to stay relevant in the ever quickening press cycle

This is such gold.

>He wrote a fucking short story for "pounded in the butt by my own butt"
Oh...
you have no idea

How do you write erotica? I have a pretty good idea for a shitty short story that I could probably sell. How would i pander it to furries? I think it would be a decent market to make a few pennies.

Here's something I wrote a little while back, it should help you.

Forgot to include link
m.fanfiction.net/s/11092829/1/Fifty-Shades-of-Fast-pt12

With male directed erotica, you need to keep the sex coming. Don't spend too much time on character development in sexless scenes, develop them through their actions.

You're on a timer when you write for men. Their dicks start wilting, they go somewhere else and don't track your future work. So keep the sex/lewdness coming (rule of thumb, never go a full page without something sexy happening), keep the story short and digestible in one sitting (I recommend about 25 pages of 11 point garamond/calibri as a maximum) and keep the content focused.

Female erotica is much easier. Just write a very bad story with some chadly guy and a demure female protagonist that is characterless enough for a woman to self insert as. A few sex scenes and either a wedding or a tearful goodbye and boom, you've got a book.

Is this kino?

Fucking hell that is too hard. I was just going to write something and call it The Sound of Sweaty Skin Slapping Together Like Someone Clapping Wet Leather Gloves and the Furry.

This one was my personal favorite. That whole thing was/is such a shitshow.

Holy... i want more

>This is what a hugo award nomination means these days

I wrote this a year ago at 3am while staying over with a friend, annotating it for him as I went. I've moved away from comedy since then, although the more novels I read the more I feel I should re-integrate it into my style, I fear I am becoming too serious.

My gott

You gave me the hehehe fastest boner hehehe and when i read it to my body pillow she got moister than an oyster

He also made a romance counsel book. Unfortunately this is not bound in dino scrotum leather, it just looks that way.

>these days
My scholar, monsieur... this is one of the better novels to receive a Hugo Award, not even joking or being ironic.

So are you saying that Mr. Tinkle is an important writer of our era, or that the Hugo is truly retarded, or both?

I think the choice of which side of the pound coin to anthropomorphize is interesting.

...

>Hard On Mike Hunt

>Mike Hunt
fucking kek

oh shit

>growing up hard
>big-tooled mechanic

Guys... this is an actual book.

Not according to Tolstoy

...

back door buddies and growing up hard have the best titles

hi rebbit

>giving this retard money

I want to read more about this

>No copies of Rape Ape

I'm thinking of writing and publishing some erotic fanfic that probably will get me sued, but I don't give a shit.

I'm thinking about:

Ass Jamming Sand Worms Of Dune

or

Pounded By Huge Ewok Dick

whats you guys think?

I approve with full zeal.

Just change some names and you'll probably be good.

I've taken to writing down titles of stuff I want to write in MY DIARY DESU now. One is "Going Back In Time To Kill Hitler But Falling In Love With His Perfect, Sentient Moustache."

I want to write one about vampires but I don't know if "My Tales of an Attractive Vampire That Not Only Sucks Blood But Also My Cock" is a good one.

>"My Tales of an Attractive Vampire That Not Only Sucks Blood But Also My Cock"

I like how it has "my" in it twice, to really underscore how self-indulgent it is.

Dude this is gold. I'm preparing to write your Hugo nomination.

Seriously what is Ass Jamming?

Thanks man, I'll graciously accept as long as I can bend over and receive it into my BUTT.

guy has a knack for good literature

That's a given, naturally.

I hope that's not the only thing I'll be given.

I dunno, I just remember seeing the word Jamming a lot in pornos.

A little more obscure one but.

Dracs Buttered My Anus With Cum

Dracs beings the character Louis Gossett Jr. played in the mediocre sci-fi movie Enemy Mine.

I suppose so. It is multi-layered that way. Like a band improvising together, or like in "Log Jammin," referenced in The Big Labowski.

Paint My Colon White, Quentin Compson.

This one gets draws in the more literary crowd.

Why don't we all just write shitty erotica and make some extra money and promote each other on Amazon or some shit? It can be like an erotic racket.

They've tried it before. Or...at least the same idea has came up in threads before.

Cracked tosses up an article about Weird Erotica now and again...here are a few...

cracked.com/personal-experiences-1772-180-books-counting-adventures-kindle-porn-author.html

cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-5-most-baffling-genres-romance-novell.html

cracked.com/article_17626_the-5-creepiest-sex-scenes-in-comics.html

>cracked.com/quick-fixes/the-5-most-baffling-genres-romance-novel.html

Fixed

That hypno CYOA I'm writing is going to make me all of the money. You guys wait. I'll buy you all a copy of infinite jest as a gift once I'm drowning in hypnofantasy peoples money.

>that the Hugo is truly retarded
This. It did not used to be retarded, but then SJWs happened.

Politicizing in general happened; the Puppy faggots were equally bad for it