>But I don't think the argument for gender deviancy being the same as nazism is convincing.
That's not what I'm pointing out. The comparison is to form common ground where you agree that you dont just agree to be polite and get walk away ethically free.
>you should make a moral case otherwise if you want to repeatedly call them something they hate
I'm not so sure the burden of proof is on me. If someone said they would have a panic attack if you didnt call them Mr. Big daddy dick, should you oblige? What if the name takes 30 seconds to say? Or is very difficult to pronounce?
However these are proper names, or given names, so the comparison isnt perfect. The problem with pronouns is that they are what is called a close class of grammar, and dont take on new members easily. Other examples that arent pronouns are and, but, this, that, the, a, etc. If someone demanded that I use a new form of conjunction or else they would have a panic attack, it would seem absurd.
The problem is that pronouns are being seen emotionally as proper names. "You would call me Christopher if I asked, why not refer to me also as my preferred pronoun?"
Proper names are an open class, the most open class, and pronouns are not. That's a problem that lies deep in human language faculties.
>Again, you can just abstain from calling them the term they want to be called.
Yes but then we are forced to use they, which is awkward and hard to use. Again, its a closed case.
I think the main problem is that the minority wants to not be treated like a minority in a way which is difficult for anyone to do, and so no one should be surprised that problems arise, and the best way to deal with this problem rhetorically is take on the problem rather than putting it on others. The case you are making is doing that. It is considerate to the majority that the situation is awkward, and makes it seem more casual. However everyone reading that immediately thinks of all the other situations they have seen when it is not like this, and wonder how this game of rhetoric is being played.
For example, if a man has a very feminine sounding voice, if they go through a drive through and are referred to as a she, I personally am arguing that it should be on him to take up the situation of being an exception.
This stranger wrongly referring to him as a she is not a fault. Giving the benefit of doubt to the stranger is good. You are doing that, but others on your side cleary dont and it is strange.