Hey Veeky Forums, how do you guys go about pretending you're smart in real life?

Hey Veeky Forums, how do you guys go about pretending you're smart in real life?

What mannerisms and things do you display to let other people know you're smart? And does it work?

I don't, because I don't try to be an unlikeable douchebag.

I think you need to try harder.

No, that's what I'm saying, I'm not trying now.

I wear a monocle and a cape to project my sophistication and I pretend I am a scion of a highly noble family
Maybe you should stop trying so hard to act like you aren't trying so hard, tryhard

Damn, you got me

Basically just memorize interesting tidbits/soliloquies that are relevant in common situations.

Also familiarize yourself with reductive summaries that allow you to feign deep knowledge of subjects you know next to nothing about.

It's all about appearances. Most people won't feel the need to challenge you or ask you to elaborate if you seem confident in yourself. But you also need to properly gauge the other people's knowledge, because you don't want to be dragged into discussions where you can't stand your ground.

Pseud and proud of it.

Besides all this, there's the whole persona people construct around themselves.

Watch European art films like it's no big deal. Again, it's all about appearances, so this may just entail a proposition like ''does anyone wanna watch something by Truffaut tonight?'' that you'll eventually rescind because you didn't expect anyone to be on board in the first place. The important thing is that you've planted in their heads the idea that you watch ''boring'' old movies.

Another thing is to decide in advance what you like so that you won't be stumped if it comes up in conversation, or so that you'll be able to (again) feign deep knowledge. For example, you may decide that King Lear is your favorite play by Shakespeare, when in reality you couldn't give a shit. Find out why people like it, memorize 3-4 reasons why it's ''your'' favorite, and you'll seem like you're way into that stuff when in reality it's all an act.

When it comes to music, just bring up stuff that people aren't too familiar with or haven't bothered listening to. Memorize a few ''favorite'' albums/concertos etc. so you'll seem to know what you're talking about.

This is about reaping the rewards of having intellectual hobbies without putting in the effort. I suggest you write some of it down and refresh your memory every so often so that you have a nice repertoire to dazzle your audience with.

This is a great answer. The reason that pseuds exist is that so many people are actually impressed by this bullshit.

>a proposition like ''does anyone wanna watch something by Truffaut tonight?"

Protip: nobody thinks "that guy" is cerebral or enigmatic. Everybody, however, does consider him an insufferable cunt.

If someone told me that King Lear is their favorite Shakespeare play, i'd instantly know that they're a pseud.

Shakespeare is pseud territory in general. Why can't we ever talk about our favorite Euripides play (mine is Orestes).

>pretending
I just talk and people realise I'm smart :^)

If someone says something like, 'damn, Amy Adams is so hot,' I will say, 'there was an experiment, led by Dr. Cosgrove, of Oxford I believe, or was it Cambridge? Most scholars call it Oxbridge these days, and surely that's the term that is most fitting here in America, where they are blended together in the popular imagination to become an indistinct, vaguely prestigious combination, like a Hogwarts but for erudite posh British mustachioed noble gentlemen with Tweed jackets and monocles sipping wine by the fire with their legs crossed. But I digress- it's needless to discuss such cultural misunderstandings, as the point I am making is about Dr Cosgrove and his findings. The good doctor traveled to a remote south African village, where the bush men (called 'za glinga aur uku zuku' in their own tongue- yes, I've studied their language relentlessly, linguists believe it is a proto-ancestor of the zwagili speak of South Zimbabwe) hadn't come into contact with the white man- good for them, I suppose- and had suffered very little cross cultural contact with other cultures. The Bushmen were, so to speak, what anthropologists call 'a virgin hen'. Now, after introducing himself and proving his manhood by undergoing the necessary initiation rites, including wrestling a Tanzanian wildebeest and circumcising it with an unsharpened rock, Cosgrove had the trust of the tribe and began his study. You see, the tribe had a complex oral history that had been passed down for generations, ever since they migrated to the region 80,000 years ago. When Dr Cosgrove finally transcribed their entire oral history ( quite fortunate that he did, for the entire tribe died of syphilis soon after- apparently Dr Cosgrove was irresistible to the local girls) what he found was astonishing- what he assumed to be a mere proverb about a crocodile and an elephant was actually an incredibly complex quantum equation that would allow for the construction of a superweapon so powerful, it would convert all the matter between the Earth's core and a sphere located at the Lagrange point into one hyperdense singularity. How the Bushmen or their ancestors knew this is impossible to tell- extraterrestrial meddling is one explanation, or perhaps the ancient parable was simply that and nothing more. Anyways, it's of no matter, because Dr Cosgrove was decapitated in his home before he could publish his breakthrough. The police could never solve the mystery: all the doors of the house were locked, windows sealed, and there was no trace of any murderer. The doctors knowledge of the superweapon died with him that night. After all, he was the only one who was intelligent enough to have an understanding of such a complex language, as well as advanced knowledge of quantum physical mechaniquations, and the genius and unbridled intellect to puzzle it all out and find the truth of it hidden in the parable of the elephant and crocodile."

>'but how do you know all of...'

*Wink and vanish into the night*

I don't because I'm not smart

instead of actually reading books, just come to Veeky Forums and ask "is __ actually any good, worth reading"

then with your anonymous poll you can name drop and opinion drop irl

what most of these insecure kids do here

You make a good point, and what I said was rather off the cuff. A better thing would be, if you're living with other people, to watch it by yourself and hope someone walks by.

First one that popped into my head. But I like how you're showing by example!

What do you do when someone actually loves King Lear and wants to talk about it?

Amy Adams is not that hot though

I hate your kind of people profoundly. Whenever I occur any of you, I will unmask you by asking some simple questions, leaving your superficial narcissistic ego unmasked and extremely injured

What's the point? Assuming this isn't b8, wouldn't you guys be happier if you dropped the whole "intellectual" act? You're not contributing anything and you're not enjoying yourself, so what's the value of being "intellectual"?

This but unironically, I have average intelligence at best but most people I know like to tell me how smart I am even though I usually avoid flaunting my hobbies

I'll share what works for me. Take it with a grain of salt, or two, for it might backfire. Here goes:

Create an air of aloofness around yourself.

Speak slowly. If you're thinking that makes you sound stupid, then you haven't thought at all. For speaking slowly makes you enunciate your words better, therefore making you sound a little august. And it eliminates all the pauses most people use in natural conversation.

As a rule, start talking less.

Know names. For example in movies: Bergman, Kurosawa, Antonioni.

Read the Wikipedia pages of their movies.

Same for books. However. Do. Not. Fall. Into. The. Shakespeare. Trap.

Why? It's easy, that's why. Instead, and you may spend some time devoted to this, find some very sound critics of him and get their arguments against him. Here's how it'll work.

Person: Hamlet's got that great soliloquoy.
You: *listening patiently*. That's really nice. However, I'm not a lover of Shakespeare's works.
Now you say why in a few words.

This works because:
1) 99% of the population won't have a counter argument.
2) When people see that you don't like a subject, they tend to drop it.

Learn this method and you're free from Shakespeare forever.

Now, is this a lot of work? Compared to actually becoming an intellectual? No.

So, back to movies. It's kind of the same principles with Shakespeare.

If you drop names like those, no one will talk about Kubrick, or Coppola, or Hitchcock.

Instead of going for reductive summaries, immerse yourself.

Take up any subject and learn 20% of it. This is a golden rule. Pareto's Law.

By learning 20%, you keep everyone assuming that you know the rest and won't be questioned. This is not time consuming either.

Things to stay away from: Art, Art History.

Easy shit: Economics, finance, books, music, movies.

What will really make you shine: The sparknotes pages of philosophical subjects.

Now, this last part is the most important. Learn to recognise real intellectuals and keep your distance. If you're caught, and you will be, game's over.

Godspeed!

You should try and surround yourself with the right kind of people so that won't happen. But if you're cornered, drop one of those rehearsed lines that hint at a vast wealth of knowledge, and then try to steer the conversation to something else.

expounds on this technique further.


And then you wake up.

To feel good about yourself and superior to others.

>Now, this last part is the most important. Learn to recognise real intellectuals and keep your distance. If you're caught, and you will be, game's over.

Probably the #1 takeaway.

This has to be bait

I don't ever talk to people so I never have to pretend

I'm not being completely sincere, but I'm sure these tips will be useful to some people.

Why avoid art/art history?

Most people know less about art than film or literature, even less so with the history of art.

>Maybe you should stop trying so hard to act like you aren't trying so hard, tryhard

This is a road that only ends in madness. Our obsession with self awareness is the root of the current epidemic of social disfunction.

We became so preoccupied with dispelling our illusions in the name of truth, but realizing the manifold faults and limitations of humanity has only left us paralyzed with fear The internet was the apple from the garden of eden. It gave us knowledge but also exposed our foolishness and vulnerability.

We've realised our nakedness, and now we clothe ourselves with irony and cynicism but it is all in vain. There is no going back now, the damage is already done.

If you can look at all the knowledge and opinions on the internet and find yourself, you will be respected.

Its most important to know your own self and limitations, and to be comfortable in your own skin and knowledge.

That's a very good question. And you've answered it yourself... Well, almost.
Apart from no one ever talking about art with you, it's just generally boring as fuck.

Yes, but intellectuals love art. I know.

However, you can use the Shakespeare rule with art in general. Read All Art is Propaganda by George Orwell or something to become anti-art.

Then talk against it whenever someone mentions it. Trust me, the 1% who will talk art, will never talk about the philosophy behind it. That's for the .001%.
Avoid them.

Lastly, I forgot to add. Send text messages with immaculate grammar.

People will begin to look at you differently. But that's what you want.

Cheers!

holy this is fucking gold, someone collate his posts into a screenshot

>implying that wasnt you

either that or youre reeeeally impressionable, retard.

No, let my words die with this thread.

The knowledge must live through you, not pictures. That's the only way to honour real knowledge. Ironically, though, it's about faux-intellectualism.

suck it faggot, you're going on reddit. i didn't even read your tryhard shit

>shakesqeare is pseud territory in general

this is something a pseud would say

shut up dummy, it's gold because it's funny, not because it's actually good advice