Veeky Forumserary confessions thread

>One of my kids thought it'd be funny to see how far a book would go if he kicked it out of the second floor window so now my copy of 100 Years of Solitude has a permanent boot print on the cover and some dirt stains

Make him read it as punishment. Like smoking a whole carton of cigarettes.

now that you mention it, I personally haven't seen a bad one myself.

Then again I loved Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby so what the fuck do I know

> placing a full mug of coffee
> on a single page of a paperback

Holy fuck why, paperbacks aren't even that large, the other half of the book would just slap into the side of your mug

I like to read plays but I despise Shakespeare and his work. Literal garbage.

Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet, Roman Polanski's Macbeth and Romeo + Juliet with DiCaprio are great. Which others do you recommend?

Portrait of the Artist I have tried. It was not as bad but still problematic

Why, user? Which Shakespeare plays have you read?

Also please be honest, are you speaking solely from experiences while reading him in school? That tends to be what puts people off from reading altogether.

Try Dubliners, my man. It's a collection of short stories with charming, simple tales, almost slice-of-life at times with very human characters.

Olivier's Richard III is the highpoint of cinematic shakespeare imo, although branagh's hamlet and brando as marc anthony is close. I also like Henry V by Branagh.

Also this: youtube.com/watch?v=th7euZ30wDE

I read very, very slowly; must have some form of the autism or ADHD, or something.

This is a pleb opinion? Ultimately it's the Bard's writing underneath so it's kinda difficult for the film makers to fuck it up so bad as to make it unenjoyable.

Thanks, user.

A good mix of his comedies and tragedies plus Henry IV. I never read any of Shakespeares plays in school because I'm from Scandinavia. I just can't help but find them all mind-numbingly boring and uninteresting. At the same time I love Moliere, Racine, all the Greeks and more modern stuff.

Fair enough, different strokes for different folks I suppose

yes
YES

It's the only meme/shitpost/ironic shitpost that is actually fun and that's because it stems from a great poem from a young kid who probably won't realise his poem is as good as it is until he's older.

Well it's not patrician, at the very least.

i'm not even sure how should i start reading the greeks, i'm having lots of troubles reading the Iliad

i read alejandro zambra with a kind of respect, as an author who clearly understands what makes literature an art and is able to apply it in a natural and relaxed way to create really good stories.

am i iredeemably pleb?

the beats were hacks (junky was junk and you know it burroughs you cool jazz dave brubeck mega cunt)

aristophanes was a hack, if he tried his fart-fuelled poopy plays today he'd be heckled tae fuck

thomas pynchon needs to stop watching looney tunes reruns and actually write a fuckin book before he's dead and if i hear one motherfuckin song in the book that resembles the seinfeld theme tune i will smack him

hamlet the fuckin manlet

vaporwave should genuinely transition into literature: a mixture of postmodernism, cyberpunk and philosophy where an emphasis on aesthetics is placed. greek statues and google translated neon japanese.

i don't think anyone from australia has seen a book before t b h

Is it that ship catalogue that's throwing you off, user?

i can't tell apart any proper noun, i don't understand if they are a person or a place etc etc

>One of my kids thought it'd be funny to see how far a book would go if he kicked it out of the second floor window so now my copy of 100 Years of Solitude has a permanent boot print on the cover and some dirt stains.
that's hilarious. tell him he's paying for a new one, with his allowance.

...

How much do you think my copy of The Art of the Deal signed by Donald Trump is worth?

a thousando and half dolarydoos?

sell it in ohio to someone, tell them it's a new edition of the bible, they'll know what it means

Yes.

YES

>hamlet the fuckin manlet
What did he mean by this

You might want to read Fanged Noumena.

Also, I'm retired. But I've saved some stuff for posthumous publishing, just wait a little longer.

...

hamlet was probably 4'5" and sung hi-ho hi-ho it's off to work i go

>One of my kids thought it'd be funny to see how far a book would go if he kicked it out of the second floor window so now my copy of 100 Years of Solitude has a permanent boot print on the cover and some dirt stains.
cute

captcha: cher playground

i burn shitty books i didn't liked

Is this supported anywhere in the text?

it's why he's p. angery throughout the play, his girlfriend kys her self b.cause he's so small

Sounds like a personal problem on your end.

I haven't read 2/3rds of the books on my shelf, but I continue to buy books, even ones that I'm pretty certain I won't touch.

how did you know i was really hamlet all along

This post has made my day.

> accident prone porko puppo getting into accidents
> he's crazy haha he always rolls down the stairs
> the sound he makes running into a wall is the same sound you make when you smack your tummy
> haha what a mad dog haha crazy dogman
> feel bad when he gets into a major accident involving jumping onto the sofa and getting stuck in the avalanche of sofa cushions
> almost lost him for good
> got to save this little dogman for good
> for the greater good i save his life by wrapping him in an impenetrable fortress of bubble wrap and masking tape
> he's so safe forever that when he runs into the door now he just gently pops a bubble and has fun every time
> thank you god i am blessed

Why don't you start with getting acquainted with some studies related to Ulysses?

I have never read Ulysses. I intend to, after I read Dubliners again — did it in college, forgot most of it.

How much of a pleb am I?

Most people haven't read Ulysses. I don't see anything wrong with it, especially if you plan on reading it eventually and you're just trying to prep yourself.

Which reminds me, I should re-read Dubliners sometime too.

Thank you user, I feel better about myself now. Would you recommend any further reading before Ulysses or can I go straight to it after Dubliners?

You'd probably be best off with diving into Portrait of the Artist after Dubliners. That should give you a good idea of how James Joyce's prose style has developed.

There's a lot of abstract references and symbolism in Ulysses that might not make sense if you haven't read classics in the western canon like the bible, The Odyssey, the Divine Comedy, Canterbury Tales, etc, but you'll probably be pretty safe with a companion text or annotated copy of Ulysses too.

Maybe check for an online reading group where Ulysses is at the focus?

...

Moby Dick has taken me such a long timw to read that I might as well have never started in the first place.

Also Philip Roth is correct — if it takes you longer than two weeks to read a book, then you didn't actually read the book

I will, thanks.

I have read The Odyssey and some of the Canterbury Tales, also own an unread Divine Comedy which I'm not entirely sure if the translation is reliable, but now that you mentioned it I'll make an effort and read it too.

> if it takes you longer than two weeks to read a book, then you didn't actually read the book

What a load of horse shit.

Idk. Depends on the book, but how on earth could you remember the beginning parts if youve been reading for say 2 months. Dat kray doo

I jumped in straight after Dubliners. It took me three months with care. Still haven't read PotAaaYM. Probably never will. I'm sick of Dublin and now they published his perverted love letters.

>vaporwave should genuinely transition into literature
i'm working on it senpai

I couldn't finish Moby-Dick.
I can't stand most novels, spare Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, and Pynchon.
I much prefer poetry over prose.
I seriously love hermeneutic poetry.
Ezra Pound is my dad-crush.
Arthur Rimbaud is my boy-crush.
I want to fuck Pound, Whitman, Rimbaud.
I REALLY want to fuck Rimbaud.
Fuck quirky authors (Joyce "Finnegan is dreaming lmao" James)
German is an awful language
French is worse.
Only good plays are Greek tragedies.
Epic poetry started and died with Ovid.

>Also Philip Roth is correct — if it takes you longer than two weeks to read a book, then you didn't actually read the book
That could be write for short or medium level books (if you drop it & forget to pick it up, or just are reading it so slowly bc you don't have time or are lazy), but some massive books practically FORCE you to read them over a very long time.

for instance, I loved Gravity's Rainbow and Darconville's Cat, but both of them I would forget about for about a week or two, then keep reading, etc., for 2 months.

If you're not enjoying the book, fair enough, but if you are then it doesn't matter how long it takes to read, user. It took me a month to read Moby Dick and I still remember it begins with Ishmael longing for the sea, meeting Queequeg after hearing odd rumours about him and trying to find a ship that'll take him on board. It's like I don't forget the beginning of a film even though I may not have seen it in a year or two.

Gödel, Escher, Bach is honestly the most difficult book I have ever tried reading, and I don't know why I continue, even though I have to re-read certain paragraphs multiple times.

I love the content, but I don't think I'm smart enough, at least mathematically, to fully appreciate it. The pleasure I get from understanding what little I can doesn't outweigh the effort that I have to put into doing so. It took me a damned week to get through 50 pages.

Are there prerequisites to this book? I hate math with a passion, but I actually quite like GEB despite that fact. It really begs into question as to why I started in the first place, and why I keep going. The hell is going on?

>I'm thinking of trading in my children for a first edition of Gravity's Rainbow.

Any cute daughters?

>coffee stains

Just gotta be more careful with your poundcake.

>but how on earth could you remember the beginning parts if youve been reading for say 2 months.
By not having a shit memory. I can remember the beginning of books I started over two years ago.

If you can't remember what happened at the beginning of a book two months later, then reading a book from front to back in a week, just means you'll forget the whole thing two months later!

adaptions and adaptations are both correct, differing usages of the same meaning.

All Ian McKellen affiliated adaptations are excellent. Love the Richard III set in Nazi Germany.

holy shit lmao. please teach us how to develop a better memory.

I'm too dumb to understand malazan and bash it out of anger.

Brando in Julius Caesar is my favorite

I'm just getting into Veeky Forums.
>I've maybe read 3 books off the Top 100
>starting off with IJ
>only sometimes read for my classes at the grad level (I feel like a terrible person for this) because I can't sit still
>still have a decent GPA
>mfw I actually think I'm smart, but I think everyone in my department thinks I'm an idiot. At this point I question if I really am intelligent.
hold me Veeky Forums, I'm all feels today.

drink water and hyperfocus? I also have this habit of summarizing information as I go along.

Haha, same, apart of that most people think i'm smart. Fuck that though, that'll get you nowhere.

Don't drink, or do drugs. Yes, this means pot too.

>read 3 books on the top 100
>starting with IJ
Bait detected.

>too dumb
No. Malazan is convoluted hackery. You're blameless desu.

Check out One Hamlet Less

I like Ghosts/Aliens more than anything on the top 100.
I'm not ashamed of this.

There's a BBC Othello, I can't remember who played the moor but Bob Hoskins was fucking PERFECT as Iago

>believing that y-
well, kys

Male homosexuality is the best attempt by men to be as hedonistic as women. And the best male homosexuality is not the liberal one, but the greek one, since it combines the sex with the grooming of the male youth to achieve greatness and loyalty, like any beta craves.

Not OP but I'm in the same position

i listen to audiobooks sometimes. i skimmed the third third of recognitions

As someone who has been lightly groomed by a psued old man, it's fucking terrible

That said, the time I was groomed by a middle aged woman was even worse

I go to a state school yet still want to into academia.

Just kill me

Fiction bores me

Unless it's insanely engrossing, I get distracted after a few pages of reading and go on my phone.

I sometimes skip sections that I think look uninetersting.

I've stolen almost half of the books on my bookshelf

Just fucking download them if you aren't going to pay for them

Americans have overall shitty literature (obv there's exceptions).

I'd much rather read authors from my country than some boring classics.

I can't stand Dickens.

I've never read Cervantes, although the golden age of Spanish poets is amazing.

Cortázar is one of the most overrated authors to ever live.

Poetry is one of the most complex and underrated writing styles

I'm guilty of skimming

Try reading I am a strange loop, from the same author.
It's equally good but not so mathematical

Should I finish GEB first, or take a break from it and read that in the meantime?

My favorite books are all translations.

I went to a state school and got into a better school for my masters. Don't worry, there's always moving up.

You could just transfer to Europe, their universities have a 99% acceptance rate (and then wonder why they don't have a university in the top 20).

You aren't really into academia until your doing a post-doc desu.

-ive read around 5 books in my life

-my vocabulary is around 9000 based on that online test thats posted here sometimes

-it took me 9 hours to read candide as i had to stop every minute to look up definitions

what did you find difficult? i have it, but ive only skimmed through it. i dont think theres anything difficult conceptually in there or real prerequisites beyond what youve learnt in high school. i guess having some mathematical maturity would help a lot, but that only comes with doing more maths