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It's more a celebration of Nature than God.

>Given to us by Thee.
Pretty sure that's not how you reference The Lord.

The last stanza needs some work, although I enjoyed it, reminded me of Thoreau.

I'll keep that in mind when I'm editing this.

>write less poetry and read more poetry
This is the best advice. The problem with your poem is that is very descriptive and literal. You use some metaphor, but consider employing other techniques.

>no pig
>no oats
>no brother
I don't get it.

Any recommended poets?

How would YOU reference the Lord?
"Your Almightiness"?
"Your Invisible Divinity"?
"Your Ancient of Days-ness"?

If you're not into the whole, y'know, brevity thing.

Given your romanticisation of nature, Romantic poetry might be your forte. Byron would be an easy entry. Try "She walks in Beauty" for one of his more famous poems. "I would I were a careless child" is thematically similar to yours and is also worth reading.

Though I suspect the natural themes and more contemporary language of Robert Frost would be of use too. Something like "A Brook in the City" and "Nothing Gold can stay".

I'm not well versed with religious poetry, but perhaps consider John Donne for that. Keep in mind he wrote during the renaissance though, so you might find the language different to what you might be used to.

Aside from that, analyses of poems you like would be very beneficial. There is a lot more going on in decent poetry than ordinary readers first pick up on. Once you can gain a better understanding of that, it can be used to improve your own poetry.

I mean, I think "Thee" is pretty standard.

I really enjoyed it. Well done OP. Although I'm a complete pleb when it comes to poetry, so my opinion is most likely completely irrelevant.

garbage

Instead of "cacophony of the crowd" try "madding crowd".
Otherwise, I enjoyed it.

On this point, "thee" is not synonymous with "you". "Thee" was used to address someone of a lower status for example, whereas "you" was used for closer acquaintances.

A change from "thee" to "you" or vice versa, can be used intentionally to signify a change in the speaker's relationship with the person spoken to. See Shakespeare.

In the case of God, I think "you" is probably more appropriate.

Thanks for all the input!

Sorry, but I'm pretty sure that you are incorrect, and "thee" is more intimate.
A whole lot of religious songs and poetry use thee in that fashion.

The Lord. They are pretty specific. 'Thee' i not a term for the lord, although we know what you are talking about.

>archaic or dialect form of you, as the singular object of a verb or preposition.
>"we beseech thee O lord"

"You" is not a proper term for God. 'Thee' is you, 'He' is god.

It's not really. There are around 1000 references to God in the bible, and simply "thee" is not one of them. In almost all cases "thee" is literally (you) and "he" is LORD or The God, etc, etc. 'Thee' is too generic to refer to god.

christiananswers.net/dictionary/namesofgod.html#t

incredibly affected and stilted, it's not even good enough to be called pretentious

>It's not really. There are around 1000 references to God in the bible, and simply "thee" is not one of them. In almost all cases "thee" is literally (you) and "he" is LORD or The God, etc, etc. 'Thee' is too generic to refer to god.

For instance -
>I (god) am with thee (you)

>I am the LORD thy God which teacheth thee to profit

Ok.

You must be a preacher, as you sound like someone used to pulling educated sounding bullshit out of their own ass.

Why don't you explain to me how you could care less now?

Just trying to help you get your prom correct.

I'm not OP, thank goodness.

>prom
poem.

Oh, well then I couldn't care less what you think.

xD

Literally an atheist senpai.

This poem is like a Thomas Kinkaid painting.
It sounds pretty, but it actually sucks.

It's supposed to be affected. That's the point. I'd prefer to hear how to improve it.

Literally a preacher's kid who read the whole Bible 6 times and basically had seminary homeschooling.
But carry on.

And yet you're somehow still a fedora-tipper.

So using "Thee" to refer to God = fedora-tipper?
Interesting.

I'm still correct though.

Well, why don't you go tell all the hymn writers and all King James' translators.
I'm sure they will benefit from your elite wisdom.

>Well, why don't you go tell all the hymn writers and all King James' translators.
You understand this literally proves me correct? In all these cases god uses the language 'thee' to refer to YOU. How do you not understand this? No one refers to god as 'thee'. In a proper sense at least.

...

Ahahahaha!
So now your argument is that if God says "thee", then humans can't say it to him?

See
Yes.

It is literally correct.

Here’s a brief history adapted from ‘The Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language’ by David Crystal:

Old English: thou singular, ye plural as subject. Thee and you as object. Middle English: ye and you used alongside thou and thee as polite singular forms.

I can't.
I just... I can't.
Enjoy your weird semi educated understanding.

I mean you can prove me wrong if you want.

When you talk to your king you say "you" not "your highness" or "your majesty". You are a literal retard, you coulld prove me wrong with one singular verse of people referring to god simply as Thee.

reminds me of Daffodils. the whole reverence of nature. although wordsworth used it as a celebration of the divine as separate from organised religion. I feel you could also hone in on this, otherwise it is a tad generic. But then I suppose you'd be copying someone else so maybe I'm wrong.

It's shit OP. You are trying too hard. Learn to express yourself sincerely, not in a way that you think makes you sound clever.

I am not saying thee is not 'you' I am saying referring to god as simply "thee" is not correct.

Psalm 25 1-3:

1Unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.

2 O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not mine enemies triumph over me.

3 Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

>O Lord,

>O my God,

You are not doing this right. Here is the rest of
>Yea, let none that wait on thee be ashamed: let them be ashamed which transgress without cause.

>I trust in you;
do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one who hopes in you
will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
who are treacherous without cause.
4 Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

I said, simply as Thee, as OP has done it. Not a cherry picked phrase, not something blatantly not what I asked for.

"you my king of kings" is okay, as "you, my lord" is okay, You and only You is not and never will be okay to refer to god.

I can't into this.

Are you a native English speaker?

Just where am I losing you? English language, all language has a hierarchy between speaker and listener, god is always on top of the hierarchy.

4 Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths.

5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.

6 Remember, O Lord, thy tender mercies and thy lovingkindnesses; for they have been ever of old.

7 Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness' sake, O Lord.

>hierarchy

Citation needed

you're still doing it senpai.

Thee, thy lord and savoir
Thine lord
Thy Savior

Not one of these is remotely similar to simple 'thee'. I mean, you can think before you post. You know?

>let none that wait on thee be ashamed

Explain this phrase if you dare.

Thee is a fucking pronoun used as an object of a preposition.
For fuck's sake.
Are you trolling?

Simply by posting the full phrase.

>O my God, in You I trust, Do not let me be ashamed; Do not let my enemies exult over me. 3Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed. 4Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths.…

You should read the thread before you post.

You are using a different translation.
So if it is not the kjv, it's not gonna use "thee". Wow. Big revelation.

Is this like a Catholic deal?

>Le wrong generation: the "poem"

I mean, that's not the point?

>O my God, in THEE
>O MY GOD

>Indeed, none of those who wait for "THEE" (O my God) will be ashamed

>Make me know Thee ways, O LORD

You simply do not understand how to write theological pieces. It's why almost all Arabic writings begin with prostration before god and the praising of Allah, it's simply what you do. None of these examples are what I asked for, these examples have prostration, OP's poem literally references god as "you", which is wrong.

I mean, please, continue, you are only making yourself look like an idiot.

Found the Muslim.

What you fundamentally don't understand is the idea of the rending of the veil into the holy of holies.
We are *supposed* to approach God in an intimate manner, as a loving Father, not as an imperial dictator.

Yet, you still cannot find me one singular passage which references god as You, as OP has done.

>Far from the cacophony of the crowd,
I find serenity.

got that far, complete bollox if real

>muslim
>does not deny it
My work here is done.

It's about Nature, not about being a special snowflake.

Is this your way of backing out of the argument when you realised just how wrong you were?

Nay, it's my way of realizing that we will never see eye to eye, because for you, the issue is in no way grammatical, nor yet even Christian, but from a completely different theological perspective.

It was nice crossing swords with you.
Fare thee well.
May you come to a better understanding of Christian theology and Englush grammar in due time.

Kek. Okay.