Culinary confession thread

Every time i cook a mediocre dish and start insulting it to the people i served it to, they think I'm doing this and start complimenting the dish, when actually i don't give a fuck what they think, I'm just embarrassed to serve something that's less than perfect.

As long as you wash after using the bathroom, it's all good

When I cook for people I care about, unless I live with them, I play it safe with stuff I really know how to make. Whenever I get into something totally new its just me and the wife until I can comfortably make it without a recipe in front of me. Right now its curries/tikka masala, its good but I need to get to where I can do it from memory
/'tism

I scrape the mold off food that has been sitting in my fridge for a very long time and eat it.

What do you do with the food after you eat the mold?

I once dropped a cooked wing on the floor, rinsed it off, and threw it back in the deep fryer..

I don't cook.

I only know how to cook two meals

I can't make eggs

Maybe you're a rooster.