What are some dishes that will *WITHOUT A DOUBT* get you laid?

no, it's the presentation. have you ever watched this being made, dude?

Ah it's the flambé that gets you into her pants

only a girl with no sense of irony would be impressed by you flambeeing her some fucking crepes in chinos and boat shoes. bet you play some fucking keith jarrett on vinyl while you're doing it you dry fucking husk

happy meal (with added Temazepam)

Finger foods in general. They're fun, informal, they get the girl licking her fingertips, it sets the proper mood.

>bet you play some fucking keith jarrett on vinyl

you live in a trailer park, right?

do you not understand women? OP bangs out some crepes and she gets to make her girlfriends feel like shit about their one night stands. bitches eat this shit up, literally.

you faggots are all lying

i've made most of this shit and i'm still a wizard

You have to invite them over, once they are in your house they don't have a choice.... because of the implications

This is true. Get them inside and the door locked, what can they do then? Run away like the girl from American Psycho before she gets chainsawed? Helps to have bare minimum furniture and decorations in your place, so the girls attention is only on you. Mind games.

they're much more likely to embark on a crescendo of patronising remarks and laughter when they hear you invited her over for a fucking 70s hotel dessert and some smooth jazz dude. do you answer the door wearing an apron that says 'kiss the cook' with a blue and white teatowel draped over your left shoulder? 'what can i get you? tea? coffee? creme de menthe? kir royale?'

Veeky Forums
cooking with psychopaths

that's disgusting

FOR ME

Red wine marinated steak, with roast potatoes and asparagus on the side.

The meal I cooked for my current gf before I lost my virginity.

A wet hole is a wet hole. Might as well save some cash for vidya and whatnot.

They do still have a choice, but they will choose sex due to the implications if they dont

have fun never getting laid.

i admire your passion, but you clearly have no idea about women

shut up and let your lawyer get some sleep harvey.

how does it feel knowing 99.999% of all guys getting laid out there either didn't cook beforehand or stuck a chicken kiev and some peas and ketchup on a translucent plastic plate and called it a day?

meanwhile 99.999% of all men who cook crepes suzette with the aim of getting laid are on the register or will be by 35.

are you autistic? I didn't know i said you have to cook to get pussy. I did say that it can help. Oh I know you were raped by a man who made you eat a whole mess of crepes suzette.

i really like you kid, but let me tell you this, women don't give a shit if it's a 70s hotel desert. they aren't in it for crepes either. you look alpha flambeing shit and for them it looks like the hardest and most dangerous shit in the world, that's what makes their panties moist.

I keep a freezer full of off season mcribs for this exact reason.

do you plan on fucking your 40 years old autistic son with those?

>you look alpha flambeing shit and for them it looks like the hardest and most dangerous shit in the world, that's what makes their panties moist.
there is no hope for people like this
>I did say that it can help
it can help the way having a really fucking well painted warhammer collection could help i guess. helps you filter out the judgemental ones.

Haha what is this. What kind of women do you deal with that don't appreciate some cheesey romantic gestures?

so yes you are autistic. got it. good luck in life man.

Ooh this got me wet
Keep going user~

looking forward to seeing you on the next series of the undateables mate. hope you find a sweet girl with a nice mum who has the same needs.

Chads in the kitchen while you're at the gym

Howling at this desu

And what do you do? Bring her Cheetos dressed in a dirty wolf t-shirt and stained sweat pants, no shoes or socks so she can see your long uncut toenails. All while fall out boy plays on cheap computer speakers. You gross humpbacked mongoloid.

>To be fair, you have to have averyhigh IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisation - his personal philosophy draws heavily fromNarodnaya Volyaliterature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to trulyappreciatethe depths of these jokes, to realize that they're not just funny- they say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existencial catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epicFathers and SonsI'm smirking right now justimaginingone of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools... how Ipitythem. And yes by the way, I DO have a Rick and Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies' eyes only- And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand.

Aglio e olio
Completely impossible to fuck up, super delicious, and she'll feel super dainty after getting satisfied from a small portion.
Plus it sounds super exotic despite just being italian for "garlic and oil"

First we share a small bucket of yoghurt, then we make instant noodle soupe in it. Garuanteed succes.

>serving a girl fuckloads of garlic on a date.

>not plating up a McChicken with hot fresh fries and ice cold coke

It's as if you WANT to stay a virgin

That's the best then she can't tell how my breath smells (like garlic)

For real somehow alot of girls are in love with eating mcnuggets. But i doubt it will get them horny. Best bet is to make sushi, and make it good, with salmon, tuna and caviar. Tell her to eat with the sticks and ask her when she 's skilled enough to handle another stick.

I fried up some tilapia in a pan for my ex, it was honestly super pleb cooking but yummy and she fucked me like an animal the first time.

Even if you're a shit cook just making an effort and not ruining it gives you major points.

>not having her boyfriend take her out to dinner before he drops her off at your place

Why you feeding a bitch for a one night stand LMAO

I agree with u and most of what you've said is funny as fuck but even though the girl would probably laugh and rib you for fucking flambeeing some god damn crepes as long as you're not a creep for some other reason they will def eat that shit up

Negro not getting that the key is to be self depreciating.

If you play up how cheesy you are, you're both making yourself look like a fool and demonstrating how much you're willing to do for her.

This means you're confident, because you're willing to mock yourself.
This means she's desired, because you're willing to mock yourself.

You have to get it right but it works. This is what chicks mean when they say "I like men who make me laugh". They don't mean "I like funny guys", they mean "I like guys who are confident enough to be funny"

Strawberry Marscapone french toast. Brioche works best. The fresh tang of the strawberries cuts through the richness of the custard and marscarpone.

And the fresh tang you get after the meal ain't so bad either.

Bannanas Foster. Liquor, sugar, phallic fruits, fire, fucking magic. Toss in some cinnamon while the fire's going for a fun little spark effect (Don't be a dipshit and catch your date on fire you dipshit)

Creme brulee works too.

Something about handling fire seems to get people horny as shit. Probably some caveman thing,.

a burger cuz my bitches aint no gold diggers

I just throw them a coolaid

creme brulee

bitches love creme brulee

Yeah, binging with babish made it look really good, but it's not that flashy. you could make basically any pasta dish with that logic.

I don't think I ever cooked at home before I was already in a relationship with any of my exs.
Dates I take to restaurants because it's an easier escape if they are crazy.
Hookups get one thing for their mouth and it sure as hell is not a fucking crepe.

My sides. All of this is gold

...

L O N D O N
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>cream of rohypnol soup

some dude is owning your cheesey asses, shut up at once and take cock, mongoloids
at least youll learn something good from real life and not crappy romantic movies

>ctrl+f
>no "chocolate"

just buy her candy
save the cooking for when you want to stick it in her butt

This is why you make Steak Au Poivre and don't forget to flambe the brandy.

>all these middle aged cucks in this thread trying to pretend like they're sophisticated by preparing dishes they learned from the Food Network.
If a girl is already over at your house, you're pretty much guaranteed to get laid.

Look at it from a woman's logic:
>she's vulnerable
>in another person's home
>she's either thought this situation out, or if she hasn't she knows she's in trouble
If you're charming enough to get a girl back to your place, you're already in bed.

man if only i knew why those romantic movies were made. its almost like women like to pretend they are the main character.

see

Unironically, that's the scenario.
Unless you're a true beta cuck, women have no reason to leave your house without taking a dick.
Women think these details through.
If they're in your home, you're getting laid.

That's what numales tend to forget.
Words are very meaningless. Actions are what define you.

>Words are very meaningless. Actions are what define you.
hay gais, check out the batman of pussy over here!

Just because women are afraid you'll sexually assault them doesn't mean that they're scared of that with everyone

Cool son, you pull quotes from movies like a high school kid that thinks smoking pot is real hip.
I can assure you, if that's a quote from a movie, it wasn't the first time it was said.

Maybe if you spent less time consuming hollywood culture and more time living your life, you wouldn't be trying to impress girls with frivolous cooking magic.

If a woman doesn't see you as a sexual interest immediately, she will not in the future.
If the thought has crossed her mind, she would only go to your house for one reason.
Unless you're trying to woo a feminist, you have no reason to butter her up with horse shit.
You beta males need to understand this.

...

d'awww, the batman of pussy is pissed I made his pseudo-intellectualism look bad. I'll shed a tear for your bitterness, user!

>what are some dishes that will *WITHOUT A DOUBT* get you laid?

What did Bill Cosby feed all those women to make them pass out before raping them?

>pseudo-intellectualism
Are you a woman?

stuffed or regular eggplant parmesan. you can make it "dank af" with cheese if you aren't into eggplant alone, and it's a good dish for a wide range of bitches.

also use a pink/vodka/tomatoe basil sauce. whatever name you use, pour it on after baking and that's half the dankness

while this is true when out at a bar, it is wrong when applied to other situations. just because you get friendzoned and cant get out doesn't mean its hard for the rest of us. simply saying you can cook and talking about the things you have cooked can get a female coworker/friend to reconsider her options. as long as you aren't a walking freak show that is.

>What did Bill Cosby feed all those women to make them pass out before raping them?

Harvey Weinstein, assaulted 2 women and lost his company, his shows, and will likely go to jail.

Bill Cosby drugged and raped over 40 women in the span of 20 years. Yet Niggers & dumbshit white people bend over backwards to protect this criminal.

OJ Simpson. Murdered 2 fucking people in Hollywood. Is not free on the streets.

> 2017, you can literally get away with rape and murder if you play the race card right

If a woman "friendzones" you, you've done something wrong, and it's time to dump her and move on.
If you're trying to manipulate a coworker and convince her to have sex with you, you've got more problems on your plate than what's for dinner.

>> 2017, you can literally get away with rape and murder if you play the race card right

Seriously.. I don't get why Bill Cosby is being treated like a BLM hero while the Jewy Weinstien is being destroyed in the media.

>likely go to jail
You don't know how hollywood works do you?
He's got connections with the Clintons among many others.

>doesn't mention the millions of dollars lost by each individual and that they were millionaires to begin with

/pol/tards can't resist pushing their nazi agenda. Did it occur to you that Bill Cosby and OJ Simpson were on-camera star comedians and athletes beloved by millions, while Weinstein was an off-camera producer most people outside of TMZ wouldn't recognize if they saw on the street? Of course it didn't because /pol/acks are fucking retarded and can't see the forest for the trees.

what does that have to do with anything?

Hollywood is a criminal ring. Case closed.

With a sophomoric approach to yet another Veeky Forums sophomoric thread...

>what are some dishes that will *WITHOUT A DOUBT* get you laid?

...the ones you spike with roofies.

>Bill Cosby drugged and raped over 40 women in the span of 20 years. Yet Niggers & dumbshit white people bend over backwards to protect this criminal.
>OJ Simpson. Murdered 2 fucking people in Hollywood.

I blame all of 'Merica's nigger problems on white people and their racist double standards.

Whenever blacks commit crimes, sheltered white faggots bend over backwards to make excuses for them.

For me,its Hotpockets

Scallops with a raspberry thyme reduction and lamb chops with pommes de leon

>implying woman don't change their minds all the time.

>mentioning a skill "manipulation"

didnt you say that woman make up their minds right away if they want to fuck or not. So how would falling under the not(friendzoned) be considered doing something wrong?

Look at this racist little white sjw spewing ignorance.

Keep apologizing for those criminals. It's always "somebody else's fault" right?

>Seriously.. I don't get why Bill Cosby is being treated like a BLM hero
He's not. When the Cosby allegations came out he was shit on just as hard as Weinstein is now. The difference is that right now the Weinstein scandal is current and popular news so it's all over the place. The Cosby scandal is old news and his high-dollar lawyers are keeping things moving nice and slow in the legal system. He'll probably die of old age before anything happens legally.

And I'm sure the exact same thing will happen to Weinstein as time moves on. Something new will take over the news headlines and Weinstein's lawyers will likewise drag his legal issues out so long that little will happen.

> OJ & Bill Cosby dindu nuffin wrong!!!

lol

Take out the garbage, Justin.