How do you become a tenured professor?

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Veeky
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1) be smart as fuck
2) have correspondence with colleagues at the uni you are trying to get tenure at
3)publish a fuckton/ have patents
4)shout loudly at the oldest tenured professor

Veeky Forums-science.wikia.com/wiki/Universal_Material#Academia_and_Graduate_School

Go to school for a very long time

Thank you, Switzerland here I come!

• kiss administrative ass daily
• publish some shit annually
• treat grad students as your personal slaves, and take credit for their work
• profit!

Genius.
Academia sure is great!

How long?

1. Get a PhD with a number of publications in notable journals.
2. Get a postdoc with a famous professor in your field, publish at least 2 papers in 1-2 years.
3. Get an assistant professor job at a university, get paid shit.
4. Get 5-10 Chinese slaves.
5. Get funding!
6. Still get paid shit.
7. Get tenure.
8. Still get paid shit.
>Now you make an important choice. Do you continue to stress out and work 80 hour weeks to get the funding necessary to work yourself up the chain to being distinguished, or do you just live with a salary that's less than 50% of what you'd get paid in the industry (if one exists in your field)?

If you don't care, you work like 40 hours a week, teach some classes, and probably mentor a few undergrads. Grad students will avoid you due to lack of funding, the university wont give you a salary increase due to lack of overhead, and you'll pretty much just have job security.

If you do care, you'll continue to work 80 hours a week, mostly writing grants. You'll use grant money to pay grad students to RA and you'll aim to hire 5-10 postdocs at any given time depending on your grant funding. Your salary will increase close to industry levels, but your pay/hour will be much much lower.

Very concise.
Though, you don't always get paid shit.

Comparatively you do, though.

My PI makes $200k, which is pretty great by professor standards, but he has like 40 years experience and is a top tier researcher in his field. If he worked in industry he would be executive level for sure and likely pulling in 7 figures. I make more then some of the full professors at the same school, and I have just 2 years of industry experience.

The point is that unless you work like a dog, you're not making bank as a professor. And to that end, if you do work like a dog, you'd be MUCH better off working like a dog in industry - because that's how people become executive level and make ridiculous money.

That's because they haven't taken the 'Swiss pill' yet.

That's true, but Swiss are really Judgy and racist to a certain degree.

>I'm a German studying in Switzerland

College: have a PhD, teach for the college for a few years, don't make waves, wah la: tenure

Fun fact, some high schools have tenured professors: have a Masters, teach for the school for a few years, don't make waves, wah la: tenure

If you want to make good money as a professor, you're going to have to be a good professor. Unfortunately, good professors are a dime a dozen, so you're practically going to have to be Trump-level genius to stand out.

In other words, it's one of the riskiest/toughest jobs you can have, assuming you want to stand out. Overwhelming majority of you will not make it.

But the idea that academics work more than people in industry is ridiculous. First, there is 0 stress in teaching because you are teaching things you know from years ago. In contrast, industry has a lot of uncertainty and therefore stress.

The other part of being academic is researching, for which you are supposed to have passion. This will eliminate stress except at the beginning. When you are a grad student or postdoc that is when you don't know if you can get published and become succesful. But those old professors? No one would ever reject theie papers. They are established researchers. So there is no longer any stress or uncertainty after you reach that point.

I have a fellow grad student who sleeps on our office. He literally never leaves. He probably will be a tenured professor.

Kek

is it possible to sleep in the office ?

explain

well obviously, he just said that he does

>researching, for which you are supposed to have passion
wrong

>First, there is 0 stress in teaching because you are teaching things you know from years ago.
There is a 0% chance you have ever taught anyone anything in your entire life.

>Trump-level genius
This had better be bait

>• kiss administrative ass daily

Can I tongue it instead?

Nothing you do will please them. EVER.
From most to least.

Not Euro (nonwhite)
Not Euro (white)
Euro (varies based on which but there's order of level on that)
Euro who speaks one of their languages (many people of this group are surprised at the treatment and interaction they may encounter)
Swiss from a different group
Swiss from their group

It's standard "mountain/steppe people" stuff.

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who are you

Writing a dissertation on Unified Field Theory and its Effects on Leptons and Quasars