Like the vibe. You mix the intangible with sensory. I like it.
I agree with the other anons in saying the last stanza seems out of place, but you shouldn't necessarily delete it. If at the beginning or end of the other stanzas you add that "alone" or "although" in there somehow, I think the repeating rhythm throughout the poem will tie the whole thing together nicely.
One thing i liked was how the first three stanzas ran together to say something collectively, and then the fourth was detached from the rest while still building upon it.
>"Love you" for a "glad we met";
>Unseen tears for drops of sweat.
If saying you wrote this poem to be famous on tumblr was a serious statement, leave this. But if it was just an insecure ploy to fend off heavy criticism, I'd revise this. Make it less to the point, stick with the vagueness of the others lines.
All i really have to say about this is that I've always felt these type of poems are heavily detached from real life. They don't evoke anything except maybe an admiration for your craftsmanship, which is def above average.
But I'm a moron, so . . .
Yeah, this is pretty bad. Two things i could recommend is to stop treating your poetry like a letter to whoever made you self harm. Poems written in second person can work, but this one doesn't.
The other things is that all your lines seem very detached one another, nothing plays with the next, nothing runs together. Boring to read.
>I am an expression
>used as a definition
I don't know what fuck you're trying to say, but this made me laugh.
A pretty interesting poem. I'm not going to dive in and strip out whatever vague meaning may or may not be there, but I had fun reading it.
Almost reminds me Of EE Cummings the you jump around in pauses to make simple, vague statements. Nice to read.
This reads about as narcissistically as I'd imagine Kanye West's autobiography to be. You don't give anything for the reader to latch onto, relate to, imagine, or picture. How are they supposed to react to this?
I get the distinct impression you only started writing poetry because you were heartbroken. That shit sucks, we've all been through it. But I'd say half of all poetry, especially that written by young people, are about loving someone or losing them. And it's possible to write about that and pull it off, make it good and original. But this isn't.
Each line is very detached from the others. There's no over reaching arc that pulls everything together at the end with an ending that stays with you.
But i think the main thing is that you know what you're talking about, but the reader doesn't. Reading this, as an outsider, is like jumping into a movie that's at the climax. You give us no imagery, no plot, nothing we can imagine or picture or relate to with our own experiences.