The phone call that ended philosophy

>the phone call that ended philosophy

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wtf

Need a quick rundown boyo?

Can I get a rapid summation?

swift elucidation plz

quick rundown:

>Rothschilds & Schopenhauer bow to Hegel
>In contact with aliens
>Possess psychic like dialectics
>Control the weltgeist with an iron but fair fist
>Own Bewußtsein globally
>Direct descendant of Socrates
>Will bankroll the first cities on Thule (Hegelgrad will be be the first city)
>Own 99% of dialectics research facilities on Earth
>First designer babies will in all likelihood be Hegel babies
>said to have 215+ IQ, such intelligence on Earth has only existed deep in Tibetan monasteries & Area 51
>Ancient Indian scriptures tell of an angel who will descend upon Earth and will bring an era of enlightenment and unprecedented technological progress
>You likely have the phenomenology of geist inside you right now
>in regular communication with the Archangels Michael and Gabriel, forwarding the word of God to philosophy. Who do you think set up the meeting between the analytic & the continental high command (First meeting between the two organisations in over 1000 years)
>learned fluent Kant in under a week
>Nation states entrust their reason with Hegel. There’s no reason in Ft. Knox, only Ft. Hegel
>Hegel is about 7 decades old, from the space-time reference point of the base human currently accepted by our society
>In reality, he is a timeless being existing in all points of time and space from the big bang to the end of the universe. We don’t know his ultimate plans yet. We hope he is a benevolent being.

I love this board

>the phone called that ended philosophy twice

wtf I love the Absolute now

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class at the University of Tübingen, and I've been involved in some serious ontology. I am trained in dialectical warfare and I am the top dialectician of all German philosphers. I will wipe you the fuck out with some serious post-Kantian idealism, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Hegelian sorcerers across the world and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, caveman. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can destroy your entire philosophical system in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in the ancient philosophy of the Greeks, but I have access to the entire arsenal of German Idealism and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.