>she opened the cupboard
>she grabbed the pistol
>she turned around
>she raised the gun
Fuck me comrade how do I stop this shit? I see the action in my head but when I write it down it feels so lifeless. I've hit a roadblock and I need help. Somebody save me.
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Sometimes a declarative sentence is all that's required. It's not heartless, it's just straightforward. 'She turned around' is infinitely better and easier to read than 'she spun abruptly on her heels to face behind her'.
I agree and prefer when author's hurry up and tell me what's happening and don't try to drown me in words. But how do I stop the
>she
>she
>she
>she
?
Use names sometimes
>Tiffany opened the cupboard
>she grabbed the pistol
>she turned around
>she raised the gun
Fuck me.
Someone who's a better writer than me. Write that scene. A woman opening a cupboard, grabbing a gun, turning around and raising it. Please and thank you.
Is this a suspense/action scene?
Let me try:
With her heart beating at a deafening pace, she reach for the cupboard, desperately rummaging for her gun. A cold sweat trailed on her forehead as she felt the second last longer than she ever knew possible. And when she finally found it, her heart skipped a beat and she twisted to her back, armed with a foolish courage
Suit enough for you, OP?
>Tiffany opened the cupboard
>She grabbed the pistol
>Turned round and raised the gun
>Tiffany opened the cupboard
>The gun was gold
>She pointed it down the hall