Write what's on your mind

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Non-burger here, what's so important about he?

This song is stuck in my head youtu.be/njHcZMLDdSc
>inb4 go get cucked nigger faggot etc etc.
I don't know. It's not a perfect song by any standard. It's just sappy and sentimental but sometimes I just feel like I need sappy sentimental stuff.

I dont want to be someone who's well read and cultured and interesting and cool and strong and someone who never cries and someone with power and I don't want to be micheal coreleone. I just want someone that will love me. fuck. and I sigh because I know it's such a stupid thought.

I'm so pretentious and toxic and no matter how hard I try to change, no matter how many extra sets I put in at the gym or how well I do in my major or how much money I get I know that I will never change. I will never be loveable. I guess that's the secret I can't admit.

God I'm so fucking autistic.

Man I should stop browsing Veeky Forums

Oh a thread

her*

Daddy abandoned me and mommy always hated my guts, and now I want to fucking kill myself.

> in feeling that one had reached the ultimate wall; that, bad as it is, it cannot be otherwise; that there is no way out for you, that you will never change into a different person; that even if you had enough time and faith left to change yourself into something different, you probably would not wish to change; and even if you did wish it, you would still not do anything, because in fact there is perhaps nothing to change into. [Notes from Underground]

I'll probably kill myself this summer.
>tfw my genes will never enter the gene pool

>mom never showed me affection
>she wanted a girl all along

>mom shows all affection to my inbred normie sister with no interests and ambitions
>all happy because GIRL POWER
how am I meant not to kill myself

>mother never cared to take me to the dentist when I was kid and early teens
>fucking crooked up teeth I'll have to fix by my own well into adulthood
>younger sister got braces at 10

She's a scary conservative.

Globalists scare me way more.

>mfw i realize i'm trapped in this oil painting
>how did i get trapped in an oil painting
>can't get out might spend enternity trapped in a fucking painting

kick clap kick clap kick....clap clap

Imagine yourself from their point of view. But don't place yourself at the center! You're just a prop in their movie. If this isn't freeing, I don't know what is

I hate seeing other people say "I should kill myself" for being a neet or something petty like that. A neet can have hope of one day moving forwards. Hate should be reserved for those who have actively harmed society, like murderers and thieves and rapists. I'm truly hateable and I can't ever forgive myself.

;(

one day it will work out bruh

i used to shoplift. should i die?

Being a neet is worse than murder. I truly believe that.

I can't quite explain why but women scare me so fucking much.

Things aren't really great at all, and even though I completely acknowledge that in just about 4 months time I will be thrust into a world I have absolutely no fucking preparation for, I'm not nearly as sad or hopeless as I used to be. For some reason, I have very quietly come to terms with the idea that everyone I have spent hours and days learning and caring about will soon be out of my life, and interacting with them will become more and more difficult as time goes on. I've felt for a long time, that if I were to die, I probably wouldn't be sad or upset with it, because I've felt ready to die for a while now, and, interestingly enough, the feeling hasn't changed, it's just become more subconscious. It's like a low hum that fills the background of my interactions and experiences, a mild apathy for life, and an end that I know will someday come upon me, maybe tomorrow, maybe 30 years from now. I think my sorrow transforming into apathy isn't a good thing really, it's probably got something to do with me feeling outside of everything. At least weeping over one's sorrows is passionate in a way. Apathy is a lack of feeling, there's no fire in it. Who knows.

I'm too excited about the books I've ordered to read the books I already have.

A girl in my college math class is distractingly gorgeous and intelligent. I hate that I look forward to being in there just to see her for a little while.

I'm the teacher.

I think I'm a nice, friendly person. I'm easy going (which is a vast difference to me being a shrieking lunatic up until 5 years ago), and I have a firm grasp on how much shit I'm willing to put up with. I'm smart, interesting and talented.

And still. I hate myself. I feel completely separate from reality. I don't know how much to expect from myself or other people. I feel like I'm watching people from behind a window, and they're mocking me. I suffer from depression. I'm borderline alcoholic. I feel like an idiot. I wish it'd stop. My biggest dream, is that I just want to feel normal. On rare occasions, I get little tastes of it. Waking up at 8 o'clock. Getting all my chores done in an hour. And I think: THIS IS AMAZING! WOW! and then, the next day, depression has me again and I hate myself even more.

At last I understand something of that animal drive what compels all my fellows in this world. For years I have let all slip from my grasp, taking the line that suffering is noble in an ignoble world. I am exhausted and can bear nobility no further. I repent it. My back hurts. I am alone.

I'm having a hard time understanding nihilists. Of course nothing matters, things that matter to you are by definition things you choose to value. I agree that the world is just matter, there's no set of rules on what's the point and what is not, but that fills me with awe, not depression. I can see so many things, from the matter I can interpret solid objects and even abstract ones. If I did that differently the world would be different. How can one say that there's no sense in life, when there's nothing in his life and world he sees except himself and except of what he decides to belive in? And why would one have problems with believing? I know I can never be wrong, I could be judged wrong by others, but I'm always true to myself.

>not being a successful published professor who gives lectures around the world who's free to fall in love with who he wants inbetween dissecting goethe and schiller.

>implying this isn't all one big solipsistic delusion

If you're always true to yourself then truth is meaningless. Depressed nihilists are romantics, they want more than is, and because they can conceive of more view what is as dirt. Sounds like you just suffer from a lack of imagination, no wonder you're comfortable in your cognitive dissonance and half platitudes.

;_;

erm, I'm actually straightforwardly implying it is, user. Well, not exactly, of course there are things outside of my perception and even imagination, but if they stay outside of it, even if they have an influence on my life they won't be a part of my understanding of it. Each person builds their own image of the world by observation, thinking and absorbing what we learn from others and this image is all they have of it. One cannot experience the world outside of that. We can predict or theorytize, but you simply cannot think about every possibly and maintain analyzing each of them. Also, I'm talking only about values. Matter and physics are objectively there, even if understanding that this particular concatenation of matter is a chair or a human is only inside our minds. You can shape those yourself, they are not the same for every culture or person, so I believe they are created by people, not discovered by them, and that they can be created in many ways in forms, not just one.

Well, I can't agree it's all delusional, when I base it on my understanding of reality, and we define delusion as an belief or impression maintained despite being contradicted by reality. Of course you can say my view on reality is wrong.

I wish my english was more advanced, so I could explain myself better. Not that it's a complicated idea.

>If you're always true to yourself then truth is meaningless
How can it be meaningless if it has a meaning to me?

I understand that the truth is something else for romantic imaginative people like you; I can't see how there can be truth outside of a man-made logic system like ethics, mathematics or religion. I'm not saying mathematic is a hoax nor that there's no God, but I think that there's no "1" or "a sphere" outside of human view of the world. There's just some mass, that we connect into concatenation, name and use as a base for further thinking.

And I believe that all we learn is also like a logic system of this sort. My area of interest during studies was mainly christian literature, and even though I grew up without any religion I found it - and still do when I need to, for reading - easy to jump into the christian ways of thinking. Understanding it was enough to use it. When I use it the truth is something else, than otherwise it may be. It's enough for me to do believe that truth can change easily and comes from what people think, not some list of fundamental rules of the universe.

That's not why people don't like her. They hate her because she clearly knows nothing about education policy. It's so obvious that she only got the job because she's a huge Republican doner.

I'm proofreading only after posting because it's Veeky Forums.

>You can shape those yourself, they are not the same for every culture or person, so I believe they are created by people, not discovered by them, and that they can be created in many ways in forms, not just one

I'm talking about values here, not about matter (chair nor human)

What are your crimes, user?

iktf
These notes resonate along with my soul so well, too well: youtube.com/watch?v=nS0FPVOU5e0

I'm a short tempered utter cunt and I deserve everything bad that happens to me.

>she clearly knows nothing about education policy.

Source?

I want a friend with benefits who I'm not actually friends with. We see each other in public, and completely ignore one another, refusing to acknowledge each other's presence, but the moment we're alone, it's raw fucking for 9 hours straight. We stop talking the moment we leave, and we don't talk again until we see each other again.

sounds ideal desu

I don't like how when I experience something for the first time, like watching JoJo's Bizarre Adventure which I'm really enjoying, I don't "notice" that it's great, but in hindsight and nostalgia when I reflect on it, I realize it was great.

I want to experience the level of appreciation I have for it in my nostalgia, when I'm experiencing it for the first time. When I look back on the first season of JoJo I feel sad that I will never experience Joseph Joestar's Castlevania adventure with its retro style and old-fashioned simplicity. I liked Battle Tendency just as much, but somehow it seems like Phantom Blood just had a je ne sais quoi to it. But I bet now that I'm watching Stardust Crusaders, I will feel the same about Battle Tendency, and wish I had appreciated it more.

I don't like how that works.

I think my brain is broken and I don't have as much serotonin. Sometimes when I'm fapping and listening to shitty pop music I have a moment of true enjoyment, and I worry: Did my temporarily heightened serotonin and tryptofan from jackin' it bring me just barely up to the normal baseline? Is everyone else like "me, jerking off" all the time?

Sometimes I wonder if the ability to enjoy things is contingent on not feeling bored of them, and a side effect of having autism is that you are bored of everything except very specific things, and you simplistically model and then dismiss other things outside your interests. So autism increases depression.

When I get a bad cold, for about 20 minutes toward the end, when it's clearing up and my nose opens up for the first time in days, my sense of smell is heightened and I realize that the normal cheap coffee I make every day smells incredibly strongly. Not only does it smell unique and interesting in ways I normally don't notice whatsoever, but that uniqueness triggers all kinds of feelings and emotions.

Not only am I depressed autist who can't enjoy anything, I can't even smell things properly. I'm probably living in a gray bleak nightmare shit existence while everyone else is going around being genuinely charmed and enchanted by random sights and smells and experiences because they don't have a retarded fucking brain that is only activated when I'm sick or jerking off while listening to Spandau Ballet when Jupiter is in the fourth ascendant. I bet when I take a walk, the experience of my consciousness is like a robot deciding which cube to stack on another cube, while a random normal person is being assaulted by raw novelty and experience, having random scents trigger whole mixtures of feelings. Meanwhile, OPERATION 6: CUBE WEIGHT BY CUBE DENSITY: INSUFFICIENT CUBAGE. DO NOT STACK.

I want to take ecstasy so I can know what it's like to be a normal, pleasant, non-anxious, happy person for a few hours, but I know the contrast between that and how I normally live would instantly drive me insane. Better not to know.

If life really as much of a pain in the ass as we've all been making it out to be, we'd all have offed ourselves a long time ago. Truly.

It is the inexhaustible, perfect tension between pain and joy that acts as fuel for our lives, as if the two were perpetually locked in some kind of vaguely terrifying existential coitus.

Cheers then, for those who seek ambiguity between these two masters will find themselves freed of the lot. Crowley once said:

"Give me good, or give me bad; so long as it is strong."

I am 20 pages into at least 100 books now because I keep finding another book that I want to read.

I don't think I'll ever escape my addiction.

I feel like I'm going fucking crazy these past few weeks. Politics is not helping—as a neoliberal shill who strongly supported globalization all of this fighting for no reason is killing me, and the fact that Betsy fucking DeVos got the education job just hurts. Worse, I'm actually FOR private schools, but the way they want to implement that shit is just fucking painful.

But I'm only thinking about that because I just saw a shitposting political thread. My real issue right now is college. I've learned basically fucking nothing in my programming-related classes. I feel alienated and isolated from my main group of friends, so I try to do a big team class with different people who seemed to be more my speed, and they turn out to be even fucking worse. Several orders of magnitude worse, actually.

I shouldn't have fucking gone here. I had the chance to go to an out-of-state school that was actually really fucking good but I chose the in-state because it was cheaper and one of my high school friends (who I also owned a company with) was going there. Then the HS guy fucks me over with the company and drops out to go work elsewhere and I'm just stuck here.

If I didn't have a pretty neat D&D group full of cool people up here I'd drop out right now, even though I'm two semesters shy of a degree. Seriously, fuck this.

As I reach the level of competence to begin reading beginner French novels I find a new fascination with English language literature. Now I can't be assed to read anything French or of any other origin besides American and UK. I know motivation is not something to rely on, I just really wish I had it right now in French instead of English.

By the absolute sanction of nothing I call myself forward.

t. Stephen Dedalus