I smoked a joint with at my friends wedding right after my graduation.. Now out of nowhere, this company with my perfect job is asking for an interview, and i'm positive they do drug tests.
I don't have time to detox, if they goes somewhere, because they are moving fast. Any ideas or methods how to pass the screening, or am I just boned?
buy fake piss
But, I hear that they measure the temperature of the piss right after you piss. Should I use hand warmers or some gel pad that retains heat around ~98 degrees F?
fuuuck why does marijuana have such half life.
stop being a junkie
When they ask, "How soon can you start?" make up a bullshit family situation that gives you adequate time to detox.
And stop smoking kiddie drugs. You're an adult, now.
I shared one joint with a friend you dumb faggot.
Stop being a virgin.
>in America you have to share sensitive medical data with employers to get a job
Never ceases to amaze me.
Marijuana smokers need to be taken out and beaten in the street. How have we got to the point where we treat this disgusting drug as "recreational lmao"? Soiceity is constantly degenerating it won't be long until you can marry your pet dog.
no one cares what you think.
Could have just said no, or are you maybe too feeble-minded to assert your will and really need to fit in with your junkie mates?
You could of been more hindsight.
well that sucks, you could always tell them in all honesty, maybe they wait for you to detox.
>Marijuana smokers need to be taken out and beaten in the street
try it you fucking faggot you will see that not all of them are pacifistic hippies. what I do in my spare time should not be of societies business if I inflict no harm on my surroundings.
america land of the free my ass
I dont smoke to fit in, I smoke to get high. Are you 12?
you only do drugs to escape reality because you're weak and can't face up to it, that's why i despise you junkies
That's what I'm considering. I think honesty is the best thing.
>fitting in.
Why does everyone think I was peer'd pressured into enjoying a simple joint with long time friends?
It's like you guys are insecure introverts.
so I escape reality when I smoke a joint at 9pm when I'm done with work and study, to enjoy my food and video game just a little bit more?
lol you have no idea about life man to people like you everything is either/or, sad existence.
videogames as well, what a sad existence indeed.
you are arguing with a stranger on Veeky Forums, what is your excuse you loser?
touched a nerve didn't i? this thread belongs on /r9k/ btw
Find a friend with clean urin. Ask him to piss in a small bottle, like max 0,2. Connect a small tube to the bottle. Tape the bottle unter your armpit and the other end of the tube to your dick. The piss will be warm, because it's under your armpit, to piss you just have to put your arm closer to your body.
Put bag of clean piss in your underwear.
Or, be a fucking in man and straight up tell them you don't even want to work for a company that goes Nazi on their employees. Fuck that.
You could tell them when it comes to doing it and say "look, in three months you can test me again and I'll be clean".
if you only smoked one small joint one time it won't take a lot to get it out of your system.
>in Europe you're allowed to be fucking awful at your job yet you're not allowed to be fired for being shit
>you're literally not allowed, as an employer, to fire someone in many parts of Europe simply because they are simply shit at their jobs
never ceases to amaze me.
itt satan discover the people power
What fantasy novel have you been reading?
You don't pass the test, you don't deserve the job. Should've thought ahead, faggot.
Stfu
Before you take the test, drink A LOT of water. You should be pissing clear water before you take it. The idea is to dilute it so much that they cannot perceive any evidence of drug use because the concentration is so small.
This will work unless you're a fatass or you're lying about how much you smoke.
lmao just tell them weed is good they fucking know it
I agree with this gentleman. He’s totally right. It’s needed to think in advance about the consequences of what you are about to do. Although yeah I’ve done some shit in my life which has still harsh consequences. So I learnt this by myself.
I worked for amazon user and their drug tests aren’t urine based. They swab your cheeks and those tests are apparently more reliable
Maybe take that kind of test into consideration
A lot of companies don't care about weed, but it dpends.
You have to realize that drug usage is much more of a problem in America and more widespread, and people don't want to hire fuckups who manage to look presentable for interview day
>Or, be a fucking in man and straight up tell them you don't even want to work for a company that goes Nazi on their employees. Fuck that.
fucking lol. you stonerfags are a riot.
go suck off jesus
Most likely, the company would still hire you if it's just weed.
But you can masturbate before the test and the semen will fuck it up.
lel
Ironically Jesus is in the same category as weed or alcohol
This, do fentanyl, it won't show even on opioids tests
Get really really drunk the night before your drug test, and the only thing that will show up is the liquor which is legal and they can't fire you for.
If you are not a pothead and you only smoked one joint, hydration should flush all traces within 3 days.
Isn't it funny that the most dangerous thing about
weed is getting caught with it?
Underage b&
Sounds a lot less distopian Satan.
Go be a normalfag somewhere else.
Veeky Forums - Career Advice and Employment
It's a indivual interview or a grupal one? Did they already tell you when they want to see you? If it is an individual one you could say something like oh that day is my cousin's wedding and he lives in *some place really, really far* an if they are interested in you maybe can move the interview and you got enlightenment time to detox.
It's a indivual interview or a grupal one? Did they already tell you when they want to see you? If it is an individual one you could say something like oh that day is my cousin's wedding and he lives in *some place really, really far* an if they are interested in you maybe can move the interview and you got enlightenment time to detox.
drink a fuck ton of water and piss a diluted sample
I know people in the military that have gotten away with diluted samples
Is this bait?
They're not going to piss test you at the interview. They're going to have you schedule one with within a window, probably 4-7 days. For single marijuana use you have nothing to worry about. Even if it comes out positive, you can probably request a retest (though you may have to pay for it), which buys you another week or so.
Drug testing is less about checking whether you've ever done drugs and more about making sure you're not actively using.
If this is the case, a shit ton of mouthwash will do the trick. Just sont smoke anymore, OP.
My friend used to do heroine and he actually managed to pass drug tests by drinking a mixture of water and Fruit Pectin
Veeky Forums is not a safespace for 'my mom told me drugs are BAD' virgins
>I do drugs to spite my mum. Eheh such badass, much pussy
enough*
the product is called quick fix it comes with heating instructions
if you can't figure out how to beat this test you're a tard
You sound like a dumbass.
> waiting on job offer
> take drugs
They deserve better
>testperson pulls colored stripe out the piss jar
>you are pregnant
Just take the test you faggot, it's legal in some states.
If they really want to fire you for doing legal things in your spare time, they can go fuck themselves.
honestly I'd hire a pothead if he are productive, the lazy stoner clichee is from the past.
I'd also hire drunks if they are productive and are not violent.
but I have a big problem with cokeheads. that shit does something horrible to peoples character.
also people on antidepressants would be monitored thoroughly because tho mood swings are super rare when they come they are borderline
maybe its for the better i dont own a company
One joint once will not take long to get out of your system, at least enough that a piss test would miss it. A week, two at the most. The hair test will take longer to beat.
If they dont watch you there is a whole multitude of ways to pass.
From using someone elses urine to buying synthetic urine, you have plenty of options.
If they DO monitor to make sure its your piss, uncommon outside of legal troubles, you will have to clean ypur system as best as possible.
The key words are DETOX and DILUTE.
Are you still here OP? I deal with these types of situations and have done so for years. How much time do you have and what do you weigh?
I have a friend who works at a testing centre and she’s always told me these retarded stories of how people would try to pass the test. We have a drug problem in town, so it’s fairly common. Anyways, my favourite ones are always the ones where the guys try their best to figure out how to keep the piss warm, the funniest being a guy who wore snow pants to try and conceal a fucking coffee thermos that he eventually spilt all over himself. Just don’t bother cheating, it rarely works out in your favour and the people there are knowledgeable about all those faking kits they sell anyways. Be honest about your drug habits.
if OP listens to your retardation he deserves what he gets
I'm not even a drug user, but you're acting like a fucking 14yo
It's technically still against federal law.
Dilute your urine, sounds like you didn't smoke too much. Just make sure that you're really hydrated and as long as your pee is coming out clear you have less chance of popping positive. There are other factors that play into it as well, s THC and its metabolites can be stored in the body's fat cells for longer periods of time. Exercise in the breakdown of fat can actually cause these cells to release that THC and show up in your urine, so chill out before any test.
1. Buy clean urine. Make sure it's not from a pregnant female.
2. Put clean urine in a test tube with a string.
3. Shove it up your ass 48 hours before the test.
4. During the test, pull the tube out by the string, uncork/unscrew it, and use.
5. Profit!
The only question is, do you want the job enough to walk around with another man's piss up your ass for 2 days?
>druggies with drug problems asking Veeky Forums for advice on said drug problems
GTFO
One joint won’t show up on a urine test, just drink lots of cranberry juice.
>they go fuck themselves
>hire a better non degenerate employee
>you're still jobless and lost "your perfect job" for a joint
>dude weed lmao
How so?
This is literally the only post you need to read in the whole thread.
If it was one joint and you don't normally smoke, and you're being tested a week later, you have basically nothing to worry about.
Get a lot of exercise. Eat a lot, especially fatty and oily foods, and foods with lots of fiber. THC metabolites primarily clear via your shit and not your piss (because it's polar). Drink a whole bottle of water before you go in. If you have any reservations, piss test yourself with a home test kit that you can buy at CVS. If you fail that, figure out some excuse to postpone the test for a few days.
THC metabolites are stored in your fat, so anything you can do to burn fat and make yourself shit will help with the detox.
>perfect job
>tests for marijuana
hmmm
it was a ''huge sick blunt''
>people power
Also known as "Third World economies".
pot addict here.
I took my straight edge brother eith me, he pissed into a bottle 5 minutes prior in the car, and I filled a syringe with it.
Wore cotton longbottoms underneath to retain warmth.
This. DESU with only one joint you likely won't even fail the test. But do this. And make sure you are not taking the first piss of the day into the sample cup.
if you aren't a regular smoker your piss results will be nil after a few days.
>wake up for drug test
>take morning piss
>drink lots of coffee
>piss a lot
>eat food that contains carbs and sugar
>take some pre-workout + creatine
>drink water and piss for a few hours
>piss clean
don't overdoo it, your piss should still be light yellow.
>TFW when you live in a society where a private entity is allowed to deny you opportunities based on your insulated choices in your private life.
Truly the land of the free
you should abstain from voting as well
I never smoked weed. How does it feel like?
feels like you are constant state of intense daydreaming.
physical side effects are loss of some control of fine motorics (limbs go soft, eyelids fall down) but you can concentrate to regain control.
also increased heartrate depending on strand and way of ingestion.
psychical side effects are inability to focus thoughts, and very VERY vivid memories! (if you have something bottled up inside it will come out if you're alone and high, I can imagine this leading to mental disorders)
appetite is stimulated and nausea completely vanishes (this the really amazing medical property imho) and sleep is very deep (but you will NOT dream or remember your dreams)
If you have no previous experience with drugs I'd recommend you to stay sober for the rest of your life because you are not really missing out anything.
you can live a positive, happy and enlightened life without drugs but some people need to have taken them once to open their minds and see the bigger picture.
If you are already a druggie it's the least damaging one but that doesn't mean it's healthy.
but in all honesty, I have never experienced a stronger anti-nauseating effect from other medicaments
>48 hours before the test
Why
>do fentanyl
Warning to anyone thinking about doing this.
The line between life and death are so minimal that is not even funny,either you get the dosage right the first time or you die instantly.
THC is stored in fat cells
when the fat is burned the thc is metabolized
drug tests test for the presence of thc metabolites.
suggestions
1. Burn as much fat as you possibly can with out being fatal (that one drug that Veeky Forums talked about that increases metabolism--ended up killing some girl and some other guy)
2. Immediately start making new fat cells.
---this process also in ovles sweating and replacing water and electrolytes in your system.
fake pee
not- your- pee stored in a condom/ballon and shoved up your butt to maintain temp.
if girl you can hide condom in vag.
only places that actually watch you take your pee test, are fed/government job including military, and when you are in prison/parole/probation
>I've never done X
>I've done A, B, C though
>How does it feel like
When you ask it like this you assume it is comparable to something you've experienced before. No it's a new experience. Go try it.
Of course I can mention some of the effects you might feel, but I can't explain the most important effect you going to have
>mouth becomes dry
>you want to eat so much food and sweets
>things seem very funny, you laugh at weird things
>time passes more slowly
>you sometimes find yourself intensively focusing on something very simple like opening a candy bar
>sometimes you feel you get epic ideas (but if you write them down and read them later, they arent good)
>Veeky Forums is populated by easily aggravated stoners
explains a lot, really
A good indication as a rule of thumb that something is dumb and not worth your time is when you tell people that this thing they're doing is silly they get upset and start hurling names at you (virgin, underage, you just don't get duuude). Pothead really have a gigantic chip on their shoulder regarding their addiction
getting the fuck flu messes with the standard urine test for pot
try getting pozzed as soon as possible
grindr might be your best bet
If you really want to pass, it's easy. buy a catheter and a large syringe. Take a piss as you would normally do. Insert catheter. Use syringe to fill your bladder with clean piss. Go to drug test location. Piss out clean, warm piss directly from your cock. The levels of drugs will be low enough to be seen as natural variances
Just don't take pills pressed by Mexicans or blacks, where you never now if a pill contains 100 ug or 4 mg and you will be fine
This thread explains why there are so many IQ threads and /x/ crossposters.
Just say you smoked weed in a legal state.
>That's what I'm considering. I think honesty is the best thing.
Read and understand their drug policy before doing this. Honesty may be the worst thing you could do in this situation.
Yes, but that does not matter -- this is not a law enforcement situation, it is an employment situation. If their policy is "no weed," then whether weed is legal is not part of the discussion.
>jews told me drugs are bad
You can get someone you know who is ckean and not preganant to piss in a cup less than 24 hours before the druf test then tape it to the inner part of your thigh easily. If its more than two weeks and you dont normally smaome you are likely fine anyway, if the time is that limited or more drink lots of tea, make sure you are peeing alot and its relatively clear, not dark in color.