Approach checkout counter with my books

>approach counter with wittgenstein's tractatus
>female cash operator: doing some light reading? (said with perplexing levity)
>me (mask of confusion): are you alluding to the thinness of the volume?
>female cash operator/potential mate: huh?
>me (teeth chattering): do not let the weight of the book deceive you as to the weightiness of its contents.
>future wife: ok
>me: (swallows)
>soul mate: are you ok?
>me: i want you to perform the transaction now

>Finnegan's Wake
>Finnegan's
>'

>at B&N
>Buyign(sic) Dhalgren, Finnegans Wake and Ulyxes
>the cashier wets my pants and says:
>You're plump, stately and please sir, put that knife and mirror away or i'll call the cops
>set up an animal farm

>I want you to perform the transaction now

>It's a good post

>approach checkout with a large collection of Wolfe
>the cashier, an older gentlemen with a large walrus style moustache, smiles at me knowingly

>Approach checkout with fist editions from the rare book section
>qt cashier raises her eyebrows
>"Doing some light reading?"
>"No. These will look good on my shelf"
>She strips off her vintage polka-dot skirt and starts rubbing her clit
>Lead her into the parking lot to my Ferrari
>She blows me as I meticulously organize my hand-made solid oak bookshelf
Anyone else hate when this happens?

It's hard to buy popular epic poetry at somewhere like B&N without unironically doing that

>approach inconveniently located checkout counter with infinite jest
>pulchritudinous female aka subject 9 working the counter: doing some light reading?
>me (suddenly aware i have something in my teeth): ah, haha, i... ok and but now ive screwed this up by pausing too long and completely undermining the grace and flow and naturalness of the interaction the art of which, as evidenced by your playful question, directed to a total stranger who could be for all you know a total dweeb or weirdo, the art of which you've clearly mastered, no doubt the result of growing up in a healthy loving nuclear family that watches its prescribed six hours of tube (i mean, television, gosh do people even call it the tube anymore? Im sorry) nightly and but now i can see now that im giving you the fantods now by talking so much and youve now no doubt written me off completely as a total off-the-charts nut who but so in all kinds of complicated ways we wont get into you're actually in a roundabout way kind of right and but hasnt this interaction from the beginning been kind of doomed in a way, our feeling obliged to exchange pleasantries in a way that lets be honest neither of us want anything to do with, you flashing the hideous professional smile, me receiving it, dying in a small way inside, and but so we both know that its a cage, and its all a matter of which way the door opens, in a kafkaesque way, and so why dont you and i go and have supper and i can pick your brain because obviously youre a smart person and youve probably thought about this a lot more than i have.
subject 9: ok

>having a hand-made solid oak bookshelf in your Ferrari
Absolutely patrician

severely underrated post

>"Doing some light reading?"
>"Making use of your English degree?"

s'cool

>go to bookstore
>pick out all the essentials: McCarthy, Joyce, Vollman, Pynchon, Wallace, random classics I've seen posted on Veeky Forums
>put all of the books into a cart
>cashier keeps giving me glances as I'm carrying hundreds and hundreds of dollars of books and they're gonna make a big sell
>I go to this empty bookshelf in the back of the store
>I arrange all my books haphazardly
>crack some of the spines and attempt to wear their coverings down by sliding a letter opener over them so they look like they've been read
>cashier protests, but I tell them not to fret; I'm about to buy them all
>snap a pic of all the books on the shelf with my phone
>go to Veeky Forums and create a thread with the pic
>"Post your stax :) r8 or h8"
>I run out of the store before and am a block away before the cashier can reach 911

Kek

>buying Chekhov, Hesse and and Garcia Marquez in their original languages
>qt cashier takes one look and smirks
>"teaching yourself how to read so late in life? that's commendable"
>mfw

>working the cash register at B&N
>qt checks out half a dozen GMAT exam prep book
>i ask "What does someone take the 'GMAT' for?"
>she answers "so they don't end up working at Barnes & Noble" and looks back down at her phone

jeez that's brutal

...

I enjoyed this post

>Get to counter
>Just as I hand the books over the penis inspection siren goes off
>I get 8/10 on vascularity, but I only get 1.2 metres on the cumshot test
>I fail as usual
>After the 2 hour long test and mandatory shaming for all failures, I am again walking towards the exit
>The Waterstones fracking operation has started leaking again, so I have to walk around the fiction section due to the oil slick
>As im about to get out the door, the book falcons attack me and shred all my books

>Approach the counter with The Complete Works of Plato
>Cashier raises an eyebrow
>"Are you an intellectual?"
>"Not really."
>Cashier smirks
>"That's why you read Plato."
>mfw

>B&N on 5th avenue in NYC, blocks away from Trump tower
>day after the election, heavy police presence
>people crying on the subway, black kids blasting some "fuck trump" rap song on their headphones
>have a stack of books to check out. Art of the Deal is in the middle of the stack, can't see it unless you unstack them
>black lesbian behind the counter, eye makeup smudged from tears, glassy eyes from a combo of weed and crying, looks defeated, moving slowly
>removes first book on stack to scan
>removes second book to scan
>Art of the Deal is now on the top of the stack
>she freezes upon seeing it, real cheap shot out of nowhere in hindsight
>she looks up at me, a white male, suit and tie, my face is ice cold, serene, i'm staring in her eyes with the eye of the tiger
>she just breaks down crying and walks away
>another employee apologizes and finishes scanning

Would be pretty cool if this were true.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeit.

what happened next in your dreams?

holy shit please tell me you made that up

We don't deserve this level of literature on Veeky Forums

>I want you to perform the transaction now
Kekerino

a daring synthesis

>ambulate towards the checkout
>spot a cute old babe working the reggy
>see behind her several life size cut-outs of Plato, Aristotle, and that third one
>mutter something about "starting with the greeks"
>pay for my third copy of Infinite Jest and """forget""" it on the counter so she'll learn about good literature

I think it worked

>walk up to qt replicator, no books
>are you going to buy something?
>spit malignant future-memes into her brain
>she understands now
>she spreads the virus now
>kill myself
>wake up in screaming robo-hell
>fuck, forgot to give all my money to elon musk before i killed myself

itt: your last spaghetti moment

>>me: i want you to perform the transaction now
top kek

At this point you only have two options:
1. Drive home and commit suicide.
2. Follow her home and kill her in her sleep
These are the only two ways to preserve some semblance of dignity after you got absolutely fucking destroyed like that.

this desu

...

She was probably being sincere and wanted you to ask her out desu.

Repurposed copypasta, though I assume that's most of the thread and I just don't notice it

>@ indigo
>buying Art of the Deal by meme god comandante
>other cashiers crowd to the counter and stare
>qt1: "So your a supporter, eh?"
>qt2: "have you read 1984 it's very similar"
>gay man in line talking about the increase inISLAMOPHOBIA with his partner & how he's NOT AFRAID
>trails off into tirade, topic: cis males in canada
>qt1: "Why do we even sell this?"
> "it's for a class"
> "what are you majoring in? dictatorships xD?"
>tfw we were in the same political rhetoric class
>tfw we had a group project earlier that semester

Zozzle n1

whoa man your comment is like a behind the scenes peek into how the memeing happens.

>tfw will never know that feel...

i have never had the slightest twinge of a reaction to any book i've ever bought or checked out from any cashier or librarian ever

I think all of you are liars

such is life of a non schizo. You should leave

>work in book store
>put Pynchon book as book of the day since I really like Pynchon
>lady comes up and says that's a really good book and asks if I've read it
>I start sweating
>I'm too scared to articulate my love of Pynchon, so I pretend to be a pleb
>"That author is too confusing for me"
>she gives me a wierd look and walks away
>die inside

>approach cashier
>put down atlas shrugged on the counter
>pls no pls no
>"wow thats a big book, is it for class or are you reading it?"
>r-reading it
>"ok its gonna be xx"
>get out of there as fast as possible

>early in the morning
>in the erotica section
>reach for "big tooled mechanic"
>i feel someone pulling it from the other side
>it's sam harris wearing a hoodie and comically large sunglasses
>i can see a single tear roll down from behind the shades
>"not even superdeterminism absolves me from this

Wow okay user, that's kind of fucked up

Lol

right answer

this one is true

>local bookshop having talk by some guy on an anti-censorship book
>I wander into bookshop just before talk starts without knowing about it
>stay for talk
>guy starts talking about internet shit
>pink hair girl puts her hand up and mentions tumblr
>I put my hand up and mention Veeky Forums
>"its a good debating space if you have a thick skin, you won't get hounded like on tumblr or twitter"
>pink hair girl queries point
>"but you can still post stuff on twitter/tumblr user"
>somewhere within me suppressed autism emerges
>"on Veeky Forums you are free to post anything, one thing I see a lot is GAS THE KIKES, RACE WAR NOW"
>room is now awkward
>remember event is being filmed for livestream or something
>mfw

>soulmate

This is real huh.... ouch..

>not raising your eyebrows and going Oooookaaaaaaay at her for being so disproportionately fucking belligerent for no reason whatsoever

You know qts can be spergs too, right?

You've accidentally made making a fool of yourself in the modern age into an artform. I could kiss you on one cheek and slug you on the other.

That was a good post

christ my sides

Tbf, I am kind of surprised they sell it.

How does /lit not realize this is mocking the OPs inability to discern sarcasm

>i want you to perform the transaction now. kek

and then everyone clapped

New boatload of estrogen-riddled teens just out of high school in their first days of uni, going through their first ropes. Let 'em cut their teeth, imho.

i honestly laughed

I have but it was pretty normal. I got the Bible and the dude said "it's nice to see young people reading good literature". I don't remember what I replied but it was probably something really autistic. The whole thing was just a cover up for my failure to find the Kalevala.

who borrows bible from library? I thought this book is in every house?

I bought it from a bookstore you working-class knob.

How do YOU not get that that was the joke OP was making?

Hmm?

i lost my breath

>attend literature class
>girl is reading infinite
>tell her she's wasting her life on a meme
>she grabs my balls and whisper, mere inches from my face
>"you haven't even read Stirner"

>at bookstore in YDAU
>bring copy of infinite jest to register
>cashier: doing some reading of a like totally grade school-type caliber?
>go home and eliminate my own map for keeps