Write what's on your mind

Iv been anticipating something that im unaware of, but I at least my anxiousness acknowledges the impending moment im waiting for.

Whatever I was waiting for, it never came. I feel like I missed the fireworks and can only inhale the chemicals in the air after the show. Creating a retrospective moment that never happened.

Just some random thoughts:

1. To be or not to be, that is the question
2. I think, there for I am
3. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times
4. E = mc squared
5. The Mona Lisa

My job does not challenge me in a manner that amuses me or causes myself to sit back and appreciate a struggle. I have a systematic life that works out for me - all my stars aligned - but I dont feel content. Im sheltered and am afraid of a change so dramatic that it causes me to dread the paradigm shift. I am so afraid to move on in my life.

Welcome to the apathy club. I'm not depressed anymore either but it's not the same as before. My current goal in life is just to do exactly as much as is necessary.

One of the few exceptions however is literature. I really look forward to reading more great works and I'm genuinely looking forward to seeing how far I can get in 5 years.

But yes everything just kind of feels empty now. When spring comes I'm going to see if I can find a love interest, maybe that will spark some life into me.

I live in a bad neighborhood and I want to get out, but I have no prospects either.

he's only gone and done it the absolute madman

I haven't slept more than 5 hours at a time in 2 months, I think I'm going full Nietzsche

You are the only thing that would have to go back and I don't think that I have a great way of the day before I get there.

I know she isn't really into me. We've kissed a few times when wasted but that's it. Truth is, I don't think I like her sometimes either. Having a girl as an "objective" so to speak has always been my thought process and ever since the girl I had as an objective for the longest time chose my best friend over me as we left secondary school I've felt a bit lost when it comes to women in general.

I also really regret quitting smoking since it used to soothe when I had these thoughts but if I take it back up again I know I'll regret that too and my friends and family will also be disappointed.

The absolute worst part of it is though is that having these thoughts has made Murakami more and more appealing to me since he captures these moments and feelings excellently in near enough all his novels

I used to think he was a hack

I am eternally stuck in the looped maze that is my thought patterns. All self knowledge is cast a light onto the hallways of my insanity. My thoughts range from boring to anxiously miserable, and the occasionally break of pleasantry lingers with the sense of their invetitable end.

I'm reading stepponwolf right now, and I think it's just alright. The Harry character is a r9k-tier beta numale. I also think it's trying to be more philosophical than it ought to be.

I'm doing a 24 hour fast in preparation for a retreat this weekend and I'm hungry as fuck. I'm also struggling to start reading Lonesome Dove.

Ain't nothin gonna hurt you, momma
You're only dreamin'

Flynn was the only thing that wasn't run-of-the-mill neoconservatism in Trump's team, and now that the deep state has liquidated him I am terrified. He was the only person in government who didn't want war with Russia.

It took the intel community and neocons a month to totally nullify a President. They're completely unstoppable.

War with Russia is on the horizon. I don't want to die. But I don't think there's any way to stop it now.

I should've grown a beard sooner, for the first time in my life I look like an adult.

I'm coming down off adderall.

I have a paper to write over Chekov's The Lady with the Dog about Gurov's double life.

I'm going rock climbing at the rec center in about an hour.

I cut the tops off two empty half-gallon jugs of anti-freeze to collect the oil tomorrow when i change the oil on my car. I need to buy 5 quarts. What is the difference between 5w-30 engine oil and 5w-20?

My professor read my short story. He said it was of a "high order", said he wanted to read another piece of mine when it was ready. He gave me two books to read; one's a collection of stories from the major literary journals of 2016, and the other is his copy of Ratner's Star that the library didn't have.

It's never been this hard to write before. I have a story I'm working on, but every time i write a line of it, I feel like there's something I'm missing. It's loosely based on my cousin who just got out of prison. He's working on a farm south of Wichita.

I really want to try my hand at theatre acting just for fun. Some Shakespeare to be specific. I love the way it's written in verse, I love the rhythm, it rolls of the tongue and I love the way it sounds. I don't know why, I never acted in my life, never joined a drama club, not even a book club in high school. But for the past couple days, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I have no idea what to do or where I could go and try/learn it, it's even worse because I'm not in an english speaking country.

When did Veeky Forums get to be such shit?

My father is dying and I'll never understand why my woman of four and a half years left me.

The beer is much appreciated.

over population will lead to the entire world becoming a chaotic shit hole within my life time and I am not prepared.

I should have shaved my beard sooner, for the first time in months I look like a human

Stop believing what you see on discovery channel.

start believing that we can't manage this many people effectively.

the whole world will be like greece, or chicago, or the middle east and africa.

That's not about the number of people though.

We are going to be fine.

The only thing being afraid of problems you can't control does for you is shift the blame onto something that doesn't really exist.

dicksweat dicksweat nigga gotta dickdsweat

it really is.

governments will be rendered in efficient as they won't have enough cops to deal with threats.

criminality will rise as the uneducated multiply drastically

things will fall apart.

not to mention once we run out of oil the amount of people we can support and feed in the world drops form 10 billion to 2.

I can't decide if it would more more fun / worthwhile to end this hellish life now and die and go through that whole magical process or keep on living and try to do things even though it's definitely going to suck for a significant or maybe entire portion of my time

but those things are all obsolete user

>reee the world is so cruel; oh, woe is me!

I mean hell, 1/3 of americans are a single pay check away form homelessness.

the entire world economy is based upon things getting to places just on time.

we have a very fragile system that was optimized to increase production and nothing else.

the result is over population and we won't be able to manage it effectively.

riots numbering in the millions will become common place throughout the world.

It's been that way for the past 70 years.

Not even 100 years ago were we in a time where we killed more of ourselves than anytime in history.

We are going to be okay. The world is a big place, there's bound to be murders and riots and starvation in a number of places. The media just funnels that information to us in such a way that we think it's all going to shit.

People are going to starve and lose their homes and kill each other, but we are going to be fine.

we went form 2 billion to 7.5 billion in 80 years, there are going to be repercussions

I hate Anthony Bourdain but love looking at the restaurants he goes to in his show.

Thou art with me as I am with you
Your ignorance of my existence is the same as mine of your existence
In this reality we might exist
Or we might me a pure result of each other imagination
If imagination we are then in essence we are the same
Non-existent
Yet conscious beings

There was this one moment when she sat across me at the coffee table, taking a sip of her cappuccino and watching strangers on the street as they passed by. It felt like time has stopped and I was stuck, looking at the most beautiful thing in the world.

WE are posting this onto the internet from first world countries.
WE are going to be fine.

I want to take an IQ test so I can make fun of a friend and stroke my dick, but I am self conscious of going to a test alone.

This post made me want to become the Heath Ledger Joker irl.

Why do you hate Bourdain? Guy seems really chill and real. In his latest cook book, he wrote something I've been saying for years "desert is stupid"

>Jesus himself, they said, was the first teacher of these practices. He took Mary (probably Magdalene) to a mountain, took a woman out of his side and had sex with her, then drank his own sperm saying: "Thus we ought to do, that we may live." The sect even claimed that when Jesus at the Last Supper spoke of eating his flesh and drinking his blood, he was referring to this practice.

it hurts

I'm becoming increasingly convinced I heard the voice of God a few nights ago.

I have writer's block, a lot of shit due, and I can't stop watching speedruns. Also I have an allergy headache and I want to get drunk but if i do that i'll stay sick longer

i'll humour you here

what did He say, what circumstances were you under and why are you "increasingly" convinced

I was dreaming, and the exact details are blurry to me now. However, I distinctly remember that I was considering 'straying' somehow. I'm a pretty devout Catholic, albeit with some past issues remaining obedient, and in this dream there was some transgression I was considering, some sin I was considering willfully committing.

And I both heard and felt a voice say "That seems like a really stupid idea." In that instant, I awoke, so that the voice followed me in my mind from sleeping into waking.

I've had cause to wonder if it wasn't all completely a dream, but I've given it some thought and think it might not be. For one thing, I have a very active inner monologue, and as a result I know when the voice in my head is my own. I know the 'feel' of it, as it were. There have even been times when I've tried to trick myself and convince myself that my own voice isn't my own. I'm always able to know otherwise. So, at the very least, this voice comes from a part of my mind I'm not familiar with.

Also, the thing said is something you'd expect the Christian God to say. It wasn't something exotic or potentially heretical. On the contrary, it was the exact opposite, telling me not to stray, telling me to stay firm and obey the Church's teachings.

Those two facts combined incline me to believe, though I do still have some doubts.

Why am I not lonely? I haven't had a proper talk in real life with anyone since last month, before that it was months before that, and so on and so on.

I can only trick myself to feel bad about my isolation if I think about the future. Surely it'll sting in 10 years time. Then again, I've been relatively alone for the past 6 or so years, already. Maybe this is fine.

I know I'll never amount to anything. I'm going to end up just like my father. Regretting everything. I don't know how people find joy, this place is bred to cause pain.
He used to tell me taking your own life is the most selfish thing you can do. When in reality, bringing someone into this world is truly the most selfish thing a person can do.

Legit question if I've only read Colourless and enjoyed it should I read anything else by him?

The night elastic, I was looking for a friend. Living alone can get lonesome too often. There are voices you hear and after a while you aren’t certain if all of them are your own. I took to the streets looking for a companion. Someone to talk to who wouldn’t judge too much, or know too little to judge anyway. The night so bright, all the cars on the street roared past. All of them with somewhere to go, somewhere to be, someone to be with, and I alone. It was a calming thought to muse that many of them were roaring on to a broken date, a broken engagement or to find no one was waiting- like a prelude to a symphony where all the players were either all high or had already left. I lit a cigarette to give myself something to do while I walked. Something to do. There was a lot to do but I had shirked them all a long time ago. What is it to me that a happy family walks by with a smile on their lips and a toy in the boy’s hand? Should I snatch it away and run? Should I push the father into the mud and bite the mother while the son watches helplessly? Could I? What is it to me because my own mother is so far away that she might as well be dead? You could always call her. But you would rather be miserable than search for a remedy. I’d rather roam. Instead I do the former. Snatching the toy from the boy’s hand with the family visibly shaken I pushed the frightened father into the road while I grabbed the mother by the ass and kissed her. She couldn’t do anything. They never can. The boy about to cry I ran away. I ran. It was all I could do.

Is this from the legacy of totalitarianism in a tundra?

Been a while since ive danced with the Mescalito, hit me like a train last night and i loved it

During the day i took 3-meo and was stereotypically confused, delirious, that my-mind-is-a-black-hole feeling oh so common in the dissociatives. Hour 4 comes along im nearly done, i got an idea, i have some mescalito around here somewhere

500mg, fast, capped, down the hatch

Was expecting it take longer but about 30 minutes i felt the slow simmering of the emotional earthquake that is mescalito.

Nausea, always, laying in my bed, breathing and pretending to listen to a podcast. About an hour in. Yeah wow you are moving, groovin woah you know i always loved the visuals on miss cactus, slow, gentle, keep just doing that wow

Staring, my eyes are hurting from trying to stare and just trip gooey visuals, dance for me you kaleidoscopic whore

Ok chugging right on through, been a minute since ive done a psychedelic, in full swing now

Massive swellings of emotion holy shit it always feels so good to feel, sad happy disgusted intrigued overwhelmed, some anxiety, possibly paranoia, i want to feel all of it.

Started writing and filled up half a notebook. Came to the conclusion i need to reach out and talk to my estranged father. Cried. Hes had a shitty life and i hated him for being a terrible father, but how can i expect him to be a father when he never learned to be himself?

More writing. Been feeling overwhelming guilt and shame lately, let yourself go, youre doing fine guy

Started watching Boyhood man that film is gold. Distracted by porn. Casually watched and did sets of push ups

3, 4 hours in shit starts looping. I listened to Only One by Slipknot for what seemed to be the rest
of the night, when it wasnt playing i could hear the intro over and over and over

8 hours in still warm, tho ive toned down. Music, Overwatch and distracting myself with porn, what a tease, second orgasm

I cut a lot of parts out but you get the idea, do mescaline kids and remember always stare at the mirror

You shall not read this masterpeace in modern thounge

I wish I can read Plato and Aristotle instead of reading them on Wikipedia and brag about being a philosopher here.

That sounds dull

To write proper literature, you need maturity, which I'm lacking

French film is wonderful. I need more films with the visual quality of Adieu au Langage.

It's awesome to go for a humanities degree in a degenerate country. Getting pussy is too easy at this point,

Hitting up a fuckbuddy to watch a 35mm screening of Le Régle du Jeu was a very good ideia. Props to me.

Organizing my book (non-fiction) is a lot harder then I ever imagined. It seems like in each chapter I am rehashing over the same concepts.

this is the most honest thing i've ever seen someone say on here

I don't actually care about women I just want their validation.

It's a girl/boy isn't it?

Underrated post

Are you on Paxil?

Shit bitch dick nigger faggot die die die arghhhhhh

I think it's pointless for me to go to school. Advanced language and literature, the only class I liked was canceled. I endured the shit I had to put up with because I had something to look forward to every week. Now all that's left are math (which I'm not good at and hate with a passion) and useless filler classes where all you need to excel is an ass to sit on and two eyes to read with. Memorize this, memorize that, don't think, don't ask questions.
What's worse is that I kinda needed this class to get into higher education. Now I'm without help. I could just stay at home to read, write and study what I like and work on the side. It's pointless for me to be there. I'd probably have more time for my social life too. 19 now, suffer until I hit 20, then I can pray to get accepted into a uni. Great.

What's more I fucked some chick who wants to get into a relationship. I made a rule that says I won't lie to women. I kinda broke it, when she asked about where are we going I just didn't answer. Now she thinks I want something serious. I'll have to ditch her sooner or later, I don't want to cause more harm.

I really wanna get dirty with this chick at work. Pleasant character and great body.

That's all I can think about right now.

Veeky Forums is the only place in which I can truly connect with other people, if it ever closes down I'll certainly go mad, like a man stranded in a desert island.

what's on your mind

I feel foreign to this world. And I can't help but to feel stupid by thinking this way.

You should read The Glass Bead Game once you've finished Steppenwolf. I think it helps having an understanding of Hesse's writing since they are respectively written when he was old and young.

black metal sucks

my father is also dying desu
and i just had the worst clash ever with my mother
beer is indeed much appreciated
cognac is also fine

taking lsd will clear these doubts once and for all

tl;dr

Number of times I've been in love: 7
Number of time reciprocated: 1

It's a shitty game anons.

Nah dude

Number of times you've been in love: 1
Number of time reciprocated: 1

That's more like it

>his love was reciprocated once

She delicately asked him to fuck off, in the polite ways unstained by insult or sentiment.

Wanna get out of the house today but idk what to do. I'd call a friend but they're mostly too busy with work or out of state. Might just get in touch with my NEET friend and play video games with him.

Number of times I've been in love: 9866485307
Number of time reciprocated: ????

Really? I'm an ugly virgin loser and even I only really got infatuated about 3 or 4 times in my life.

The dynamics of romantic relationships are fucked up.

Evangelion isn't so bad when you try to deconstruct it using Wittgenstein's philosophy

I'm disappointed at my status as an intellectually tepid pretender. I want to write things that mean things but I'm just an empty person.

life fucking sucks

Is it irredeemably pathetic to be sexually inexperienced at 24 bros? Do I have any hope? Or is that just a meme?

shia labeouf

Nah, we are doomed.

If that's not a retorical question: It depends on why you're a virgin.

If you simply haven't tried much and kinda lived without sex, it can change.

If you have a repulsive personality, appearance or both, it depends on how much you can change. That, or if you're willing to pay for sex.

people don't seem as impressed with pics of my large penis as they used to be

I procrastinate even towards things I want to do.

Why, user?