Hey Veeky Forums I need help writing a sonnet. Thought you guys could help me

Hey Veeky Forums I need help writing a sonnet. Thought you guys could help me

if i needed help
whom would i turn to
the mussles in the kelp
or the turd in my loo
would i use my brain
or ask others to think for me
what could i gain
from becoming queen bee
could i actually form thoughts
which evolve to ideas
my cells producing megawatts
like the interwebs korea's

maybe user should grow up
and get rid of his cum buildup

kek

Kek
What were you looking for?

something about love

>queen bee

wait, wait, are you a grill?

you wanna go out?

Well think of a theme to unify the sonnet. Like Spenser's Amoretti 75 has the theme of making immortal his love; Sidney's sonnet 2 has the theme of unwilling love and the strange joy of the love.

So ask yourself, what do you want the central theme to be?

what would you change Veeky Forums?

Stronger language; rhyming fear and year is very clichéd.
>Love is like a daisy
Seems just to be a random line thrown in for the sake of it.

I can't comment on rhythm, as I'm shit at that

how is
While making life less hazy

Definitely stronger

thanks man what else would you change?
If nothing what would give it out of 10

the sonet was writen from op's perspective. i don't know if he's a girl. maybe a trap was? transgender bee? a genderbender fly?
who knows

it is bleak af
it's just a accumulation of overused phrases and assumtions. nothing new, nothing personal. way too generic
get more character in there. classic case of show, don't tell

you're trying to explain what or how love is (badly...). what about you make people figure that out on their own instead?

how do i get character in there I'm a terrible writer lol help me

most sonnets are about love
so just make sure to write about love

what would u change user

i donmt know man... the shit above was my first try at a sonet. or writing in general.
but anyways, maybe i can offer my adv as a reader.

as a first improvement, don't make it about love in general. everybody has different emotions connected to love, you won't reach out to many people if you try to tell them what they should feel like about love. it's condescending and nobody likes being told what to do.

instead, make it about YOU and love. that will get them hooked. one part because they find themselfes in your experiences, the other because yours differs so much from theirs.

try to rewrite it and make it about you this time. then i'll get into the rest that needs work. baby steps, user

My professor says it has to be about love :/

yeah... i didn't say it shouldn't be about love anywhere, did i? i just said male it about your experience with love, not love in general

have none, only experience with love is with my family

you can't have no experience with love. if you don't have experience with girls/guys, that's not the same as no experience with love. ever been in love unrequited?
you can also DEFINITELY write about love that isn't romantic. would be some fresh air for once

Love is strange I prefer to stay out of it

wtf kind of answer is that?
you HAVE to write a sonnet about it. now stop acting like a special snowflake and get your unrecuited crush love or animu waifu love out of the basement and start writing. love is love. nobody said it has to be about guy loves girl, yadda yadda. you will blow your prof away if you dare to touch on something that's less trampled down

also, it doesn't have to reveal who's involved or of it is requited or not. just get that feel back up and write about it in your own god damn words! no overused phrases! i'll beat your ass

Love is like a drug
Squashed some down like little bugs
hows that

love is like a drug is the mother of all empty assumptions

but shit, it's hard to come up with something that's not overused af...

try something that is specific to the person/whatever you picture when you think about love

for example:
i once told my someone that i love him so much i'd even lock my car for him.
or that i love that he has to wash his whole face after he ate something greasy

that doesn't make any sense to a bystander but it's personal and surely not overused. that's the direction i am getting at

it makes people wonder what the story is behind those phrases. and the people involved

I understand thanks user

Not in iambic pentameter?

Rhyme scheme: good
Meter: neither iambic nor pentameter

Work on building strong images and flushing out concepts/ideas/emotions. Lines shouldn't stand alone, they should be in the context of other components of the poem.

Ouch.

Honestly, scrap what you have a start over again.

Beginner challenge:
Pick a single image and keep returning to it. What are you trying to say? You're just talking about what love is with random imagery. You have the images of friend, fear, sleeping, war, clothing, brain, sanity, violence, and a flower. Pick one image and constantly return to it. If love is a flower, talk about how it grows, how it buds, and blooms etc. Or you have fear, you can use a haunting image, like a door at the end of a hallway, or the edge of cliff, where at the last two lines you end the unknown or take the leap.

The point of the Elizabethean sonnet is to have twelve lines of build-up and a two line release/resolution.


Intermediate challenge.
Try to get some sort of meter down. Heck, just try to make sure that every line has the same amount of syllables. If you can't do Iambic pentameter, just make sure that each line has ten syllables.

Hard challenge:
The first non-monosyllabic word in your sonnet is emotion on line nine! Afterward, the other polysyllabic words are feeling, putting, daisy, something, very, people. Try to eliminate as many monosyllables as possible while maintaining the image of the easy challenge within the meter of the intermediate.