My "shit"-posting days are over Veeky Forums.
I've spent too much time, expended too much energy, wasted too much potential posting countless "shit"-posts on this board. The (you)s no longer cut it, the brief jolt of contentment knowing I've hit another ball out of the figurative park is no longer worth it. I've been banned at least 50 times from Veeky Forums along in the past three years.
In that time my mental health has deteriorated to the point where suicide is no longer just a potential but unlikely reaction to a world in which I do not fit but a very likely conclusion to what should not really qualify as a life. My being itself has fractured into a Pessoan crowd of misfits and idiots (all me) who have plagued this board for too long now.
I am NOT a Husserl scholar working at a Wendy's in Louisiana and playing Pharoah (1999) in his spare time.
I am NOT a hard-up writer whose mommy bought three copies of his novel about a leper's colony and published by a small-time scam artist.
I am NOT a 19-year-old who will live a good life at your expense.
I am NOT a 26-year-old NEET writing his million-plus word debut six-part memoir on a computer at the local public library.
I am NOT an Oxford graduate who literally can't express how much an Oxbridge education has benefited my life.
I am NOT a world-traveler and soon-to-be MFA student with a USB of short stories dangling from his keychain.
I am NOT a Norwegian aspiring author spending a year in his grandparents' cabin while writing his soon-to-be published debut novel.
I am NOT a young man living in New York and living a lifestyle that could not get any more contemporary.
Some may understand these references, some may not, most probably won't care either way.
On Friday I will be travelling to live full-time at a Trappist monastery where I have spent the past three weeks after something of an existential breakdown. I will try as hard as I can to develop a sincere belief in God and dedicate myself to the culture of the monastery where I will probably spend the rest of my life. I should have known my ironic self-detachment from Real Life (TM) couldn't go on forever. Something had to give eventually, and now I guess it finally has.
Thanks for the memories Veeky Forums
Are there any books on this issue?