How often does Veeky Forums poop?

Try more fiber

once a day, but every other day not much comes out

still force it anyway

used to be every other day

Eat healthier. Specifically more greens user

Once a day or twice every 2 days mostly, cardiovascular activity seems to improve my chance to poop. Also eat some vegetables.

What kind of vegetables?
Do have bloating and distention?
Signs of anemia and B-vitamin deficiency?

It sounds like you're progressing towards pseudo-obstruction.

broccoli,cauliflower,spinach,beansprouts
bloating, how do I know if I have distention?
no

Distention would mean your abdomen is more or less bloated out and expanded to the point where it appears inflated. Like a balloon. This would likely happen shortly after meals.

Do you have increased burping or flatulence? Adverse reactions to certain foods?

>Distention would mean your abdomen is more or less bloated out and expanded to the point where it appears inflated. Like a balloon. This would likely happen shortly after meals.
Nope, especially not after meals. I only get really bloated on the 3rd/4th days which I eventually poop and no longer feel cramps or bloatedness.

>Do you have increased burping or flatulence? Adverse reactions to certain foods?
No burping but lots of gas on the 3rd/4th days, especially so after taking prune juice which gives me high chances of sharting.

Lactose intolerance

My intestines are fucked up. There are days I shit some 4 times throughout the day, there are entire months I go without shitting.
I have a daily diet consisted of 300g of Cheetos and 1.5l of Pepsi, nothing less nothing more, and this has been going on for ~3 years.

How the fuck are you still alive?

Not sure. Probably has to do with very strong genetics, my mother is 50 but she looks 35 at best. Same with my father. And I'm just barely alive. I mean, I have all kinds of health problems, it's extremely painful just to be alive. Try to imagine every single malnourishment and malnourishment related illness, plus every single health problem correlated with high intake of Cheetos and Pepsi. I have them all. My life is fucked up as shit, and I do beg there is a God that can give me a second chance at this, because this life was a disaster.

You know, you could begin eating properly from now on and have many of those health issues solved/mitigated.

Im assuming you are in your 20's though and have only diet correlated ills.

I don't have a diet this poor, but I also shit somewhat infrequently, normally after drinking coffee or alcohol, but i need enough built up and need the urge in order to shit anything (i try not to press, just relax and let it slide out) but other times i've had the urge but can only get out a couple small pieces.
When i eat salad, usually i get a more violent urge in 6-8 hours, and see little pieces of digested lettuce floating in the bowl. Do i need to eat more fiber/leafy greens overall?

Why would you do this to yourself...

I can write up a healthy meal plan for you if you want.

Yeah, exercise also helps.

>got a virus back in high school
>wouldn't eat anything, became a skellington
>saved by doctors
>fell from a tree that shocked intestines
>blood in poop one day
>get on antibacterial cure
>read about how important the bacteria in the intestines are
>they signal the brain and shit
>mine have been bombed like japan back in ww2
rip me

Usually once every day or every other day for me. Often I can go multiple days without it no problem. If I leave on a trip for the weekend I'll try to shit before I go on Friday and can usually wait until I return Sunday. So 3 days is no problem, but it all depends on what I eat or drink.

Don't let anyone tell you there is one normal frequency. I mean, if you haven't taken a shit in years you might want to be concerned, otherwise remember that everyone is different.

We all have a complex ecosystem of microbes in our gut that feed off complex nutrients. Plus when you factor in genetic influences and immune effects you see a myriad of variability. It wouldn't surprise me to hear someone poops once a week or as rare as a few times a month. It's probably easier to achieve that if you don't eat as much.

>Why would you do this to yourself
Tons of other preceding psychological disorders, and other diverse factors. This isn't /r9k/ so I won't go any further.
>only diet correlated ills.
I wish.

Every fucking time I take a shit I clog the toilet. my shit ends up being wider than the hole

all I eat is pasta, though. Anyone have a remedy?

fix yourself dude we don't know if there's a second chance.

Get a fecal transplant famalam

yeah no thank you, I'll just eat some yoghurt.

>not opting for the optimal choice of a fecal transplant
Your loss user. I have a healthy culture I would love to share with you

You must be obese & full of shit inside.

>I'll just eat some yoghurt
But the selective criteria for bacteria in your stomach are far different from those in your lower intestines lol
Their composition could be drastically altered by a first pass through your digestive system.
Really your only option is taking it up the ass and getting your shit pushed in owo

Type 2 is so comfy.

Buy a bidet for that situation. You'll feel like Pajeet at first, but knowing you have cleaned your ass with soap is relieving.

I shit once a day, after dinner and before a shower
I thought this was normal until reading this thread

I make myself go every morning before my half mile run and I use this method which opens up the pooper the same as squatting without the inconvenience.

different every time

>all I eat is pasta, though. Anyone have a remedy?

Maybe eat other things too. Pasta takes up a lot of mass. Are you overweight by chance? I imagine a diet high in pasta would making someone overweight.

And what brand of tea would that be??

Fuck this image is funny to me.
Jesus am I fucking 12

>medical science

Not a science, doesn't have repeatable results for pretty much anything at all.

Exercise like walking and running help the most. You can do stomach crunches while in bed or abdominal massage while sitting in your computer chair. All these activities help move your digestive tracts around which is one of the biggest factors in good digestions and movement of stool. Sitting on your ass all day pretty much ensures you will have improper/irregular stools.

For people who drink caffeine in order to crap, it can become habitual and when they stop drinking caffeine they also stop crapping for a time; until their body readjusts to no caffeine.

Another huge factor is your posture while shitting. As in this either use a floor toilet like Asians do and squat or grab your knees and try to get your shoulders and knees as close as possible.

>Diet

I find that banana are the most forgiving form of fiber. You can save on toilet paper too. Any fiber that gives you gas (beans, sunchokes, brassica-family plants, etc) shouldn't be used if you are having GI problems. Hard fibers like those in grains are also pretty harsh if you have IBS or other GI problem. It can actually feel like someone is dragging a Brillo pad through your intestines.

>How often does Veeky Forums poop?

2 times a day in the morning. About 30-45 mins apart. 2 times a week I have coffee (Tuesdays and Saturdays). I do only 15 stomach crunches when I wake up, before getting out of bed. If I'm sitting too long, I do abdominal massage for 30 seconds every hour or so. If I feel any slight pain or bloating I stop what I'm doing and do an abdominal massage. About a minute later I pass gas normally.

Tetley orange pekoe I think

poop! tee hee
>You can do stomach crunches while in bed or abdominal massage while sitting in your computer chair. All these activities help move your digestive tracts around which is one of the biggest factors in good digestions and movement of stool.
interesting, I always have to poop during my morning jog, hence the prepoop

That's a lot of poop.

wait, it's not normal for your stomach to distend after eating? I look pregnant with a food baby after every meal, but after shitting go back to being relatively skinny

>Not a science, doesn't have repeatable results for pretty much anything at all.
If you're going to make an argument, don't just talk out of your ass.

That should be a nice quality, comfy tea.

Perhaps try with milk?

>ever 0.75 days
That's pretty normal user

That's only like 2200 calories. Depending on daily activity and height he might not even make maintenance.

Vegetables are mostly water - if you had more breads/meat you'd probably be excreting more mass that way. You probably have volumes of vegetables, but most of the mass is sweated/pissed out.

>Veeky Forums board discussing people who could die from the advice given

SWitch to 1.5 Pepsi Max, works for me

We had a thread about lactobacillus reuteri a while ago. Look in an archive and google studies.

Probiotics. Couple with resistant starch so they survive the stomach environment in decent quantities. They'll recolonize.

I have SIBO and my intestinal wall is damaged to the point where bacterial translocation is a fairly common thing, large macromolecules will just pass over into circulation. The muscles and nerves are all damaged to the point where phase 3 MMC rarely works properly. My abdomen inflates to 3+ times its size whenever I eat, I likely have constant low grade sepsis, and my resting heart rate sits at ~110 - 130 bpm. My blood pressure is erratic. I lie awake at night listening to the fluttering, thudding in my chest. My diet is already as good as it can get. I starve most of the time, and for the better.

Fuck the intestines.

chan board discussing people who could die from the advice given
Well user, the survival instinct in here has always been questionable. Ref. for instance the guy who first took a blood bath dump into the toilet, secondly googled what had happened and for his third (and final) step asked what to do, in here.

If I had made the toilet bowl looking like I had slaughtered pigs in it I would rather call the ambulance. But that's just me, I guess.

Poo poo pee pee

Sorry that your shaman class isn't real science, anonkun. Best you throw your bones and read entrails on another board perhaps?