I'm not a native English speaker but I wish to speak perfect English with no grammatical error...

I'm not a native English speaker but I wish to speak perfect English with no grammatical error. What do I have to do and how long will it take?

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Dismiss the grammar spook, my friend.

I want to sound perfect like an English major. So not even a grammarian can point finger at me and say "Improve your English first."

Move to California

Like, the worst idea.

*are fucking with me

You're going to need to study grammar, find a book on it or check the web. It would take tremendous effort to perfect without actually living in an English speaking country. There are just too many irregularities that can only be efficiently learned by repetitive practice with native speakers desu.

Well you are doing a damn fine job right now.
There isn't really a good way to measure how long it can take someone to learn a language.
Some people learn right away, some take a while. Typically, 6 months is the least amount of time you will spend before becoming fluent in a language.
Read classic cultural books to get a better understanding of not only the language, but also the cultural influence in the language itself, and grammar usage in common context.
This can be easily identified when looking at to common English vernaculars, American English as compared to British English.
I would suggest Huckleberry Finn, The Scarlet Letter, To Kill a Mockingbird, Cloudstreet, Fahrenheit 451, The Great Gatsby, Of Mice and Men, and if you are up for a challenge, try the Harry Potter series.

>he fell for the standardized language meme

cuck

Okay. Here is something I've framed. Can you tell me if it's grammatically correct? And if not can you like spot the grammatical errors in it?

"The subtlety of your sarcasm is tied to the believability of your statement in regards to others’ perception of you."

Is it correct?

Grammatically correct.
Syntactically retarded.

And analytically nonsensical.

>I would suggest Huckleberry Finn, The Scarlet Letter, To Kill a Mockingbird, Cloudstreet, Fahrenheit 451, The Great Gatsby, Of Mice and Men, and if you are up for a challenge, try the Harry Potter series.
I recently bought but haven't read as of at:
War and Peace Everyman Library
Anna Karenina Everyman Library
Ulysses Everyman Library
Dubliners Everyman Library
A Portrait o
Of The Artist As A Young ManEveryman Library
Brave New World Everyman Library
1984 Everyman Library

Read:
American Psycho

Currently reading:
Hyperion

How am I doing?

yeah, it's fine.

Fine? Not rad? Or grammatically correct? Or does it sound awkward at some point?

Strictly speaking, no, but it's how people talk.
The first sentence is a very informal way to form a question, and there's also no subject.. Autistic grammarians will tell you that there is an "implied" subject, which is a perfect example of how usage dictates grammar and not the other way around and why you're better off ignoring everything they say.

It's gramatically correct. "quench your thirst" implies the audience has a thirst to watch Seinfeld, which is probably incorrect :P

"got" is a lazy word to use because it's kind of a catch-all; there's always a better alternative. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's good to get into the habit of finding a better verb if you're learning English as a second language. "had"
would be the obvious choice.

>implies the audience has a thirst to watch Seinfeld, which is probably incorrect
What if I replace Seinfeld with something better and alluring? Also, "quench your thirst" doesn't mean audience has a thirst. It means people who craved for something, can satisfy by having that something.

Watch this youtube.com/watch?v=3ZKTmsgqi0U then read the book if you liked the lecture.

Watch this: youtu.be/3ZKTmsgqi0U

Read the book if you liked the lecture.

>Strictly speaking, no,
What would you say to this then?

"First time having sex? Just time your thrusts with the bass drum in "Bron-Y-Aur Stomp."

Say that is incorrect too.

>there's also no subject
I don't get it?

Learn to speak in some kind of patois then. Try saying "wagwan" and see hpw ot feels.

That sounded like you never took English in school.

why are you doing this?

Ok?

Doing what?

Okay what?

This.

This what?

What subject are you looking for in that clause?

Also, justify your statements.

What subject are you looking for in that sentence?

Also, justify your statements.

Self worth is worth itself

What does that mean?

anyone?

It means self worth is worth itself.

Now tell me is this grammatically correct or not?

"Never got a chance to watch Seinfeld? It's time you quench your thirst, as Fox is showing episodes starting from season one."

How about use this site instead of google translate for understand more english to no native speakers person, guys?
visuwords.com

Im have one great and tremendous idea how learn english easy&very interestind&fast - we need to spend more time on /lit read threads about all shit in this board, included all meme and go more shitposting like this.
???????
Congratulations, you can speak in english like a native speaker, native /lit reader.

Its really good idea, isnt it?

Pro tip. Read Finnegans Wake first

Please improve your English.

Sincerely,
Veeky Forums

>prescriptivism