What's on your mind

I wish it wasn't my birthday

Happy birthday if it really is. My birthday is one of two days I have guaranteed suicidal thoughts each year. So don't worry, the day will pass.

My birthday is almost exactly one month away and I'm dreading it

save me

feel you
working on a longish (40 pages or more) poem and its weird

You're not alone, brah. I'm about to finish my STEM degree and my math skills are getting worse and worse. I'm afraid I may not be qualified to work as a scientist.

Happy Birthday, user. Cheer up!

Same user. But is there any way out?

help me out Veeky Forums

so i've never been much of a reader

i started this year by reading some goethe and books i had left from school

after reading the stranger i got interested in philosophy and got me some works by camus and other authors

but i dont understand anything at all, i cant even remember the page ive just read

will it get better? or am i just retarded and should quit

I wish people would just love and accept me while being totally OK with me judging and hating them.

It'll get better. Philosophy is hard to grasp in general and you should definitely approach it only after you've had your fair share of books.

I'm 21 and a literal. 1/10. Imagine a walking baby except horseshoe bald. Twenty one years young. I've developed semantic satiation from "It's not fair" "Why"

I'm going to go my entire life without friends or relationships because I'm ugly, small, started balding at 14, concurrently introverted

“This singularity of meaning--I was my face, I was ugliness--though sometimes unbearable,
also offered a possible point of escape. It became the launching pad from which to lift off,
the one immediately recognizable place to point to when asked what was wrong with my life.
Everything led to it, everything receded from it--my face as personal vanishing point.”

My prostate hurts and it gets me really horny.

It really helps if you can shit it out over a small period of time, dedicating 4-8 hours a day to it. Of course, then you have revising and rewriting to do, but at least you'll have something.
t. guy who wrote 60k words in a month

>“Humor won’t save you; it doesn’t really do anything at all. You can look at life ironically for years, maybe decades; there are people who seem to go through most of their lives seeing the funny side, but in the end, life always breaks your heart. Doesn’t matter how brave you are, or how reserved, or how much you’ve developed a sense of humor, you still end up with your heart broken. That’s when you stop laughing. In the end there’s just the cold, the silence and the loneliness.

Maybe you will find peace in the knowledge that being taller and somewhat better looking doesn't necessarily help at all

Have you read Sartre? I haven't, he was about five feet tall and by his own admission the ugliest man he or anyone else had ever seen though so maybe he has something enlightening to say on the subject

I wish I didn't have to do a PhD just to meet like-minded people. I don't want to work at a university I just want to chat.

You could start wearing diapers and going to bdsm conventions. There's always at least one adult baby and he usually gets some action

I'm overwhelmed by college. I don't have time to do anything I used to do in my past time. I spend 80% of my time on studying. I forced myself to lurk Veeky Forums so I can pick up a hobby to calm my mind. But every recommendation feels like someone is trying to fuck me over, getting me to read something that not even the author understands. Where do I start? I've read The Stranger, Crime and Punishment, Metamorphosis and The Trial.

Read what interests you

You don't NEED reccs

fuck this pseud shit of reading just to one up people, read whatever you want

Yeah, I get that, but I don't know any authors besides the ones I read in high-school.

I quit porn and nicotine a week ago, and life is already measurably better.

Steinbeck bro, read some Steinbeck. Travels with Charley, Cannery Row, Sweet Thursday and Tortilla Flat are all comfy as fuck and great for unwinding. After those, move on to East of Eden and Grapes of Wrath.

>always

Thank you friend. A pepe for your troubles.

I have 1 week off until the next semester starts. I wonder if I should go to prague. Probably none of my friends will go but I went there alone already and I met a lot of people.

Carli just set her videos to private lmao

Veeky Forums loses again

Thu 3:18 PM. That is, according to the clock on my Apple Macbook Pro. But what is "Time," anyway? And what is the entity that I allow to tell me what "Time" it is? Furthermore and moreover, what do these shallow consumer products that I engage in add to the life of one such as me? O Existence! My coffee is cold. Very meta.

I still miss my dad even though he died over a year ago.
I feel like its getting in the way of everything that I want to do and is breaking up all my plans for the future.

:(

Time is the fourth and final dimension that humans can perceive in our universe. It is defined by arbitrary units such as seconds and hours, and units based on astronomy such as years and days.

Hope that cleared things up.

...

I'm really worked up about the women in my life. The ones I'd fuck, the ones I'd have a relationship with, the ones I simply interact with. I never really had problems with women but holy fuck it's been a rough 2 and a half months. Everything I say is somehow a veiled insult. Everything I do makes them angry.

Woman #1: When I ask if things are fine, she says yes. Then just a fucking hour later I hear she's angry, and I did it. Like fucking hell talk to me then

Woman #2: I talk to her on monday. We arrange a date. We talk on tuesday. We talk on wednesday. Everything's cool. I talk to her today. SHE'S FUCKING ANGRY ALSO. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY OR DO TO HURT YOU WOMAN

Woman #3: Fuck her twice, no strings attached. Comes over for the third time, suddenly found love with me. I really didn't needed this shit in my life. Why couldn't she tell me she's emotional and shit before we fucked like you a ho don't catch feelings my God

Woman #4: FOR WHAT REASON IS SHE GOSSIPING ABOUT ME NOW AFTER 4 YEARS OF KNOWING EACH OTHER

I can't read minds for fuck's sake. It's like 2017 is constant menstruation for women. I'm seriously fucked up over them.

I don't know about being able to write 4-8 hours a day (I'd just procrastrinate t b h), but writing fast and rewriting later helps a lot. A blank paper is my worst enemy.

Genuinely thought I wrote this

I hate you so much

>UHHHH I HAVE LIKE 4 BIRDS IM FUCKING AND THEY GET A LITTLE PISSY SOMETIMES, GOD!!

need to flay you alive for this bullshit

Bitch I'm fucking #3 and I'm trying to have something serious with #2.
#1 and #4 are friends.
It's not my fault I hurt your permavirgin asocial person, you fucking neckbeard. Take a shower and go out. Talking to 4 (FOUR) women is not an impossible feat. Triggered cunt.

hint you fucking retard

they all probably like you and want to fuck you, girls are histrionic and like conflict, they ENJOY fighting, you see them like men and think theyre genuinely upset when they're just playing games and are most likely wet for you

>gossiping about you

this is a good sign, shes in love with you

try not even being perceptible in the 3rd dimension to women for your entire life then get back to me

>Take a shower and go out.
holy....i want more

thinking now this is a really good troll

youre fucking yourself mate.

they all got mad cause they found out you were dating, trying to holler at or fucking somebody else and/or youre not in it for the long run.

just tell them you are just interested in sex and nothing more and you are also having sex with multiple other people and have no intention of becoming exclusive. its also nearly certain you try to seduce women in the same social circles. be honest and up front about your intentions and who you are seeing.

its probably real, only dense motherfuckers like this ever get this lucky, probably a chad, chad-lite who legitimately believes the girls all fall over themselves for him because of his wit and charm

I just don't understand why they play these petty games. How can they enjoy it? What's the point? It might be a bad idea to seek logic in this shit but it's infuriating.
And I get that gossipping about someone is a "good" sign, I just don't understand why now. I talked to other women in those 4 years we've known each other and she was never jealous.

#1, #2 and #4 are in the same social circle. They couldn't possibly know about #3 unless they looked into my phone. I don't think they had a chance to do that.
I'm only interested #2 and I made sure she knows that. I've never saw anything but a friendly interest from #1 and #4.
As for #3, we agreed that it's just sex. She wasn't even that enthusiastic about it.

Fuck you. Or thank you. Both.

Don't keep reading if you didn't understand the previous page. Go back and reread until you've at least got a basic idea of what the author wants to say, then you can turn the page to the next one.

So I have this mild form of hernia umbilicalis (where some part of belly button has pushed through my abs) and as I press this down

and massage my stomach, deep, real hard, it is a stabbing like pain and I feel like "clonks and clanks" there? Like what the fuck, like I'm pushing squares through square shapes like in that kid's test, and they make a loud fucking nouse

and after I stop massaging the stomach the stabbing pain goes away and it feels good

and they let out massive, 20-30 second long farts and it keeps happening

what the fuck

also thinking about liquidating my assets RIGHT NOW (other than my liquid shit about to income) and moving to USA from Euproe

also if I should do hard sixes or just 10-15 reps on bench press and row tomorrow tbhqhyjwy

Also why does it hurt my leg when I push my stomach what the fuck guys?

>I just don't understand why they play these petty games. How can they enjoy it? What's the point?

Read this:
web.archive.org/web/20150207204820/http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/08/love_the_way_you_lie_with_me.html

lol

The description of the just man in book 2 of The Republic is eerily Christ-like.

hs senior awaiting university desicions

I'm completely paralyzed by analysis. I am in the comfort of knowing that there is not much I can do but enjoy the last bits of highschool left, but I also think at the same time by doing nothing I am not preparing myself for college. I feel obligated to try and get a headstart on what I believe I'll be learning in college, while finishing up highschool. The result is me staying home from school nearly every day, too anxious to even go back, and instead sitting at home pretending to learn python and mathematics. Also the thought of leaving gf and friends behind in a matter of months is horrifying. This is constantly brought to my attention as I compete in debate tournaments at universities across the country so I'm literally always looking at colleges, and that sends me down a path of weighing variables of different situations and different programs against eachother if I get into each school.

Does this end?

*BBBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*

snnnnniiiiiiffffffffffff...oh yes my dear....sssnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff....quite pungent indeed...is that....dare I say....sssssssnniff...eggs I smell?......sniff sniff....hmmm...yes...quite so my darling....sniff....quite pungent eggs yes very much so .....ssssssssssssssnnnnnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiffffff....ah yes...and also....a hint of....sniff....cheese.....quite wet my dear....sniff...but oh yes...this will do nicely....sniff.....please my dear....another if you please....nice a big now....

*BBBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPFFFFFF*

Oh yes...very good!....very sloppy and wet my dear....hmmmmm...is that a drop of nugget I see on the rim?...hmmmm.....let me.....let me just have a little taste before the sniff my darling.......hmmmmm....hmm..yes....that is a delicate bit of chocolate my dear....ah yes....let me guess...curry for dinner?....oh quite right I am....aren't I?....ok....time for sniff.....sssssnnnnnnniiiiiiiiffffffff.....hmmm...hhhmmmmm I see...yes....yes indeed as well curry......hmmm....that fragrance is quite noticeable....yes.....onion and garlic chutney I take it my dear?.....hmmmmm....yes quite.....

*BBBBBBRRRRRRRRPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTT*

Oh I was not expecting that…that little gust my dear….you caught me off guard…yes…so gentle it was though…hmmmm…let me taste this little one…just one small sniff…..sniff…ah….ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffffff…and yet…so strong…yes…the odor….sniff sniff…hmmm….is that….sniff….hmmm….I can almost taste it my dear…..yes….just…sniff….a little whiff more if you please…..ssssssnnnnnniiiiiffffffffff…ah yes I have it now….yes quite….hhhhmmmm…delectable my dear…..quite exquisite yes…..I dare say…sniff….the most pungent one yet my dear….ssssnnnnniiiifffffffffffffffffffffff….yes….

I can't get over the way I look

...

I think that its easy to sink into apathy since it only requires a lack of action or communication. Once you become out of touch with those threads who attach you to society you lose the care once had for the weave of civilization. Life, time, events, they all flow past and around you but they no longer touch you. Doomed to drift alone forever, like a earth-chained soul. But, unlike the dead, you can still come back to the fold. There are still people to meet and suffer for in an endless oscilation between pain and pleasure. You can still rejoin what you walked away from. Question is, is it really worth it?

I think I'm gonna become a buddhist monk. Apathy is the ultimate mindset; Impermeneance and transience are the only true laws of the universe.

Unless you want the sex, no one cares about your looks. Its all about personality. Fat, short, ugly, stinky, dirty, it doesn't matter. People are only put off by undersirable guests. If you're following social customs and are not boring you should be fine.

I've received a string of encouraging rejections of my material, both short stories and novel. Rejections saying that the magazine or the agent were intrigued and interested by my work, but couldn't quite sign off on it.

I feel like I'm close. I'm on the verge of turning the corner and bursting out into grandeur and glory as a writer. I hope I am, anyway. I do love to write, and I do love to write for its own sake, but I desperately want to be great, too. I crave renown. I want glory as a writer. Maybe it's wrong to think this way, but I can't help it. I want to tower over this age as its greatest writer. I know I've got the talent. I just need the chance.

I only have a vague idea of my future. I'm insanely in love with philosophy, but I know it won't make me any money and I don't want to disappoint my parents. Every time a 'Majors Tier List' or similar thread pops up on Veeky Forums I obsessively check it over every 30 minutes.

I just can't be a Finance major anymore lads, I think I'm just gonna take the plunge.

Happy birthday you filthy faggot.

Two ways to interpret "What is on your mind?"

What is on your mind the very moment you type this, or what has been on your mind lately?

The very moment would be me desiring to impart something honest and interesting about my current experience. Searching for ways to describe what I feel about things that are translatable and coherent. Lacking that capacity, I fall into a feeback loop of the recognition of my intention and the inability to draw anything from the content of my experience compounded by the desire to search for something interesting to say.

But forget all that.
I am currently wondering how to reconcile the feeling of "home" with more lofty metaphysical ideas that seem to, as i feel it, eviscerate all sense of 'homeliness' to reality.

I am wondering what exactly "God's back patio" looks like, what the view is. I wonder what pictures hang on the wall, what paintings, what furnishings. I get a "cold" feeling often when I enter into metaphysical inquiry, and I want to re-establish a sense of reference, belonging, a center that is not abstract but concrete, the way a house is concrete, and its humble garden, and the birds that visit.

I find that Finnegans Wake is a nice bridge between the metaphysical and the human(e). For me anyways. I'd like to explore that kind of thinking more.

goddamn you apathy has nothing to do with buddhism, don't take your damn buddhism from schopenhauer

...

my mind is blank all the time, i don't feel any strong emotions except anger, ive been getting constant headaches for a year that feel like fuses are blowing in my brain sharp needling pains and pressure sensations and it also fucks up my ability to concentrate or think about anything or articulate myself. i screwed up my knees (patella femoral syndrome) doing deadlifts while i worked road construction to pay for my useless english degree so i cant exercise and its taking forever to recover. i feel like im getting a preview of what its like to be old, your mind and body falling apart at the same time

wouldn't have done anything differently though

>Does this end?

yeah, life goes on. Unless the gf's the one and you're fucking up, you will look back on your current stresses with wistful indulgence. and noone ever accomplished anything by hanging out with thier boyhood friends forever

Just don't go to college, period
It's a scam intended to make you another subservient, indebted member of the "labor force"

youtube.com/watch?v=9Hkov3QcCpQ

If I want to read the Greeks, can I start with the Republic, or is not a good place to begin?

Women are extremely confusing and I'm too autistic to deal with it.

College Freshman here. Don't feel worried about getting a head start on your classes, you won't be doing much first semester anyway, or second semester really unless you're very proactive and motivated and get a job or something.

The biggest adjustments you'll need to prepare for have nothing to do with schooling, it'll be trying to cope with all the freedom you'll have. It sounds obvious to point out how you're gonna have to buy your own food, do your own laundry, etc., but it honestly takes some time until running your own life feels like a natural thing.

As for the girlfriend/friends thing, that's gonna be rough, assuming you're going someplace different from them. I'm not going to sugarcoat it, the first few months away from home are painfully lonely, because you'll be stuck in this limbo of trying to establish connections with new people, but this time without any of that social safety net of friends and family that you've had growing up.

Despite all this, there are two things I can promise you:

1) Worrying about college now is pointless, let go of that burden because there's nothing you can really do to prepare for it.

2) When you get there and start feeling lonely/depressed/etc., just remember that *everyone* around you is feeling the same things too, to some extent, all the way up to the Seniors.

So just enjoy the time you have with friends now, and try to pick out the friends who'll be worth keeping in touch with, the people you can talk to when you're feeling vulnerable. Because just like you, they'll also be in need of friends come Fall.

Then don't deal with them on the level you think you need to "deal" with them. You can always deal with anyone on whatever level you feel is comfortable and honest. Besides at work. Just avoid women at work.

I really can't believe I have to fucking pay for education. I literally fucked my life getting a loan.

Society is not your friend.
It pushes debt onto us before we've have the time or inclination to learn about how their fucked up game works.
Don't feel lonely in that boat.

My existentialism essay. Would anyone be open to leaving a throwaway email and giving me their thoughts/ critiquing it please?

Thanks, I needed to hear/read something like that.

All of those books have a context, both historical and ideological, you won't be able to digest the books unless this contextual framework is already in place in your mind.
Start from where you are, and work backwards. I don't mean where you are historically, I mean philosophically, where are you? What are your crises that are personally relevant to you?
Look for this literature first; the stuff that is relevant to you on some existential level, and after that you can continue reading and expand into other things, eventually reading for semantic/dialectical/historical context alone, which you will now be able to digest since you have gotten a foothold in your own philosophical situation rather than treating philosophy as an arbitrary collection of factoids and figures with which one must acquaint himself before proceeding to a more comprehensive view.
In the sciences it works that way, but philosophy is different (in that philosophy is the queen of the sciences).

[email protected]
pgp.mit.edu/pks/lookup?op=get&search=0xD67A96B73C0DAB0E
Fucking hit me senpai.

Cheers, sent.

Am all out of beer and splitting headache prevents me from getting more.

I'm boring as fuck, what do?

No it's a terrible starting point, start with the dialogues about the Trial of Socrates.

that i live in prague my whole life and not really give a shit about it but when someone posts about it I feel weirdly proud, even patriotic

That's normal I think

Not really caring either way about the place you live or come from until someone else praises or insults it

thats what i said

He never mentions Of mice and men which is one of Steinbeck's most famous works and is probably where you should start off.

My prostate hurts and I hope it's something really bad, like cancer. I want to die.

Is Irony still cool? If you say something by saying the opposite, does that make you less self-aware than confronting a truth w/out embellishment?

Cute duckies. But to answer your question, yes, irony and satire are "in." See: the popularity of Stephen Colbert and Jon whatever his last name is. Also those memes where the filters are ridiculously exaggerated.

Someone asked me what my proudest accomplishment was. I couldn't tell him (lol "professionalism") but I wanna tell you guys since... I don't know? I guess it's one of the few genuine accomplishments I've made in my life that I feel really good about.

When I was young I was broke and dumb and wanted to travel so I bought a cargo van, gutted it, and made an impromptu camper van. I'd drive where I wanted, stopped where I wanted, and worked when I had to. This spanned over several years and had the time of my life.

About two years in I got bored. You can only wander aimlessly for so long, I guess. Until I picked up, uh, we'll call her "The Woman".

Confession time -- I picked up hitchhikers. Most were harmless, and my rationale was that if they're so desperate they're willing to enter an unmarked white van then they must really need it. Anyways, The Woman.

The moment I saw her I noticed she was missing her shoes. I'm not sure why that bothered me so much, but it really did. Maybe it's because the roads were hot or something. I don't know.

Anyways, I picked her up. She thanked me and immediately asked for water. I said sure, handed her my thermos and she drank the whole thing. I (jokingly) said it must've been days since she last drank. She nodded in agreement.

So at this point I'm noticing her clothes are muddy, her skin has sunburn and she's overall not doing that great. I asked her how many days. Three.

I am shitting my fucking pants. One of the things they teach you in scouts is the rules of three. Three weeks without food, three minutes without air, and three days without water. Whatever's happening is bad.

I characteristically skirt around the issue like a fucking firetruck. She clams up, whatever, I ask where she wants to go and she said at least til out of state. That's fine, there's dick to do here anyways.

So we go, we make idle chitchat, point out anything that isn't a cornfield or a fucking cracker barrel. We get along pretty well. Then she fucking BREAKS I mean she just starts sobbing and I ask what's wrong.

So she tells me this whole fuckin story, dude. I'm omitting some facts but basically her family are a bunch of creepy Amish fucks that were more or less keeping her hostage in this compound. She ended up arguing with her parents, they had a shouting match and they told her if they didn't like it to just go. So she did.

I'm dead silent because, I mean, that's a lot to process. You hear fucked up stories from gutter punks but this is just different. This woman has little to no education, I don't even know if she has a birth certificate, it's a lot.

But I knew if I just ditch her she would die. She would fucking die and it would be my fault. So I, again, subtlety of a firetruck, tell her no I'm not mad. That her parents were shitty people and she was lucky enough to get away.

Part one holy shit this is so fucking long sorry

I'm going to have coffee with a really nice girl, and I'm terrified because I am seriously like a 2016-era Houellebecq-looking motherfucker, except completely unintentionally and unironically

Even if it's only platonic, I still feel downright bad that I'm going to show up "doing my best," and "my best" is going to be homeless man rags and autism cranked up to 11, while she looks nice as fuck and is all-around pleasant and put-together

I'm happy with myself as long as I don't have to be inflicting it on others

I told her about myself and what I do, or, well, don't do. That I travel basically, and that I'm bored. If she wanted to she can travel with me and we can cross off whatever she's got on her bucket list.

Then I had to explain what a bucket list is. So she kinda just sat there for a while. I drove, and she perks up says she always wanted to go on a rollercoaster.

This is roughly how I met The Woman.

So, hey, rollercoasters -- that's easy as shit. I whip out my phone to find out where the nearest six flags is.

She freaks. Turns out when you're living in a regressionist compound you don't see many smart phones, who knew.

The proceeding four hours were spent on cat videos. She asked me who's cats they were, like, shit, how would I know? I'm not the cat police. Get it together.

I drove mostly, me being the cool guy I am I mostly just said nothing. We did eventually make it to six flags, had a great time. She barfed a lot, I barfed a lot. Got to introduce her to fair food (her favorite was the bear claw) and we even got a hat which she still has to this day.

That's more or less how we spent the better part of two years! We'd travel, pick something new to try, and just kept going and again. Eating contests, fireworks shows, concerts, whatever.

We even managed to straighten out her education. She's in community college and doing fine now.

There isn't really an end to this. I never wanted kids, but she's probably the closest thing I'll ever have. Words can't express how proud I am of her and how lucky I am to have met her.

BUT Y'KNOW THE WHOLE HOMELESS VAGABOND THING DOESN'T FLY WITH MY COWORKERS SO HERE WE FUCKIN ARE jesus christ

If she agreed to go to coffee with you, then she likes you and is willing to try this out for one reason or another, you're not 'inflicting yourself' on anyone. Either you're better looking than you think, or you've got an attractive personality strong enough to make her overlook your flaws, probably a mixture of both.

Just show up and be the person she agreed to go with, and realize she's probably nervous too.

This story is really sweet user, and I like your writing, anything else you remember?

Also did u fugg

That's a fictional story right?

>"You know you can use the self check out instead so you don't have to wait in line."

>Yes I know I can use self check out but I haven't left my room or talked to anyone one in three weeks, and I'd like to exchange meaningless pleasantries.

>"Thank you and have a very nice day."

I stopped watching professional porn and now I fap only to amateur pics of real women. The orgasm are way better.

I'm bored and lonely on Friday night once again, so here I am on Veeky Forums, the closest thing I have to meaningful human connection. Heh..

I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. This is gonna sound stupid, but, tomorrow is my aunt's service (she sadly passed away) and I've been stressed with school, too. Also, I dance to Cumbia (it's a type of Latin American music) every other day as a way to exercise myself and to embrace my Hispanic roots (so, I guess you could call it a spiritual thing, oh I don't know). And it's just that I've recently had this sort of bad streak (it's when I usually do bad/mediocre on my dancing for a little while) thing with my dancing to cumbia. I presently feel disappointed in myself for that same, very reason. I feel like I can do better, it's just that for some stupid reason I can't reach to my fullest potential! I feel somewhat frustrated as well. I may be just overreacting, but I want to get in to dancing professionally. As such, my dancing means a lot to me. Does anybody else feel the same? Can other dancers relate? Can anybody tell me why? Please tell me what you guys think about all this. Thank you for reading my venting. I really appreciate it.

I fear that Death is the end of all but then end up thinking that being alive eternally may be boring but then I think that my consciousness popping like a bubble sounds awful.

I want to believe in God and the afterlife, really hard. I want to stop thinking stuff so fucking much, it just makes me sad and ruins my relationships.

Same here, anything you're reading or want to talk about?