>Just as the Bradys were getting locked in jail, Lara randomly asked me, “Have you ever gotten a blowjob?”
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?”
>“Like, in baseball. Like, out of nowhere. I mean, what made you think of that?”
>“I’ve just never geeven one,” she answered, her little voice dripping with seductiveness. It was so brazen. I thought I would explode. I never thought. I mean, from Alaska, hearing that stuff was one thing. But to hear her sweet little Romanian voice go so sexy all of the sudden...
>“No,” I said. “I never have.”
>“Think it would be fun?”
>DO I!?!?!?!?!?!?! “Um. yeah. I mean, you don’t have to.”
>“I think I want to,” she said, and we kissed a little, and then. And then with me sitting watching The Brady Bunch, watching Marcia Marcia Marcia up to her Brady antics, Lara unbuttoned my pants and pulled my boxers down a little and pulled out my penis.
>“Wow,” she said.
>“What?”
>She looked up at me, but didn’t move, her face nanometers away from my penis. “It’s weird.”
>“What do you mean weird?”
>“Just beeg, I guess.”
>I could live with that kind of weird. And then she wrapped her hand around it and put it into her mouth.
>And waited.
>We were both very still. She did not move a muscle in her body, and I did not move a muscle in mine. I knew that at this point something else was supposed to happen, but I wasn’t quite sure what.
>She stayed still. I could feel her nervous breath. For minutes, for as long as it took the Bradys to steal the key and unlock themselves from the ghost-town jail, she lay there, stock-still with my penis in her mouth, and I sat there, waiting.
>And then she took it out of her mouth and looked up at me quizzically.
>“Should I do sometheeng?”
>“Um. I don’t know,” I said. Everything I’d learned from watching porn with Alaska suddenly exited my brain. I thought maybe she should move her head up and down, but wouldn’t that choke her? So I just stayed quiet.
>“Should I, like, bite?”
>“Don’t bite! I mean, I don’t think. I think—I mean, that felt good. That was nice. I don’t know if there’s something else.”
>“I mean, you deedn’t—”
>“Um. Maybe we should ask Alaska.”
>So we went to her room and asked Alaska. She laughed and laughed. Sitting on her bed, she laughed until she cried. She walked into the bathroom, returned with a tube of toothpaste, and showed us. In detail. Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
>Lara and I went back to her room, where she did exactly what Alaska told her to do, and I did exactly what Alaska said I would do, which was die a hundred little ecstatic deaths, my fists clenched, my body shaking. It was my first orgasm with a girl, and afterward, I was embarrassed and nervous, and so, clearly, was Lara, who finally broke the silence by asking, “So, want to do some homework?”
Your Little Sister Has Read This Book
Baseball?
is that seriously john green?
I've seen that quote before and I thought it was just a pasta.
I feel in bizzaro now
It seriously is. It's from his book, Looking for Alaska, which has won awards for childrens' literature.
Not even sure if I'm being bamboozled or not.
This nuclear cringe level garbage has not only found a publisher- it is highly successful as well? Jesus.
no she hasn't
He nailed how awkward and cringy my first blowjob was though.
I fucking know, the shit kids reads these days
Kek. I love the idea of this teenage girl instructing them, and saying "... and then he will die a hundred little ecstatic deaths."
He really wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
wait, he statutory raped a gypsy?
This girl I had a crush on when I was 13. She was laughing, and made me read this shit. I was a hopeless fucking beta boy falling for the first girl who'd ever shown me any feeling of attention or belonging. You genuinely were my high-school love. You don't live in the city anymore and honestly I couldn't be happier. Every time I see your face, it makes me want to write a fucking essay. I thought you were better than the other sluts. I thought because you wrote shitty, Instagram-tier poems, and because you cut your wrists, you were something better than a normal chick.
I made a fucking mistake.
Should have seen who your best friends were, besides myself. Filthy cumsluts. And you're no better.
God, I want to absolutely demolish and hatefuck the shit out of you. Destroy your throat with my cock. Make you bleed by fucking. Then cum in your mouth. I need an out less for this.
TC, if you're reading this, I hope you die. It's been years and I'm still trying to forget.
the world still turns, bruh
you were 13 it's time to move on
unless you are still 13
I know a girl who likes these books. I think I'm just going to buy her a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five and see if she likes it.
18 now. And yes, I have pretty much moved on in life, had an actual gf when I was 16 too.
It's just seeing anything from John Green and all that shit brings all the memories back.
Don't buy her anything unless she does the same for you.
i think you should consider counselling
>Your Little Sister Has Read This Book
Oh god, will it negatively affect her embroidery and cooking skills?
If John Green wrote like this I would read him.
I hate this innocent, bowl-of-cheerios approach to sex Green takes. The reality is much darker and more interesting
Like, you know, a game where you hit a ball with a bat
A Romanian in a previous thread did a big post pointing out all the mistakes in attempting to portray the accent. Green was literally pulling it out of his ass
You need to become a YA writer. A generation of numales is currently in the waking and they need a 'Last American Virgin' tier cultural happening to wake them up.
if anyone's interested, Green talked about this scene on his tumblr (of course he has a tumblr)
onlyifyoufinishedalaska.tumblr.com/post/28628953461/coughs-all-your-other-questions-are-deeply
>Never have I so wanted to be Crest Complete.
I kek every time
if he wrote a book that wasn't directed at 14 year olds it would probably be good
>I thought you were better than the other sluts. I thought because you wrote shitty, Instagram-tier poems, and because you cut your wrists, you were something better than a normal chick.
lol fucking wut.
adolf hitler's meth affected speeches were better composed than this bullshit
Taxi Driver: The High School Years
Heh, not bad. Actually, if you were to write something I'd read it. Has a certain raw, visceral quality to it.
>The Colonel insists on questioning Jake, her boyfriend, but Pudge refuses, fearing that he might learn that Alaska never loved him.
>They argue and the Colonel accuses Pudge of only loving an idealized Alaska that Pudge made up in his head.
wowee zowee
>the blue?
>left field?
>what?
>psycho mantis?
O-ohh no! We can't have CHILDREN reading about blowjobs!!! THat isn't allowed!!!!! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
It never gets old.
But seriously we can't let this guy get the nobel prize codes
This is some real heavy shit coming from a guy whose ok with the fact that his wife probably did the same. Just goes to show how much of a cuck he is
fuck that picture's small. Fixed
You're right, we can't. Pre-pubescent children should be exposed to only as much information about sex as absolutely necessary. The earlier you introduce them to it, the more prematurely they have to face the anxieties and hangups we've evolved regarding it. These are, if dealt with properly, good things in a psychologically healthy individual. Facing up to the monster of sexuality that lurks within you and coming out the other side unscathed is how people accept themselves and others as sexual beings. Children are too young to deal with this and will end up with some degree of sexual pathology.
>dude describing budding sexuality in a book aimed at adolescents is super bad becausr muh degeneracy
Neck ur'reselves
kek.
>Veeky Forums user prefers Hitler to John Green
That's a new exciting opinion you got there
>tfw read this book and liked it when I was a teen
The ending where she died made me depressed.
do you get triggered by the fact that your little sister probably has more sex than you?
>ending
You only read half of the book? The entire other half of the book is him wallowing in his angsty misery.
It was so long ago I forgot the ending wasn't close to the end
>Sex is so estranged and scary to me adolescents shouldn't read about the thing they wonder and think about the most
>especially girls shouldn't read about sex
Imagine being such a cuck you out-cuck John Green
He writes books that are great for their target audience desu, he just happens to be a beta bitch. Nothing to be ashamed of user
>teens
>pre-pubescent
Speak for yourself.
No one said anything about teens. Projecting?
Ooooh, I finally get why lit hates Green. He hits too close to home
hahahaa. if you arent capable of scaring a woman into only sleeping with you, you ardent a real man. cheating shouldn't exist.
t. Chris Cuomo
This is a decent rebuttal to the common (and relatively shallow) criticisms of his work. The real problem is that his characters are one-and-a-half dimensional and his prose is atrocious, which few people say, and Green is therefore less compelled to address.
I'm sure if a widely respected and serious literary critic dissected this scene, along a handful of others, Green's response would be much less eloquent.
Isn't it the target demographic. The post I was responding to was acting as if writing about blowjobs is immoral because prepubescent kids will be reading it, and I was saying its aimed at teens, and they are NOT prepubescent.
It sure is, but the post I responded to specified children, and it's certainly true that children read it.
>Also, while we’re on the topic, let me just say how tired I am of seeing gauze-filtered teen sex scenes with candles and beautiful bodies that know exactly what to do, because I just don’t think that reflects the truth, which is awkward and messy and human.
Yes, John Green only writes 'real' sex scenes, where a seductive, yet innocent, Romanian girl wants to give a character, who is obviously based on himself, a blowjob, even though he's a scrawny nerd, but she's too innocent to know how to do it well, so they go to his sexy, slutty friend, who enjoys watching porn with boys, and she teaches the foreign girl how to give him a good blowjob, and he makes out with the slutty one immediately after.
This makes me angry as I know it encourages the teenage girls I was never able to score with when I was their age to give their chad boyfriends blowjobs. Fucking REEEE ban this sick filth
Sounds about right to me, family.
Shit, you're right. Anyway, I'd rather my kids were exposed to sex in a green novel rather than motherless or porntube, or fucking Veeky Forums so help me. Are you one of those, "keep sex education out of schools" type parent?
No. I'm fine with teens learning about sex. The onset of puberty is precisely when they should learn about it, and putting it off beyond then is as likely to cause pathology than introducing it prematurely (though the latter is more likely to be permanent).
It's easy for girls - first period, give them the talk. For boys it's difficult, but an attentive parent can notice the changes pretty early. I'd say 8th grade is the right time to do sex ed in school. Unlikely anyone will be too far from or too far into puberty at that point. Most schools these days do it in 6th or even 5th grade, and that's just too soon.
Cake?
I wish my little sister would give me a blowjob.
It's a saying, it means trying to get the benefits of two opposing behaviours or attitudes.
In this case, it means he is trying to pass his bad prose of as character expression, but then he also wants to include "deep" thoughts that wind up sounding nothing at all like teenage dialogue. So he wants to get in the mind of young people and also show off his maturity.
Tl;dr fuck this shit.
Tl;dr?
?
(You)?
>“Um, that’s out of the blue,” I said.
>“The blue?”
>“Like, you know, out of left field.”
>“Left field?"
Get the fuck out of Veeky Forums.
You can stay.
Are you feeling...
Buttfrustrated?
I believe he was being sarcastic with his "cake?"
Blue? Left Field? Idiots