Yo! I wanna to be a writer and need tips on how to get published
1. how many word pages is a novel?
2. do publishing houses pay you while you write? i got like 10 ideas i can develop and id love to go to like paris on a paid job and just write.
3. which agents are the absolutely best? i need to work with the best.
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Oh, and also, how much money do you get a year as a writer? I'm notlooking to be a millionaire, i just want to be able to buy a house a car and have cable witth espn.
you should read this
it's got great advice on how to be a writer
cool, thanks.might check it out, but i dont read a lot of books desu.
That text is comedic genius.
ikr "underaged girls at hannukkah parties" gets me every time.
...
You took a wrong turn. YLYL is that away
boring bait
Just because you were a failure as an author, doesn't mean new blood can't make it. You sound bitter.
this
>tfw the only time your work gets any recognition is when it's an offensive meme on an anonymous image board.
Yes, I did make that pic, no I am not OP.
I don't even know why I bother to write. I should just give up on short stories and novels, and concentrate entirely on creating memes for Veeky Forums.
Pffftthahahahahah.
Good luck getting to MEET with a publisher, much less get paid while you write. You're not Hemmingway, mate.
This is an industry where the overwhelming majority of works are rejected by AGENTS. Not publishers - AGENTS. The guys who get you to talk with publishers. What's that, you want to meet with an Agent in person to tell them about your book idea? Okay, just be sure to ambush them on the street. Alternatively, you can pay $300 to show up at a convention.
I assume this post is just trolling but I'm bitter enough to respond to it anyway. Have you written the Next Great American Novel (TM)? Okay, fantastic. Send it to around 100 or so agents and it's likely one of them will pick it up.
No, that number is not an exaggeration. First-time authors with quality books have around a 1% acceptance rate by agents, according to most statistics. Sometimes lower. From there, your agent, after taking a 20% commission, has a decent chance of getting you to a meeting where you can propose your book to a suit!
Good luck! Remember, if all else fails, you can self-publish on Amazon and dwindle in mediocrity forever while eating Ramen.
Go to /r/bertstrips
>told to go to reddit
I suppose I deserve that. Probably the best place for me, really. Do they do memes that aren't based on sesame street? (pic related)
>all that time spent replying to obvious bait.
while I'm not denying that there are a lot of bitter people in this thread, the OP is clearly bait.
>while I'm not denying that there are a lot of bitter people in this thread, the OP is clearly bait.
How is it bait? OP was just asking some very common questions.
Thanks for the laugh.
>How is it bait? OP was just asking some very common questions.
1 - the sort of thing that anyone would reflexively google first, and get the answer in a few seconds without needing to ask here
2 - any sane person would just assume that they don't
3 - 'I need to work with the best'. What sort of person (apart from Trump) says that? A normal person would simply phrase it 'how do I find a good agent'
1. People ask redundant questions all the time. If you feel like answering it, then go ahead. If not, then don't. How is that bait?
2. Then just say 'no'?
3. Then answer how to find a good agent? Why are you getting triggered by how someone phrased a question?
Millennials these days *sigh*
nice try, but you really need to work on your game. I shouldn't even be giving you a (you), but whatever.
no problemo. here's another one on the house.
I wonder if memes count as a literary artform? If they don't yet, they probably will soon.
meme-making (using a known formula is) like stand-up for cowards
but you gotta understand that these kinda jokes, are pretty hack outside of when novelty is involved and not indicative of any significant talent
You know, if you are just going to write bitchy little "replies", I'd sooner you didn't "give me a (you)". Ya old puff you.
>>all that time spent replying to obvious bait.
The only thought that comes to my mind whenever I read threads like this.
ESPN is for cucks who enjoy prepping the bull
What if you just get it for NHL?
HST wrote for espn.
B A I T
A
I
T
Instead of IR Cuck porn its one of those "He lets his best friend fuck his wife!" videos
He was a sports journalist at least.
Well, at least married and in a stable relationship.
the alternative is that I take you at face value, in which case you'd like my replies even less.
>meme-making (using a known formula is) like stand-up for cowards
yeah, but by that logic couldn't you also say that literature (in a known genre) is just oratory for cowards?
>but you gotta understand that these kinda jokes, are pretty hack outside of when novelty is involved and not indicative of any significant talent
is that something you can back up with actual reasoning, or is it just the kind of reflexive snobbery every new medium receives? What separates a Bertstrip from a comedian like Jimmy Carr, who's jokes are mostly offensive one-liners (as opposed to a more conversational, observational style with less shock value) - bearing in mind that Carr is a reasonably critically acclaimed comedian?
>yeah, but by that logic couldn't you also say that literature (in a known genre) is just oratory for cowards?
no. the intricate elaborations of personal creation in literature can't easily be reduced to a simple formula. formulas exist in literature, but mostly to describe. meme formulas are prescribed.
>is that something you can back up with actual reasoning, or is it just the kind of reflexive snobbery every new medium receives?
holy shit this post is dumb. It's not a real medium. It's like saying a single line in our conversation is "art". You can dress it up for performance like a stand up might but at the end of the day that's all it is. Stand up has an extra performatory element that actually makes it impressive.
TLDR: memes just wont impress anyone because essentially it's the lowest form of art
>the alternative is that I take you at face value, in which case you'd like my replies even less.
then writes
>is that something you can back up with actual reasoning,
gtfo faggot
>Stand up has an extra performatory element that actually makes it impressive.
I'm sorry, are you actually trying to say that it's only the fact that people get up on stage and say it out loud that makes a joke worth anything? That there's nothing meaningful in the jokes themselves - that the best one liner is no better than 'yo momma so fat she has her own zipcode' if it's just written down?
>It's not a real medium.
given the things that are considered art these days, I'm pretty sure you don't get to just say 'it's not a real medium'. Also, Hitchen's razor, etc, etc. I was half joking before but now I'm starting to think it might actually just be reflexive snobbery.
>no. the intricate elaborations of personal creation in literature can't easily be reduced to a simple formula.
alright, poetry then. there are a lot of set formulas in poetry, and they're often extremely prescribed, both in metre and themes. And actually, now that I come to think about it, meme formulas aren't prescribed at all. The only thing that qualifies a Berstrip is that it uses a frame from Sesame street, and the joke portrays the sesame street character as being offensive, or just adult. You don't have to use references to the holocaust, or Bert and Ernie's deviant sexual practices, or racially offensive humour. Take this pic for example (it isn't one of mine, btw). The subversion here is that elmo is supposed to be a loveable character, but he wants Emily Blunt to die. That's what makes it a Bertstrip. But there's nothing predictable about the /way/ it conveys that (the ark of the covenant not being a common theme in Berstrips, as far as I'm aware).
I'm not even gonna read your post because i see how mad you are and i first wanted to tell you your memes are hack and unfunny. especially that one.
fuck off loser. I'm a "meme-maker" too but i actually make art that went viral, not just viral bait you want to pretend is art.
get it together or you'll regret this view i promise
>Take this pic for example (it isn't one of mine, btw)
I was just about to say that that one was actually funny.
you're very dumb sir.
the prescribed formula for these BASIC memes is cute observation with implied narrative and a complimentary/ironic image
God I love fucking with Veeky Forums
And when I say I'm just fucking with you - every point I made is still perfectly logical and valid. That's what makes it funny.
And best of all, it's still an interesting conversation - you really can't just dismiss the artistic value of memes out of hand.
>get it together or you'll regret this view i promise
what does this even mean?
hey, even a great meme artist such as myself needs something to aspire to.
>, are you actually trying to say that it's only the fact that people get up on stage and say it out loud that makes a joke worth anything?
yeah actually.
have you never heard that delivery is everything?
you know nothing about comedy. elevating memes to that level is pathetic.
get a job.
>i'm just pretending to be a retard
memer-baby-brain behavior
>what does this mean
calling yourself a meme artist is retarded
this guy is a failed comedian, thats why he's so bitter.
Not a comedian.
just a meme hater.
actually i dont hate memes.
its understandable for children to make them.
How about the meme-faggot gets his own thread so we can answer the questions of the thread instead?
>calling yourself a meme artist is retarded
okay, if you're just going to miss basic self-deprecating sarcasm this isn't going to be as fun.
>have you never heard that delivery is everything?
delivery is a lot, but it isn't everything. Just take a look at how many good comic actors have flopped in movies with bad scripts. conversely, take a look at this pic and tell me those jokes aren't funny until someone with comedic talent reads them out. It's absurd and you know it.
>cute observation with implied narrative
this is such a generic statement that it could apply to just about any joke, including ones told by 'real' comedians.
>being this defensive
you're not black.
your memes will/do suck.
1) Generally a novel is 70-80k thousand words and up. Publishers will often have an upper limit as well, but that's specific to the publisher (maybe around 200k words, just as a ballpark figure)
2) No, no publishing house will pay you to write unless you're already a bestseller
3) The best agents aren't going to take you unless you come with a recommendation from someone they know or have an established career in the industry. If you want a normal agent, just google literary agents. Promotion and advertising is their business; if you have to work to find them, they probably aren't a very good agent.
Happy now?
Why am I laughing at that pic? Am I really that easily amused?
>Why am I laughing at that pic?
because it's funny
>Am I really that easily amused?
Does it matter? The thing you should be worrying about is that you may well have an inferiority complex if you feel you have to stop yourself laughing just because a joke is too "basic", since it means you have a subconscious fear that people may see you as unsophisticated if you find it funny.
Jesus christ, just relax, would ya?
>you're not black.
I bet you're really liberal, and I bet you're going to have a sudden crisis of conscience when you realise that you have no idea whether I'm black or not; you must have a very clear stereotype in your mind of what black people are like if you're confident saying that I'm not black based on just a few sentences on an anonymous image board.
It's not just racial black that makes the memes.
It's a certain idea of black experience.
As it is, your memes do not fit into the mold and are actually appealing to a clearly more white /pol/ perspective that is anything but.
the fact that you want to bring your own race into it just reveals your fragility.
we're not all as retarded as you.
>The best agents aren't going to take you unless you come with a recommendation
That wasn't the question though. The question was who the best is.
>It's a certain idea of black experience.
translation for normal people: I'm busted, so I'll just throw out something about there being a 'black experience', and hope no one notices that that doesn't really mean anything.
You're still a racist. If you think you can tell what colour a person's skin is just by the memes they post, that makes you a racist. It's pretty textbook.
>white /pol/
I'd bet you that /pol/ is a lot more racially diverse than Veeky Forums. Like, a LOT more.
>the fact that you want to bring your own race into it
you do realise that people can just scroll up and see that you were the one who brought up race
>reveals your fragility.
>white fragility
oh dear, someone's been visiting tumblr
holy shit.
the defense doesn't end.
I'll be real with you I'm a 'racist" (read: honest) liberal.
This honesty leads to an understanding of what is appealing about memes.
It's not something to aspire to, but it can be appreciated.
the fact that you want to "legitimize" it to your/our standards without even being engaged with the actual root-cause of its success shows you're attempting a dishonest exploitation
what the fuck does pol's racial diversity have to do with understanding low-culture.
fragility is a word you moron. Yes, and im the tumblrfag when youre the one who is proud of authoring weak pandering memes
and i brought up race because youre fucking unfunny memes are just dumb racist jokes that arent funny.
>I'll be real with you I'm a 'racist"
Anyone who has lived with the shield of whiteness is a racist in the sense they've never experienced the oppression that comes with a higher melanin content. Nor can they ever know the true oppression.
>dumb racist jokes
Not him, but how are these racist? If anything, they show how absurd antisemitism is by linking the old right-wing ideas of a global Jewish conspiracy and Holocaust denial to the trivialities of 1) a preschooler's show and 2) using particularly preposterous examples of basic addition and "underage girls at Hanukkah parties" to illustrate them.
Because it trivializes the true antisemitism out in society. Listen dude, it's so easy to not be an asshole. Just yesterday I heard about a Jewish man who was attacked in Europe.
Okay, that pic got an involuntary chuckle from me right at the end.
because it's conceited, it shows no humility whatsoever
most people are not like that, especially on this site
>Why am I laughing at that pic?
it's decent
>Am I really that easily amused?
eh
they say brevity is the soul of wit
>shows no humility whatsoever
>most people are not like that, especially on this site
Now this is bait
intersectionality, bitch
feminism has already shown your pain is not special
there is no Special Pain that no one else could understand
and regardless of that, the cause of pain isn't as important as the severity of it
dragging other people down is not the same as elevating yourself, Veeky Forums is about the former, where some other sites are about the latter
spoken like a true racest.
faggot please, who do you think you are?
stfu I'm not even that guy but he's clearly right
this is a place for criticisms
all the elitist-types that come here would never dare to share anything they create due to the very nature of the place
for example i literally rewrote the plot synopsis of a famous novel plot-point by point and i asked for critique and the first response i got was "it's shit"
You are trying to elevate him, and that effectively disproves his statement.
Thank you, faggot.
Yeah, what novel?
no im just criticizing you dumbass.
but i guess when youre that low anything else might seem that way you fucking loser
It was a ben lerner book
No wonder. He is shit.
youre a million times worse though
Yeah, whatever samefag.
dumb faggot
not a samefag you dickrat.
youre a fucking retard btw.
post some of your "art" so we can "elevate" it you fucking shithead
Sorry, about that. I am careless with pronouns sometimes.
I will rephrase.
Yeah, whatever dumb faggot.
Funny how the quality of this thread has actually gone down since the person posting bertstrips left
I made this.
the only person more careless than you is your own fat rat of a mom.
if she was't so dumb she would have let the doctor stomp your head in at birth to save us all from your shitty posts.
faggot
Said the memefag producing his shitty bertstrips
well you're still wrong and your meme is just as unfunny and retarded as you
you can't even do a motivational poster right and those have been dead memes for decades.
youre even dumber than i thought
>if she was't so dumb
shiet nigga umad
oh i forgot an n.
but your mom didn't forget when i fucked her last night right up the ass aka your birth canal you stupid shit eating fag
Sorry brah. You must be mistaken, my mom doesn't fuck nigs. Must have been Bertstrip-guy you were fucking. Better go to specsavers, fag.
youre too dumb to know but i found a hive of niggas hiding in her butthole that said they miss they're dick-licking butt bitch aka you
Yet more evidence you were having gay sex with bertstrip-guy.
ps the butt bitch must have been your dad.
>they miss they're
btw. this isn't even worth my time.
I'm leaving for /b/ in order to see if I can find some intelligent life forms.
i hate the fucking ufunny meme-queen bertstrip guy but not nearly as much as dumb faggots like you.
and it couldnt be my dad cuz your mom was eating out as his butt at the same time.
lel dumbo Trigger Nigger can't handle whitey w/o statist intrusion/interference lul
kys Triggur'd Nigger lol
holy shit I haven't seen a demotivator in ages
also pic related
I literally can't tell if you're parodying liberals or if you're really that dumb
they memes are not pro-racist or anti-racist. They don't have a point. The humour simply comes from juxtaposing something innocent like sesame street with something offensive like anti-semitism.
>>>/illit/
Hahaha
you think its dumb to coexist peacefully with you're fellow human beings?
you are all faggots