My "shit"-posting days are over Veeky Forums

My "shit"-posting days are over Veeky Forums.

I've spent too much time, expended too much energy, wasted too much potential posting countless "shit"-posts on this board. The (you)s no longer cut it, the brief jolt of contentment knowing I've hit another ball out of the figurative park is no longer worth it. I've been banned at least 50 times from Veeky Forums along in the past three years.

In that time my mental health has deteriorated to the point where suicide is no longer just a potential but unlikely reaction to a world in which I do not fit but a very likely conclusion to what should not really qualify as a life. My being itself has fractured into a Pessoan crowd of misfits and idiots (all me) who have plagued this board for too long now.

I am NOT a Husserl scholar working at a Wendy's in Louisiana and playing Pharoah (1999) in his spare time.

I am NOT a hard-up writer whose mommy bought three copies of his novel about a leper's colony and published by a small-time scam artist.

I am NOT a 19-year-old who will live a good life at your expense.

I am NOT a 26-year-old NEET writing his million-plus word debut six-part memoir on a computer at the local public library.

I am NOT an Oxford graduate who literally can't express how much an Oxbridge education has benefited my life.

I am NOT a world-traveler and soon-to-be MFA student with a USB of short stories dangling from his keychain.

I am NOT a Norwegian aspiring author spending a year in his grandparents' cabin while writing his soon-to-be published debut novel.

I am NOT a young man living in New York and living a lifestyle that could not get any more contemporary.

Some may understand these references, some may not, most probably won't care either way.

On Friday I will be travelling to live full-time at a Trappist monastery where I have spent the past three weeks after something of an existential breakdown. I will try as hard as I can to develop a sincere belief in God and dedicate myself to the culture of the monastery where I will probably spend the rest of my life. I should have known my ironic self-detachment from Real Life (TM) couldn't go on forever. Something had to give eventually, and now I guess it finally has.

Thanks for the memories Veeky Forums

Are there any books on this issue?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=pf7pJWgJhPU
youtube.com/watch?v=XQHGsUdG68U
archived.moe/lit/thread/7608333/
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

See ya next week

TL; DR.

>The (you)s no longer cut it, the brief jolt of contentment knowing I've hit another ball out of the figurative park is no longer worth it.
says the guy that writes a 500 word 'im leaving and there's nothing you can do about it' post. just turn off your computer and walk away. there's no reason to be so dramatic about leaving one of the least-trafficked boards on Veeky Forums.

Read Tyler the Creator.

which monastery?

The Buckfast one

youtube.com/watch?v=pf7pJWgJhPU

This was a good post

>I am NOT an Oxford graduate who literally can't express how much an Oxbridge education has benefited my life.
I enjoyed this shitpost quite a lot when I first read it.

press f to pay respects

f

post yfw when this post is just another elaborate shitpost

is this the beginning of Post-meta-sincere-shitposting? how many store fronts do we have to click untill it all comes tumbling down?

Keep clicking goy

This is the best shitpost ive ever seen in my life

He's just another irony zombie, move along

OP, your posts are consistently enjoyable. Please accept this (you) and my best wishes.

youtube.com/watch?v=XQHGsUdG68U

Breece yourself

How can we know this isn't merely one of your new personas?

>tfw I am literally all those things
why live?

please rabbi... I tire of the clicking. How many more drug stores in shanghai do I have to validate? what is your end goal?

I enjoyed all of those shitposts OP. But how do we know it was really you?

protip: it is

Its a fucking but now you can feel better

If you're actually serious, then godspeed, it's been a pleasure posting in your threads.

If you're just making more shit up, then I congratulate you on this marvelous shitpost.

include me in the screencap

Fuck off

this was a pretty great shitpost, have a (you)

Haha no you won't

Damn, I've only read some of these shitpost characters. Has anyone got all of them? Of those I've seen, I feel like
> a 19-year-old who will live a good life at your expense
is the classic
>an Oxford graduate who literally can't express how much an Oxbridge education has benefited my life
is great, and
>a young man living in New York and living a lifestyle that could not get any more contemporary
is underrated.

Too circular to make real good pasta, also too incoherent

The memoir one is by far the best, I'm sure that character has been maintained for at least three years by my judgement. I remember it started out with just a neet dude posting about his profound genius, then turned into a whole backstory about a neet living with his mom writing his debut six-part memoir at the library and planning to dress as a pizza guy to deliver it secretly to a publishing company in an empty box. Don't have the links to the other threads but I think someone is running an archive for this board so maybe it's all there.

if you were actually the NEET memoir poster then I have massive respect for you, and am a big fan of your work.

Ah yes, that rings a bell or two. I guess there's a distinction between the single post copypasta ones and the long-running character ones.

i have this bookmarked from memeoir faggot

archived.moe/lit/thread/7608333/

Bullshit, because I'm two of those guys. A valiant effort, but my pride as a shitposter won't let me let you take credit for my work.

You'll be back. They all come back. You'll stay. They always stay

A shitposter pretending to be a shitposter pretending to be a shitposter.

>a Husserl scholar working at a Wendy's in Louisiana and playing Pharoah (1999) in his spare time
>a 26-year-old NEET writing his million-plus word debut six-part memoir on a computer at the local public library
>a Norwegian aspiring author spending a year in his grandparents' cabin while writing his soon-to-be published debut novel
I recognize these distinctly.

>travelling to live full-time at a Trappist monastery where I have spent the past three weeks after something of an existential breakdown. I will try as hard as I can to develop a sincere belief in God and dedicate myself to the culture of the monastery where I will probably spend the rest of my life
Is this your new character?

What about the guy writing the book for his son?

Those have been pretty funny so far desu

>On Friday I will be travelling to live full-time at a Trappist monastery
come now, OP, it's one thing to steal Tao Lin's NY schtick, but we have actual trappists here.

Maybe you can read some literature while you're away, so you can discuss it with us. Or keep shitposting, you fucking retard.

Great shitposts, user.

I enjoy this new one as well.

You sound really fucking pretentious, just shut up.

saged

Incredible post. The Husserl scholar was my favorite character. I wish I had a book to recommend you but I don't. Take care, I hope you find what you're looking for.

I feel for ya OP.

toppest kek

Read Sheboygan Quarterly

You're one stupid faggot

Before you even leave, see if you can just stand still for 5 minutes

I bet you can't

So you're new character is a sad excuse to try and fish for recognition of your other characters?

No matter how many layers of irony the aim is still validation. This confession has meant nothing.

>you're

(you)

Yet another consistently great post by (you).

Wait... One person was behind all these posts?

They're all literary heteronyms. He's the Pessoa of the electric age.

Anyone have copies of these pastas? I would like to revisit the "19 year old living at your expense"

I'm 19 years old.

I am handsome, smart, athletic and virile.

I have a novel that is in it's final editing stage, and a creative writing professor at my college has read the first draft and thinks it's saleable.

I have a girlfriend who is confident, articulate, playful and spontaneous.

I have a small group of interesting friends from different social and academic backgrounds, and I also have many other acquaintances who see me as a reliable source of humour and good company.

Both my parents are alive and in good health.

I have no regrets.

I have already experienced three existential crises, the latter of which was described as having the depth and profundity of a man twice my age.

I am a passionate lover, a sharp thinker, and a trader of witty repartee.

I am not self-pitying, meek or needlessly humble.

I will live a good life at your expense.

...

hehe

I am NOT a Trappist monk, nor will I be, nor will anything in your power make it so.

The very doctrine of these monks, which I believe is Catholic, would vehemently denounce the emulation of any such order via means of oppression-- a bastardization of the order itself.

I hope you're proud, because I'm sure many Trappists aren't. Also, if you are devout, how do you reconcile your actions with God, man?

REAL TRAPP SHIT

Probablly Tylo be chillin

You forgot one.

>I am on the autism spectrum

Seriously why the fuck would you write out all that shit in some dumb ass spacing style that make it look like you were just trying to write something profound or poetic, when in fact your just being egotistical and giving yourself a nice pat on the back. Have you ever once (1 time) experienced ANY form of adversity?

you're not too smart, are you

I know its copypasta. OP is still in this thread. He can see what I wrote.

cringe

what are you even trying to say?

>wow he's right better meme before I lose

OP is just a liar is all. Those aren't his ideas, only the last one is, and I'm saying its a shit idea. I don't think it's lost on anyone that he's not being serious.

It must be nice to be Intelligent, Nihilistic and have a Wicked Sense of Humor

>Taillier Du Creatoir

can i get the norewegian and leper colony ones. and any more youve got. these sound hilarious

See you tomorrow user

How are those not his ideas, do you have any evidence he's lying? I remember all of his previous threads and personas and I can believe they were all by the same person. I also don't see why OP should be disingenuous about becoming a monk, it sounds like a good idea to me in the situation he's in.

pfft
OP please

>Tylletius Factorum

>I am NOT an existential refugee dedicating his life to a Trappist community trying to escape his own godless despair.

Sorry you're having a rough time, OP. I don't know if romantic gestures are required... get out more, exercise regularly, eat well with lots of fruit and veg, and maybe do so volunteer work with a local charity or church. And stay the fuck away from Veeky Forums, too. Baby steps towards responsible adulthood and living a life that helps others.

i'm not OP, just been here a while.

kek