Suicide

How long have you been depressed for?

I try to remember that no single moment is unbearable. Repeat that ad infinitum

Veeky Forums - EASY ANSWER

Time to stop being a little cry baby and man up. Seriously, you're going to kill yourself? What a little fag.

put it off until later. the best thing about suicide is that it can always wait until tomorrow

t. procrastinator

Well at least put it off until you've written and published as many good short stories as Pancake.

Seriously though don't kys, even spending the week in the looney bin would be preferable.

Make myself a cup of coffee, as a great man once suggested.

I set a date further in the future when I swear that 100% I will actually do it. Then by the time that date rolls around I have forgotten about it or am not in the mood until I get suicidal again and set another future date

October 8th

I wait until I'm so tired I wake up the next morning. Even if it is an evening.

My dad killed himself when I was 15. Ever since then I've just been trying to get back to how things were before, and it's been 5 years now.

He was schizophrenic and I think I am too. I've been hearing voices and thinking that everyone around is just trying to get me to kill myself the last month or so.

I know they're not but sometimes I can't think through it. I'm just sick of it now. I saw what schizophrenia did to my dad and I just don't want to live like that.

Visit a professional about that. It's what they're there for.

Well then it's probably not going to get better or at least not in the near future kys if you hurt that bad and if you're being legit

I've got a few friends with schizophrenia. With treatment, life can be managed and be as pleasant as life gets. I recommend making a call to a hotline, see about getting a psychologist.

See a professional.
Seriously.
It might not help, but what's to lose at this point? Give it a shot (a real one).

I don't let a thought take control over me unless I want it to. Thoughts are deep in the sediment of the lake of your mind. Thoughts rise to the surface---you can choose to embrace them, or you can stir them back into the lake and forget them. Stop letting a thought dominate your mind without your consent.

Be an active thinker and surveyor of your thoughts---passive thinkers will miss out on life.

Being forced into a mental institution for being a danger to yourself

Well, you could always untie it. If it's not too much of a hassle to you, that is. Although I would imagine putting your neck through it, double checking, all that, might be even more work. Or you might just leave it there for a while; it'll remind you you could always do it if you wanted. In case someone asks, just tell them it's a piece of art. Or, if no one ever comes, you could tell that to yourself: that it's a piece of art, like dying, for instance. Or, you know, like living. I didn't say it was good art, but, hey.

I had a psychotic episode a long time ago and sometimes I hear voices and have paranoid thoughts. However I've never been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

I think most schizophrenics are diagnosed in their early teens, this might be something else you're suffering from.

just keep suffering lmao

This.

Fuck it.

Go to an emergency room and tell them you're going to kill yourself.

He would just get annoyed by me and try to get me to kill myself. And I know that's a stupid thing to think but it makes since because there's no cure for it and they just want it to go away.

I tried calling the hotline but he told me to do it.

Bad BAD Bad! Advice a mental institutes is not a fun place to be

dude should go back to his room where his noose is waiting lol

Yeah, I bet it's nothing, really, I mean, not schizophrenia or any thing of that sort; it's probably just cancer of the brain.

That wasn't the hotline, bro.

I'm just gonna go for a walk until I calm down, try to convince myself they won't kill I me if I go to the hospital. Maybe I'll get something to eat.

From reading the posts, honestly, it might be better to just end it, friend. But don't

Wait, that sounded a bit scary, didn't it? I bet it's not that either, I mean, look: for all we know, it might be cancer of the kidneys or something down there and it's just metastases up in your brain.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, it's all in your head either way.

Remember that you're going to die anyway and you might as well make the most of what time you have left and be thankful if that uncertain future instead of the certainty of hotboxing with carbon dioxide.

Gervase struggled with depression twice in her life — both dealt with life and death.

The first time was after her brother died, and the second was after she gave birth to a child, who is now 14 months old. Her brother’s death resonated with her entire family, but it really hit her hard. It was a sign that everything doesn’t last forever, she said.

“The death of my brother changed how I prioritized people and events moving forward," Gervase wrote in a blog post. "I skimmed the fat from my life and made peace with my own demons."

Then, she met Kevin, and the two had a child in 2013 — Aria Rose. Her daughter's birth also spawned depression for Gervase. It wasn’t so much having a daughter that made her depressed, but rather her having to re-evaluate who she was as a person. She could no longer be the partier she once was. She had to be responsible.

But soon, little Aria helped Gervase rise up and overcome her depression.

“Aria is my compass,” Gervase said in her blog post. “My ‘why.’ She is the reason I quit my sales job in February 2014 and went full time as a life coach. My intuition would not be quieted. And I deeply respect that little voice. My life's experiences have taught me a powerful lesson about the undervalued strength to be found in our raw human connections our relationships.”

She also told Deseret News National that yoga helped her overcome her struggles, too: “Outside exercise is really the secret key to battling depression, as it gets endorphins pumping, which are needed,” she said. "But I only Truly got over depression by discovering the alternative writer Tao Lin. His works truly changed my life".

Fuck you google, there were 0 cars in my captcha, jokes on you! I probably made one of your employee's tasks take 0.001 seconds longer to complete.

Just get medication. It makes life just fine. I take medication for schizophrenia and all the crap goes away.

I think about the fact that my consciousness is only the result of electrical signals happening in my brain, and that nothingness awaits me probably forever if when all the parts of my brain will stop emitting and receiving them.
We are pretty remarkable as a species insofar that we can create highly abstract theories interpreting how the universe functions, have access to a vast body of knowledge and work of arts from previous generations of human beings like us dating back to 3000 years from now, and also that we can manipulate the world efficiently for our survival and entertainment thanks to another very human thing, technology, allowing us to send big metal things into Earth's orbit manipulating invisible electromagnetic radiations for drawing accurate maps of our planet and stuff like that.

Dogs, cats and insects obviously don't have that kind of cognitive capacities, otherwise we would be their pets. And I think that is the beautiful thing about human life.
Life is fucking harsh and chaotic sometimes, and I'm also pretty sure I will have intense episodes of suicidal ideation again in the future, but overall I think life is worth living, just for my retaining my capacity to observe what is going on in this crazy unfathomable universe as long as I can, and act on it in the best way I'm able to.

So you've got an appetite, that's great! It's probably not cancer, this time. Unless, you know, the tumor is pushing against your hunger ganglion or something. But let's not think about that, let's not even mention it. So, what are you going to get? Make it good, I mean, what if it's your last meal? You've got to get something really nice for yourself, BT not something too exotic, you don't want to make things too hard on the doctor who gets to work on your authopsy, he's probably had a hard day anyway, and you know how they have to describe the contents of your stomach? Don't have something too mushy or, I don't know, it depends how good they are. I wonder if they'll ever figure it out if it was primary or secondary brain cancer, and where the main tumor was. But let's not bring that up, ok, friend? Notice how I said "they" because, what if it's a lady doctor? Yeah, better not eat something too nasty, you know how they get squeamish. What? I'm not being sexist, I'm just trying to be nice. So are you going to sit at a table somewhere out? Out maybe have a sandwich in the park? Or somewhere you can sit and see the sky? I said sky because there might not be too many nice things on land up there where you live, but the sky, we haven't messed up the sky much yet. Well, I mean, there's maybe airplane trails but those look nice on a nice day like this.

When I was in the psych ward for a few days for suicide, after the first day it was sort of comfy. Nurses were nice too.

I usually play the piano, either imrpovising or playing something tragic (my anti-suicide piece of music is the Appassionata Sonata by Beethoven).
After a while I'll just notice that I have channeled all of that dread and despair into the music itself experiencing a mild catharsis (I'm not happy or reborn, but at least I'm not thinking anymore about killing myself).

As far as I know many therapists will give the same advice I'll give you: pick a artistic medium and do some art. Tell yourself to buckle up for a year, learn to do something (painting may be closer to your attitude) and then start creating. At the very least you'll have something to live for.

I'm not hungry.

I just realized I hadn't eaten anything since I ate two eggs for breakfast yesterday.

I'm thinking chicken fried steak and eggs. Maybe it will help.

Blithe fool. You know nothing of what awaits you after the cross and you've seen nothing of what awaits you before. Have you felt the darkness imprisoning you? All that you see--absolute horror?

Do it or don't. Walk to your room right now and whichever thought comes first, that's what you follow. Stop living your life in between half baked ideas and take command for once. Either way stop being a lil bitch about it.

t. someone who watched their friend jump

If you do end up doing it, say goodbye to the people you think deserve it.

...

That sounds pretty yummy. I've just had toast and a banana because I have irritable bowel AND gastritis. They compete each other so well, you see. Sometimes they both kick in at once, but usually they're complementary in a very considerate way. Oh, and kidney sand, or is it kidney silt? The precursor to kidney stones, but not just yet. I wonder if it has turned to kidney gravel by now, or kidney shingle, or kidney pebbles. I can't be bothered by that yet, I'll wait until that pain kicks in, and they tell me it's quite something, the pain. Can't wait to get on that wild ride, woo hop! Anyway, I wish I we're you for a while, having your eggs and chicken steak, but not for too long, I wouldn't give up my tattered old gut for nothing. If I ever feel like hanging myself, It's going to be by my curled colon. It's me or it, I always say. Yeah, that'll give them quite a sight, won't it? Hope I didn't ruin your appetite there. If I we're you I'd get some bacon too, or even better, onion rings. My mother makes some heavenly mashed baked beans with spicy tomato sauce crispy curls of fried onion on top. You'd kill for a helping of that, user. Not yourself, silly, someone else. I'd kill my own mom for those, except, you know, she cooks that devilishly good concoction. She's depressed too, you know. Ever since my father died she feels like killing herself but I know she's too afraid to do it. Besides, she loves to cook for me. I'm not allowed to touch that stuff anymore though but she, she gets some kicks out of just trying to come up with delicious stuff that won't send me straight off to the bathroom, writhing. If you we're here, I'd ask her to cook you some spicy spring omelette, chives and dill and all. Hope you're already enjoying your eggs, op.

Seriously though, your brain is very probably what generate your consciousness, and it works with a set of neurons sending electrochemical impulses to each other from dendrites to axons.
science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/human-brain/brain.htm

If you start from this proposition, it's then most likely that if such signals don't occur, neither does consciousness.
I'm aware that the limits of human perception and intelligence doesn't allow to be certain of this, but it seems to be the most plausible scenario, and certainly more plausible than ending up in a Abrahamic heaven or hell created a God with anthropocentric concerns, also conceived by the same limited human intellect that developed this theory of the brain.

It's alright though. Even if this way of seeing life can breed negative nihilist attitudes and panic attacks, I still think that it is pretty awesome that I'm able to witness all this shit. You are a part of the universe looking at itself, as smarter spiritual guys said before me. When it will be time to die, we will just have to detach ourselves from our feelings of fear of losing this consciousness, and realize we will always be a part of a world.
And if it's not the time to die because you have enough nutriments and youth to continue this crazy adventure, well, it's better to persist, because your will die one day anyway and won't be able to experience the world. So you might as well postpone that inevitable fate and give you more time to observe and create things.

Why do all good authors kill themselves like Pancake, Pynchon, Wallace?

Pynchon is still alive.

That's just the schizo speaking

Don't do it yet OP, you can always do it later. My girlfriend used to be suicidal and she had psychotic episodes because she was abused as a child. She went to therapy in August 2016 after I begged her to do so. Now, as of April 2017, she does not feel suicidal anymore and her antipsychotic drugs have made the hallucinations mostly cease. It was a hard ride, but I am so happy to see she's doing well. She is not even on anti-depressants. Hearing voices does not necessarily mean that you're a schizo, it can also have something to do with your father's suicide. Often traumatized people want to reenact their traumatic episode as a coping mechanism, which can explain why you hung up the noose in your room. The hallucinations can be caused by the traumatic episode, considering they're mostly specifically about suicide.

Try this, and if it does not work after a year and a half or so, you can always still do it. What do you have to lose by trying? I also advice you to tell someone close to about this, so he or she can support you in this. If you can't find anyone, you can always join support groups on the internet.

The fact that you posted here shows you something inside you still loves life. Also as you point out in you have the ability to sometimes recognize the voices as not being real, which is hopeful and might show you are not schizophrenic. My girlfriend also had the ability to seperate the real from fake hallucinations, and she is not a schizophrenic. If you really are schizophrenic, it means you would not have had this ability.

Good luck.

>I've been hearing voices and thinking that everyone around is just trying to get me to kill myself the last month or so.

>He would just get annoyed by me and try to get me to kill myself.

if you're real this is splendid

I remember that I won't let the world win. Go get a hobby, kid.

take a load of ket.
makes me really expresive but at the same time it makes me realise how tough the world is and by killing myself im just making other peoples life tougher for no reason other than my own weakness

I don't think ketamine is good for people prone to psychosis. I saw someone on 420chan recently saying it triggered an episode each time they took some.
That said, there is evidence pointing out it's an effective antidepressant. I've haven't touched dissociatives since MXE became illegal in the UK so I don't really remember how the after-effects were.

Is Veeky Forums the most depression-prone board here?
How do you cope with it? The last 2 years of my life have been pretty shitty.
For some reason this answer really made me think about it. Do you just let it corrode you from inside?

tell me about the bananafish bro

You are in fact letting the "world win" by continuing to live. The main reason you continue existing day after miserable day is because your Will (i.e. the world) tells you to. You can tell yourself that it's actually because you like working for nine hours a day and then spending your free time nutting in your wife or playing frisbee with your friends but really it's just because your will insists.

I personally find my descent into mental depravity relatively interesting. It feels like I'm immersed in some exit-tier Veeky Forums-core novel which is so well-written I can literally picture myself as the protagonist (also me). I'll probably be dead by 30, but I really want to kiss a girl (female) before then, sex would be great too.

A recent study from the university of Ottawa showed that ketamine significantly reduced the thoughts of suicide and to a lesser extent treated depression.

>Is Veeky Forums the most depression-prone board here?

Nah, just the one that romanticizes it the most.

Yes, I know, but it's also used to model psychosis in animals by neuropharmacologists, moreso than serotonergic psychedelic nowadays.
It can induce paranoia and very egocentric thoughts that could trigger an psychotic episode in someone susceptible to this.
If you are only an anxious and depressed person, go ahead, ketamine is pretty safe as long as you don't abuse it, but if you have psychotic tendencies, be very careful.

why bother. the emotional state is just going to keep returning and taking up your lifetime anyway, until the inevitable happens, i.e death. at least when you orchestrate your own death you have the control over your own life. Rather than leave it to unknown randomness which comes out of the blue.

saturday night i got extremely drunk for the first time in months and cried to rilo kiley at 4am. it was nice. i'm going to kill myself at some point in my life, i'm sure about that, the question is just when.

you should read a fucking book is what.

How old are you? I find it really fascinating as well, I wonder if this is related to some kind of masochistic mindset/personality, I often find myself seeking and dwelling in my own sadness, actively going after things that will make me feel depressed (like listening to a specially poignant song, for example)

Get off this imageboard and call your local suicide prevention hotline. It's worth a shot and it's anonymous anyways.

>cried to rilo kiley
Don't do that to yourself man.

SOMETIMES WHEN I WAKE UP

I'm 25 years old.

And I relate to your tendency. I just find anything that has any effect on me interesting. And since most of the emotions that effect me are negative I try and deconstruct them or analyze and explore them as much as I can out of fascination really. Sad music tends to be better IMO at articulating life.

Who are you favorite musicians / lyricists?

If you kill yourself you're still a slave of the Will you can't escape it.
Best thing we can do is try to find serenity somehow but it's only achievable by turning into a retard or reaching a fake state of "enlightenement" which is really just a way to not see into the harsh reality of things.

Philosophy before Theology is God tier.
All you need to do is recognise that the will of God is the Will.
What's your school of thought?

I think "retard" is a harsh way of putting it, but many if not most Western philosophers have tried to find a way to placate the will. Zappfe described the tendency to conscript your will in service of some idealogical anchor, Kierkegaard talked about "crop rotation" to feed your will with endless novelty, the existentialists talked about allowing your identity to be subsumed by some idealogical character-type whereby your will is chained to a reliable series of expectations etc.

I honestly recommend reading Mitchell Heisman's "Suicide Note" (free online), or at least the first 150 pages or so. It's a pretty neat summary of the way in which an individual's innate and primitive Will serves as an impediment to living a strictly rational life etc.

Then again, both you and I are alive right now and statistically it's unlikely either of us will an hero and so either way our Will will triumph over of us pissing and moaning about life being a sort of pointless exercise in gradually more intense and diverse forms of suffering.

Will will will...
So it was the world as will all along.

If the will of God is the will then God is blind or just has no clue what he is doing.
I suppose it's some sort of gnostic thought but it's kind of a bummer so maybe I should read kierkegaard or something.
Will definitely check that out (haha)

My brother did this same shit. I found him, we lived together.

It got worse. I went through his browsing history and phone like any brother would do before my family did. He posted on here lit for advice and people just blew him off.

As someone who sees the other side of it. Don't do it.

Here's my reasoning. You are depressed. You are in a shitty situation and have been so over taken by it that your primal survival instinct has been destroyed.

Check yourself into a hospital. Go through the motions and plan your escape. It could be selling all your shit and hoping trains for a few years until you find your answer. It could be becoming a monk and practicing for a few years. It could be moving and starting over. It could be leaving your wife and job and looking for something new.

You're feeling trapped and it APPEARS that you have no options. You do have options you just can't see them. This life is the only guarantee, don't fucking waste it.

It's been over two years. He fucking lived streamed his death. I watched it. People took screen caps and posted them in 2^3 Chan. My mom has never really recovered. He was my best friend and I still hold myself responsible.

You need to be brave and go to the hospital until you are stable and ready to make changes. This is a temporary feeling. Death is forever.

Please listen.

Call me a faggot if you will but I find that Nick Drake's Northern Sky is one of the better pieces of music I've ever listened to. It strikes a melancholic note in me that I find really hard to describe. Another contender is King Crimson's Islands (the song, not the entire album btw). Just two examples from the top of my head.

proof?

I'm not OP, but I love you for saying this.

I recently developed Schizophrenia, more technically Schizoaffective disorder - because I have Bipolar disorder at the same time.

Go to a psychiatrist.
I don't hear voices any more after I took what he prescribed. I'm not delusional any more, too.

Though I'm still too fucked up to work or anything. I am currently trying to file for disability so I can get autismbux.

Don't kill yourself. Assuming Materialist reductionism, the world ends upon your death.
The entire universe will cease to exist if you kill yourself.
Realize that.

Think of your family and friends dude.