Poetry critique thread
Post your shit to get ripped apart, then rip apart other's.
let's talk
what were ro happen if
train of thought is lost in mindless sweeps
car parts brought together by one crank shaft
torque-to-be disassembled to form an imperfection
there is pressure behind each relief
a shape in the dark, absence
each line is by itself, spinning
at 70-120 miles per second
shapeshifting
in the mind of the beholder
lo and behold,
an absent sun
to* what an amazing start
...
I'm going to type
random thoughts
with
random
line breaks
And post it
on a Chinese moral philosophy board
And the psueds
will eat it up
Brilliant.
Monday Night At Safeway
the stars fall silent, fall
dead under the sky which
glares red from street lights
and street lights.
wet concrete reflects orange
parking lot lights that shimmer
gold onto cars, brick walls, everything.
a man wearing two parkas
and swaying side to side
calls to me
“fuck you white boy!”
Every time that you would dance I’d watch you from afar.
And stand and drink and wish that I was half of what you are.
All the times I felt so weak while you would seem so tough,
I’d blame it all on you; I felt I wasn’t good enough.
All the times I wouldn’t speak and you would wonder why,
I put these mistakes in the past and hope that they will die,
I say I’m over all of it but clearly that’s a lie.
OP not too bad even though the last two lines are fucking obnoxious and spinning should be faster. Faster than the speed of light.
Holy... I want more...
little bug
a little bug and a gentle hand
smoke from sweet leaves in the sand
scream out now but feel bad about it later
at least you have your friends, family, and some paper