Why do we treat bad the people we love?

Why do we treat bad the people we love?

Like you know when your mom dies out of nowhere but yesterday you ignored her.

Why do we not do what we know is right?

Why do we intentionally choose to not improve ourselves?

It's not that you don't know what's right, it's that you're putting no effort into what you're doing. If you really took an effort to what concerns relationships with your mom, do you think that you would end up treating her in a worse manner? You're not going to do it with a reason.

What I'm saying is that you're lazy. You know what's the right thing to do, but you're channeling no energy into accomplishing that, and this happens because you're lazy.
Your only choice at this point is not to be lazy: this requires effort and it will be unpleasant until you'll get used to it. Talk to your mom, force yourself to do it if you deep down know she deserves it: eventually you'll learn how to love her, since you already know that you love her.

The key part is aknowledging the fact that you're putting no effort into any of those aspects of your life that truly trouble you, like this one. You won't change immediatly, but if you keep this in mind at the very least you will be able to get there in the long run, gradually.

t. was a ungrateful piece of shit for my entire life, I've started seeing a therapist and this is what she told me: it made sense and I fixed my relationship with my family

Because we obviously don't really want to, otherwise we would do it.

The fact is that you ignored your mom because ultimately you didn't find paying attention to her to be worth the effort.

What people really value shows through their actions, not their words.

t. Mersault.

Yes, how do I always do the Right Actions at all times?

It's like this great divide. To know and do what is right. To merely know is laziness, t must applied with wisdom.

If you mean "generally right actions," there are no such things.

If you mean "right actions for me," I couldn't tell you what would benefit you without more information about you. From what I've seen, I think you should seek fluency in written English.

>Yes, how do I always do the Right Actions at all times?
You know what's the right thing, what's happening is that you're too lazy to do it. You already know what you should do now, you've got all the informations a man could dream of (no one gets you as much as yourself): the problem is that you lack the discipline needed to do what you REALLY want to do all the times. Discipline can be trained, every bootcamp that has ever been is a direct proof of it. If you don't think you can do self-policing talk about it with the people you're living with, and ask them to be some sort of motivational coaches in your life, always reminding you why you're not doing what you deep down believe you should do.

>To merely know is laziness, t must applied with wisdom.
Being undisciplined it's closer to an addiction rather than just a flaw in your character. Since this is its nature, it could help you know how addiction works.
This is one of the most comprehensive things I can tell you about addictions that are not physical: unless you're dealing with really hard drugs, as long as you aknowledge what you're doing you won't do the wrong thing.
As long as you remember that you're trying to fix your relationship with your mother you won't tend to the wrong decision.
So what's the problem? That most of the time you will unconsciously relapse to your old habits, without these new lines of thought ever emerging in your stream of consciousness. You simply ''forget'' that you were supposed to be nice to your mom, and realize it afterwards. What you're not considering is that when you were mean to her, you were not thinking about how you thought earlier that it is now your personal duty to be nicer to her. You forgot that, and replaced it with new narratives that did not account for your newfound priorities.

Knowing this should help you noticing these situations in their first stages, and prevent them earlier and earlier, until you finally kick them out of your typical behaviour.
Hope this knowledge may help you, in my case it has really turned my life around.

Fuck your sensitivies, I dont care about your Latin hackjob of a language

>If you mean "generally right actions," there are no such things.

To choose the best course of action at all times. And optimally it should benefit other people too.

>You simply ''forget'' that you were supposed to be nice to your mom, and realize it afterwards.

Fuck dude that hit me. I think I need to be more mindful...

Thanks for you input

No such thing as a general "best."

If you mean the "best" for you in the sense of that which most benefits you at a given moment, I agree as long as you don't extrapolate that superlativity to any other time or action.
>Fuck your sensitivies, I dont care about your Latin hackjob of a language
Why are you writing in it, then?

Right but you often have choices and there are bad and good ones.

You know the good choices and the result they bring, yet you choose the bad ones despite knowing the harmful consequences. Like intentionally smoking a cigarette when you have Emphysema.

The problem is, how do we always choose the correct one?

>Yes, how do I always do the Right Actions at all times?
You can't not do that. You always do what you think is best.

Sure, you might theoretically say 'I wish I got up earlier in the mornings', but the truth is that you do not wish that or you would do it. You could say 'I wish I had good muscle definition' but what you really mean is 'I wish I had good muscle definition in a way that defies the laws of nature, without having to work for it'.

In the real world you do not want to have good muscle definition since that implies working out and you consider working out too much trouble.

We always do what we really think is the right action, but that is different from what we hypothetically pretend to consider the right action.

People who really want to do something do so. Nobody ever sits next to a bag of chips and says 'I wish I was eating those chips' and mean it without eating the chips.

It's not that you don't do what you think is right. It's just that you lie to yourself about what you think is right to be pretend you're a person with different priorities. But if those were really your priorities it would show in your actions.

>Nobody ever sits next to a bag of chips and says 'I wish I was eating those chips' and mean it without eating the chips.

This shameless glorification of laziness will just bring that user on the verge of mediocrity. Laziness CAN be fought, and it is not a lifelong struggle, rather a short-medium term of intense struggle to refine your own discipline.
There was another user in this thread who used bootcamps as an example: he was right. You can teach a person how to not be lazy in a shockingly short amount of time. It won't be pleasant, but after that trauma he will be in complete control of himself, and this is exactly what OP was striving for.

People chose to be lazy because it is easier to them in that particular moment, in their lazy body and mind. Since you have control over that aspect of your life, it makes sense to strive not for what it's comfier, but rather for what you believe in.

It's very hard to do the right thing. So there are things that bring good actions.

I know what is good, but I do not choose to do it.

It's an ailment of some sort. Intentional self-sabotage, a self-fulfilling prophecy of the worst shit that could happen.

You give an example of addictive behavior, so let me phrase it this way:

If I'm addicted to cigarettes (which I have been), it's because I made choices that benefit me too narrowly. I smoked because of the pleasant sensation that it brings. In breaking the addiction, one understands that the benefit of short-term mental stability is not worth the expense of long term physical detriment. The addict chooses to suffer mentally for a period in order to prevent both further psychological strain (the constant thought of "I need a cigarette") and continued bodily debilitation.

The correct choice in this instance is that which is painful in the moment, but restful in the long term, because this moment is the addict's moment. More generally, but not totally generally, "always making the correct choice" consists in constant choice correction and the knowledge that it is impossible to "always" do anything.

I'm not glorifying it. I'm just saying people do what they want.

If someone says 'I wish to eat those chips' but doesn't, the thing he really means is 'I have a desire to eat those, but that desire is currently overruled by a stronger decider to be healthy' or something like that.

Laziness can be fought, if fighting laziness is what you want. But if you remain lazy, obviously you value laziness more than overcoming it.

Bootcamp may help people overcome laziness, but the people who go to bootcamp are already dedicated to overcoming it. If OP would really care he would take action.

But as long as he does not take action, he is pretty much only paying lip service, only pretending to care.

If there are two people, one of which sits on the couch saying "I'm a murderer" and the other running around killing people saying "I'm not a murderer" then the latter is still the actual murderer. What someone says does not define them, it is what they do.

>I know what is good, but I do not choose to do it.
I would agree with Socrates and say that akrasia does not really exist. It's rather a form of dishonesty. People do not willingly do the bad.

People might say 'I want to quit smoking but I don't' then what they're actually saying is 'ultimately I value smoking more than the benefits of not smoking'. They just aren't honest with themselves.

If you really fully believed something was good you would do it. That is how you judge your actual values. If you don't want your dog to go hungry you feed it, you don't merely say 'oh I don't want him to be hungry' and let him starve.

>Laziness can be fought, if fighting laziness is what you want.

It's not about wanting it, it's about the intensity of said want. Some people don't have it in them, but they're not hopeless: it just means that they need some help.
Given the nature of this sentiment (acting against your inner will because you're too lazy to follow it), I think that it should be treated as an illusion, something that you add to your will rather than a inherent trait of it. In this sense, it should be disregarded and considered as a flaw, as a personal failing. He should give no relevance to it (like you're suggesting him), and instead actively fight it.
Equating it to your actual will is the first step towards complete failure and absolute mediocrity. You actually want something else, you just don't have the strenght to do so: that strenght can be trained.

>I think you should seek fluency in written English
Do you ever stop to think how fucking retarded you sound when you write like this?

I would define that not as doing something against your will but your will do do the thing simply being stronger than your will to not do it.

I do see how your approach might be psychologically more helpful for some people though, but for me it's the other way around.

Thinking "I'm being fed chips by myself against my will!" feels more helpless and defeatist. The approach of identifying my real desires with my acts without excuses is actually what drives me to change my acts. I consider myself a person who wants to be a lazy slob until the moment I no longer act like it.

The moment I tell myself while eating "I am actually a person who values gorging like a pig more than being a vital human being" something clicks and I can no longer pretend to be a victim.

Full responsibility for one's behaviour seems empowering to me.

I'd love my mother, but she chose to disregard her racial purity and mate with the wrong race, thus making me a subhuman and low value male as an adult... which has made me despise every second of this existence.

Also is the fact she is poor, and poor people shouldn't have children as their life is miserable.

Are you a supreme gentleman?

Did I ever think it sounded incredibly ostentatious and douchey? Yes, that's why I wrote it that way.

>why we treat badly the people we love..
because we're either around them most or feel that theyre the ones who expect most from us, and therefore burden us, oppress us, etc. Even if only in language we place them above ourselves, and so, from time to time, we rebel.
>why we do not do what we know is right
because we have the ability to submit reasons, excuses in support of the contrary. lying here will preempt a hassle there, for instance. again, we do not like to be inconvenienced. our time is our own, damn it!
>why we choose intentionally not to improve
time is of the essence even here.. because there's felt to be not enough of it for this general proposition, whose particular guise is either too detailed, or changes with the wind.
'Alas it is delusion all
The future cheats us from afar
Nor can we be what we recall
Nor dare we think on what we are.'
-Byron
>Happy Easter, by the way--

pretty much

That picture, OP, was snapped in one of five places. My guess is Cleveland.

"It's easier to hurt who is closer"

she has no ass and her arms are the same size as her legs

but the sloe eyes, lower lid dimple, and pretty smile are rather pleasant to see. plus she and the pooch got somethin real and everyone loves a lover, right?

You thake them for granted and don't consider it possible that you might lose them, and when they're gone you're filled with guilt and see mundane events in the past under a guilty emotional light that doesn't necessarily reflect reality.
So make sure to be patient and true to your feeling on the now so that you can't bitch about it tomorrow.

How do I always do what is right?

How do I close the Great Divide?

Still way out of his league.