Every day I think about that embarrassing thing I said at the Philosophy Society meeting and every day...

Every day I think about that embarrassing thing I said at the Philosophy Society meeting and every day, I think of death.

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in high school i blurted out "ulysses by james joyce" in the middle of class. teacher and everybody was like "what?" and i said "oh did i say that out loud, sorry, i was just thinking about a book ive read."

What did you say user?

hahaha jesus, goddamn dude that's pretty horrific.

The bad news is everyone has embarrassing and cringe moments; the good news is that no one thinks of anyone's but their own! Try to think of five embarrassing moments you've witnessed of someone else: it is tremendously difficult to do so 'on-the-spot.'

I spent 20 minutes criticising the lecturer for his obsession with continental philosophy and sperged out nearly spitting on the floor.

I still get funny looks from people.

i was an engineering major and i took an english class once because i thought it would be easy, and it was, i guess, because i got an A, but i can tell you honestly i had no idea what was going on, ever. we were reading kafka's stories and people were giving all these off-the-wall interpretations, and i had no idea where they were getting this stuff from, i thought it was all bullshit. so one day i decided to just make something up, and see if they bought it, and when the prof called on me, she smiled at me because i never raised my hand and she was delighted i had something to say, so she calls on me, and i said "i think it's all in his head." and everyone looked at me. the prof said, "you think the entire story is a dream?" i said, "yeah, i just think it's all a big dream and there's no meaning, and that's what he's trying to say, like life's just a dream, and it's (thinking hard now) like absurdity, in the modern age, with technology... although of course not the kind of technology we have today, but back then, it must have been scary, new things, and... you know, and so on." there was silence, and i looked around, and one girl was exchanging glances with her friend like wtf, but she saw me looking at her and quickly changed her face to be like she was considering seriously what i was saying. then i looked at the professor and she was standing there with her hand on her chin, like she was thinking hard, squinting at the corner of the room, and the moment was so tense, that i sort of panicked, and i lost control of myself, and i just blurted out "im sorry." that broke the silence, and everyone in the classroom was suddenly trying to comfort me, saying "it's ok" and "it's fine" and "i thought it was good." everyone from that day on treated me very kindly, and whenever i met eyes with the professor, who was a pretty woman, she would smile at me the way you would smile at a slow child, to encourage him.

if it makes you feel better I enjoyed reading this probably more than I would anything that teacher or any of those other students have ever written

Oh, and I think your ideas about the story are more or less right, just not expressed well. If anyone in that class had any tact / intelligence they would have picked up what you said and expanded on it.

>freshman in university
>have to give presentation on "The Crying of Lot 49" to small group
>not that fussed, fairly sociable guy, no real history of serious autism
>prepare dope presentation
>day comes to give the presentation
>begin
>all going well at first
>i suddenly realize i've referred to the book several times as "The Crying of Lot 69"
>mindgoesblanklmao
>have to say something
>start sperging about MK Ultra, which no one in the class has heard off
>try to explain the Torquato Tasso theory even though I don't understand it myself
>talking for way too long, like twice the length of everyone else's presentation
>at one point unironically use the phrase "pynchon's my fav writer for sure"
>all i can think about is the rest of the copypasta
>because my fave thing in books is goofs, gags, jokes, and rambunctious behaviour
>start nervous laughing
>can't even begin to explain to the rest of the class why
Switched seminar groups after that

user...
user...............
I fucking laughed at this one

lol man I would have started cracking up if you said "i'm sorry" after the moment of tension. that's hilarious. you were probably spot on too just not expressing it the way other students usually did

it's an easy but fatal mistake to think that just because you're an able shitposter online you'll be able to do it in real time with people watching you

DUDE IT WAS A DREAM
I would have failed you right then.

>be freshman in college, first week of first semester
>only book i've ever read outside of high school was Infinite Jest, I never read any real literature. I was not aware it was regarded as such a meme book in the literary world. I genuinely thought it was the #1 greatest book ever written, and I only read like 3 books, 4 if you count that i read IJ twice.
>i would talk about it at parties with girls.
>i would bring it up in my english lit class, question why it isn't on the syllabus, i'd call out, interrupt the class. i'd go to office hours and try to bring it up to my instructor in front of the other graduate research assistants and they all just looked at me like i was insane
>no matter what the topic was in any essay, i'd connect it to IJ somehow, mainly because I viewed literature as 99% Infinite Jest and 1% people making poor attempts to create something as good (meanwhile having zero points of comparison to IJ)
>my breaking point was when i attended a seminar from some famous lit professor. he said something along the lines of Infinite Jest being good, and everyone laughed, and he smiled, as if he was sarcastic and I was really confused.
>i straight up interrupted him and asked "um why was that funny?"
>i saw a few of the grad research assistants from office hours stifling their laughter, i felt something was up
>speaker says "well it's a good book but the people who rave about it only do so because they've never read much else, like upper class white kids."
>fuming i say "that's not true at all"
>speaker says "if you rave about it, have you even read Pretentious Angst by Ernest Milton?"
>i blindly respond "of course i have, it's a classic"
>the entire room bursts into booming laughter
>i look around completely dumbfounded
>after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."
>i storm out, switch majors the next day
>4 years later, senior year, at a bar talking to a qt3.14, she says she's an english major, i'm a marketing major, i bust her balls for not having any job security (100% taking out years of my STEM roommate busting MY balls about job security)
>her friend arrives, also an english major
>"oh i remember you, you're the Infinite Jest guy!"
>she tells her friend the story about the seminar and what i'd do in freshman lit class
>qt3.14 says "and now you're a marketing major, lecturing me about job security and commercialism. you've literally become the very thing Wallace criticizes in Infinite Jest", and they both laugh
>i storm out
>creates 2 year existential crisis i've yet to recover from

This is to perfect to be real. It's a platonic form.

>the entire room bursts into booming laughter
>i look around completely dumbfounded
>after 30 seconds of loud laughter which felt like an eternity, i'm beat red, speaker says "if you're still confused, that's neither a real book nor author, case in point."

10/10

Is this true, lad?

If I every saw this happen to a person, my life would be complete and I'd never regret another day

Magnifique. Truly magnifique.

Your life is Veeky Forums as fuck, good job user

You should be a writer user

I've never read it, I thought it was genuinely recognized as the best contemporary novel

wew

OH. FUCKING. SHIT. YOU DID NOT, user, YOU DID NOT DO AND EXPERIENCE THAT BURN - AFTER FOUR FUCKING YEARS! MAH NIGGER YOU JUST GOT ROASTED! THIS SHIT CAN'T BE REAL! FUCK, I'M LOSING MY SHIT! FUCKING KILL YOURSELF YOU FUCKING NIGGERFAGGOT JESUS CHRIST! I WAS ABUSED IN THE FIRST 18 YEARS OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE AND STILL LIVE WITH MY TOXIC FAMILY, WAS BULLIED FROM FIRST UNTIL SEVENTH GRADE AND MY EX-GF LIED TO ME ABOUT BEING RAPED JUST OUT OF SPITE SHE DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT BECAUSE SHE LIED BEFORE WE EVEN GOT TOGETHER AND I STILL DIDN'T KILL MYSELF BUT THIS FUCKING BURN YOU GOT RIGHT THERE WAS WAITING FOR YOU LIKE THE INEVITABLE DEATH!

Somebody screencap this.

>i suddenly realize i've referred to the book several times as "The Crying of Lot 69"

I had a great guffaw

I remember this meme

(You)

you know it user

Thanks user, I really needed the attention.

this is incredible

It was obvi(You)s

Yeah, and believe me, everything I wrote about me is true. Kill me.

I'll let you take care of that yourself my dude

Pure gold user.

>high school bible class
>have to do presentation on Ecclesiastes
>just finished atlas shrugged
>start sperging out about how Solomon just doesn't understand money and that's why he finds no meaning in it
>blah blah bullshit like I'm Francisco from atlas shrugged
>nobody has any fucking clue what I'm talking about
>teacher just looks at me with sad face
>qt girls have look of disgust at my autism
>don't finish presentation, leave room and go to bathroom to cry
>leave school early, get in trouble
>go to class next day and never speak of it again

Maybe stop being so image conscious, kiddo. We've all been awkward before.

>tfw realising that I've read piles of philosophy but literally never had a philosophical discussion with anybody
Such is the lonely existence of an autodidact

unfortunately it probably means that you have less of an understanding of what you've read than many undergrads, as you've never really had your views challenged and you've probably forgotten majority of what you've read due to atrophy from not having to bring it up in discussion. The same thing has happened to me

Iktf senpai. Finally made the decision to study philosophy last semester and it feels so great to be able to actually discuss this shit with others now. I don't even care if I end up homeless and poor in the future. It is all worth it.

include me in the cap

thanks :)

That's some gorgeous fiction.

top kek

Was this at a Big 10 university in the past 5 or 6 years? I heard a story identical to your seminar part from multiple lit instructors and professors at my university. Holy shit, it's you.

10/10 post

damn, pretty good pasta itt

Dude I think I know who you are

Damn, user. my buttocks clinched while imagining my self in your stead so it must have been quite traumatic for you. But it's not that bad, there are much worse situation one can end up living.

Oh my god

>i would talk about it at parties with girls.

GOOOOOOOOOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO GOD NO NO

No girl cares about books other than JK Rowling's vaginal drippings.

To be fair to you the speaker sounds like a giant douchebag.

No one cares about what you think or say or about you dying, so why do you?
Stop thinking about yourself.

Someone is a bit on the spectrum here

When I see a large post I always check the amount of (You)'s it has to know if it is good or not.
I kek'd when I saw all the replies, is similar to the feeling when you are in high school and someone says a good joke and everyone cracks up.

i do the same thing ;-)

prob just one of those universal things that reminds us no matter who you are, we're all p much the same, inside

I remember when I sperged out talking about Nietzsche (I had just read like the three first pages of Thus Spoke) at new years when talking to a girl I used to have the biggest crush in HS. She is 21 one now, we follow each other in instagram and sometimes talk, I hope she doesnt remember or care about that day. I always regret drinking alcohol.

I feel like this is actually a bad thing. Once the post has those replies it will be read with a certain mindset. These posts are often noteworthy but your judgement will be more true when you see it with no replies.

Yeah is nice, sometimes I wish we all could be friends irl, but then I remember I would probably hate all of you.

It could be, the greentext was good but I think it is kind of overrated, just like IJ :^}

>be in my friend's farewell party
>lots of people from the faculty have been invited
>lots of wannabe intellectual qts
>decide to share a bottle of scotch with a friend
>each of us drinks half of it
>i suddenly become roaring drunk and start talking about wittgenstein
>i keep quoting the tractatus by number but deep down i was just making up the numbers (not the content, though)
>people start looking at me funny, my friend's girlfriend politely asks him to go to another table
>then i start going on and on about napoleon, about the invasion of Egypt, about conquering Italy, about how Napoleon dumped the king of Spain and handed to crown to his brother
>people start laughing at me and asking me bullshit questions as if they were serious
>i answer them in earnest drunken glory
>by the end of the night I slept in a plastic chair and woke up when literally everybody was gone
>people now call me napoleon

Just kill me already, I just want college life to be over so I can get away from this nightmare.

this isn't that bad, you were entertaining at a party and people probably have fond memories of it

Meh is not that bad

>tfw can't stop refreshing this thread because the next funny greentext might be just about to be posted
Why am I so weak for funny stuff

Because it's all our lives have amounted to.

Because you are a man of Infinite Jest.

See people say that, but by some quark of neurobiology I am a running encyclopedia of other people's embarrassing moments. Not only can I rail them off on-the-spot, but they seem to bubble up when I ain't doing shit.

So no, plenty of people remember that horrible cringe thing that you did, and they probably tell others for an automatic laugh at their dinner party or to reminisce with old friends to reaffirm those old bonds.

I am convinced we just tell ourselves that people don't remember in bad faith, to soothe our wounds.

I chortled.

This x10000,

Not everyone is a god:

youtube.com/watch?v=iOk6HB609po

See because of empathy this is more your problem than theirs. Because you are the one reliving the experiences.

Who?

I know a qt from Canada (who added me via my meme page) who loves IJ. I lied that I'd read it to impress her.

I thought I was pretty autistic myself but fuck me if you haven't made me question my self-confidence Veeky Forums

that's a good story, not bad imo. I have sleepless anxious nights over much worse drunk stories.

Look at these spergs trying to comfort user about the quality of his theort exactly the same way his classmates did, even after they read that he was making shit up in a botched attempt at irl trolling.

what was wrong with what he said?

This gave me internal bleeding