Any other books on how to make friends? I want a social life, but almost all my attempts at making friends fail

Joining activities wont help if you dont know how to act in social situations
It can be discouraging when you go to a meetup and everyone just talks over you and you end up alone on the side again

Look at this fucking normie

OP here, exactly.

this is true btw OP, even if it couldn't sound like more of a meme

>>>/reddit/

Reeeeee

OUT OUT OUT REEEEEEEEEEEEE

Then you don't need to learn how to make friends, you need to learn self confidence

For me it was just part of the natural growing up process in addition to pushing myself

Ok,how do you learn self confidence in an artificial way

by practicing meditation and staying in the moment

But if your problem is that you never have anything to say and keep getting ignored, then you should read a book that can help you find things to say
Breathing excercises wont give you conversational topics

I already do that!

>does anyone here not actually want friends, or at least they don't think they want them?
>the thought of becoming friends with them just doesn't appeal to me

Same here. I grew up having a few friends in school but rarely hung out with them because I was so insecure and shy that pretty much any social activity made me severely anxious and removed any fun for me. Instead I played insane amounts of video games and found many internet friends through gaming. This went on for years and I’m certain that it has fucked me up in many ways.
I moved to a new city like six months ago and have made zero friends since. I go to class like twice a week and that’s my social activity, so I’m very alone –but I’m not sure I’d say I’m lonely. Because I’ve always sort of been alone while playing video games with people over the internet, so I’m used to it. I don’t find video games fun anymore though, all I do is read books and browse the web, so the only social activity I had and that used to take up most of my time is gone now.
And I feel like shit. But it’s so confusing, because I have no idea how not to feel like shit. I struggle to see the appeal of hanging out with friends because when I was a kid I used to turn that down to stay in and play video games instead, but now I’m bored of that as well. So I have nothing. Reading is fun but it’s a not a big enough passion for me to make “life worth living” solely on its own. I would not mind dying right now at all, but it’s not bad enough for me to actually jump off a building yet, I guess that’s at least something.

it isn't something you "do", i.e. one of the bullshit little bullets in the Western psychologist's arsenal, sitting just next to the "breathing exercises" and "eating healthily" and memes like that

it's a skill you devote a lifetime to developing

How long will it take for me to get friends from practicing this skill? a decade? I haven't had results for years.

doesn't sound that way to me lol. you sound the exact opposite of zen to me right now.

what exactly are you trying to accomplish by getting friends in the first place?

To have an enriched life and not feel lonely.

Do you really have nothing to say, or are you just too afraid to say it or say it with conviction (you or the other person mentioned being talked over).

Ahh, friendship. What a better way to feel miserable.

>I struggle to see the appeal of hanging out with friends because when I was a kid I used to turn that down to stay in and play video games instead, but now I’m bored of that as well. So I have nothing. Reading is fun but it’s a not a big enough passion for me to make “life worth living” solely on its own. I would not mind dying right now at all, but it’s not bad enough for me to actually jump off a building yet, I guess that’s at least something.
You just need to make a change in life. What you're doing now isn't working, so change it. That's what I did. I was like you to a large degree with the whole social anxiety thing, but new I needed to make a change, so I did. Identify and analyze the flaws in yourself that are holding you back in life, and make a conscious effort to try to push through them so they no longer hold you back from having a more fulfilling life. Whether it's getting a friend who has something in common with you, or getting a girlfriend, or finding other interests and hobbies, do what you need to do so you can get to the point where you can do those things.

...

Nothing at all to say, even when im calm
I just cant engage with the banter or flow
My brain is a void when im in a social situation

Well fug. I know how shitty loneliness can be sometimes.

But a lot of it is also a spook.

You don't want to make friends with people on just the grounds of you both being "lonely". Or rather, you literally can't by definition, so it won't be actual friendships, since what you both would have in common is that you want to change who you are currently.

What you actually need is to learn how to be interesting and fulfilling to yourself by yourself (it's really not that big of a boogeyman experience). Potential friends will consequentially start lining up left and right, not that you should want to make friends with just about any of them, because .

but people won't give me a chance to show whether I'm interesting to them or not.

Quality thread, Veeky Forums.

The way you phrased this makes it seem like you are trying to perform for people, you're putting people in a position where they judge whether you character is worthy or not.

Don't put the friend-pussy up on a pedestal. Just pursue the things that interest you in a genuine way and eventually find ways to pursue those interests socially

For example, you are into art. Practice art, read about art, think about art, go to galleries. Eventually when you are more confident, start going to art classes, talk with people about art, whether at the class or at the supply store. Ask people their opinions on things and in turn (usually) they will ask for yours, now this is when people will consider whether you are interesting or not. Even if they don't find you interesting at least they will be polite enough to keep speaking to you, if you aren't a prick. Keep this up, talk to similar people on a regular basis and you will build up the chops to efficiently talk to anyone about art in a competent and confident manner. AND if you keep talking to the same people over a period of time (and you don't come off as over bearing or clingly) you can make the reach out to pursue other forms of social activity surrounding art.

It doesn't have to be art, user. But whatever the subject of your hobby is, what is central to this whole process is your genuine interest in that subject. Doing a hobby entirely for the sake of friends will leave you no where and you might come off as weird, so you have to follow whatever you are really interested in.

How does tinder work anyway? I've thought of using it for quick pussy but it sounds cancerous.

>so the thread stays Veeky Forums

I'll do you one better.

>heigh ho sing heigh ho unto the green holly
>most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly
>then heigh ho the holly
>this life is most jolly

What did willy shakes mean by this?

> talk with people about art, whether at the class or at the supply store.

This is where I stumble, how do I introduce myself to someone to talk about art at the art class or supply store? I mean I try talking to strangers now and then but the conversation just fizzles out and they want to get back to what they were doing (even if that was nothing at all)

Perhaps your friends or the people you're trying to talk with don't share your same interests and that's why you have nothing to say?

Happens to me at my job. I don't know what to talk about with them besides small talk. They like things like sports which I don't like or follow. Doesn't happen with my friends.

not OP but i don't really have that many interests and those that i do i don't really talk about either

my main interest is smoking weed and i almost never have any and that isn't much to talk about either. i'm also interested in the stuff i come up with but i don't share that because i'm afraid of it being stolen, it just shouldn't be getting out anyway since it's not formed yet

i'm also an inadequate perfectionist, i have to be sincererely and exactly expressing myself if i'm going to do it at all. i always miss the chance to say what i want too because i'm just bad at speaking, there's a huge rift between my mind and my tongue, when i'm speaking my true thoughts aren't there.

i don't speak because there's nothing to say but i would enjoy being social and all if i could do it

>because i'm afraid of it being stolen
>i have to be sincererely and exactly expressing myself if i'm going to do it at all
being this autistic

You don't have to be either always 'sincere or exactly expressing' yourself you sperg. People can read between the lines or gloss over the mistakes as they don't fucking care either way. Especially if you're always sincere there's nothing to laugh at which is what makes things more pleasant for both parties.

Start a journal to teach yourself how to express yourself more fluently and coherent. Also you can practice reading out loud so that you practice speaking and using your tongue you basement dweller.

Are you sure about that? I never used to think I was, but reading more about it, I think I might have Aspberger's. Not Daxflame-tier Aspbergers, but definitely something about me is off

I might be a pleb, but who are the two guys on the right?

You should use the smalltalk to find common interests, banter, or get a surface understanding of sports and the current news regarding it. People aren't constantly on the same topic and or talk about in detail so you will probably do okay. The experience/atmosphere of socializing is more entertaining than the subject as there is comedy/banter or whatever mixed in.

You can't "Make" friends [do things]. People either ARE and always were friends; or they are UNfriends. Most people are unfriends and not worth the time: because they only use people.

What is off user?

How exactly are they using people?

Are you me

Start with a smile and an inviting atmosphere then try to talk with them and expanding on the topics brought up, share stories and see what humor works.

You could also think of some topics or stories and before leaving the house as it will make the process easier. Notice what doesn't work and try to think of why.

This is the kind of advice that leads to embarrassing greentext stories ending in police involvement or at least local notoriety.

succeedsocially.com/
markmanson.net/best-articles

You just do. Trying really is the most important leap.

Whenever I talk to people I feel like I'm listening to myself say things that I don't have complete control over, and while I'm not saying retarded shit or anything, I believe my affect at the time sounds bizarre and unusual, like my face doesn't follow the social cues and inflections of my speech, giving it a quality of strangeness. I'll say things that I think should elicit certain responses from people like laughter or interest, but I can sense that there's a vague look of puzzlement on their faces before they realize and force a smile to patronize me.

I find it very difficult to make friends or have conversations with people, mostly because of how when I interact with them, I feel dissociated from my body, like I'm not really there until about 20 minutes after the interaction ends and I can reflect on how slightly strange I behaved. My thoughts are lucid, and I can appreciate art and human interaction from a distance, but when I'm in the interpersonal moment, something happens to me that I can't quite explain. From what I've read, I might fit into the category of mild Aspberger's, even though I don't really like the label as it obviously comes with connotations of autistic screeching and people who wear sweatpants and velcro sneakers in public

It's one of these books I just LOVE to read in public- you get the funniest reactions and looks- especially if somebody stares at you irritated and you just stare back at them over the book.

I don't mean to be an asshole (although that statement in and of itself may be telling), but having friends isn't the greatest thing to happen. I've had many over the years, and I can become chummy with almost anyone within an hour of meeting them. I tend to just meet people for a moment and never see them again, and with that interaction I feel satisfied. Its not that I don't form deep relationships, don't use that as way to invalidate mine. Its just easier to acknowledge the transience of life and let go of anxieties associated with social bounds. I guess some people are awkward or have trust issues, so they feel the need to cling to anyone who gives them a kind word. Once one realizes that everyone is just trying to get by, and that most are nice without needing to be asked, you stop caring about about trivial things like so-called "cringe moments" or "not fitting in". Life is an absurdity, if you feel like you need friends, go out and find them, there are so many people in the world willing to love you that you just haven't met yet. If not, just go your own way, just act in whatever way pleases you the most.

Lol

People are always trying to fuck no mater who no matter where. If you weigh less than 300 pounds and have a face that doesn't resemble a dog's than you've got a shot at getting layed, it just might not be with your dream girl.

You sound schizoid, to be frank

Yea well Veeky Forums is more like a gathering place for qausi-academics now. You might find the same level of discussion in a coffee shop.

quality girls won't be on there

Learn how to have a conversation. Listen to conversations between charismatic, engaging people, especially ones that aren't just talking "at" each other or following prompts (comedian podcasts are pretty reliable).

Do more shit. Join some clubs, get out more often, go to events/shows. Invite people if you don't like being seen as a loner. Doing something like an intramural league, D&D campaign, book group or whatever is good since it's more long term interaction.

And I think it's worth noting that long-lasting, strong friendships aren't common and most "attempts" at it are "failures," if you want to think of them that way. People can meet thousands of people, have hundreds of acquaintances and still usually just have a handful of good friends. You aren't going to find a best friend overnight.

doesn't schizoid just mean basically a shut-in who prefers being by themselves? I like people, I just don't really know how to communicate with them in a way that seems so natural to everyone else

>doesn't schizoid just mean basically a shut-in who prefers being by themselves?
no man, schizoid is a whole other deal.

fake it til you make it

shit, you might be onto something, was just reading some stuff about it

Exactly, even if it is just menial conversation that you'd be likely to forget afterwords, you've had a conversation. So when you go back the next time and the time after that they remember your face, so by the time you've talked to the same person a number of times you can be like

"Oh hey btw I'm user" and shake their hand. Etc.

Or just lean over and say "hey what do you think about [whatever your doing]?" Don't even introduce yourself. Just start talking.

People, especially women just want to talk about themselves, keep asking for their opinions and actually pay attention to what they're saying

This, as you see more positive responses from this and can develop better skills from there. Contrast this with being an awkward sperg thats afraid to say anything and makes the whole thing uncomfortable.

Also its not awkward unless you make it awkward.

>Or just lean over and say "hey what do you think about [whatever your doing]?" Don't even introduce yourself. Just start talking.
cmon man like literally who does that
this is literally how green text nightmare stories come to happen

this book is only about winning friends, if you want to make them yourself, you'll have to harvest the raw materials--this can be time-consuming, but it carries a low risk of social humiliation

Raw materials? Am I bribing potential friends with gifts of rubber and zinc?

>this book is only about winning friends, if you want to make them yourself
Who else would I want to make them?

jesus christ guys, that was a pretty simple joke

Just do some introspection and look at what parts of your regular behavior are annoying.
Imagine being with a person who does the same things you are doing, if that person annoys you, then you know what to change.

Just to give some examples of annoying behavior:
>constant whining about your problems
>constant criticism of other people
>asking for favors all the time without returning favors of similar value
>slandering other people behind their backs
>bad hygiene
>constant nervousness (makes people uneasy in return)
>speaking too loudly or too quietly all the time
>being needy all the time
>being cold all the time

Once you fixed all of your potentially annoying behavior, then it just boils down to confidence and courage. Get out of your comfort zone and meet new people every day.

Can you explain the difference please? I think I might be schizoid.

Does anyone else resent that this book exists? I hate exploitative business and this book just stinks of it.

The World Health Organization's ICD-10 lists schizoid personality disorder as Schizoid personality disorder.
It is characterized by AT LEAST FOUR of the following criteria:

>Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
>Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
>Consistent preference for solitary activities.
>Very few, if any, close friends or personal relationship, and a lack of desire for such.
>Indifference to either praise or criticism.
>Little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking age into account).
>Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
>Indifference to social norms and conventions.
>Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.

It is a pretty wide definition, most voluntarily shut-in hermits would probably count as schizoid according to the official criteria list.

Maybe you could try loving kindness meditation. I did breathing meditation for a while, and it made me calmer and more present, but didnt realy change alot about how i interacted and felt about other people. Then i started to do loving kindness meditation, which is trying to concentrate on compassion towards other people and yourself.
You do this by thinking phrases like: i whish you to be happy, and have a fullfilling life and so on. Usually you start to wish those things for yourself, then people you love, people you fell neutral towards and then people you have problems with.
And really try to put meaning into it. It also helps me if i picture the person smiling.
I think since i do that i started to care more about people and i expect them more to like me, which can help with shyness since beeing shy has to do with expecting others not to like you.
Here is a link to a metastudy that says "In sum, LKM practice and interventions are effective in enhancing positive emotions"
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4630307/

In the brief time I had it installed it was about 90% single mothers.

literally me

meh activities can "force" participation so you guys get to know each other. it can make it easier as you have something to bond over.
e.g. playing card games with people.
The activity doesn't need to be strictly social