Ways you've cheated the system

Basically completely fabricated the results of my master's thesis, it was the night before I had to present and I was hopelessly behind and my code wouldn't run so I just randomly generated results from the distribution I was expecting with a little bit of white noise and did my paper and presentation as though that was the actual data, I've never told anyone IRL and the computer I was using doesn't work anymore so there's no longer any evidence.

If true, I'm impressed. That level of laziness is rare at your stage in the hierarchy. By the time you achieve tenure, I'll bet you'll've found a way to work less hours than a part-time pensioner. Blaze the way, ye pioneer of procrastination.

Respect

her name is UCLA?

Jane NATHALIE PUERTO

>STEM is a rigorous meritocracy

Eh, 100% yield is a meme

Do you have some sort of guilty conscience? Like, do you feel any sort of regret?

With that mindset, you could probably start a cult and be set for life.

>memorized everything that could be on the test
>ace it every time
how has no one figured this out?

Man I hope nobody cites your work

Cited papers without reading them, or after only reading the abstract.
Probably widespread, but I still feel a little bad.

Had to do some shitty paper. STEM paper. Boring as fuck, tedious as fuck. Highly specialized 4th year degree. I was only the student doing it. Prof was a lazy unpleasant asshole.

Final grade was 80% internal assessment through assignments. 20% end of year exam.

Okay... I can pass this through internal alone.

Went to library and pulled all the texts on the subject. Noticed that no one had borrowed these texts in like ten years, No kidding. Smuggled the texts out of the library.

Plagiarized the living fuck out of these texts, including research results. Submitted the work as my own. Saved myself countless hours of work. The only real work I did was altering the data and constantly rewording, paraphrasing the text I copied. Made deliberate errors, grammar mistakes, punctuation and spelling errors. Made it look like I knew what I was talking about but was a lazy ass. Just like my prof.

Got enough to get a B grade pass. Skipped the exam. I wouldn't have got enough to alter the grade anyway and it would have been glaringly obvious that I knew fuck all about the subject after turning in such great assignments.

And the funny thing is this: I read the assignments after they had been marked and this stupid ass Prof would be correcting me for shit that I had lifted straight out of the textbooks, having only altered the wording. The dumbfuck. I still smile when I think about it.

Do I give a fuck? No. Knew the paper would be worthless to me and I just couldn't be fucked actually learning a fairly complex subject that had no application to what I was specializing in. I just needed the credits at that level and there was no other option.

I did a similar thing but it was just in high school. In Sweden we who pick the pre-stem programme or whatever have to spend so and so many hours on some project. I couldn't be arsed and played this new game League of legends instead. Come last week before grading I copy this random book about prenatal development, I pirated the pdf translated English to Swedish so how would the hag know I copied? The Gods bless you Vishram Singh. Spent less then a tenth of the required logged hours or whatever on that shit.

Wow. That's all I have to say.

Kek. Imagine a meta study in 10 years and everything would fit in perfectly except this outlier and everyone will work their asses trying to understand why.

if you needed a reference for your resume, this could easily be good one

I TAKE MORE THEN ONE STRAW AT WENDY'S!!!

I actually read the instructions on the morning after pill box. Turns out they work for two days after the fact. So we had a fun two days.

No one wants to have all that sunk time and cost just for the thesis to come up incomplete. It's enough of a bitch getting project funding without that kind of thing on your record.

In a word: if it wasn't unfinished just because of procrastination, that likely means means no master's degree, ever.

I had a Latino grandmother so I list myself as Hispanic on my college and job applications.

going to JC and their dumbfuck gen chem prereq requirement for an algebra based chemistry lie course sequence. i appeal the prereq and somehow get the permission but jokes on the dept head she gave me permission for chem2.

purchase calc based chem book for $8 selfstudy for a month and hop into chem 2 and ace the fucking thing onto the lie that is lower divison Ochem.

for the glory of my independence i snickered my way past a two semesters of bullshit quizzes about (((oxidation numbers))) and (((electronegativity))).

what thefuck is resonance you fucking instructor

>premed
I knew this was the case before I clicked the thread. You people are weasels.

My DNA test says I'm < 1% native american.
I've seriously considered saying I identify as that because of it.

I've considered getting one of those tests hoping to be some obscure race so I can claim to be a part of them

The problem is insurance companies get their hands on that data and judge based on it

you type like a schizo, better check that out

I'm half white and half latino. I look fully white and my name is white as fuck. I ALWAYS mark "latino" whenever I am filling an app for something I want. I know I can back it up since my (latina) mother is a legal immigrant and has the paperwork

Got me into a pretty good university. I wonder if it'll get me into a pretty good graduate school. I study math and latinos are crazy underrepresented in that field

Don't be naive

100% European according to 23andme but just dark enough that I can fib on my applications. Changed my life overnight to be honest, family.

>I faked over half of my citations
I had to do a big ass paper on an archaeological dig that was headed by a German guy. He only had like a quarter of his papers translated, but everyone else who published journals about that dig sited the German stuff. So I did too. I put the big long German titles, and I used them as catch all's when I need to pepper in a few more sources. It was alot of shit like, the stone shrine ranged from 19-20 feet tall, much larger then previously estimated.* (Karl smeckler gobsen hausen 1932) like anyone in there right mind will go find the 80 year old German book to make sure. I'm guess alot of people did the same because there is exactly one copy in the entire United States, and one in britain, Neither actually in English, but a whole lot of of other references to it.

Of course the next dig site I chose was originally excavated in 1870 by Italians who took exactly one photo, and made all sorts of wild claims about 'micro' inscriptions that they never drew or made sketches of. Nearly every book on the subject talks about those fucking scratchs and tried to build whole theories about the implications of their construction, but literally no has ever seen them this side of world war 2. Well I sited the oldest refrance, even though it's in itailian and the original copy was lost. I covered my self be mentioning the lack of hard evidence and how shitty the sciance was back then and moved on.

>The rest of the class was a mess though, they did sorta just settled on "it's unknown" and not even try to figure out the multiple wrong theories. Worst was when they cited one book from 1956 who stated the authors favorite theory as fact.

>Meme parentheses
You sound like your one social experiment away from writing a manifesto.