What's the best way to detox my body from alcohol and tobacco...

>never consumed alcohol or tobacco
Oh man aren't I a good boy.

A few WEEKS?!?! Bro it's been ten mins and I'm already feinding I don't think I'm gonna make

Thats an addiction, detox wont do shit for you. Just drink lots of water and keep yourself busy.

This bait isn't very fresh, OP.

DON'T WAIT
UNTIL YOUR CHILD
DIES

How is it in anyway bait, you stupid cunt

Cease drinking and smoking as they are the toxic substances. "Detoxing" is mostly a codeword for pseudo-scientific bullcrap , drinking lots of lemonade or whatever retarded thing is recommended to "cleanse your liver" is probably not going to do anything worthwhile.

Stop smoking and stop drinking.

Too fucking bad, that's how it works.
If you can't do it just kill yourself.

Alchy here trying to quit the devil's water.

I just get bored when I'm not drinking. Everything sucks and everyone is lame.

>Pretend to have problem
>Ask Veeky Forums for help
>anons give realistic solution
>OP says it's too hard, demands easy magic wand solution
>anons spend the rest of thread arguing with petulant OP.
This model of basic bitch bait thread gets posted on Veeky Forums regularly.

No. The damage is done. If you care so much about your health, stop. At least it you'll cease to fuck yourself up.
Or keep up and die fast, who cares.
Keep a fairly healthy life, maybe. You know, enough sleep, regular exercise, balanced diet, regular checks with the doc, keeping hydrated.

one of the only ways to kick the bottle is to start getting up early in the morning. get up at 5 and find an early morning hobby. yoga, running, playing the flute, anything. then keep yourself busy through the day. have a good dinner by 6-7 and to bed by 9 and be asleep by 10. you literally will not even remember it till you go to bed. and then if you've tired yourself out enough you'll fall asleep. even if you have a drink there's a good chance you'll fall asleep before you can even finish it.

breaking addiction is all about breaking set patterns. my mom was an alchie but managed to not even touch alcohol during our summer vacations. simply because she wasn't in a familiar environment and wasn't drawn into the same patterns. we can't change our lives completely because of our job, family etc. but we can almost give it a whole different look by changing how we approach every day. waking up early is the easiest way to do that.

this is really true

drink lots of regular water

somebody give me the redpill on what this guy actually is

It's a third party referral and billing company for rehab clinics. You call the number and tell them where you are and what kind of insurance you have and they'll tell you what you're eligible for.

tudca has liver regenerative properties, so that, a lot of water, and "clean living"

>I'm an alcoholic, so I guess that makes me an expert

What, like from the toilet?

why dont you just smoke weed

What a fucking loser.

lol

Still not easy enough to obtain. Not interested in buying unless I don't have to go out of my way to do it.

Its easy from anywhere, you're just dumb I guess.

If you can shop from amazon you can buy weed.

Detox?
That's what your organs are for

Does smoking weed turn me into a dumbass who posts shit like you just did?

Back in a minute. Donating all money to war on drugs fund.

Having problems with comprehension or something?

Its true

This, love traderoute
So much weed and xanax

The point where you begin to think you're dying and the point at which you actually die are excruciatingly far apart
You probably have dozens of miserable years left

Stop drinking.

Sunshine and air will also kill you.

Sufficient protein, ample carbs and a source for b vitamins. Something like milk,brewers yeast and meat with carbs to taste... 140g pro, 300g carbs and whatever fats you want(in this case it was a fair bit like 170g), doesn't really make a difference as long as there's some, cure cirrhosis.

i thought it took a lot longer than that for you liver to recover from years of alcohol and/or drug abuse

It does, a few weeks is just how long it takes for your body to naturally filter out the shit you've been putting in your body that causes the damage in the first place.
OP didn't ask about healing, he asked about detoxing.

Not quick enough

Wheat grass juice . raw garlic.

no, toilet water has fluoride in it, install a toilet water filter first

The liver is actually an anomaly of an organ. Provided it isn't fucked, it will regenerate itself to full health in like 2 months if you don't fuck with it.

>tudca
might actually check this out, seems promising, but all the brands on Amazon seem to be the no-name 'extreme sports supplements' type outfits probably with a shitload of fake reviews and sourced from a garage in Shanghai.

Try killing yourself. Your suffering will end immediately.

Try walking backwards for a few days, this has been known to trick the body into reversing recent organ damage.

This. Keep yourself busy. It's mostly a waiting game for the urges to die off, and making new habits. For tobacco, chantix was a goddamn miracle pill for me. Plenty of cranberry juice to clean out your kidneys. Otherwise, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables. Find some healthy snacks; nearly everyone packs on weight when they quit smoking/ drinking, because cigarettes are an appetite suppressant, and alcohol is loaded with tons of empty calories. You'll be snacking like a madman. Start an exercise program to keep yourself busy, sweat out any filth left in your system, and burn off the extra calories.

chantix is extremely dangerous and you are very irresponsible for recommending it

Drink cum

Got me off cigarettes for a year, until I got retarded drunk in a bar and thought a cigarette would taste good again. Responsible drug use has never been my cup o' tea.

You sound like my counselor.

>mfw my substance doctor keeps asking me why I haven't gone to an AA meeting yet.
>Over 6 months sober, no cravings.
>Apparently "I don't see the need for it." makes him have a confused look.

I mean if your actually addicted to alcohol all these 16 year old fags telling you to just stop being a pussy isnt the best advice, gotta taper off real slow for about a week so you dont die, then stop being a pussy

>You'll be snacking like a madman.
Literally the worst.
It's so hard to keep all these candies from jumping in my mouth.

Or do what I did, quit cold turkey, have a seizure, wake up in the ICU, stay there for two weeks and have the doctor wonder why the fuck you didn't die.
Then stop being a pussy.

TR died, Aero is the new hotness.
get with the times kiddo :^)

>what is the blood of christ?

By quitting both and smoking weed instead.
t.Alcoholic that quit drinking for 2 years because took up weed, then new job made me quit weed so now i'm an alcoholic again.

I would if I could, but weed is not only very illegal but also stupidly expensive where I live. Shame cos I used to be a stoner and had a good, happy life; then I moved here and alcohol destroyed me

intense exercise and stop drinking

Literally the blood of Christ.

Well, it's built to take damage, essentially. It's tanks all the poison damage the body takes.

My MRI showed a section was somewhat enlarged.... what this mean desu????

>nearly everyone packs on weight when they quit smoking/ drinking

Plenty of drinkers lose weight when they stop. Down a bottle of wine and that's what like 650 calories? Depending on how big you are and how active that might be a good third of what you need per day. Some heavy drinkers will find they don't eat when they drink, so they balance out weight wise but with a lack of nutrients and end up being gaunt little things, others eat normally in addition to their drinking and find it hard to stop their gut growing.

If you stop drinking a bottle of wine a day it's like cutting 2 and a half big macs you usually had after dinner

It means you should stop drinking.
Liver failure isn't the best way to croak, believe me.

As for "toxins" your body will deal with those perfectly fine by itself if you stop ingesting them. No need for some bullshit like subsisting on lemon juice and olive oil for a week or anything.
The liver is uniquely good at repairing itself and it will over time, but it's going to take longer than a few weeks. Best to let it get started now.
A liver will actually, over time, regrow itself if part of it is removed. I think up to 2/3 can be replaced this way. It's an amazing organ and it deserves to be treated nicely.

Fixing my problems would be easier if someone cared for a change

It's hard to care for someone who won't care for them self brah

Liver cells will change completely in about 7 years OP. You just either drop all drinking completely or not.

well no because
*brings the mic closer*
every 10 years your cells in your body actually completely change.
i was reading this article about how DMT can actually advance this process into only taking 6 years because your pineal gland- jaimie could you get that article up? yeah but its because your pineal glands can actually make your cells rejuvenate faster ... here we go
*looks over at the screen*
look at that ...
yeah that chimp must be what? 400 pounds? jesus these things will just tear you to shreds

FPBP

Something tells me you’re a redditor who has never actually looked into the benefits of detoxing and thinks that anything not recommended by Dr. Shekelstein is “pseudoscientifical bullshit.” You also hold very bitter feelings towards your parents and non-Islamic religions.

Not if they look like the one in OP pic

No, father. Bad touch

>last few years

Come back when you start seeing demons in the darkness of your eyelids, few years won't do shit.

Alcohol , take the recommended dose of milk thistle daily and also multivitamins , excersise a lot , 5 coffees a day , shit loads of fruit and vegetables , I know this because some time ago I needed my liver to be as healthy as possible for a medical which was after shitmas/ new years which are times when I drink a lot , I did alot of research on the internet did all these things for about two weeks and passed , felt super healthy as well .

smoking . get a vape instead , seems healthier and easier to quit than cigs

The whole "every 7 years" thing is KIND OF true, but the way people interpret it is generally not.
Scars last longer than 7 or even 10 years after all, yes?

What kind of detox are you thinking of specifically that is not pseudoscientific bullshit?

Eat grass fed beef liver to attain it's power.

As a fellow seziurefag, can confirm. I wasn't there for two weeks but they thought I had a massive infection. Nope. Just my liver and kidneys doing fuck all thanks to the diet for the previous months of vodka and gatorade.

didn't realise this was a dick swinging contest about who is more fucked up

I know this feel. I smoked and drank daily for ten years, just stopped cold turkey and one day told my doctor to update my chart from daily smoker and drinker to neither.

She got this panicked look on her face, and told me I should get some medications or go to therapy if I feel like I need it. Told her I felt fine, and still do 5 years later. She is still really concerned about it.

How do I get my potassium up without an IV? I've stopped drinking because I have jelly legs and muscle cramps plus recently palpitations. What's the bioavailability of supplements vs just eating a bunch of avocados

>"W-we can't prove that going to a shrink works!?"
>"BUT MUH JESUS!"

Kinoki foot pads

Bananas and/or potato with the skin on.

Have you never browsed Veeky Forums?

Could also be low magnesium, or a combination of the two.

Best way to get magnesium is to chew on sparklers. I find if I eat 3-4 sparklers a day, I don't get any cramps.

vape is much cleaner than cigs. the downside is many vape mods are unreliable.

the old trick of smacking a TV is the same for vaporizers. you just punch the fuck out of it and it starts working. I have yet to find a reliable vaporizer, but smacking the shit seems to do the trick.

>alcohol

load up on turmeric artichoke hearts. Any thistle is ok, if you want to try milk thistle, but I like artichoke hearts. Birdseye in the US makes convenient pouches of them.

last word is no drinking or smoking... but that's no fun right?

Stop saying shit like this, it only enables the people who pay to broadcast those commercials.

Eat whole plant foods :^)

nutritionfacts.org/2011/09/12/dr-gregers-2011-optimum-nutrition-recommendations/

Trashing your liver is a decade long process.
Lay off the booze for three weeks and it'll basically repair itself.

stop drinking and smoking.

That's it, no magic bullet.

Those can also be symptoms of too much potassium. Maybe you should have bloodwork done before you start self medicating.

Fucking hell. I can't believe it's legal to sell shit like this or that there are people stupid enough to buy it.

I'm in the same situation as you user. I say just move somewhere else. Being depressed/unhappy is a sign you need to change something anyway.

I'm doing the same, I'm choosing to live somewhere where weed's too expensive/illegal to obtain for another year so I can save up some bank then I'm gunna move and get back to the chill lifestyle.

shot in the dark, but did you move to Japan or something?

I work in the substance abuse field. If all you're looking for is a simple detox, just quit what you're doing, drink plenty of water, eat a balanced diet, get some daily exercise, and you'll feel better in a week or less. On the other hand, if you are a full blown alcoholic/addict, there are bigger problems to address. Cold turkey withdrawal from alcohol can have fatal repercussions and should not be done on your own. You'll need medical help when the DT's kick in. That shit can kill you. Godspeed and good luck user.

Going to bed at 10, what a fucking cuck life.