Critique thread?

Oh wow, that's exactly what I was going for. That's confidence-boosting.

Do you have any specific points, like any words should be cut or replaced or whatever else?

If that's what you're going for, then mazel tov. I can't offer any real critique, because, as is, I'd refuse to read anything by you if I read that excerpt online

>I'm definitely going to delve deeper into her as a character in the book itself
Understandable, but as it is in the start I feel a bit -- loose from the action. I don't really have much reason to urge on Milly or Chris.
Psssh, your loss, pleb.

nothing personnel, kid

nothin*

how embarassing

don't you EVER fucking reply to my posts again unless you have something to add

My every word is a calculation. Every letter, every space is placed to provoke maximum cognition. I slave over my posts for WEEKS and you imply I have EVER given you anything less than superlative addition? And in a shitty little post with no capital and no full stop, no less.

How ironic.

you're stupid

would you want to read more of my poems?

we will live actually

take your friend
out to the WIND
NUMBER lodge—
where we wing
heaven miners
who have honey
pockets—
take them
with your airplane
made of snow
and paint.

we will race
over nerdy turfs
to unstuck realities,
our eyeballs golden
with the sun transmission;
until the rimy brine
from ICE EVENTUAL
floats unwounded
for us.

slide this translucent
steak down
your throat,
and breathe fresh
dormitized air —
this is your life,
I believe!

i have been burned

or is it burnt?

perhaps, in an innocent time, i knew the answer. but no more

now i wander, wondering, always feeling, >tfw no gf