What the heck is the point trying to get published in 2017?

The proof is in the pudding. They don't need to say it.

That's interesting but 90% of published books are bullshit. Nobody should feel ashamed for not being published.

Expert bait, user, but you seem to have caught a different type of sucker than you were aiming for.

You are doing everything wrong
>writing length they don't want to publish
>being autistic with that letter
>being talentless
Your not even trying, if this isn't bait post letter and book excerpt.

Give us the fucking excerpt bro, you've been teasing for years now.

What's wrong with thinking outside the box? When did creativity and distinction become tabboo in the arts?

I'm not posting a lengthy excerpt because without wider context it's easy to mock and ridicule. I'll post the first sentence of the first book in the series if necessary however.

>Autistic enough to write a 67 page letter alongside his novel
>Has an unread inbox of 6000 messages

Really makes you think

EAT SHIT NON-BELIEVER.
TRIP NICKERSON IS BETTER THAN YOU.
youtube.com/watch?v=vbHwccQw-t8

Do it then

Don't try to get a 600 000 word novel accepted by a publisher for your first time with them. Also don't send a letter that's 65 pages longer than it fucking needs to be; did you write a goddamn essay on why you need to be published? My manager at work told me that when I got the job it was because I was straight to the point about everything, no time for useless fluff.

Basically just try to be concise with everything when you write your letter to them. And if you have any shorter works that you've finished, try getting those out first rather than thinking you can write the next Infinite Jest; don't just jump into the water without dipping your toe in first.

This, seriously, nobody noticed that OP sent a 67 page letter and supposedly plans on writing 6 doorstopper books? fucking hell Veeky Forums is turbo-mode autistic

It's not real, autist.

It's a self-sent letter with information obtained from Google.

He does, no joke

I am not applying to occupy an office chair for nine hours a day, nor to serve refreshments to diabetic Americans. In order for me to properly articulate and make comprehensible not only the scope of my writing but also the context in which it was written, the influences which encouraged its creation, and my own potential as one of a long line of respected writers 67-pages MINIMUM were required. Believe me, I could have sent the original 100 pages I had written to accompany the manuscript, but I took many days to edit that down to a length that IN ANY OTHER PERIOD would have been considered appropriate. I suppose I should have condensed both my manuscript and accompanying materials down to 140 characters for the sake of these charlatans, but that I simply refuse to do. If they are incapable of appreciating me then that is entirely their problem. Their censure will not effect my literary style in any way. I refuse to denigrate myself so that I can be the next publicity-driven cretin to grace the peeling billboards of this disgusting city.

Nah, this nigga has been posting on Veeky Forums for years

oh, you're serious.

damn.

You're fucking gay you know that?

Post the letter retard

I kinda missed these threads.

Welcome back.

>being well-adjusted

Which is just a synonym for conforming to mediocrity.

OP is obviously a genius.

Please do, I desperately want to know about the spiritual depths you brave when pouring and drinking a glass of orange juice.

Resorting to sarcasm and ridicule has no effect on the contemporary NEET. We are economic auto-didacts, self-taught philosophers and gifted visionaries. While others waste their life labouring under the orders of those who see only material cost in life, we pursue leisure above all else, knowing as we do that leisure and time to oneself is the basis of genius. Despite many people disliking the culture and society they help maintain through their work, and despite understanding now that we have only a single life on earth and that any meaning we attribute to it as the result of self-willed or socially-inculcated ideologies, they continue to wake early and trudge to their jobs for one single reason: Guilt. Throughout time religions have taken advantage of Man's guilt, a guilt experienced for no logical reason except that he unlike other animals is a self-aware being whose abstract thoughts conflict with the apparently practical, rational reality he finds himself a part of. We post-guilt NEETs will not bow to internal or external pressures encouraging us to sacrifice our contentment and sensitive dispositions for the sake of attaining money, or womenfolk. We alone stand proudly, detached from but keenly observant of the slave masses who yell at us for not being as unhappy as they are. We alone, we band of true men, defend our right to live a dignified life against those wishing to deprive of us of it. Yes you can mock, you can criticize, you can echo the demands your masters make upon you. But who is likely to regret their lives more? The noble and dignified NEETs who spend their truly precious time reading, pondering, philosophizing and engaging in critical, urgent debate online? Or the miserable, resentful masses, their eyes bloated and sagged by excess folds of skin, their hair falling out and their gums bleeding from stress, their bowels destroyed by a sedentary lifestyle spent at their desks clicking endlessly while their boss breaths down their necks? This is reality. This is 2017. We are the future.

I'm praying this is bait
If weapons-grade autism of this magnitude really exists it's absolutely terrifying

Neet reporting. While I admit that I have a high tolerance for guilt and my aspirations in the humanities, every day I wake up incredibly disappointed. I spend each day just trying to fill time and trying not to consider the seemingly infinite hours of boredom ahead of me. It's maddening. Sure, I slowly try to work my way out of it, but the progress is so gradual without major breaks that there is no pleasure in conquering my obstacles. This is not the future, this is hell.

*many aspirations

hahahaha how the fuck is art real hahaha nigga implying it isnt just a fancy name for pornography hahaha like close your eyes

Self publish and market it yourself

this

Yes, exactly. Because no writer desires others to actually read their work, or get paid by doing it. All writers have a true dedication to the act alone, as they sit awkwardly in coffee shops and write 200k novels about awkward men sitting in coffee shops, it's the only genuine form of art left.

In all seriousness, writing query letters is a pain in the ass.

try not to write something with 600k words, who the fuck wants to read that shit, you are a shitty fucking writer to assume, i'm glad you didn't get published

That's the point.

It should be hard, very fucking hard. The idea is to make the act hard, so it weeds out the trash trying to submit.

meditate and wonder why you are unhappy

>with 600k words

Spanish speaker spotted. Kill yourself

Doesn't stop nepotism and similar faggotry.

>Doesn't stop nepotism and similar faggotry.

nothing does.

also I've yet to see a writer who bitches about nepotism and discrimination and whatever in the publishing industry who actually produces something worth being published.

Kind of like op, who creates this ridiculous scenario to illustrate this exact problem. He produces a 600k word personal memoir about his superiority, yet bitches that publishers won't publish it because of xxx reason, when the reality is it's not getting published because it's an insanely bad product.

Why would they complain if they benefit from it?

Don't respond because I'm filtered you.

lol because i didn't feel like typing out 600,000?

fuck outta here with your shit assumptions

I have a few ideas, but how do I know? I could spend days self obsessing trying to determine the root of my insufferable condition, but that just turns into self pity. I just want opportunity now. Life isn't inherently miserable, and I take responsibility for leading myself down this blind path making it so. Still I can't help but feel deceived. If I had a fair chance to prove myself for me and my community I would give everything I had. Just so people would know that it is not laziness or apathy that marks my condition, but lack of something which I have no power over. If I could try to succeed where people know as well as me of how futile my efforts are, I would give it my all and be proud to be involved. I just can't stand disappointing people. They just don't know. They don't know how inferior I am. If they did, they wouldn't be disappointed, but inspired that I'm even trying.

It isn't bait, some idiots of this calibre actually exist.

>The noble and dignified NEETs who spend their truly precious time reading, pondering, philosophizing and engaging in critical, urgent debate online?
This part fucks it up. Claim that the noble and dignified NEETs spend their truly precious time in the pursuit of the greatest ideals mankind has known, give some good examples here, and you have a solid introduction for the NEET manifesto.

lmao

This fucking guy. I remember this guy.
Do you anons think he's a dedicated funposter or actually retarded?

>67 page cover letter

this is god-level bait

other than the parts about coffee shops, yes

>67 page cover letter
>600k words that is only the first installment of 6 books

Bravo

honestly the best bait I've ever seen on this board

Elliot is that you? How are you shitposting from the grave?

I-is that you, memoir-user?

6-part memoir user strikes again

Elliot-dono wasn't a NEET, though. He was the ultimate gentleman, but had the bad luck of living in one of the most rotten and rich parts of Cali. To please a girl like those, he must have lifted, and he must have been at least 6 feet.

Your cover letter is probably more of an interesting study than whatever autistic cape shit you wrote. Post it.

Is there a difference between genuine autism and next-level bait anymore? Has the line been too blurred?
I have no idea if op is real

It's bait

He has been posting about this 6-part memoir for months now.
I'm afraid it's not bait.

Still getting rejected, still plugging away at the word count, still submitting. The rejection only makes my penis harder.

yeah, you're a bad writer.

writing is cutting up words, op.
t. max perkins

why don't write a shorter novel?

You should include all your rejection letters into the actual manuscript.

Well if I'm being paid to write, even the equivalent of minimum wage, I can dedicate time to write more?

That's literally the dream for me. Ive never had more than the minimum wage and i get by easy enough.

PLEASE OP POST THE FIRST PAGE OF YOUR LETTER

>people not knowing this thread
>people not getting the joke
Damn...

You clearly underestimate the dedication to shitposting some people have

No one pointed out yet that this is the same user who wanted to sneak into an agency disguised as a pizza delivery man to present his manuscript?

That was also a very nice thread.

67 page letter? Your autism is showing retard.

>trying to start your career with a double trilogy

Be more pragmatic. If you're sure of the sheer quality of your work you may want to have ''easier'' works published first, especially considering that (as far as we know) you're not supported by anyone in the accademia, nor you have won any competition/have any respectable degree.
You have to be realistic. This won't be your first published work, not in this world. If you want to publish it write shorter stories (I mean, it was fiction? Philosophy? You haven't specified that) first and try to have them published.

>tfw you already know that this guy is a complete retard and will certainly fail as a writer an as an artist
>tfw he's completely oblivious to his idiocy

What he's saying is that in this society very rarely fame is correlated with your actual work, therefore you should treat the act of writing and getting your books published as two completely different careers.
There is no space for artistic attitude when you're trying to sell a book, in that case you have to be cutthroat and completely put down your ideals. It's the only way.

I would think a better idea would be to abduct an agent, pretend like you're about to rape her, then just whip your manuscript out of your pants instead and hand it to her. She'll be so damn glad she isn't getting raped she'll definitely sign you. I mean....if not then just rape and kill her.

>There is no space for artistic attitude when you're trying to sell a book,

There isn't? Have you every tried writing an actually good query letter? Not easy for one, huge challange, and plenty of room for art and showing how talented you really are, but making something great out of a pretty dismal task.

>in that case you have to be cutthroat and completely put down your ideals.

Huh...? What ideals? Is that what the majority of published authors say? "Yeah, I didn't get published, or start selling books until I dropped everything I believed in and sold my soul to a soul-less capitalistic corporation dedicating to devouring the human spirit."

Some people actually write what they want to write, and can still sell books. Food for thought, queerass.

OP here. I wasn't expecting such an outporing of support and solidarity, apologies for not replying sooner.

The first sentence reads as follows:

>"Edgar realized, with a sort of laugh, that every joke he had recently heard had been told by himself, to himself, and at his own expense."

As you may well imagine this sentence serves as perhaps the perfect introduction possible to the protagonist by subtly illustration his isolation but also his resilient sense of humour which, although bleak and self-effacing, exists in the face of what we go on to discover are frequently harrowing bouts of existential despair that most people simply lack the mental capacity either to suffer or to transcend. A reader may easily imagine the protagonist standing alone in a small bathroom, perhaps shaving (his face full of lather) or simply washing his hands (or splashing his face) and chuckling to himself as he glimpses his reflection and is reminded of the weight existence imposes on him but also of the fact that so familiar is he with the notion of existential malaise that it no longer inspires the kind of confusion and turmoil it once did, reacting to it now with a kind of knowing smile, albeit at his own expense.

Let us read some of your work. Please?

>tfw he will be published posthumously
>tfw the world is yet too young to appreciate OP's zeitgeist transcending genius

That actual is a genuinely good first line. I'd like to read some of your real work sometime op.

OP here once more. The final instalment of my debut memoir, which spans the ages of 22 - 25, does in fact depict my struggles against the literary establishment and the numerous rejections I have been dealt by publishing houses, literary agents and well-known authors who have all found reason to ridicule me and to undermine my sincere literary efforts. I do wonder at times whether the reason so many people reject the manuscript I submit is that the first installment covers my life from several years prior to my conception, the conception process itself (I conducted a great deal of research into this at the public library at which most of the work has been written) and of the first several years of my life. I realize most writers lack the curiosity about life and the capacity to perceive beauty in the countless minutiae of the lived experience to write so much about what I have been informed is so little but I have never intended to do anything other than stand out from the crowd of mediocrities who populate the pages of the newspaper book reviews I read every Sunday with my mother before we complete the weekend crossword together.

He pretending to be retarded for 6 months is more retarded than being as retarded as he portrais himself.

Thank you and yes, I agree, it is fine opening line. Declaring first my self-awareness that I may sound quixotic or indeed delusional, I would say that it is one of the finest opening lines to a novel I have ever encountered. It does not seek, as many first lines do, simply to "hook" the reader by depicting some slapstick occurrence or by providing some bizarre piece of information that the author, sitting alone and imagining his reader's likely reaction to said line, expects to cause the reader to laugh aloud (something I very rarely do while reading, and something I frankly doubt happens very much at all among people who genuinely enjoy literature) or to say "huh!?" or for their brain to process the kind of electrical signals which makes their heart race and their consciousness eager to learn what happens next or what context might give way to such an occurrence / piece of information. My own opening line is subtly humorous, relatable to the kind of reader who understands isolation, and immediately allows the reader to understand that here is an author who isn't trying to sell them anything, isn't trying to tap-dance and don various costumes in a desperate attempt to entertain them, but who is communicating something very genuine in a way that is frank, intelligent and considerate.

Maybe this is naive but I feel like the whole publishing thing is a little outdated. I mean the ego stroke is nice, don't get me wrong, but it pays shit and compromising on your work sucks ass

the best thing that's worked for me is honestly just sharing shit, free, and opening up a donations page. I've made a lot more money and built much more of a following that way.

I don't mean to sound all, y'know, OH I'M PAYING YOU IN EXPOSURE CUM ON MY FACE DADDY uWu but that's what's worked best for me personally

It is, but usually when someone does something "ironically" what they're really saying is "I'm giving a hyperbolic version of my actual ideas and passing it off as a joke"

also you have to consider that when you're making fun of horrible people by imitating them they'll probably just think you're agreeing with them

fair point

>portrais

Opinion discarded. You lose.

Elliott was a NEET for long periods after dropping out of college.

Op, I've been working on this letter for 3 months, since you obviously get it, what do you think?

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw.

Gentlemen,
A time occurs in any sensible man’s life, where he must bravely choose between the murky unknown and the familiar, if flawed, existence of habit. This is a choice I’ve struggled and debated over endlessly, many of you have known my doubts and misgivings of making such a monumental, I may say life changing, decision. But I feel as if there is no choice, If I am to call myself a conscious, noble, and humble human being and servant, and continue the progressive and glorious path which I believe our creator has shown to those brave enough to unblind their eyes and hold their heads proud to be one of the chosen few of his glory, I fear there is simply no other choice that can be made. I have not made this choice, the great author of all things has. I may even use the word destiny.
It is so with a solemn and heavy heart that I must announce my resignation as Dungeon Master of the Thursday night closed session of Dungeons and Dragons, located at the Brick and Mordor Hobby Center in New Castle Pennsylvania. To some of you, this undoubtedly will be a shock to hear. I would ask you to momentarily set aside your fear and grief, and reflect on a quote that I cherish:
“If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.” –General Patton.
Some of you have known of this profound rumination which has been growing in my mind for some time, others I felt it best for their own well-being, perhaps even mental stability, if I did not trouble them with such a deep revelation until it became absolutely necessary. I fear that this announcement could easily degrade into a diatribe of my complaints and genuine injuries which I have sustained while entrusted with this dignified position, but I find that this would be below me and the glorious path.
“The thousand injuries of Fortunado I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge.” – The Caste of Amontillado
While I do not deny, that deep in my heart, I do feel justified in seeking and even hunger for revenge, I must stay my hand. There is nothing to be gained from petty and based accusations, insults, and declarations of wrongs. This decision will cause tremors in the lives of many, and I can not in good conscience allow myself to succumb to the very human, though despicable, need for redress. I feel a deep weight lifted off me even as I say this. My test being passed, I will go into the uncharted waters of my future, though I will remain, myself.

part dois

To some, this can be no surprise. I had made clear my thoughts on choosing a more sensible and healthy choice of food dish besides pizza, as is well known to you my weight and cholestoral level has precipitated my doctors to howl their displeasure at even the thought of consuming such a dish. This simple idea of mine caste aside, and spit on by the group, left a deep impression of apathy and disregard for my own well-being. I had also made clear my thoughts on snack food items being consumed during the game, not only because of the unseemly, disorganized, and frankly boorish appearance it produces, but also because of the simply matter of rustling of tinned paper served as a distraction for all trying to immerse themselves in the experience. Then, of course, there is the simply matter of the repeated, nay I say constant, attempts at the subversion of the rules of the game, and the code of conduct which I had written and made you sign and notorize expression your contractual agreement to adhere too. I certainly will have no part in ruining the integrity of this gentlemanly game by simply taking an anarchist’s torch to the rules and foundations which make this such a civilized persuit.
I do not know what the future holds for me, I am embarking on a strange and at times terrifying journey into the depths of human existence. With the help of my grandparents, my true friends, my doctors and psychologist, and my soon to be fiancé when she arrives in this country, and faith in the devine powers which guide me, I will find the strength and fortitude to muster on.
“Every day is a mere caste of the dice, which I now roll in my own favor” – Myself

I always remain, dearest and truest of all friends,
Nelson Hastings Giglum II

Go back and plow her if you really want to make her feel better.

...you're delusional as fuck

Man these threads never get old.

bump

Then get some fucking contacts, retard. No great writer was ever published without knowing someone.

Well done OP. There is some beautiful and provocative humor in this thread. Keep on writing, you'll get published eventually!

....Do you think she would go for me though? I'm 22, don't own a car (yet) and I work part time.

How do you talk to a girl in a book store anyway? She was pretty cute. But not excessively gorgeous.

I am 5'11" and 4/10 face though. So probably not.

I personally know about an ex-soldier who works in the tech-industry. It took him a literal year to go from starting to write to being an established author, basically king of a rather popular niche site which he got to promote his work.
I have no idea how he did it. He wrote a book about two guys that get transported to another world and have to deal with videogame mechanics to survive. The guy cranked out another book and it's a best-seller already.

There is a business and skill to this stuff, I think most people here are just procrastinators/perfectionists or nursing their failed, broken ideas and not wanting to adapt to reality. I'm sure there's people among us who have adapted and are rather successful in the field, but they rarely post about it because they know they'll be ridiculed for working for their success and sacrificing what they needed to do so.

>I have no idea how he did it

Maybe he thought up some good ideas for a book, and some good marketing ideas as well, and then applied them.

> I'm sure there's people among us who have adapted

Once again, you seem to think the only way to become a successful writer is to just drop all your morals and interests, and become this bizarre shell of a human who just prints out trash for the masses.

Most successful writers don't tell that story, the vast majority say something along the lines of, "I had a lot of trouble breaking in, but i stuck to what I believed, worked harder and harder, found creative ways to get my stuff out there, and I eventually made it."