I've been growing cucumbers for about a month now. What am I doing wrong?

I've been growing cucumbers for about a month now. What am I doing wrong?

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gardeningknowhow.com/edible/vegetables/cucumber/cucumbers-not-straight.htm
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You really put the "u" in cucumber huh

Nothing, that cucumber is fine.

The reason you only see perfectly straight ones in the supermarket is because they don't put the crooked ones out for individual sale. Walmart doesn't want people thinking they're buying "defective" produce.

looks like you aren't watering 'em enough, user.

needs some viagra

gardeningknowhow.com/edible/vegetables/cucumber/cucumbers-not-straight.htm
>Often, this results in curly cucumber fruit, or otherwise deformed cucumbers, and one huge disappointment for gardeners who waited all winter for perfect, straight fruits.
kek

You have to use electro shock treatment to get straight cucumbers.

Looks like it could hit your prostate. Nothing wrong with a lil internal tickling, user.

Indiana doesn't even HAVE cuisine.

Try putting some tiddies in your garden