Local bookstore installed pleb detectors

>Bookstore stopped serving alcohol.

>bookstore doesn't have anywhere to ash my bowl

>wanna pick up some right wing literature from the bookstore
>grab the jews by hilaire belloc, the cantos by ezra pound and thus spake zarathustra by friedrich nietzsche
>cashier looks panicked when i take them to the register and i notice her hand go under the desk, probably to press a silent alarm
>two security guards, a tall african and a short, balding bespectacled man, come over and escort me to the backroom
>sit in a small, square backroom for an hour grilled about why i want these particular books
>the short, bald, bespectacled one repeatedly interrupts me as i try to explain telling me it's highly problematic while the tall african just stands in the corner completely silent
>they take my name, phone number and address, tell me i'm not allowed the books and say the agency for tackling extremist thought will be in touch with me

ebin

kek

Why do they even have the books then?

>at bookstore with my friend
>the girl walks past me when she sees my copy of paradise lost volume. 2
>goes directly to my friend for a lap dance
>she doesn't even charge him anything once she sees he's reading edgar allan poe

FUCK NEW YORK I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE

>local bookstore started charging a virgin tax on every purchase

BGE is goat philosophy, why would pleb detectors go off

They must have known I never read the greeks.

As a net. Gotta catch those naughty boys by the short hairs.

>visiting your local bookstore
>Not just ordering used books online

>When you finally befriend the Bookstore's Hound

Tons of books aren't digitized you cuck

>book eagle tore up my copy of 'gravity's rainbow' to make his nest

They got me locked up for 4 days reading the greeks after I tried to get away with buying being and time
How am I supposed to be a pseud with these detectors?

>go to bookstore
>need a key to access the manga section

Just do it in the potted plants man

>tfw my local bookstore has both
I even smoked weed with one of the owners and clerk

>local bookstore hired a DFW double to pontificate to customers

Gave me a good chuckle, I can imagine the outrage if that were true

>try to buy the Odyssey
>detectors go off because I haven't learned ancient greek yet

It's generally the other way around, bud. You don't need to take out your anger due to being poor on us. Some of us just genuinely do not want to stare at a small screen to read, you know.

He knew that you weren't going to read it anyways. A victim-less crime, really.

>go to bookstore
>kicked out for being a dumb American

>two undercover Federal Pseud Inspectors come in and take you to a holding cell in the jungles of argentina
>they torture you until you admit that you haven't even read the Illiad yet.

Where do you live, and why are weeaboo loving niggers a problem there?

>buying Finnegans Wake
>seems to be a problem when the checkout girl scans it
>asks me to please accompany her to the backroom
>realize i have impressed her with Finny's and she's going to blow me
>before i know it two heavies are hooking me up to a polygraph test and make me admit I had no intention of reading the Wake
>tfw banned from the store now

>local bookstore has a lie detector test where they ask every costumer if they really intend to read the book.

>go to bookstore
>see sign that says, "NO PLEBS ALLOWED"
>walk right in
>get asked, "Didn't you see the sign, xir?"
>"Yes"
>"Well...?"
>tell them I can't read
>get handed a complimentary copy of Ulysses

>Pick up The Art of the Deal
>Go to checkout
>Clerk is a girl with pink hair
>Don't have enough money to pay in cash, and forced to use my credit card

>thought police took away my copy of the hunger games

>talking a little out of my depth with some english grads at a party
>keep talking about Infinite Jest because I know it really well
>qt says her favorite author is virginia woolf
>I have never read virginia woolf
>tell her I love virginia woolf
>mfw she's an undercover pseudetective and it's a sting
>mfw somehow end up a registered sex offender

Wait, really?

Kek

>go to book store
>ask attendant where I can find a copy of Finnegan's Wake
>she gets really mad at me for saying it with the apostrophe and has the bouncers escort me out of the shop

this alternate universe is fun

>forgot to recharge page-turning device again

It's the universe where Hillary won

>>forgot to recharge page-turning device again
how did you lose your hand user?

as opposed to where trump is trying to burn museums and libraries to the ground?

Spooky

>local book store harold bloom gives me a sour-faced snort every time I pick up a copy of Tolkien

>tfw you pulled a Trap Book off of the shelf and it shut off the power except for a spotlight to show your taste to everyone

>"hey user what's like your favorite author"
>oh well it's meliville
>"really user? in your diary you wrote: wallace is simply epic"
>"care to explain?"
>h-how did you get my diary desu?
>"chad'll do anything for a little dick"

>Go to the movie rental
>Ask for the first Harry Potter
>The clerk goes on about some dullest franchises or something
>Tells me to go to a library
>Ask the librarian for the first Harry Potter
>She scoffs and tells me to rent the movie since I'm such a pleb

>looking for an experience rather than the information contained within the books
It's the other way around you pathetic ledditor

Oh god this is my secret shame
>be at book club
>some guy starts talking about the Iliad
>I quickly put on my cloak and stumble through the conversation
>accadently say Odysseus instead of Ulysses
>club presidents head shoots up out of the crowd as he scans the room
>"Oh god he heared me"
>he doesn't know who said it but he is moving around the groups
>I duck out the back and dodge him
>come bacK 15 min later when the heat died down

This is actualy a true story this dudes insane.

>walk into bookstore
>need to get a copy of Phenomenology of the Spirit for my bookshelf (I have no intention of reading it)
>manage to get past the pseud detectors
>go directly to the book
>pseud-sniffing dog passes me by (I read a sparknotes on Kant)
>pick up the tome and go to the front desk
>qt3.14 checks me out, asks me the standard questions to make sure I have the appropriate knowledge to read this book
>pass it with flying colors
>walking out the door
>she calls me back over
>asks if I Started With The Greeks
>visibly sweating at this point
>I haven't even read the Odyssey
>she picks up on my discomfort and tackles me to the ground
I spent 4 weeks in pseud prison after that

Having trouble following the plot here. The speaker convinced Chad to steal user's diary, and in exchange the speaker gave Chad a dicking?

>I spent 4 weeks in pseud prison
Should have been longer, honestly. I'm tired of all these pseuds getting by with light sentences for such grievous crimes.

even chad knows that fucking qt boipucci isn't gay

Are there actually people on Veeky Forums who HAVEN'T read the Odyssey/Iliad besides me?

I've only read them in a prose translation

I've seen the movie Troy and that simpsons episode parodying the odyssey.

i've learned old greek to read an old greek hamliton translation

I have seen it abridged so many times in media I don't see the point when I can just read something else.

What's the best movie version so I don't have to read it? Same for the Iliad.

do people really buy books, having no intention to read them?

>tfw I'm reading the greeks so I don't get labeled as a pseud
you're all idiots

Idiot, it's enough to have it in your home to duck like 99% of detectors, you don't have to actually READ it

You both need to go back to /r/books. If you're unwilling to read two of the most influential books in human history then you really shouldn't be bothering with literature.

Even then there's still the
>no gf tax
>stupid tax
>virginity tax
>frightens small children tax
>dandruff tax
>ugly tax
I can't even afford to start with the Greeks with all these extra charges ;-;

>scoot over to the local six-square mile Bibliocomplex
>Swipe my BookAndGo™ pass to get through the turnstiles
>Metal keychain sets off the metal detector
>Have to go through special security lane
>Overweight officer pats me down
>Tip him 20%
>Get on the purveyorconveyor™
>Have to strap in, can't move my arms
>We speed off at 1.5 mph
>After six hours of journeying through the young adult and Stephen King sections, we finally reach the 'old dead white men' section
>Get off and go look for a copy of kafka's 'the castle'
>Book droid tells me it's at the end of the book labyrinth
>Thank him and tip him 15%
>'ERROR: tip is insufficient'
>He uses my butthole as a power outlet as punishment, electrocuting me
>Continue on through the labyrinth
>It's cold and dark, journey multiple stories down
>Have to fight the literataur Minotaur
>Bash his skull in with a copy of 'Anna Karenina'
>Turns out he was just a genetically modified Eurasian man
>Have to run from a pack of book hounds
>Hide in the 'books written by Harold Bloom' section, no one ever goes here
>Continue on through the labyrinth
>Finally find what I was looking for
>All the pages have been used as toilet paper by a homeless man who sleeps on top of the shelf
>Tip him 25% and exit the labyrinth
>Book cartel kidnaps me
>They take my kidney and replace it with a copy of 'infinite jest' to smuggle out of the complex
>Tip them 40%
>Get back on the purveyorconveyor, it takes me to the 'checkout palace'
>Don't have enough money for the non-humiliation lane
>Qt cashiers strip me and laugh at my penis
>Tip them 80%
>Before I can leave, autistic man shoots up the store
>96 casualties
>Tip him 200% and get on my way
>Finally reach sunlight
>Government dipshit detector drone performs a full body scan
>Sees the copy of infinite jest in my body cavity
>Airstrikes me from 6 miles away
>Mfw

Not him, but I'm reading the Iliad and I don't see anything special about it as a contemporary work. There's no grand questions being raised or answered, just a lot of fucking killing, and petty ass hurt gods.

>reading the Odyssey and the Illiad
>not flying to Greece and paying an old man to recite them to you from memory as Homer would have wanted

WEEWOO WEEWOO PLEB ALERT

>not reading the cave dwellers

Forever a pleb.

>local plebstore called
>they ran out of you

damn.. brevity is soul of wit

Many a book are unfortunately doomed to The Pile

Why read Hesiod when most of it is just genealogy of the Gods? Why read Sophocles and Euripides when their? Plays are just a bunch of dudes angering the gods. You may as well just not read any classic at all with that attitude. The point is to become intimately familiar with the stories. The Illiad and Odyssey are referenced in a large portion of classic lit and a lot of the time its something very subtle that you won't pick up on unless you're very familiar.

But how does referencing a shallow story add depth?

>You need to be deeply familiar with stupid stories because other stupid stories reference them

underrated

nigga what universe you talking about?

The one where Ted Cruz won.

>actually, if you want to bake an apple from scratch you have to recreate the universe

Fuck off dude I already know what happened from my anchent civ classes I don't need to read about how exactly Ajax sworded some other dude.

audible kek

Tell me about the one where Jeb! won

fairly put, but I thought the point of reading them was to be just familiar with the Greeks, and to understand the thought process behind why they left the mythology behind, not to become intimately familiar with their stories(although I do like some of them).

Endless Guac, but no discernible applause. .

[/spoiler]no[/spoiler]

>return book to library
>forgot to rewind
their problem

Sounds like paradise desu

>return book to bookstore
>forgot to read it
their loss

>watching a play at my local theater
>Protagonist walk by some screech doomsayer
>"oy Ulysses, hand me the bees wax!"
>everyone in attendance has a light chuckle
>everyone but me
>I never read the odyssey, I'll never under stand this reference and enjoy a light laugh
>go home after play
>sit in the dark for several hours
>wonder if people will enjoy the nuonces of my suicide note before blowing my brains out

>return book to library
>secretly recorded porn over it

thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/economy-budget/331362-trump-drops-the-mother-of-all-bombs-on-libraries

>read old ass book frim the library one even touched for 20 years
>leave a little note about my life, hopes, dreams for next guy to find 30 years from now when some one actually reads it again if ever

>the shill.com

>rent obscure movie from Blockbuster
>record over it with porn
>tell my friend to check it out next so they don't think it was me
>"But then they'll blame it on me"
>"No it'll work since you didn't actually do it"
>He gets blamed for it
>Still have my Blockbuster membership