I need a book that yanks my bf out of his immature mindset

Immature in what way, specifically. Maturity has a lot of different aspects.

mkay... see, the intent is not to shock him into thinking like an adult. or - is it?

all or nothing

for example this

>making a drama out of small shit that he has no power over

or

>getting upset if i don't share his romantic worldviews (people who love each other can't possibly have a good time when they are appart)

>seeing me as a possesion instead of a vis-à-vis (thinks i don't have strong values and integrity for no other reason than "i'm female")

>really? why?

I don't know bitch! You this goddamn damn questiony with your boyfriend? No wonder he spends his time with childish shit, it's to get away from you!

Tolstoy

Congrats he sounds redpilled af

kek

i haven't read any of the dune books so i wondered how they are related to my request. a simple "the main protagonist matures during the plot" would have been sufficient

He must have a big cock if you're staying with someone you consider retarded.

he's as blue pilled as one can be.
the fact he doesn't take me serious is because he thinks i'm weak willed and if he isn't watching over me, i will fall onto the next dick.
and he assumes that, not because i gave him any reason to do so but because he thinks "that's just how girls are." (or humans. who knows what's going on in his mind...)
it's not him being red pilled. it's him being insecure and having trust issues

anything specific you had in mind?

you totally got me user! getting my cervix hit is worth spending the rest of my life with a manchild!

we're talking about nuances here. he's not immature in every aspect. infact, he's quiet mature in most areas. but that doesnmt mean he can stagnate in the areas he still has work to do. i try to find my blind spots too.

stoicism might be what he needs. i'll read it first to see if i think he'll benefit from it. thanks user!

Tell him to stop browsing /pol/.

he doesn't know Veeky Forums exists.

>he browses 9gag

>the fact he doesn't take me serious is because he thinks i'm weak willed and if he isn't watching over me, i will fall onto the next dick.

How long have you been together? Because he might need time to trust that you're different from the majority of American young women, who are indeed like that.

almost 1,5 years now. i think he had enough time to realize he can trust me

i'm not even american

>immature
In what way? Please illustrate with an example.

Are you honestly saying you would NOT fall onto a 10/10 dick if you had the chance and you bf would never find out?

She already did, read the thread.

Ah, I see now.
In that case, Madame Bovary

rever to this post

a recent example would be that he's away for work for two weeks.
we're now two days in and he is already absolutely losing it.

he wrote me a wall of text today about how he can't handle not seeing me for so long, that he is on the verge of crying all day, that he just wants to come home already and that he thinks this is a sign of his love.
in return, my lack of acting like the world is in flames has him assuming that i don't love him.
he asked me TRICE today, how i am and how my day is. everytime i told him i'm good and what i was doing at the moment. i also told him i miss him but i didn't act like i am suffering, since i'm not. i'm an adult. i can be without my partner for two days...

Just dump him lol.

J K. Losers like that love Kierkegaard

>meet a nice guy
>he has low self esteem
>he has trust issues
>he learns to value himself and trust you JUST enough to share these issues
>you treat him like a crybaby
>lie to his face about not being interested in other less insecure men
>literally playing into self esteem and trust issues hand over fist
>eventually get tired of "his problem" and leave him more worse for wear than when you found him
>every fucking time
Great job OP!

Significant others are not pokemon, user.

He needs a therapist. No joke.

It would also work if you did couples therapy. But if you think that this kind of issue is completely one sided you're a fucking moron.

Honestly he just sounds like a really needy, overly-dramatic person. Just tell him to get his shit together and give him a couple of weeks to do it. If it doesn't work and it bothers you that much, fuck it just break up with him

why would i?
for me, sexual pleasure is mostly about intimacy, which increases with the level closenes i have to someone. consequently, i'll always prefer sex with my bf over sex with anyone else.

on top of that, i'm not an animal. i can controle my actions and make conscious decisions.
the satisfaction of feeling desired by a stranger is not worth the possible aftermath. in zero cases

>not worth the aftermath
>in zero cases

sounds like i could lock the two of you in a room and you wouldn't run out of topics to discuss...

the whole "you can't expect someone to change" thing is a bit of a meme. ofc you can't EXPECT that. but that doesn't mean you can't hope for it.
i also believe that people should never stop to learn and work on honing their personality and character. being in a relationship might be the best way to do exactly that. provided both are willing to learn and teach.
in no other setting will someone be able to see you this clearly and put their finger on your issues.

imve never said it is completely onesided. i have my own issues. obviously.
i play right into his insecurity by being very protective of my freedom. i wouldn't exploit my freedom to hurt him, but he just can't trust me with that. i'm not willing to give up my freedom to cater to his fears, though

firstly, i'm not a fan of ultimatums
secondly, he would get his shit together. for maybe two weeks. because it wasn't a shift in his mindset but a desperate attempt to please me. which is the opposite of what i want

you want to tell me something, user?

>sounds like I could lock you two in a room and you'd have plenty to discuss
No doubt. Maybe you should try it sometime!

English is clearly not their first language. I don't think it's fair to imply that here. She/whatever it is certainly likes her bf more than is illustrated here.

If his immaturity is so deeply rooted that even an ultimatum wouldn't help, do you really think anything would, let alone a single book?
Therapy is probably your best bet, like someone else pointed out.

Shitty bait thread that will probably blow up anyway.

Where are you from? He might have some legitimate (in his mind) reasons for thinking this way based on his exposure to women.

I don't have any specific suggestions - don't think his mentality will really be helped much by a book. Will only come from experience and serious self-reflection. You said he is depressed, that's the main issue. Speaking from experience - your not going to change if your depressed. Just do everything in your power to help him with that, a book isn't the answer.

Therapy maybe? Didn't help me at all but it could help him.

fucking scorched
ultimatums are inherently immature. so much so they often don't even need to be voiced. the bf clearly senses an ultimatum in all her actions, which is why he acts the way he does and why he is freaking out at the beginning of a two week trip. she's been giving him the ultimatum body language and voice hints for months at this point.

see, i get that he is insecure and has trust issues. but how should i deal with that in your opinion? should i cater to his fears and act like i can't spend a second without him? do i have to change my whole personality to satisfy his ego? wouldnmt it be the more mature way to find a solution to the roots of the issue than gloss ober the symptoms by eliminating them? wouldn't he benefit from learning to be less insecure and iron out his trust issues a lot more than from having a spineless wife?

Oh your married now?

it isn't, obviously... what did i do wrong?

ultimatums will never resolve anything. and he doesn't see any problem (sonce his behaviour is just the proove of his love for me...), so he won't go to therapy either

i've learned a lot from books myself. it only needs one or two sentences that stick with you to alter your mindset

switzerland
ofc he has reasons. everybody has reasons for their behaviour. but that doesn't mean you shouldn't adress it if needed

he's not really depressed. he doesn't even know what depression really is. he just thinks he is depressed, when he's away from me. infact, he's just anxious

you are the master of assumptions, aren't you?

Maps of meaning by Jordan B Peterson in conjuction with Crime and Punishment and The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, and Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche.

Get him to watch Jordan's lectures on youtube if he doesn't want to read and have it all spoon fed to him. It'll sort his shit right out.

not yet. getting married in summer. i was talking about long term benefits

sounds like you've never really tried to talk to him, maybe you think you've tried; how would he act if he saw this thread?

When someone I care about is hurting/suffering, i don't go to an anonymous message board and ask for a book recommendation.

The mere fact you're asking for this, 'something that doesn't feel indocrinating or patronizing when i give it to him,' tells me you sugar-coated many things that you should have told him straight. Why are you looking for a book to do your work for you? And if he truly believes that a woman's inherent self worth is so low that he can't trust you, much less talk to you on even grounds (did you address why he thinks like this?), then maybe re-think the relationship

i think i'll start with the vids.

btw, i'm reading beyond good and evil atm. so far it seems a bit incoherent and a lot of common sense. does it get more substantial?

thanks a lot for the recs

i did talk to him, obviously.
but like you said, i also sugarcoated.
i don't think a book should do the work for me. i also am aware that i can't expect him to read a book and be free of issues. that's ridiculous.
but i know i habe found a lot of help in books with flaws i needed to work on. so i thought, maybe he could benefit from it too.
i do think he is just crippling insecure and thinks that every woman MUST instantly run to the next guy if one shows up since he "can't compeed with anybody and is also not even worthy of love". it's not a case of "all women are sluts". if it was, i'd be long gone

>it isn't, obviously... what did i do wrong?
Lots of things. But especially in the way you paint yourself in this thread. You come off much worse than you likely are.
>you are the master of assumptions, aren't you?
I'm not so sure that you're giving the ultimatum in your body language, as you do seem to want this to work. I think that your bf may seriously be interpreting everything you say with a tacit addition of "or else" at the end.
But as I continue to read what you say about him it sounds as though he's just emotionally immature and I have no real suggestions to offer.

no they end in divorce because dipshits like you marry dipshits like your boyfriend besides ending clearly toxic relationships

I don't know how far in you are but if I were to some it up, it would be "holy shit nihilism will be the death of us all unless the individual can find a replacement for Christianity that isn't pathologically murderous". It's ridiculously dense material if you ask me. Good luck finishing it.

You say you hate ultimatums but you've clearly given yourself one.
>either change my ways completely or dismiss my bfs concerns.
It's like a Chinese fingertrap, you will probably feel more free in the relationship when you actually are willing to take his concerns seriously.

you should get a new a boyfriend or admit to yourself that his immaturity isn't really a problem for you cause you like the way he looks and don't know if you could do better

Sum*
Sorry for phone posting lol

Man examine your language 'fuck buddy' is a relationship.

and how do i paint myself?
i am aware that this thread sounds very bad. but that's the nature of a thread i started with the info that i'm not happy with my bf's behaviour. it already has a negative undertone and that reflects back on me. but it's alright. i didn't make this thread to be seen as the perfect gf

i've never tought about it like that (or else...). that's horrible. i think i sense that he does exactly that. that's why i have a tendency to sugarcoat. which isn't what i usually do. he just takes everything i say so god damn serious

>emotionally immature
exactly. and i was hoping to get some recs for books that help become emotionally mature

now i'm curious if i'd put my name under your summary

i have already changed my ways a lot to fit his needs and it hasn't changed anything. infact, it just gets worse

i do take him and his fears serious. but at some point, i feel like he just has to stop and search for a solution instead of wallowing in selfpitty

ofc i like the way he looks. but if it was all that draws me to him, i would not still be in this relationship

now you're nitpicking. you know what i mean

>monogamous romantic relationship

better?

There's a lot of weird advice in this thread that isn't particularly helpful. I'll this here.
youtu.be/9VM1UA0pCMQ
Watch it OP

You are acting like this is one sided because you just want him to read a book sort his shit out rather than you work together to create a better relationship.

Even if he read the perfect book you would need to actively and happily engage in discussing with him how to integrate that into your relationship. And if you act like that's a hassle you're basically communicating that he's not worth your effort. And then you wonder why he's insecure...

Have you changed your ways begrudgingly? Because then he's going to sense you're full of shit and have trust issues.

How to grow up:

1. Being an adult is soothing in some ways, you can spend your time on things that truly matter, the other side of the coin is that the sacrifices you've made to get there are a pyrrhic victory.

2. Life is never the same when you stop being a child, it's just that nobody tells you how much is really required to become an adult.

3. Balance the forces, deliberate on the aspects of your life and the effects they have on eachother, don't preoccupied with pop-culture like a manchild, but don't spend your entire life reading books like a shut-in

4. Man's life is an inherent struggle for heroism, men want to be like the heroic knight killing the dragon, and at the end a woman waiting for him to settle down and have a materialistic life. Life is always meant to be lived to the fullest, but none of us actually do.
There's not going to be a dragon to slay, almost nobody is meant for greatness, but the woman is still there waiting, just take the shortcut, stop chasing your dragon, and stop dreaming like a 12 year old.

3mins in.

i've tried doing exactly that (asking for the smallest amount of change that would satisfy me). didn't help at all.

it went like that:

i can't fall asleep if i can't move freely. meaning, cuddling whilst falling alsleep will result in me laying awake till he fell asleep, wrestle myself free and THEN fall asleep. that version led to me having sleep deprivation since i take a long time to fall asleep.
so i told him i love to cuddle with him and we can do that before falling asleep. but that i need him to not wrap himself around me or i won't be able to sleep. his reaction was to take it personal (if you'd love me, you'd cuddle with me whilst sleeping). so i spent a lot of time trying to convince him that it has nothing to do with me not wanting intimacy or being close to him. he didn't believe a single word.
after that, he demonstratively turned his back to me and slept on the edge of the bed for a few days. i was so annoyed by his immature behaviour that i just took that opportunity to catch up with sleep.
then he started to wait till i fell asleep and then wrap himself around me. only problem is, that wakes me up every time. so i have to start from scratch. and as soon as i am asleep, he latche on to me again.
i haven't tried to get my point across again. it's futile. he thinks i will get used to it with time. he thinks his need to cuddle the whole night trough is the normal thing to do and absolutely justifies me not getting enough sleep.

going to watch the rest of the vid now

i've stater more than once in this thread that i was just hoping for a book to AID that task, not do it for me

not at all. but it makes me question if the compromises i made are worth it if it has no effect on his behaviour

was that coined at me or my bf?

Is this the representative of the people who browse this place? Holy fucking hell man, we've already lost.

This place is really hostile, snobbish, and discouraging, even for Veeky Forums standards.

i'm out. need to sleep

thanks for all the helpfull recs and input anons

i'll check back when i wake up and the thread's still around

Later, dream of my heavy swinging dong and how superior it is to your faggy manchild boyfriend's.

That's true but how is that relevant to

Because that's me

he's got a pretty heavy swinging dong himself, but thanks for the offer.

autistic people alway have a big dick

...

Yeah we got that. Question is why you would come here of all places, if you can't string 2 sentences together without coming off as the largest biocuck that has ever existed?

You're really not being nice

How big?

I hate to break it to you but if you're passive aggressively whining about your retarded boyfriend on Veeky Forums you're either equal to or lower than him in terms of maturity levels

After having read this thread, I can safely say there are no books that will change him, or you for that matter. If you don't like him the way he is, then leave.

I don't think this retard even cares about books she's just using this board as her personal blog.

>i need a book that yanks my bf out of his immature mindset

>haha nothing indoctrinating or patronizing tho, thats my job XDDDD

I'd spit in your face if you said something like that in front of me, worthless fuckhole

Hey, how about you do him a favor and break up with him and then kill yourself you retarded whore?

That should yank him out of his immature mindset.

This desu

OP actually seems like a pretty reasonable and loving person while most of you itt seem to be projecting your own fears and anxieties regarding women onto her.

I don't have any recommendations though lol

>settle for my holes, you were never going to be good at anything anyway :)

yeah nah, I'll achieve greatness, and you'll hit the wall by age 23 and i'll be lmaoing @ your grandma looking ass

Lol OP I see right through your damage control

What the fuck is your problem asshole I'm just trying to help him. You have fucking issues dude mommy problems or something haha what are you even doing on lit this is a board for self improvement go back to your containment board

Probably because you're a fulfilled and self-actualized person.

You faggot.

Lol nah I'm a bitter, sexless loser like I imagine most of this site to be, I just try to be at least mildly self-aware about my issues.

Kind of funny that you claimed people were projecting their insecurities when it was actually you projecting the whole time

>whitenight LARPing your own thread because your filthy and insultingly puny woman brain cannot go 3 seconds without insulting a man, so you get BTFO'ed because of it and must result to damage control

Projecting projection? I think we need to deeper!

Nah you were definitely projecting my man. Just because I might be too doesn't invalidate that.

i need to know who that person in the gif is, made me laugh out loud for a couple of minutes

I'll be your new boyfriend, I bet I can bench more than your current one, and I'm also an intellectual. Give me your name, height, weight, bust, body fat percentage and adress right now.

>women
>improving anything
>women involved in improving others
>women invovled in improving men

Don't flatter yourself sweet cheeks. You know you sit on your fat ass all day, and are only doing this for attention

or perhaps for the slight possibility that whatever we suggest here will make your BF a more palatable lapdog than he already clearly is