The Fat Scot's Disgusting Fried Cookalong

Oi fuckwits, I had a horrible idea for a snack and decided to share it with yous all.

First things first, we'll need to switch on the fryer.

Other urls found in this thread:

play.google.com/music/m/T3aqqvu5lmildqkdmm7ehud7zei?t=Carry_on_Wayward_Son_-_Kansas
twitter.com/SFWRedditVideos

I'm interested.

Ah, fuck. Pretend that picture was the right way up.

Let's see if the ingredient shot works.

So far so good. Cheese, smoked ham, cream cheese, and good, soft white bread.

Don't get your hopes up, this is fairly simple. Unlike phone cameras, apparently.

Oh, god dammit. Okay, new tactic. As shown in that there pictur, chop off the crusts. We'll not be needing them.

Apply cream cheese. A thin, even layer will suffice; it's there to act as glue.

For once, an appropriate time for ham. Hack it about to fit the bread, you're no wanting anything hanging off the sides.

...huh. First time I tried to add this it said "possible malicious code". Veeky Forums wants to protect you from making my mistakes.

Surprise guest: cheese grater! Say hello, everyone. He'll be helping us get that cheese into a usable form.

I'm monitoring this thread

Are you honestly going to deep fry a toastie?

WHAT THE FUCK man?

Here it is, uncensored cheese-on-ham action. Save it quick before the moooods get it.

It's for science!

and they call american food shit jesus

Worse.

As Limp Bizkit, in his infinite wisdom once said: Rollin, rollin, rollin, rollin, rollin.

I'll stick around to watch this trainwreck

Phase 2. This is the "overcoat" layer. Less filling, instead existing to shore up the roll and stop it from opening.

bless your wee 'eart

doin god's work me son

I'm looking forward to seeing this shit fall apart in the deep frier

I'm getting diabetes just looking at this
keep going

It will soak up all the grease in that damped thing.

This will never work.

I'm hoping he dunks it in batter, it'll survive then.

He may need more cream cheese to glue this shit though, that bit looks like it's come unrolled

Let the mating begin.

Aye, guid tae ken I'm on the righteous path.

Ye wee bastards wi' nae faith. I've got this shit locked the fuck down.

Some rolling, pressing and strategic tucking (I'm sure we all like a bit of that, eh?) and it's ready. This is why we use soft white bread: once squashed, it's lightly tacky and holds its shape well.

Go, my son. I cannot follow you on this journey, only wish you safe travel.

oh God, I can't watch this shit...

Oh shit

*titanic theme for incompetent flute player plays*

you got me on the edge of my seat

While our precious lumpy boy suffers in hell...fridge shot!

I swear this was forbidden in the British constitution.

And lo, he is risen, as the stories foretold. Singular in form. Singular in purpose.

Git fucked.

is this why the Scots want independence?

That... actually looks okay.

good lord man I need a cross-section

crumb shot

something
anything

congrats, enjoy your fatty cheese bun

^^^

It's still just a gloried toastie. Except instead of delicious butter he used aged deep fryer grease.

I don't get it mate.

Meant to ^^^ the cross section post. The nonbeliever can fuck himself.

Aye, pretty much. Poncy shites in parliament would have me hanged if they found this.

Here he is. The Boy, fat with the power of oil and cheese.

Money shot to follow. I know you want to see inside. I know you want to *be* inside.

Worry not, my fellow. Your reward is coming.

that does nae look too bad pal

Why the fuck scots deep fry everything

Mate your fryer look gross af

Staves off the dread

he probably gets a lot of use out of it, he's a scot after all

That burned carcass of sandwhich roll is sad

CUT IT OPEN

cut it already!

You know what? You might be right. It might not be impressive.

But tell me, does it not speak to you? Does its rotund, crispy form not call to you?

Our ancestors used tae lead predators tae tar pits where they'd fall in and get fried by the heat of the sun. Summat in our blood gies us a rush ae dopamine when we fry shite. I'm thinking Texas folk have a similar compulsion.

This is it, mates. Thanks for joining me on a journey of culinary - and personal - discovery.

May we meet again wan ae these days, wae a wad ae cheese in oor hands and a smile in oor heart.

Aye, aye, haud yer bloody wheesht. Took a bit tae get the greasy fuck doon the internet tubes.

Your Kiev's nae bad, lad

All memes aside this actually looks good, I think I'd put a smidge more cheese in though (personal preferences)

OP I hope you experiment more in the future - and share it with us.

You are literally redit, personified

god bless you, yer jock twat

Nah, fuck it, still looks delicious.
Lang may yer deep fat frier reek, ya wee gem.

Yeah, this is actually the second time I've made this. I added more cheese than last time. The ham helped too, and I might use some smoked cheddar if I do it again.

Reddit would add bacon. If you want to call op a fag go ahead but nothing is worse than people complaining about O.C.

>dan pak
>not lur pak

A food that we need, but we don't deserve

At least i didnae put in any bloody sriracha or avocado.

Ok, Pickell rick

looks like a chicken bake with ham though

maybe i SHOULD get a deep fat fryer for those godly midnight stoner snacks

i would become fat within like a month though

Fatter.
Ftfy.

Do it. You will never know true power until you've stood there with a deep fryer before you and a head full of ideas.

do it and make fried fish or wings

also just throw any crap that could be deep fried but currently do in the oven

Clean it you filthy animal

play.google.com/music/m/T3aqqvu5lmildqkdmm7ehud7zei?t=Carry_on_Wayward_Son_-_Kansas

Scots are penny pinchers, you should know that.
It's a mix of butter from Ireland (definitely not Denmark), which is fine, and palm oil, which is absolutely not fine.
On the upside it allegedly contains more butter (75%) than Lurpak spreadable (64%), but I wouldn't know because I do not buy spreadable.

...

It sounds almost as disgusting as the things served in so called "fast food" bars.

>shitstain in the fridge

...

fuckin... start tae feel the stomach rumble aye